Additional Fees May Apply
The first problem was that the door didn't appear to go anywhere.
Roseluck had followed the instructions she'd received via letter... well, to the letter. She'd walked north from the town square until she reached the dancing cactus. Turned left, crossed the nearest bridge, and waved at the upside-down butterflies. Turned right, skipping instead of walking, until she reached the door floating in midair. Jumped three times while spinning in a circle beneath said floating door, causing it to lower itself to the ground.
Now stationary, standing unsupported in the middle of the clearing on the outskirts of town, the door in its frame looked comically out-of-place. Doors and frames generally should be found nestled into some variety of wall. Even with the oddities of the town, Roseluck had never seen a doorway that defied this basic prerequisite.
And yet, here in front of her, was one that did.
"Eh," she said with a shrug. "No weirder than that thing with the parasprites."
With nothing else for it, she turned the doorknob.
The door leapt open, and Roseluck blinked. She had fully expected the door to open to nothing but the clearing she was standing in. Instead, she found herself staring into a room. Her mouth fell open, agape.
"Hmm, that's definitely peculiar," she murmured to herself. Gathering her courage, she stepped through the threshold.
Instead of encountering an otherworldly dimension or a bizarre landscape, a genuine possibility for the average citizen of Ponyville, she found herself standing in a cosy, well-furnished room. The transition was seamless, and for a moment, she felt as if she had stepped into somepony’s cottage back in the town centre.
Sunlight streamed in through floral-patterned curtains onto a soft green sofa, and a simple wooden coffee table with a vase of daisies stood nearby. To her left, a modest kitchen with cream-coloured cabinets and copper pots, shiny and ready for use. A round dining table with a chequered tablecloth and a fruit bowl occupied the centre of the room. A stone fireplace with a painting of Ponyville's town square above it added to the homely feel. The wooden floor was polished, and a braided rug provided a soft landing for her hooves.
Roseluck took it all in, her eyes wide with surprise. Despite the surreal instructions to reach this place, the interior felt disarmingly normal, almost mundane. A little disappointing, maybe? Though there was a strange, meaty odour that lingered in the air.
“Well, this is... unexpected,” she said aloud, her voice echoing softly in the warm space.
A gentle snore from one corner of the room drew her eye. Her gaze fell upon a dog bed, currently occupied by a large, sleeping rottweiler. A small scroll sat on a shelf above the bed, to which Rose walked quietly over to retrieve. Tenderly, as not to wake the sleeping dog, she unfurled it and read the squiggly writing.
Dear Ms. Roseluck,
Thank you for agreeing to take care of my most stupendous canine, Zigzag Snifflebum Scrufflepuff. Or Ziggy, for short. While he might appear as a typical dog, please note the following essential instructions to ensure his well-being and continued chaotic existence:
Feeding Schedule
Ziggy enjoys a diet of cotton candy clouds with a drizzle of chocolate rain at precisely 7:77 AM and PM. Please make sure to serve it on a rotating platter, as he finds stationary food rather humdrum.
Walks
Instead of a regular stroll, Ziggy prefers a daily gallop through the interdimensional rift in the backyard. Make sure to have a firm grip on his liquorice leash, as he tends to chase after the dirigible teapots.
Playtime
Engage him with his favourite toys, such as the squeaky rubber anvil and the bouncy jellybean boulder. Be cautious if he begins to hover, it means he’s ready for his mid-morning nap, which involves floating upside-down.
Grooming
Brush his fur with the cotton candy comb to keep it pristine. If he starts to turn plaid, then it's time for his daily bubble bath in liquid stardust. Just remember, under no circumstances should you use regular water!
Behavioural Quirks
Ziggy might occasionally sprout wings or an extra tail. This is normal. If he begins to speak in riddles, just answer with a riddle back. He appreciates the mental stimulation.
Bedtime
His sleeping quarters are a hammock made of moonbeams, located in the attic (which only appears after you chant “Wiggly Waggly Woo” thrice). Tuck him in with his enchanted blanket, and plays soothing whale songs from another dimension. He's fond of Humpbach, Brahmsbarnacle, or Shakira.
To make your stay as comfortable as possible, I have adjusted the physics and visuals of my pocket dimension into something that your mind is capable of comprehending. And gravity, just for the sake of convenience, I have provided you with gravity.
There was a brief happenstance where I muddled up the words 'gravity' and 'gravy', which Ziggy enjoyed greatly, but I managed to backtrack. Though there is a lingering smell, my apologies for that.
Should you have any further questions, just call out my name into the chaos mirror, and I’ll pop in for a visit.
Yours in this dimension and at least four others,
Discord
P.S. Don’t let him watch too much static on TV. It tends to make him spout philosophical musings that can last for several hours.
Roseluck came to the end of the note, which was the point she realised she had been pursing her muzzle into a face of both amusement and bemusement. It looked like just an ordinary rottweiler, Discord couldn't be serious about these instructions. Could he?
Looking up from the note, she cast her gaze towards the dog bed. Now awake and upright on his hindquarters, and without having gone through any apparent visual transition, Ziggy sat there with an almost perfect mirror image of Roseluck's head replacing his muscular canine one.
"Huh," she mumbled, frowning as she inclined her own head. “I need to start charging double for eldritch mutts.”
Author's Note
"If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around."
