Life Amongst Ponies

by Nugget27

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Changelings
Length: 5608

Bob continues his life in Equestria.

Bob, after finally being (mostly) accepted in Equestria, lives out his life amongs ponies:

Published 2024-06-22 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-11 03:47:26 UTC

Going to The Beach

Bob was in an odd situation. Well, not really, but it was something a bit strange. Something that never truly settled into Bob’s mind was that Twilight, his sister through adoption, was a Princess. Not only was she a princess, but she was a powerful one when it came to magic. She is also rich now because she gets a portion of Equestria’s taxes. It wasn't a lot, mind you, but it was enough to ‘fit a princess’. The main issue with Twilight being a princess wasn’t the princess part.

No, Twilight has a big ol’ castle now. Ever since Tirek happened, Twilight’s home, which was also Bob’s, got blown up during their fight. The good thing was, there was a large ballroom, a ballroom she lent to Bob, since it was never used. Bob slept in the corner, and had his instruments, and equipment strewn about the ballroom. Microphones, keyboards, pipe organs, every instrument under the sun. After Twilight remembered that Bob’s instruments, save for his guitar, got blown up, she bought him every instrument under the sun.

The problem was Bob was gonna do that.

And Bob tried paying Twilight back.

And she denied his attempts at doing so.

“You’re my little brother! Of course I’d pay for your instruments-”

“But I literally have more money than I know what to do with, and more money than you get from taxes. Luna exempted me from taxes! You almost did until you were told that I already was exempt!”

“And I am your big sister, so I win this argument. I am paying for your instruments, and that’s final!”

“Fine”

“Fine!”

Then the two of them snuggled for the night in Bob’s bed. Thanks to the larger frame that Bob took up, his neck made for the perfect place for Twilight to rest her head,, his shoulders were perfect for resting your forelegs on if you were a pony, and then Bob, unintentionally held most ponies like teddy bears while sleeping, so if you were a pony, you got support in the flanks if you were the average size mare. Or Shining Armor, that’s a tale for another time, though.

The next day, however, Bob was staring at an organ. A big, fancy pipe organ. On one hand, it’s a church organ and that sounds sexy. On the other, Bob was given literally every instrument Twilight could’ve thought of. He shrugged and kept looking around until Twilight and her friends walked into the ballroom. By the time they did, they found Bob trying to play a solo on a piano, a solo he’s never practiced before.

“Fuck me hard!” Bob yelled. “God damn why does that solo have so many notes in it?” He rhetorically asked. He looked up from the piano and at his adoptive sister and her friends. “Mornin’ guys,” his voice was deep and gruffy; he just woke up.

“What song were you trying to play?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“It wasn’t really trying to play a whole song, more like remembering a song with a really sick piano solo in it and trying to play it by memory. It didn’t work,” the human picked Rainbow up and nuzzled her cheek with his. “I’m going to be real, Dash, I think you may recall it,” Bob started replaying the solo again. This time, Bob zoned out and played it out, and Rainbow immediately knew what it was. She held her hooves to her cheeks.

“Oh my gosh!” Dashie repeated until the human was done. “That?” She asked.

“Yeah. Fuck, don’t grow hands; they tend to hurt randomly if you play the guitar or piano too much,” Bob hissed at his growing carpal tunnel. Twilight offered to heal it, but he refused. “I was trying to do that solo for hours! Tavi and Vinyl betted that I couldn’t do that live on stage, Tavi thinks I can and Vinyl doesn’t… Nah, they both think I could. Vinyl just wanted to go against Tavi and get some bits out of it.” Bob stood up, Dashie in tow under his arms. “So, what’s up guys? This is the first time y’all have seeked me out.”

“We were wondering if you wanted to head down to the beach with us,” Apple Jack replied. “It’s a nice, hot day outside, and we all think you spending it here, practicing away would be a waste; judging from that piano playin’ you just did, you already do a good job, don’tcha think?”

“Mmm.” Bob hummed. “I could use the break, honestly, and I’ve not been on the beach in… a good year or two.” He shrugged. “Is Zippy coming along?” He asked.

“No,” Dash shook her head. “She has to help her mom, Fritters, at their bakery today. Well, it was more like Zippy wanted to.”

“Ah,” Bob shrugged. “I can’t show off my cool, fucked up body,” Bob shrugged. “Also AJ,” Bob pointed at the piano. “I think that’s like… the fifth time I’ve ever been actually able to do that solo. I’m… decent at any instrument you hand me, but you’ll find better piano players anywhere you look if all they play is the piano. It’s fun, I’ll say that, but I’m a jack of all traits; I’m not exactly amazing at anything besides doing cool shit with my voice.” Bob’s voice dropped as low as it could. “Right, Dashie?”

“Uh…” Dashie started blushing. “Yeah.”

“Ha! You always loved sub harmonics!” Bob coughed. “Shit dude,” he said as he dug around in his clothes under the bed. He pulled out a pair of trousers. They were swim trunks, but to everypony else they just looked like trousers. “I shouldn’t be doing that this early in the morning.” He shrugged. “Well, lemme get these on, and I’ll be out in a moment.” Everypony turned to head out besides Pinkie and Dash.

“Pinkie, why are you-”

“I wanna see what a human changing looks like.”

“...Why?”

“I dunno.”

“Please go wait outside, please. I like some privacy while changing. Seeing another human naked is a taboo amongst humans.”

“But Dashie gets to watch-”

“He ain’t showing me anything I’ve never seen before. Trust me, Pinkie, just step outside. Or else we’ll be late to that beach party. You don’t want to be late, do you?”

“OH RIGHT!” Pinkie dashed out the door.

“Thanks Dash,” in moments, Bob had just a tanktop and his trousers on. “Aight, I’m good to go.” The human immediately snatched Rainbow in his arms and started cradling her. “I guess I’ll spend today spoiling you. Whaddya say to a ride on my back for once?” He asked.

“You’re letting me carry you when we head home,” Dashie said. She happily took to being carried in her coltfriend’s arms though. “I don’t understand how drumming makes you so fit,” Dash hummed. “I get the biceps, sure-”

“Human drum kits usually involve the whole body. Kick drums are called what they are for a reason. I gotta be able to drum for hours at a time, constantly moving fast,” Bob continued to hold Dashie with one arm and flexed the other. “See something you like, hmm?” He teased the poor pegasus.

“You really need to let Twilight heal those scars on you, you know. I can’t imagine they feel good, and they make me worried that you’re uncomfortable, Bob.” Their conversation came to a halt when they were interrupted by five other giggling mares.

“Aw, is big tough Rainbow Dash concerned for her coltfriend?” Rarity asked.

“S-shut up! Bob flinches whenever me or Zippy lay on his back, where his burns are! Why wouldn’t I be worried for him?” Dash took a moment as they exited the castle. “What kind of marefriend would I be if I didn’t ask Bob if he was alright?”

“Hey,” Bob said, laying Dashie over his shoulder. “You’d be My Little Dashie. Now c’mon. I was promised the beach, so let’s go to the beach.”

“I’m surprised that you aren’t bringing that ol’ guitar of yours,” Apple Jack mused. “You always take it with you to places.”

“Y’all said leave music behind for the day, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m half tempted to tell Twi to turn me into a pony again so nobody bothers me for being me, but then I wouldn’t be able to swim or partake in fun, whatever the fuck ponies do on the beach.” He set Dashie down. “Yeah yeah, I know you wanna walk and then complain when I let you walk. But at least I can scratch your ears more.” The group started off on their way. Bob could admit, it was pretty hot, and was wondering how ponies, when covered in fur, could stand the heat at all.

The walk to the beach was rather uneventful, as it seemed as though every creature in Ponyville had the same idea. The beach, which was actually on a giant lake, one of the largest Bob’s ever seen, was packed to the brim with umbrellas, picnic blankets, and groups of friends, families, or even just couples filled the sandy dunes. Luckily, since Bob was taller than the average pony, he found and pointed out a spot rather quickly that was near the water, but not too close. Once the blanket was laid out, everypony started laying out food, while Bob simply sat down and laid his head on Twilight’s shoulder, since she was one of the only two ponies present that could move around food items without moving, and when compared to Rarity, Twilight is a better cuddle buddy.

And also Twilight liked it whenever she was used as a pillow by her younger sibling, so he opted to do that. Bob was promptly handed a banana. “This,” he said. “Is life.” He peeled his banana and took a bite… Just as soon as Pinkie calmly trotted up to him.

“Hey Bobby, guess what?” She asked.

“...Yeah Pinkie?” Bob asked.

“Ever since you’ve become a big fancy musician that never leaves his room, you haven’t rubbed my belly.” Pinkie gave Bob the brightest smile ever. “Well?” She rolled on her back after stuffing a half of a cake down her gullet. Where she got the cake was beyond anypony, but everypony, and Bob, knew not to question their pink friend’s antics. Bob chuckled, got off of Twilight after stuffing the banana down his throat, he dragged the pink party pony onto his lap.

“Holy fuck you are soft,” he mused as he started gently rubbing Pinkie’s cheeks. “Like holy hell, you’re fluffier than Fluttershy is.” Pinkie didn’t seem to notice or care; she was getting pampered. Her tail swished side to side as Bob went from her cheeks, to her neck, to her chest, and then the belly rub. The next thing he knew, Pinkie Pie was napping in his arms. For once, the usually hyperactive pony was napping. She was sleeping peacefully. Everyone blinked at that. That was a very uncommon sight, for Pinkie to hold still, let alone take a nap. Even if it was only for about five minutes.

“Oh, that was good,” Pinkie got up on her hooves, and rubbed up Bob like a cat.

“Pinkie,” Rainbow spoke. “As much as I’m your friend, stop trying to claim my coltfriend. I know you’re marking him with your scent.”

“But Dashie, it’s my turn with the human! You and Zippy and Twilight and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna get to hog him all the time. And when Cadance or Shining Armor are in town, they get to hog him! So it’s my turn!” Pinkie licked Bob’s cheek like a dog. Pinkie’s hopes were suddenly dashed away when Bob stood up to try and go play in the water before he ate anything. Pinkie tried to join Bob, she even pulled a beach ball out of her mane, and blew it up in one breath…

Right as soon as a bunch of Ponies recognized Bob.

“Yo it’s Bob the Human!” Some colt pointed out. In a heartbeat, Bob was surrounded by ponies on all sides, luckily none of them were trampling the girls, or their food, but Pinkie was drowned out by the huge mass of Bob’s apparent fans. Adults and foals alike were getting on their hindlegs just to get a little closer to Bob and subsequently get his autograph. Only Twilight, Rainbow, and Pinkie knew how Bob actually felt. The human was trying to smile, but he was constantly giving Pinkie ‘sorry’ looks.

“Are you and Princess Luna going to perform during the Summer Sun Celebration-” one filly, a pegasus asked, who actually catapulted over the crowd, and landed on Bob’s face. “When will you two get married? I bet-” Bob couldn’t answer as there was a filly in his face. Bob gently pried her off, before answering:

“Me and Luna are just really good friends. As in she’s like a sister to me. I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon either.” He said as nicely as he could, before settling the girl on his head so that she wouldn’t get trampled.

“And just like that,” Twilight sighed. “Bob’s day is ruined.”

“Why’s that? It seems to me that he’s having fun, getting all that attention. He even gets to hold a filly.” Apple Jack pointed out.

“Oh,” Dash shook her head. “Yeah no. If it were me, I’d soak that attention up all day. Bob… he loves it when he hears how people love his work, but he hates getting recognized off stage. This is why.” She look at Pinkie. “I’m pretty sure Bob’ll make up for this somehow-”

“Bob isn’t having fun,” Pinkie pointed out. “Today was supposed to be fun. Now look!” Bob stumbled and tried to get away from the crowd, only to be blocked by another five ponies for every one he moved out of the way. “That smile isn’t a real smile! Twilight, didn’t you say that Bob still wasn’t very good at dealing with crowds of ponies up close and personal?” She asked.

“...He still isn’t.” Twilight sighed. “And I don’t think any of us could get to him, and even me being a princess can’t get everypony to-”

“THE EVER LIVING BUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?” Everypony stopped. Hovering in the air was Queen Chrysalis, along with Azolf, Bob’s changeling friend. “WHY ARE ALL OF YOU HARASSING THAT HUMAN?” In a heartbeat, everypony surrounding Bob sauntered off as quickly as they could. The Queen landed, as Bob put down the filly who scampered away from the big, scary Queen. Azolf hopped up on his hindlegs and hugged Bob. Queen Chrysalis regally glared at everypony that wasn’t Bob’s friends, before looking at Bob himself.

“Why are you here?” Bob asked.

“Azolf was watching you, and told me what was happening,” Chrysalis planted a kiss on Bob’s forehead. “Once you’re done playing here, I would like to speak with you in the Hive. It’s nothing too bad; I would just like to hear how you have been.” Bob gave a thumb’s up, before he hugged Azolf, picked the poor changeling up, and then hugged Chrysalis as well, smushing Azolf in between their bodies. Fortunately, Azolf didn’t seem to care; changelings like cramped spaces.

“Thanks, Chrysalis.” Bob chuckled. “Uh, I was about to lose my shit if you hadn’t stopped by.”

“Worry not, I am still a mother first and foremost, and as far as I am concerned, you are a citizen of my Hive, and thus, my child. If you need help or desire anything, do not be afraid to come to me for help.” She nodded. “I would stay a while longer-”

“Thank you, Chrysalis,” Twilight genuinely smiled. “Thanks for helping Bob out.” Everypony blinked. “What? Chrysalis has at least proven to not be terrible, just that she likes making terrible choices. With that said, I can at least thank her for helping in a situation where I couldn’t.”

“It is a pleasure, Princess Twilight. Though if you would like some pointers on being a Princess, do ask. I can help you with that, and Luna is more than willing.” The Changeling Queen promptly grabbed Azolf and bugged off to some unknown parts of the beach. Bob himself was sitting down, holding his head while Pinkie Pie was trying to get his mind off of things. Well, she thought he was having some bad thoughts. In truth, Bob just wanted to spend the day with his friends, or just Pinkie since she decided it was her turn with him today.

“Pinkie, I’m fine. Dealing with crowds of ponies has never been my strong suit, alright. I’m more annoyed about my day being ruined. I’m a popular person, woohoo. Glad it took being who I am for everypony to get over what I am.” Bob took a long, deep breath. “I’m good now,” he grabbed Pinkie. “Come on, let’s go swimming.” He slowly turned to Rainbow Dash. “I bet Pinkie would be a better swimmer than you are.”

Rainbow chuckled. “I bet she is; Pinkie is bucking fast.” She smirked. “You just want me to join you two, and you don’t even have to do anything to make me do that, Bob. Come on! Let’s go play with that beach ball!”

Author's Note

i know these chapters are relatively short, given how long they're taking to put out, but i wanna keep them on the shorter side. just small blips and glimpses into whatever nonsense Bob is getting into.

Picking the Book Back Up

It’s been a good… Two years since Bob was first captured in Equestria. Bob the human, musician, friend of Princess Luna. Adopted into the House of Twilight, or The Twilight Family if you’re not being fancy. At first, the human was originally seen as nothing more than an animal, an annoying one at that, stealing food from ponies. With that said, what has happened has been a major step up. Now, Bob was actually kinda popular. Mostly because of his vocal range and proficiency in multiple instruments, something very, very rare amongst ponies. To the lowest that the human voice can reach, to the electric guitar, down to his prowess with a violin, have helped Bob get to where he is today…

And Luna of course.

He and Luna were performing a concert together during Nightmare Night. Well, Luna was attending as Nightmare Moon, and this concert’s ticket sales were all going to a fundraiser; towards foals that were not in the best of circumstances. It was Luna’s idea, and Bob was all for it; neither of them needed money anymore. The Princess of the Night… was a Princess. Bob was a very wealthy musician. There was simply no need for either of them to need to profit. Since it was Nightmare Night, they were doing some scarier songs.

A favorite that Luna wrote herself, as in she came up with chords and lyrics, Bob helped build upon them was commonly played on Nightmare Night… Starting now. Luna performed it last year with Bob’s help, and they were doing it again this year. Thanks to this, Bob introduced rapping to ponies, along with genres such as symphonic rock, a less ‘hard’ style of symphonic metal, something also new to ponies. It was a hit amongst the foals, and in general. It was the last song of the night, and the two were hoping to go and enjoy their nights.

“Woo!” Bob cheered after a nice, hard performance. Luna, if she was able, would be sweating just as much as he was. While he caught his breath, the Moon Princess lifted her microphone up to her face. “Thank you everypony for coming out this Nightmare Night’s festival to hear myself, Nightmare Moon, and my minion,” now was a good time to say Bob was wearing bat ears and plastic fangs to match Nightmare Moon, who had bat wings and batpony ears. “It’s always a pleasure to see my subjects’ sun-loving faces bask in my night… Though I do not see any-” everypony in the crowd was wearing costumes. “-So I believe… We can use just one surprise song to finish our performance. What do you say, my minion?”

Bob lifted his mic to his face. “Lulu, I just blew my voice out while trying to hit a high note. Have some mercy, will ya?” The human asked. Nightmare Moon groaned like a very mature adult, and like a very mature adult, blew a raspberry at the human. This was just usual, friendly ‘stage banter’ that most of their bands’ fans have grown used to seeing on stage. “Don’t you dare give me those puppy eyes, Moonie, there is no reason for them-god dammit those are adorable-Aight, everybody. Thanks to Nightmare Moon’s incredible skills in making me do what she wants, we can do one more song… Sadly, she doesn’t get to choose! For I have foreseen this coming!”

“Minion, you are breaking the script enough as is.” Nightmare Moon warned. “I swear to bucking everything that pisses, if you choose a stupid song.”

“Nah, it’s not stupid. Just a song about eating shit.” It was a new song that the human had introduced to the world that night, one that Luna was all too familiar with; she found it hilarious. However, with how many foals were in the audience, Bob had to do a lot of censoring. It was a good thing that most ponies don’t know human curses, or that Bob curses like a sailor sometimes. Everyone was just having fun listening, Celestia was cheering with zero care for her public image when Luna started singing the higher notes… Up until Bob broke up the song for a second. Luna knew why.

“This song’s been heavily censored from what it was, so I’m not singing that line guys. There’s foals in the audience.” And with that he kept singing like nothing was wrong. By the end of the song, everypony was cheering and begging for just another song.

“C’mon guys! We’ve already eaten up an hour of-” foals. Foals have really good puppy eyes. “Fuck.” Bob rolled his shoulders. “Aight, welcome to the stage, Princess Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia for tonight’s final song," even though this was planned down to the letter. “Will be a special one. One about Princesses, the night lasting forever… Something isn’t right.” Now, three alicorns were on stage, Luna had dropped the Nightmare Moon act because… she honestly wasn’t expecting this. Bob said he had planned the whole show out, but didn’t let any of the Princesses present get any clue as to what was happening. Bob was just tapping away at a keyboard that he bought off of Vinyl Scratch, but at least there was a karaoke screen for the three of them to use.

By the end of it, Bob was in the fetal position, clutching the side of his head while three princesses were beating him with pillows. “I DID NOT PLAN THIS! SOMEBODY HELP!”

“THAT SONG WAS BUCKING STUPID!” Luna shouted.

After their little show had come to an end, Luna retook her form as Nightmare Moon, despite the act being broken by Bob calling her ‘Lulu’ on stage, but she didn’t care. It was Nightmare Night and it was the night for everypony to have fun.

“Did you have to lay me on your back? Bob asked. “C’mon, it was a fun little song!” Bob pouted from his new spot. Twilight had grown just enough to carry Bob without dragging his feet on the ground. So she decided to do just that whenever she could. She dubbed it ‘back jail’ since Bob, once set on a pony back, usually didn’t want to get off, even if he actually wanted to. “Can you let me down?”

“No. That song was stupid, Bob.” The smirk on her face, along with Luna’s and Celestia’s faces told him that they liked the song they had to sing.

“Please?” Bob was resting his head on the back of Twilight’s neck. It appears that he’s become even more of a cuddle bug than he already was.

“No.”

“I wanted to-” a rainbow blur slammed into the ground. Rainbow Dash was dressed up, as usual, in a Wonderbolts costume. Riding on her back was Zippy, who had actually used magic to make herself resemble a Twilight if Twilight were still a unicorn… and a model at that. It was… mostly Bob’s idea, since, to his knowledge, Zippy was actually quite talented with magic. They stopped and blinked a few times. Zippy, now eighteen years old. It, as Bob once pointed out, is a lot like humans. Technically, humans weren’t ‘fully grown’ until twenty five, but were basically considered adults at eighteen. With that said, however, Zippy did get taller and actually looked like a mare instead of a really tall filly.

She was tall, and had nice, slender legs that certainly were nice eye candy for Rainbow. Her once yellow fur and black mane, when she wasn’t looking like Twilight for Nightmare Night, had become a sleek, golden coat and jet black mane. She was a sight to behold, even Bob found her to be stunning and he physically couldn’t find ponies attractive, and as Rarity had put it. ‘Like a supermodel’. The amount of stallions, and occasional mare that swung both ways, that Bob and Rainbow had to chase off was rather high. Almost immediately upon seeing Zippy, Bob slid off Twilight’s back and lifted the mare off of their marefriend’s back, and started holding her in his arms.

Despite everything, Bob just found Zippy to be adorable.

“How’s it going, ladies?” Bob asked. He started to cradle Zippy and start idly rubbingn her belly.

“We were looking for you after your show, you know,” Zippy said, happily nuzzling into the human’s grasp. “I see why you couldn’t find us as soon as the show was done.” The unicorn was then slotted under the human’s armpit and Rainbow soon followed.

“Hey! We can walk, Bob!” Rainbow groaned and rolled her eyes.

“That’s cool. I wanna carry you both.” Bob, being the multi-instrumentalist he was, could obviously play the drums. Because of this, he was in pretty good shape for somepony who didn’t actively work out. So carrying both of his mares at once was not a problem. Heck, he can even start carrying Luna should she ever desire to be carried for about five minutes. “So I’m gonna carry you both throughout Nightmare Night.”

“Bob, put me down or I am going to bite your fingers,” Rainbow warned.

“You wouldn’t and you know it. You know just how sensitive my hands are.”

“...Dangit,” Rainbow sighed. “Can you at least let me go when I see somepony we can prank?”

“No Rainbow, no pranking.” The trio were promptly followed by the trio of princesses throughout the little ‘festival’ going on around Town Hall for Nightmare Night. “We agreed to simply enjoy tonight, do whatever the fuck, and you said no pranking since that requires clouds. Zippy and I can only walk on clouds when she uses the spell that lets us do that.”

“Just admit that you’re scared of heights,” Rainbow teased.

“So I am. I prefer having my feet planted on the ground,” Bob managed to move Zippy onto his head, which somehow didn’t result in her weight snapping his neck. He then, in all his glory, carried Rainbow with both of his arms, and then had flipped her on his back at some point. During all of this, he also managed to take the pegasus’s mask off so he could have access to something very important; the cheeks. Rainbow liked cheek rubs, and could not receive the full effect if she had the mask on.

“Bob!” Rainbow groaned. Well, the groan turned into a relaxed sigh, and the pegasus became a pile of pony puddy in the human’s arms.

“And this,” Zippy smiled. “Is why you can’t win any arguments, Rainbow. Between my puppy eyes and Bob’s wondrous hands, you can’t win.”

“Who’s the one getting cheek rubs, Zippy?”

“I can get a belly rub later. And Bob will be too busy rubbing Luna’s belly with his other hand to give us both a belly rub!”

“I’m in danger,” Bob said flatly.

The next morning, Bob woke up in a pile of mares. Nobody was doing anything scandalous, it was just Luna, Zippy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Celestia in a nice, large pony pile. Bob was sleeping on top of Celestia somehow, and he probably did because Celestia is a very excellent cuddle buddy. For you see, Celestia is just a few degrees warmer than everypony, giving her a self-heated pillow affect that was rather pleasant to lay on when you consider the softer than silk fur, or the giant, fluffy wings that Bob had been tucked under at some point during the night. Spike was also in the pony pile, laying tucked in Twilight’s wing. Truly, it was a lovely little sight.

It was a lovely, peaceful little moment that Bob wished he could be in everyday. Sadly, with constant threats seemingly cropping up out of nowhere years, from Tirek, to apparently somepony running a cult being on the loose… He knew it wouldn’t last. So he snuggled deeper into Princess Celestia’s side, and closed his eyes to pretend that he was asleep.

“Good morning,” Celestia whispered. Sitting next to the pile of fluff that was the pony pile, was a giant pile of candy; offerings to Luna while she was pretending to be Nightmare Moon; the foals love it, and whatever the group had managed to score while trick or treating.

“Splrug.” Bob said very intelligently.

“You little charmer,” the Princess giggled. “You drooled all over me again.”

“Sorry; stop being so comfy. Or be like Luna and have a dark, blue fur that hides any and all drool from the mentally ill and mentally disabled human that she likes keeping around.” Bob waved a hand before it fell on Celestia’s muzzle. “Good mornin’ Tia. Did you sleep well?”

“I did. I slept rather nicely, actually.” Celestia hummed. “This is so, so much better than what we had before, when we-”

“Remember, Tia, nothing happened. We truly met after Cadance’s wedding after you invited me to the castle to have a nice little chat because you heard so much about me from Luna. We became friends after you ate my food because you like my cooking, you fat horse.”

“Now now, I only ate two and a half pizzas that night. I am also not fat.”

“Yes you are.”

“I will sit on you.” Celly said, knowing she wouldn’t. Many ponies have come to understand just how fragile humans are through Bob.

“No you won’t. It’ll break me and Luna would be very upset if I am broken.”

“Sister, Bob, shut the buck up,” Luna groaned. “I had too much cider last night…” The human chuckled and immediately went to rubbing Luna’s temples. “That does help,” she hummed in delight. “Do continue, your princess enjoys this.” She hummed before pulling away. “Not too much, though. I do not wish to fall back asleep.” As the pile of fluff started to pull apart as more and more components of the fluffball began to awaken, Bob slipped away from Celly to check on his marefriends.

Rainbow, since she loved her sleep, was trying to pretend like she was asleep. “C’mon, Dashie,” Bob coaxed. “It’s time to wake up,” he ruffled her mane. “Don’t make me stick you in a bubble bath; being in that Wonderbolts costume must’ve made you sweaty.”

“Hey…” Rainbow grumbled. “I don’t need a bath.”

“Your mane and fur is messy and sweaty and dirty,” Bob pointed out. He was only teasing; Rainbow, ever since the two packed Zippy into their herd, has always had her mane in pristine condition. It’s always clean, always… Well, not tidy, it’s Rainbow Dash. If she suddenly started looking like Rarity, then something is wrong.

“Whaddya say?” Rainbow sat up, yawned and tried, like a lady, to scratch her ears with her left, back hoof.

“I said lemme get that, move your leg Dash, or I will tickle you.” The human started scratching her ears. “There is no reason for you to be this soft,” Bob pointed out. “You’re a walking pile of muscle and yet you’re getting fluffier than Fluttershy is,” he laughed at Rainbow’s reddening face.

“W-well… I… You like how soft Fluttershy was, and I like ear scratches! I might as well become the fluffiest, fastest mare around for my human!”

“Hey!” Celestia and Luna said at the same time. “He’s mine!” They turned to each other. They blinked and giggled like fillies.

“What is with everyone saying I’m their human?” Bob asked as he picked Zippy up; she was still a little drowsy. That didn’t stop her from giving some grooming licks to her human’s cheeks. Bob did his best to keep a straight face; pony tongues are excellent for tickling human beings. “I’m my own man, thank you-”

“Well,” Luna hummed. “Whoever owns the human has the best seat during breakfast.”

“Which,” Twilight said as she nuzzled her adoptive brother. Zippy, being the very awake mare she was, was still licking Bob’s cheek. “Is why I, as Bob’s BBSFF, claim Bob for the mornings. I am Bob’s first friend who is a pony, therefore I get seniority!” Bob slowly started shaking his head. This was his life amongst ponies:

A living cushion to curl up on.