Zephyr Status: Royalty

by Aklinstar

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Zephyr Breeze, Prince Blueblood
Length: 1719

A job's never easy, unless you're one Zephyr Breeze-y

Years of meandering have finally paid dividends for one Breeze. An opportunity has come up, one he will soon forget.

No, seriously, he doesn't know.

My entry for the Dialogue Only Contest

A last second, panic-induced, crack one at that.

A big special thank you to both:

Editor: EileenSaysHi
Pre-reader: Dewdrops on the Grass

Seriously, thank you, y'all rock.

Published 2024-06-16 03:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-06-16 03:40:00 UTC

I Made It, Sis

"Prince Blueblood, your five o'clock is here."

"Marvelous, send him in."

"Hey, hey, hey, I was told this—"

"Up-buh-buh... Have a seat, if you would first, please."

"Uh, yeah, alright, sure."

"Excellent. Now, a few questions before we begin."

"Sure—"

"What size is your wingspan?"

"W-what?"

"Mmm, modest type, are we? Junebug! Will you come in here?"

"Yes, Your Princeliness?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk... That's not the correct—Oh, blast it all, we'll work on that later. Would you be so kind as to measure our, erm... esteemed guest's wings?"

"Of course."

"H-hey now—WOAH, watch the primaries!"

"Got it."

"Good, now—"

"Uh, why did you take my—"

"In due time, my feathery fellow, in due time. Now, I've gone over your, ahem, qualifications, and I would like some clarifications, if you have the time of course."

"Of course, of course—I mean, I am pretty busy and all, hairs to do, mares to coo, you know?"

"Excellent, exactly why I was considering you for the position."

"Yeah, of course! Uh, which part?"

"Hmm? Which part of what, Mr. Breeze?"

"Uh, Zephyr, please. I'm not old. And, what did I say that made you consider me? Not that I'm not flattered! I mean, yeah, I'm pretty neat and all, but uh, I'm a little lost."

"Why, coups involving mares, of course! The hair part, could take it or leave it, we have plenty of stylists after all, but the coup will do."

"Oh, ho! I gotcha, I gotcha. I like where this is going. Although, I kind of was expecting some other duties—anything to get me out of the crippling debt I've found myself in—but this, you've got my full attention!"

"Wonderful. Now, I've taken a glance at your curriculum vitae, and I just wanted a few clarifications before we move forward."

"Shoot."

"Hmm? Shoot? Shoot what?"

"Uh, I mean, go on?"

"Right, I see, another one of those sayings your kind has. Very quaint."

"Thanks, I think?"

"You're most welcome. Now, from what I understand, you're the brother to one of the Bearers of the Elements, are you not?"

"Oh, yeah, Fluttershy. She's cool, ya know? Kind of has that 'save the world, save the animals' kind of vibe going on. Not my thing, but I ’preesh. I prefer to use my skills to pay the bills in other ways."

"Such as one that involves coups and mares?"

"Yeah, that!"

"Mm, mm-hmm. I see, carry on."

"Anyway, yeah, she ain't so shy no more; she learned to spread her wings and fly! She learned from the best, taught her everything I knew. No big deal, but uh, yeah, I got her on track and now look at her now. So proud, so proud… think I’m gettin’ a little misty-eyed here…"

"Junebug!"

"Yes, Your Highnesssssss."

"Too much emphasis, not enough tissues! Bring a drying cloth before the chair becomes stained!"

"Of course."

"There, there, Mr—mm, Zephyr. I, too, suffer from emotions from time-to-time."

"Thank you. I'm just so proud..."

"Right, as you should be. You know, you and I are not all that different, being related to someone important."

"Huh, yeah, very true. Hadn't thought about it that way, but yeah."

"It's just a shame... One goes out and helps bring about the unification of so many species together, spreading the joy of friendship and merrymaking, while the other sits and muses over in-house quarrels. It's not fair, not at all."

"That does sound pretty unreasonable, not gonna lie. In fact, it's getting this Breeze a little queasy thinking about it."

"As it does me, believe me. I've had to ponder over this quandary for quite some time, wondering how to best go about it."

"Well, if it's anything like a case of bad bed mane, the best way to take care of it is at the roots: one brush at a time."

"Oh, indeed! Wisely said, yes. Exactly where I was going to go next. We must take care of the source, and after much deliberation with my internal delegation, I've determined you're more than suitable for the job."

"Yeah—wait, really? Me? I mean, of course me! The Breeze is here to please, and is ready to give life a big ol' squeeze!"

"Excellent. Now, there's a long road ahead of us, so we shan't waste another moment. If you would—Oh, heavens, Junebug!"

"I'm here, next to you, Prince."

"The documents, where are they?"

"Probably where you last left them, if I had to venture a guess."

"Ugh, yes, yes, but that's why you are supposed to keep track of that!"

"Did you check your desk? Maybe search the one labeled 'Totally-Not-Trying-to-Coup Plans'?"

"Oh, ho, a Prince having trouble with cooing mares? I could give you some pointers if you want."

"And you will, I'm sure. Now, if you would sign here..."

"Gotcha, gotcha."

"And here."

"Alright."

"And here, and here, and here."

"Done, done, and done! I am so looking forward to working with you, Mr. Bluesy!"

"Don't call me that. Not yet, at least. We haven't made it official, and I can't have word getting out quite yet."

"Alright, fair 'nuff. So, when do I start?"

"Junebug?"

"The dress should be ready by tomorrow; the ceremony will take time given the specifications, as well as precautions that need to be accounted for this time. So, maybe in a couple weeks, give or take?"

"Very well, if it must."

"So, yeah, about those measures being taken earlier? What exactly was that about?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, right, that. We had on record most of your measurements when you took up the mantle of being a guard for a day—"

"Oo, yeah, that... Not the best day, not gonna lie..."

"—but we didn't have the measurements for your wings. Now, I may be one to forget on occasion the traditions of other races, but I figured if we were going to make this official, we'd do it right."

"Right, right... What are we doing right?"

"The dress, Dear, the dress."

"Got it, got it, yeah! I don't follow."

"Around the same time, in about two weeks, we'll make it official, and you'll be henceforth known as Prince Zephyr Breeze."

"A-ah, woah! That's quite a jump, I have to say! I like the sound of that, okaaay."

"And afterwards, we'll work on overthrowing my dear Auntie Celestia."

"Woah, woah, woah! I thought I was going to teach you how to coo the ladies, and now you want to send your aunt to Hades?"

"Mmm, Tartarus, preferably, but yes. That is what a coup is."

"Ohhhh, I see, I see! That coup, now I know. Ha, gotcha, things are starting to become a bit more clearzies."

"Indeed, they are, my dear."

"Huh, ya know, never saw myself settling down and getting married, but hey, can’t knock it ‘til I try it…We are getting married, right?"

"Yes."

"Alright, yeah, that's cool. Wasn't expecting that, but that’s cool. Bits are still going to be plenty?"

"More than many."

"Sweet, you can count this Breeze in."

"You signed a contract. You've been in, you dolt—"

"Junebug."

"My apologies."

"I can't wait to tell my sis! The look on her face when she finds out her big bro has finally made it big!"

"Yes, that's fine, but keep the coup bits under wraps. Junebug, prepare a chariot to Ponyville."

"This banana muffin is beyond sensational, Fluttershy! How ever did you figure out how to remove the paper-y taste from the linings?"

"Mmhmhm, I'm glad you like it, Discord. I—Oh, who could that be?"

"Oh, probably just the Filly Scouts again. I'll handle it."

"But they just came by..."

"Hey, hey, he—oh, hey, uh, Discord, how's it going?"

"Away from you."

"Uh—"

"Discord."

"What? I can't help it if my body has a mind of its own, being repelled by some invisible force at a moment's notice!"

"Uh huh. Oh, hello, Zephyr. I um, wasn't expecting you, would you like to come in?"

"No need, no need, sis. I just came by to let you know that this Breeze is finally soaring to new heights!"

"Oh?"

"Oh, wonderful. Looks like tomorrow's forecast is calling for a gust of disappointment."

"Discord!"

"It's going to be windy tomorrow? Probably shouldn't stay the night then... Anyway, I'm here to let you be the first to know that I, Zephyr Breeze, am getting married!"

"You're what!?"

"Oh, this ought to be good..."

“It is, and I know! I've found one who finally gets me, one who will share in all the delights that is known as Zephyr Breeze! No longer will I be bound by the intricacies of having to put in countless hours of looking for love, only for them to inevitably be called away by the cruel mistress known as life! This one's for real—the real deal.”

"Um, wow, Zephyr... That's wonderful! But, you've never told me about this. How long have you been together with them?"

"I'm curious as well, and who exactly are they? They must be really special to fall for such a—functional one, such as yourself."

"Yes, yes they are! Not too long from now... uh, two weeks, I think? You'll be talking to not just anyone, but one full of royal splendor, Prince Zephyr Breeze!"

"Prince!?"

"That's right, sis. And, I know, I know! You're probably wondering how I'm going to be able to find the time to pay you, ma, and pa a visit when I'm away, toiling away in the luxuries of fine cuisines and traveling the world from up high! I'll find the time, I swear it, even if I have to beg him to let me come!"

"Oh, my. I, um, who is he? And, I didn't know you were into stallions."

"Neither did I! But the contract never lies, and this Breeze has to fly!"

"Contract? Zephyr Breeze! What did you do?"

"I, uh, signed a legally binding contract to marry a Prince?"

"What. What else did he make you sign?"

"Uh... something about overthrowing the princesses, or at least his aunt, through a coup? Don't know the details right now, but, uh, yeah... Anyways, thought I'd let you know! I need to go. Uh, later, sis!"

"Oh, ho, ho! It's even worse than I imagined! Delightful!"

"Zephyr, wait! Don't—oh no..."

"I give him three weeks."