The Cheese of Truth

by marmalado

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Death, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 1060

Celestia has a very special gift for Luna, with one Tartarus of a bombshell to drop.

Celestia does something very interesting with fallen changelings after the invasion. It serves a double purpose: prank her sister, and get revenge on those who dared to interrupt her niece's (and future nephew-in-law's) wedding.

Oh, and it knocks down Chrysalis's army by a few bodies. A triple win!

A non-entry into the third Thousand Words Contest, in the Comedy category. Because this is a non-entry, please do not add it into any contest folders.

Published 2024-06-19 16:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-06-19 16:10:00 UTC

A Royal Batmare Gambit

Guards quickly dodged out of the way as Celestia rolled a yellow crater-filled spherical ball down the hallways of the castle. She moved briskly to make use of what little free time she had in her schedule, and miraculously, nopony was caught up in the storm.

"Um...Princess..." Raven Inkwell asked, as Celestia veered right. "Might I ask what you're doing?"

"Don't worry. It's none of your concern" was the only reply she got.

When Celestia stopped in front of a room, the door splattered with blue and black hues, she examined her sphere. It was full of dust and dirt, perfect for what she was planning on enacting. Putting on a smirk, she knocked three times to announce her presence, then opened the door.

"Sister?" Celestia placed a hoof on the sleeping princess in her bed and gently shook her. "Wake up for just a moment. I have something I'd like to show you."

"Mmrh..." Luna's eyes slowly opened as she sat up. "This had better be important."

"Is stealing the moon not important?"

"...What?"

Celestia expected that response. "I have traveled to the moon and stolen it for you. As you can see, contrary to what most believe, it is, in fact, made of cheese."

A blink. "...Hmm?"

"The moon is made of cheese."

"It is...?"

"Yes. I tasted some on my journey. I can't pinpoint exactly what kind of cheese it is, but it does certainly taste like cheese." Celestia smiled. "I've put up a temporary moon in the meantime. When I've recovered from my astral travels, I think I'll go back up and see if I can find a more permanent solution. Maybe...stealing another moon from a lone planet."

Slowly, Luna's eyes drifted to the holey ball of mass, as though trying to comprehend it. Celestia, for her part, attempted to hold in her laughter.

"You may consider this your early birthday gift, dear sister. Last year's gift was less than adequate, so I felt it fitting to take it a step further this year."

"I..." Luna rubbed her eyes, but they still contained a noticeable amount of drowsiness. "I am not understanding. This...you brought-"

"Yes. And I am informing you that much scientific evidence regarding the moon has been disproven." Celestia turned to glance out the window. "We should alert Twilight immediately. I fear she may break down when she learns of the truth."

Luna slid out of bed and trudged over to the sphere, eyeing it curiously. Her hoof moved along its holes carefully. "I do not believe I have ever seen a moon with holes in it. It is quite fascinating..."

As much as Celestia wanted to exhale a breath of a relief, she forced herself to remain composed. "Indeed."

"And you say this is edible?"

"Yes. You are more than welcome to eat some."

Luna parted her jaws to let a hearty yawn slip through. "Mm...I suppose a little snack...would not hurt..." she murmured, grabbing a small piece and eating it.

Goodness. I can't believe that worked! Celestia shook her head and gave a small smile. But that's Luna. A heavy sleeper, and never one to wake up instantaneously, especially not in the mornings. Her brain fog must be as thick as the smoke from a dragon's nose.

"Mmm..." Luna's nose wrinkled. "Sister..." She pressed a hoof to her cheek. "The moon contains some sort of...gelatinous substance."

Celestia nodded. "Yes, it does. It is dusty and filled with holes on the outside, but rich and gooey inside. Something else for the research books, I suppose. Is it good, at least?"

"Not how I would expect the moon to taste..." Another yawn forced its way through, forcing Celestia to see the disgusting chewed-up contents of the moon on her younger sister's tongue. "But it is quite delicious. Thank you, sister."

"You are most welcome." Celestia made her way for the door. "I am sorry to have to leave you like this, but I must go. I hope you sleep well."

"Mhm. You as well."

Celestia knew that was the brain fog talking. She slipped out of the room and began heading for the throne room.

Several hours later, a startled high-pitched whinny echoed through the castle, followed by a lengthy string of pre-Equestrian swears.

"Sister! Just what in Equestria were you thinking? The changelings attacking us were troublesome indeed, but is that any justification to use them as a source of food?!"

"In fairness, if I hadn't done something with the bodies, then carnivorous creatures would have."

Luna thrust an accusing hoof at Celestia and spluttered for a moment.

"I'm quite sure Chrysalis's hive wouldn't mind some missing changelings." Celestia took a sip of tea. "Besides that, they were dead when I found them."

"This..." Luna began backing away. "You are not Tia. Who are you?"

"If you are implying I'm a changeling, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment."

Luna's horn quickly became encased in magic. Celestia set her cup down, eyeing the horn with caution.

"Ah, Luna." She pointed to a side window. "It's about time to lower the sun and raise the moon, don't you think? Why don't we both go outside and get some fresh air?"

For a minute, Luna's expression turned into an even uglier version of itself, just before it twisted into defeat. "Fine. I suppose it is almost time for my nightly duties, anyhow."

"I'll meet you out there. I need to write a letter first."

Luna eyed her sister with initial suspicion, but ultimately left for the balcony. Celestia conjured up a scroll and a quill and began writing.

Dear Twilight,
I am writing this letter to inform you that I have stolen the moon of Equus. In doing so, I have discovered that it is made of Swish cheese, contrary to what is believed by some. As my most faithful student, I would like for you to have it. Bon appetit!

From,
Princess Celestia

"Raven? I'm off to gather more changelings...and more crafting supplies."

Author's Note

Listed as a non-entry because 1) it sucks, and 2) I have a sequel to The Master of the Meta Deck in the works that is better. Still, I like the concept of unique moon cheese, so into the public of the interwebs it goes.