Princess Buzzkill

by GrangeDisplay

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 1989

Twilight installs a new PA system in the School of Friendship. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie react to this as one might expect.

Twilight installs a new PA system in the School of Friendship. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie react to this as one might expect.

Written for the Dialogue Only Contest :D

Published 2024-06-15 19:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-06-15 19:00:00 UTC

Twilight Hears Voices

“Twi? Twilight, why don’t you take a deep breath for us sugarcube, no need to get all wound up over this. We need you to stay calm.”

“Calm? Calm! Applejack, how am I supposed to stay calm? I-I can hear them! I hear their voices everywhere!”

“Well, of course you can hear them, Twi! We can all hear them. They done went and stole the PA system, which is something I warned you about when you installed that dang thing.”

“Oh, okay, I’m sorry that I expected all of us to use it as professionals. Was I wrong for trying to improve communication? I want to facilitate a stronger sense of community in our school!”

“Are you new here? Considering that none of us are trained professors, I think you ought to lower your expectations on professionality. They and that talk box got you and the students so riled up that there ain’t no point in teaching today.”

“Fine. Perhaps I did make a mistake, but I just can't bear the idea of my missteps hindering the students’ ability to learn and study. We are not canceling classes today!”

“Oh, um, Applejack? Twilight? I know this situation is very frustrating, but please don’t get mad at each other. Twilight, maybe we should consider making today a half-day. And Applejack, Twilight was just trying to get us some nice things.”

“Fluttershy is right, you two. It is very unbecoming of us to bicker like foals at this time. Although, I must say, darling, as long as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie maintain their affinity for pranks, nice things will be a luxury that we can only enjoy in the privacy of our own homes…ideally in a room that Pinkie cannot inexplicably access.”

“Wait Rares, you got a room that Pinkie can’t wriggle her way into?”

“Oh, heaven’s no. I was exaggerating. A mare can dream, but I have resigned myself to the imperfect reality in which we are doomed to exist.”

“Girls, this is not productive! We need to locate Pinkie and Rainbow before they begin another one of their ga-”

“Attention, everycreature! It’s time for another one of our games, WOO-HOO! Once again, I am The Pinkmaster, and soon enough, you will hear from our High Supreme Emperor of Awesomeness, Dashie!

“Pinks! It’s High Supreme Emperor of Awesomeness, Rainbow Dash, not ‘Dashie.’ The students are gonna think I’m lame ugh…ahem… Listen up loyal subjects and peasants, as you heard from The Pinkmaster, it's time for a new game! It’s come to our attention that Princess Twilight Buzzkill Sparkle has formed a small task force to eliminate our game.”

“Yeppers, and we've been having so much fun that we just can’t let that happen. Except, I don’t think Twilight would kill any buzzes. That's not really her style. She might tell them to sit still and be quiet for a little bit, but that’s never enough to kill a good buzz!”

“Uh..right…I think what The Pinkmaster is trying to say is that not even a Princess can keep us down! So, listen here buzzsters, for the next fifteen minutes, we challenge all of you to buzz at the top of your lungs!”

“That’s right! Buzz in your classrooms, buzz at your lockers, buzz in the hallways. Let your buzzes be heard, our little buzzy bees!”

“And whoever buzzes directly in Twilight’s face gets an extra one billion awesome points. Your High Supreme Emperor of Awesomeness and The Pinkmaster are signing out. Good luck, chumps!”

“O-oh dear… um…Twilight are you okay? Y-y-your eye seems to be doing a lot of … uh twitching.”

“Shy, why don’t you take a few steps back? I’m afraid Twilight might burst into flames again, you too Rarity.”

“Worry not, Applejack, I can handle this. Twilight, you will make it through this, and we will find them. You just need to think of any other places they may be, or we could just call it a day. Perhaps we can get some tea or go to the sp-”

“No! We have to find them before the day ends. It’s just hard to think with all this buzzing. I feel like I’m trapped in a beehive.”

“Alright then, I reckon we could check the gym or maybe the nurse’s office. We already looked at all of the classrooms and all of the closets. After that, I don’t know what else we can do.”

“Wait…I think…I think I know how to find them.”

“Oh my, that was quick. Which makes sense, since you're so smart of course, b-but what do you have in mind?”

“Well, Fluttershy, I was thinking about what Rarity said earlier. If we can’t find them, they’ll just have to find us.”

“Sweet Celestia! It has been such a dreadfully long day, and I am positively famished. If only I had a sweet treat to sink my teeth into.”

“...”

“I said, if only I had a sweet treat to sink my teeth into!”

“...”

“Fluttershy?”

“O-oh sorry, Rarity…I mean… Oh yes, I am very hungry too. Good thing I brought this freshly baked, ooey-gooey, jumbo cinnamon roll to eat.”

“My, my, that looks scrumptious. How about I cool it down a bit by fanning it a little.”

“Goodness, Rarity, that makes this very private and difficult to access room smell so delightful. I’m so happy that I can share this freshly baked, ooey-gooey, jumbo cinnamon roll with a dear friend. I just wish I had at least one more friend to share this sweet treat with.”

“Oh, oh, oh! Pick me, pick me Fluttershy! It’s me, Pinkie Pie! You know, your bestest best friend who absolutely loves freshly baked, ooey-gooey, jumbo cinnamon rolls!

“Pinkie Pie, darling, you actually came. How wonderful of you to join us… APPLEJACK NOW!”

“I’m on it, c’mere you! I gotcha in a super-duper Pinkie hold, you know the rules. No teleporting, no phasing into the floor, and no turning into semi-liquified states to escape.”

“You might have The Pinkmaster in a super-duper Pinkie hold, but what if I crawl into one of your ears, climb out the other, and then jump out that window instead!”

“You can’t do that because you Pinkie promised me you wouldn’t after last time.”

“Aw, fiddlesticks! The Pinkmaster has been bested by the Buzzkill Battalion! I guess you’re going to bring me to Princess Buzzkill and try to make me talk?”

“There’s no need for that since I’m already here! A-and stop calling me that. Anyways, Pinkie, you and Rainbow Dash’s little game is over. Tell us where Rainbow is, turn over the PA system, and return to your classroom.”

“No! I will never betray the High Supreme Emperor of Awesomeness! I will never give up our sweet little PA system! And as Celestia is my witness, I will never do my job!”

“Okay, Pinkie, but what if I gave you two whole freshly baked, ooey-gooey, jumbo cinnamon rolls to have all to yourself?”

“Wowzers, two whole freshly baked, ooey-gooey, jumbo cinnamon rolls just for me? Gimme, gimme, gimme! If you go to the custodian’s closet on the second floor, you’ll find the vent where Dashie and I were hiding with the PA system. And I would return to my classroom, but I think Gummy ate my keys again.”

“Don’t worry, Pinkie, I keep spares in my office. Applejack, can you get Rainbow? It's time to end this.”

“Second floor, got it. Y’all hold on tight, I’ll be back with Dash in a second.”

“So, it's come to this, betrayed by my own partner in crime. How does it feel, Pinkie? How does it feel to see our empire crumble to nothing?”

“I can’t quite tell you how it feels, but it certainly tastes delicious! Mmmm, like freshly ground cinnamon.”

“Ugh, you’re completely under her control! I can’t believe it, but…you won this round Princess Buzzkill. So, what happens now? Put us in the stocks? Lifetime imprisonment? Execution?”

“No, but maybe next time High Supreme Emperor. For now, I think this little prank earned you two weeks of detention.”

“What! Two weeks of detention, you can’t be serious!”

“Yeah, are you crazy! Why give us two weeks when spending three weeks with Dashie in detention would be so much more fun!”

“Pinkie!”

“Excellent point, Pinkmaster. You both will be spending three weeks in detention instead.”

“Oh, come on, you can’t even do that! We’re not students, we work here, and we’re adults! You can’t just send us to detention for three whole weeks.”

“But I can, and I will. Do you know why? You can call yourself an Emperor, but I actually AM a Princess. What I say goes, and if you want to argue, take it up with Celestia.”

“Aw buck, this is so unfair.”

“Aw shucks, it might not be fair, but it sure is funny. Y’all did the crime, and now you gotta do the time. I’m gonna head home and enjoy my freedom.”

“Absolutely, this was a splendidly dramatic ending to this particular escapade. Fluttershy? How about we head to my Boutique and enjoy some tea while these two think about what they’ve done.”

“Hey, not so fast! I’m not gonna sit here and take this alone. Loyalty is out the window. Princess Buzzkill, I have a confession. Ten minutes into our prank, Rarity found us and let us go. Flutters told us a better place to hide, which is how we ended up in that vent. And Applejack… is just really annoying!”

“WHAT! I can’t believe this. You three knew this whole time?”

“Listen, Twi. As the Element of Honesty, I promise you I didn’t know… but I did know that the other two knew. I knew to tell them not to let me know so that I wouldn’t have to let you know, you know?”

“No. I don’t know, because I can’t understand why you would all conspire to do this.”

“Oh Twilight, we did not do this to hurt you or our students. When I initially found those two, I realized two very important things. First, my students were laughing; it was a small burst of levity and joy after a long, arduous week. The second thing I realized was that I really, really wanted to go home early.”

“Um… I-I think what Rarity is trying to say is that it was hard to force our poor students to focus when they were having so much fun, especially after Rainbow freestyle rapped over the mic for eight and a half minutes. Please don’t be sad Twilight, we’re all so very sorry.”

“You see, we ain’t mean you no harm, sugarcube. One day of goofing won’t hurt anycreature. Anyways, wasn’t this whole thing a great friendship lesson for all of us? Think about it, a good friendship leaves a little bit of room to be dumb together. Ain’t that something to ponder over.”

“It is, it really is. I think we’ll all have a great opportunity to ponder it over the next three weeks… in detention.”

“Yes! Isn’t this great girls, three whole weeks of detention with my best friends in all Equestria! Please, Twilight, please make it four weeks. No! Make it five weeks detention!”

“Pinks, Stop! Don’t you realize what she’s doing? Detention sucks, it's absolutely no fun at all.”

“How could you say that, Dashie? Anytime spent with my friends is fun.”

“Well, in detention it's not. We can’t even goof off. The whole point of detention is to sit still and be quiet for like an hour.”

“A WHOLE hour, that's more than a little bit. Twi-Twi, please have mercy. This is just too cruel; my buzzes can’t survive this torture.”

“I’m sorry, Pinkie, but they don't call me Princess Buzzkill for nothing.”

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What! Not even a smile? All of you get to have dumb fun, but me? Okay, fine, five weeks detention!"