Love to the Ghosts Who Taught Me Everything I Know
"I used to be a very bad pony, you know."
Crystal Lens laughs at me. Not a cruel laugh, just a giggle. "This again?"
I smile. "It's true! Nearly conquered Equestria. Twice."
We're in her bedroom. Lying on her bed. The air smells of lavender.
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"Sure you did," she says. "And I'm secretly Princess Twilight's daughter."
"Wouldn't surprise me," I reply. "With how good you are at magic."
She blushes. It's true though. A thousand years ago I would have exploited that.
A thousand years ago I was a very different pony.
Or maybe not.
"I wonder what my old friends would think of me now," I ponder aloud. "They'd probably call me weak. Say I've gone soft, falling in love."
"They don't sound like very good friends, then," Crystal Lens says.
"They weren't," I reply. "Maybe they could have been. It's impossible to say."
"You're so cryptic sometimes," she says.
I smile. "It comes with age."
"You're not that old."
"I am and I'm not. I was born over a thousand years ago, after all."
She snorts. "Were not."
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"Was too," I say, grinning. "When Princess Celestia was on the throne."
"Oh yeah? How's that work, then? Did you find the fountain of youth?"
She says the last part with a playful sarcasm that makes the tips of my wings StuckStuckStuckStuckStuckStuck
"I was stuck as a statue," I admit, after a second. She's the first pony I've told. Why did I hesitate? The ponies of this era have forgotten about us. No harm in opening up.
"Were you, like, petrified by a cockatrice or something?"
"No," I say. "They turned me to stone for trying to conquer Equestria. Me and my friends."
"Well obviously you got out," she says. She's humouring me. "How'd you do it?"
"They let me out. Said I'd done my time."
"What about your friends?" she asks.
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"How come?"
"Too dangerous," I say. "I'm just a pegasus, at the end of the day. Twilight thought I could be rehabilitated."
"Well, I think you're a good pony," Crystal Lens replies.
"Maybe."
The light is getting low now. The air is getting colder. She pulls a blanket up over us.
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I close my eyes.
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They’re getting louder. I ignore them.
"Now I know you're lying," Crystal Lens says. "If you were so bad, they would have wanted to keep you near the palace where they could keep an eye on you. But here you are, out here in a backwater town like Barleydale."
"They're still keeping an eye on me," I reply. "But I couldn't stay in Canterlot [PrisonPrisonPrisonPrisonPrisonPrisonPrisonPrisonIt'scoldPrison. As for why here—I guess it's just where the river of fate brought me."
I sigh. "I miss them, you know. My old friends. I think about them a lot. Wonder if things could have been different."
"Well, you have me to keep you company now," she says.
I open my eyes. Look at her face, silhouetted in the light of the setting sun.
"Yeah," I say, smiling. "I guess I do."
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I wince. She notices.
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"Are you okay?" she asks, sitting up as I clutch my head.
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"They're coming to," I say through clenched teeth.
"Coming to? Who's coming to?"
"My old friends."
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"I can still hear them," I say. "In my head. Our souls were linked by Discord. They're screaming."
"You're scaring me," Crystal Lens says, inching away from me, drawing the sheets up to her neck like a barrier. My heart breaks.
"I'm sorry SORRYSORRYYOU'LLBESORRY
I grit my teeth. It'll pass. It always passes. They'll slip back into quiet insanity and I'll be able to ignore them again.
That's a lie. I can't ignore them. They're still my friends.
"Agh!" I shout. I smack my head into the bedpost. It hurts. I think I'm bleeding. I do it again. "Shut up! Leave me alone!"
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Then all at once they go quiet again.
Cozy.
Free us Cozy.
This is almost worse.
Help us.
Please.
"I can't," I say. I feel something wet run down my cheek. Blood or tears, who's to say. They look the same in the dark.
Cozy.
It's dark.
So dark.
DarkDarkDarkDarkDarkDarkDarkDarkDarkDarkDark...
I release my head as they quiet back down to a murmur. I brace myself, then look at Crystal Lens.
She's gone. Fled. I want to die. The pragmatic side of my brain begins scheming. How to assuage her fears. How to get her to like me again.
Maybe that proves I don't deserve her.
The respectful thing to do would be to leave, but I'm too tired to move. My head hurts.
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They're still going. They've been going for over a thousand years.
I wish I'd gone mad with them.
"Cozy?"
I look weakly to the doorway. Crystal Lens is there. She's looking at me, concern in her eyes.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
"No," I say. "I'm sorry. I didn't want..."
"It's okay," she says. She enters the room, though her hoofsteps are cautious. "Are you... was everything you said really true? Are you really a bad pony from a thousand years ago?"
"Would you still believe me if I said I wasn't?"
"I don't know."
I look at her. She's beautiful. I smile. "I love you."
She doesn't reply, but there's something in her eyes. Some hope, then.
I sigh. "Sorry. Do you mind if I still stay the night? Golly, I'm exhausted."
"O-okay," she says. "You can stay here. I'll sleep on the couch."
I want nothing more than to have her by my side. I guess that's not happening tonight.
"Okay," I say. "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise."
She nods, then slips from the room. I stare up at the dark ceiling. It reminds me of being stone.
I'm sorry. Chrysalis. Tirek. I hope you'll forgive me for the path that I've taken. For becoming good. For leaving you behind.
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For the place the river took me to.
