Sci twi eats a bad Ham and cheese sandwich and becomes an all powerful cube

by Harmonic Apostle

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike (EqG), Comedy, Equestria Girls, Random, Twilight Sparkle (EqG)
Length: 3886

The title should contain all the information you need but you want more...

In this unhinged story unlike any other, while working in her lab on a Science fair Project. Sci-Twi ends up absent mindedly eating a very old ham sandwich she had made one day and forgot about it until today exactly five months later. But little does she know that the chemicals that brewed within that horrendous sandwich would react with her geode and her out of control project. unleashing Cosmic Chicanery upon the world like never before.

Warning this story contains: Transformations, Gross rotting food descriptions, and Surreal phenomena

Published 2024-09-02 18:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-02 18:10:00 UTC

Twilight^3+DecayX92+N^Infinite+Magic Rock=Omnipotence

Another all-nighter had passed and Twilight Sparkle was tired beyond description. Another day she toils another day to make her science project a reality. and her toil make's sense for her; her personal device is attempting to combine Equestrian magic with Earthly technology to create the world's first Perpetual motion machine. Over-ambitious you may say yes it was but for better or worse (Especially for the worse following that whole Midnight Fiasco,) she was always curious to try and learn new things the spirit of Science distilled into an individual.

But even she had her limits and this grueling ordeal which she had done for the truly noble goal of wowing the Science Fair judge's socks off was draining her body and her mind. In short she was getting hungry, Very very hungry and equally tired. And so Twilight trudged over, hair frazzled and eye's half open to the mini fridge she had her mother install in the lab. there she reached down and decided to eat the first thing she felt. She reached down into the bottom drawer and felt bread.

"Hmm a sandwich wouldn't hurt..." She thought and oh how wrong she would be.

Elsewhere in the basement lab slept Twilight's Loyal and somewhat snarky talking puppy companion Spike was waking up from his nap when saw the nerdy teen rummaging around in the fridge.

"Another all-Nighter Twi?" The dog inquired to his owner/Surrogate Big sister.

"Yeah, synchronizing Equestrian Magic with normal human tech is harder than it looks," Twilight said

"So I am going to take a snack rather than sleep and figure out what to do tomorrow." She elaborated.

As she proclaims this she takes a thoughtless bite out of the sandwich she holds with her sleep deprived brain unaware of what she's actually holding in her sweaty hands. Spike smelling something mighty hideous immediately ascertains that the foul stench, what can be charitably described as the intersection of fermented Skunk spray and essence of wet dog, was coming from her lunch.

"Ugggh Twilight what are you eating?" Said Spike as he covered his nose from the ungodly stench.

Twilight then looked at her meal. The nerdy girl was more than a little fuzzy from a combination of sleep deprivation and the more straightforward fact that her glasses weren't on.

"A Ham and Cheese Sandwich so what?" She says as she takes another bite unaware of its true festering nature.

To which Spike's eyes widened as he knew the truth. "WHAT THE--!? TWILIGHT, ARE YOU BLIND?! THE ONLY HAM SANDWICH IN THERE IS THE ONE YOU MADE FIVE MONTHS AGO!! IT'S PROBABLY MOLDY AS ALL HECK!!!"

Twilight starts to wake up and a little frustrated at Spike being accusatory puts on her glasses to see the true form of her meal "Spike, you're overreacting this is just an ordinary san- OH MY GOODNESS?!?!"

It was then that Twilight beheld the True nature of her Hor d'oeuvres the Sandwich was a Dance of Decomposition, an Orchestra of Olfactory Offense. Its bread was covered in all manner of molds and fungi and even small mushrooms and was so rotted it was becoming a thick liquid smelling of manure. The meat was even worse, being blackened and green with rot and stained with sticky bacterial biofilms. The gorgonzola was almost as bad as it was a bubbling turquoise blob of fungal muck mixed with stale thousand island dressing. but easily the Creme-da-la-Creme of the whole awful ensemble was the sauerkraut. It was moldy, greenish and rotting, threads of bacteria intersecting like spider webs, little globs of mold throbbing on the decayed cabbage. But the worst part oooh... the worst part was that she could see maggots. LIVE MAGGOTS!!!! Writhing in there eating the all you can eat crud buffet that had been fermenting in her fridge for nearly half a year.

This hit Twilight like a truck and she had the reaction most of us would after eating slip like that. "EEEWWWWWW GROSS GROSS GROSS!!!! UNCLEAN MY HANDS, MY TONGUE THEY'RE UNCLEAN AND I SWALLOWED IT UUUGGGH!! I'M GOING TO DIE I THINK IT MIGHT GET SOME KIND OF YEAST DISEASE OR FATAL DIARRHEA OR SOME OTHER HORRIBLE CONDITION I CAN'T GO LIKE THIS I HAD A LIFE AHEAD OF..." Twilight continued to scream in revulsion as she threw the rotting ex-food on the floor and began to catastrophize about her possible food poisoning. She would manage to bump into her prototype motion machine and then the fun would start. As the machine whirred and sparked to life Twilight's eyes widened at this sight and the joy that came from this briefly stopped her despair. "Oh my stars. It works! IT WORKS!! Yes, that blue ribbon is as good as mine!"

But the joy stopped there as lavender lightning leapt from the machine and shot out in all directions before electrocuting Twilight as she screamed in pain. But things did not stop as the moment it hit her something peculiar began to occur as her magic geode concealed within her pocket began to react with the mystic energy of the motion machine. But that was not the only reaction that occurring as the rotting sandwich bites entered her stomach, the special proteins that were byproducts of the various repugnant biological processes going on within the sandwich chunks were reacting with both her stomach's hydrochloric acid, and the various enzymes in it as well as the magic lightning. And in that moment between entropy and activity, push and pull, cold and hot, Yin and Yang, Twilight began to change. She was trapped in a field of white light and began to shimmer glitch like she was in an old video game she turned from a human to a pony, then to a rock, and then to a bird, and then back to a human again but this time as an embryo, and then what looked like her pony self's "Cutie Mark" But with her eyes and more as she began to cycle through different forms all the while screaming in immense agony.

Spike began to panic over the sight and as his eyes began to water he screamed out for his owner, his sister figure. "TWILIGHT WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU?!?!"

Twilight could only scream more, "I DO-DO-DON'T KNOW-W-W-W-W SP-I-I-I-KE HELP ME ME ME!!!! IT HUUUUUURRRRRTTSSSS!!!"

With one last earth shattering scream Twilight Sparkle vanished in a flash of white light, one brighter than a thousand thunderbolts and as Spike's vision corrected itself he saw... nothing. Nothing but scorch marks where she once stood, which confirmed his fears as he would begin to let loose a mournful howl at the fact that Twilight Sparkle. Prodigy, friend, daughter, sister, and the best dang owner a puppy could ask for was dead.... at least to three dimensional beings.

Twilight Sparkle was now rocketing through dimensions at a speed beyond light, beyond time, beyond order or reason or any human concepts, she was now going at the speed of speed, the speed of speed itself. The world or more accurately the gap between worlds began to shimmer, oscillate and change shape before her eyes as if she was watching a strange animated film made by an AI but that was not the only strange thing as to her horror her skin began to to turn to sand like particles and despite at her first letting loose a yip. One uttered in a thousand voices, some hers and others not, some in pitches audible and inaudible, conceivable and inconceivable. But then she was calm, weirdly calm she knew this was somewhat natural, as her expression softened she was still shedding her material body by the second in a flash layer after layer vanished first skin then muscle then bone and she was still smiling all the while. Until all that was left was a shimmering faceless lavender cloud, pure consciousness, the real Twilight, her real shape. She was free from the training wheels that was a set physical body and now she was pure energy living power that was a human but also not, a true human being of god-like power that spends their days in the real universe, one where things exist solely to their whims.

As billions of years passed before her eyes she would leave the kiddie pool that was her "home" and arrive at a great empty star filled void. the Front Yard of the real reality and her real home. She or rather it as Twilight was freed from such restricting binary's as "Physical Gender" hovered over to pool of light the gateway to paradise but then she heard something. It was then a sorrowful howl was heard through the realm, but from where a wolf? A fox? Glorbygnagnogian war hound (True humans have limited omniscience you see.) Until she realized no, it was Spike!! It was then she realized that was not when she must not leave the kiddie pool she still had to swim in it. She realized she still had her friends, her family and her dreams back in the material realm to worry about. She was not ready to swim with the big leaguers yet. As she began to float back towards her temporary home again a grand voice would bellow out from behind her, one with all the intensity of a million colliding black holes if space had an Atmosphere.

'"MY CHILD." it bellowed. "WHY DO YOU LEAVE?" Twilight then turned back and she/he/it gave an answer.

"Forgive me my lord." she said in a voice that was both female and also not. "But this is not my time, I am not ready to join my true home with spiritual brothers. I still have much to learn, especially the true meaning of friendship."

"OF COURSE," it said. "I GIVE YOU MY BLESSING!!! GO FORTH BACK TO YOUR UNIVERSE SO YOU MAY BE READY FOR WHEN YOU TRULY DESERVE TO ENTER MY DOMAIN!!!"

And those Twilight consciousness went back to become Twilight the human once more... Wait, human?! she didn't want to be a limited fake human again!!! She had tasted true knowledge and power she didn't want to leave behind, so with all her willpower, she fought the redonning of the gibbet that was human anatomy in an attempt to retain her power and then she came back to her house.

As Spike slinked back to his bed to mourn his owner, not even a second had passed before another white flash came out nowhere near as bright as before. This time He saw something different. It was floating a dark purple cube, about 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide, a perfect hexahedron except for one thing the bespectacled human face on it, her face, Twilight's face. Spike's tail began wagging like an out of control metronome and his pupils became dinner plates as he rushed over to his transformed friend.

"TWILIGHT!!!! OH TWILIGHT THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE BACK," he said as jumped up and raised his outstretched paw he felt something weird about her body.

It was hot like solar plasma but it never burnt him or was painful and it was also colder than ice but also felt soothing as well. as he moved his paw he felt metal and then wait wood, and then skin but also sandpaper and what seemed like solid air. It felt like Twilight's polygonal body despite being solid was made of seemingly every material object in the universe simultaneously.

Twilight's first word's did not help matters either. "Spike, oh thank goodness you're still alive. I thought you would be dust right now, then again in one timeline we're all dust so that's not as bad as it sounds."

He then felt weird and a little creeped out "What the--? Twilight, timeline? Me being alive... but also dust... what the heck are you saying?"

"What do you mean?"Twilight said, baffled by his understandable confusion. "I thought you, oh right you're still 3d you can't see other timelines."

Spike was now even more confused by Twilight's behavior than even it seems her brain became cubical as well by the looks of things. "What happened to you when you vanished back there," he asked.

Twilight then replied "Let me say it like this, I had ascended to the next level of sentience." Spike's face immediately made a big fat HUH at that to which Twilight rolling her eyes elaborated. "When I was exposed to that lightning bolt I was transformed into an all-powerful all-knowing being of pure consciousness, the final form of humanity and I saw the home of those like me there."

Spike's eyes widened at the implication. "You mean Heaven?" He asked elatedly.

Twilight replied with a metaphorical shrug and a "Hmmmmm. Kinda like Heaven, but it's also its own thing but it's also the inspiration for it. Anyways, I came back here after hearing you howl because I knew then and there that I was not ready for this role but I didn't want to be a normal human again either so that's I'm a floating cube now."

Spike just sat there processing what she just said. Did she just become a God? or something close to it he couldn't believe his eyes yet she was... in a new shape. Just then a knocking was heard at the Lab door as the voice of her parents began to reach her downstairs.

"Twilight," her mother asked. "Are you okay?"

"We heard a lot of screaming there," said the voice of her father Night light. " Are you alright?"

Spike's eyes widened with horror as he knew her parents could not see her like this. "Oh crud. Twilight, we need to find a way to hide from your parents," he said in between fearful panting.

"Nonsense Spike," Twilight said. "I have this under control."

Just then in a burst of violet light about the intensity of a camera flash she reverted to her human form as if nothing had really changed and made her way up to the basement door.

Twilight then opened the door and met the concerned gaze of her parents and responded with a jovial tone, "Hey Mom, hey Dad. How's it going?"

To which Velvet replied with "What? Honey, why are you so chipper? We thought you were in serious pain."

Twilight came up with a response "I was in pain but I didn't have like my arms blown off or something like that."

Night Light wasn't convinced though, "But we heard you screaming, Loudly."

Fortunately Twilight came up with a convincing answer "Oh I was in a lot of pain, but I didn't suffer any major harm, when I was working on my machine I turned around and would end spraining my ankle. This caused me to trip and bruise my shin and while I was falling I also hit a big chunk of metal in there which bruised my funny bone. That's why I was screaming so much I was suffering from a triple whammy of pain."

Her parents open hearing it thought it sounded like a reasonable enough argument and decided not to prod her further.

"Well, honey, If you say so," said Velvet.

"Just don't be so careless in the lab next time," Night light warned as they closed the door and she turned around, with another flash she turned back into her new default cube form and levitated down the stars towards Spike.

Spike's eyes began to glow with awe at the fact that his owner now had Super-powers and he was dying to know more. "Twilight, that was amazing!!!" He said with elation oozing from every word he spoke, "How did you shapeshift like that."

Just then to confirm his answer Twilight turned into a human again, then into a pony, then into a tree, and then a lava lamp, and a book and more including some very strange things.

All the while Twilight explained the nature of her shapeshifting, "I'm sure you guessed this the moment you touched my body, but my cube form is made of a mix of matter and energy in their purest form, this not only makes me immortal but I can also become anything I desire without the laws of physics getting in the way."

Spike's eyes then widened even more as despite being something as plain as a floating cube Twilight was now super powerful and wanted to learn more.

"Whoa really that's awesome!!!" Spike shouted excitedly "What else can you do with those powers?" he would soon regret saying those eight words.

Twilight then turned the whole lab into a starry expanse and now Spike's form began to change into a mess of purple and green triangles as his face began to melt away into nothing.

"I can command all energy, all matter," she said in a grandiose tone as her voice began to reverberate. "Time, space, thought, magic all did it my command as I for all intents and purposes have all the powers I can do whatever I want," before quickly whispering to herself, "minus three little restrictions."

Then returning to the previous grandiose voice only this time with her eyes glowing. "I can remake planets to my whim, Birth new creatures thought Impossible, and control nature as if it were a limb on my body, in other words I AM UNTO A GOD!!!!" She said as her voice reached a crescendo of grandiosity as it thundered threw out the new void that was her lab. "So what do you think Spike?" She said with a massive grin

Spike would respond back though when he did speak what came out horrified him, though to be fair he was a mess of floating triangles at the moment. "AETHO8240R8YHRHEFGHFUOVAFNUEEV=VRUVN ALL YOU BASE ARE BELONG TO US NOW21378470FAHOH3333&*qe&)r THIS IS MOST THIS-IS MOST DISTRUBING -*^q#$))*13408?/; NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A BIG SHOT-BE A BIG-BE A BIG- EHEHEHEHEHEH SHOT!!!?!?!?9(*^%."

Twilight's eyes then widened at the mess of static and sample's that he said and realized that she really should have turned him back to normal by now. "Oh, right. I'm not a talking dog anymore. I'll fix that."

Just like that the lab and dog returned to normal as Spike began to hyperventilate from the horror of that experience. "I felt so violated back there," he said through panicked breaths "It was awesome but violating."

Twilight floated up to him and apologized "Sorry about that, I should have turned into something like your dragon self or a cat instead."

"Don't beat yourself up about it," Spike said "And by the way what about the science fair project?"

Twilight's eyes then widened at the realization all this time chatting and flexing her power could have spent helping her ace the Science Fair. "OH MY GOSH, SPIKE!! THE SCIENCE FAIR!!! I completely forgot about it, I need to get back to it right away."

And so Twilight hovered over to her perpetual motion machine only this time her nigh-omniscience allowed her to know that if she put this at the fair bad things would happen. So she decided to turn into another project turning towards what was left of the rotting sandwich and an unfortunate cockroach that was nibbling on it into metal and plastic. She then brought it over to her motion machine and it began to warp and stretch and melt until it was liquid despite still being cold to the touch. She then brought in additional material in the form of the transmuted mutant sandwich over to the blob of iron, cardboard, paper, and plastic and it merged with it, and then she began to sculpt it into a new form with immaculate intent. When Spike looked up he saw that in lieu of the Perpetual motion device she had initially planned, Twilight's Project was now a very detailed and accurate diorama detailing the possibility of orbital elevators 50 years into the future which was her original idea for the project in the first place.

Spike curious asked why she did this alteration "Why did you do that after all the work you put into the Perpetual motion thingamajig."

"Simple Spike," She said matter-of-factly "If I did use the Perpetual motion engine as my project World War III would have started 13 years early and humanity would degrade into a race of stone age mutants."

And at this, Spike's face turned flat as he was not surprised about this, "Oh of course you can see the future."

"Kind of," Twilight replied "It's more I just know the future or at least parts of it, I'm nigh-omniscient now so I know everything that went on in the past and is going on in the present to the most minute detail, I can't do the same to the future I can only know up to 85 years before it becomes this nebulous mess of possibilities that I can't read."

Spike was intrigued and also kind of horrified at the implication that she knew literally everything going on in the world right now including his own thoughts but he didn't want to ask that, and he looked at Twilight's face she clearly knew what he was thinking and what he was going to say but she was just too friendly to interrupt him as she knew it was impolite. So a little cautious decided to go on a related topic in the hopes of easing his worries.

"Hey Twilight?" The dog inquired "You mentioned something about your powers having three restrictions, what are they?"

"Oh, those," Twilight asked. "It's like Aladdin's Genie but with some tweaks, I can't kill anyone, I can't alter history, and I can't erase anything from existence, and I know you're wondering this, so yes I can raise people from the dead as zombie's If I felt like it but I don't and it only works if their recently deceased."

Spike was relieved but since her mind was on the Subject of her powers she realized her lab was in much need of a renovation. So with a snap of the fingers from a manifested lavender hand she summoned a very familiar tune from a show Twilight loved when she was little and then the changes began. Super computer towers, robot arms and more erupted from the ground as the Lab expanded to gargantuan proportions but Twilight's reality bending powers ensured that it would be confined to her basement. As Twilight savored her work and hovered off Spike's eyes, they sat flabbergasted as he realized this was going to be a long long week to the science fair.

Author's Note

Welp this is my first story in this site and boy is it weird. It's kind of like this because I wanted to make a simple story with a simple title and make the first things in my head go together into it's title and well this happened. It is my first story so be constructive in you criticism but if your criticism boils down to "It's too weird." then you shouldn't have read this story in the first place. Anyways I hope you've enjoyed it.

And of Course just to be safe The Dexter's Lab theme, the Songs mentioned, and Twilight Sparkle and Spike all belong to their respectful owners.