Foreign Object

by RB_

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Ocellus, Comedy, Horror, Starlight Glimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Gore
Length: 1039

Ocellus teaches anatomy. A feel-good comedy about education where absolutely nothing bad happens and no one gets hurt.

Ocellus teaches anatomy. A feel-good comedy about education where absolutely nothing bad happens and no one gets hurt.

Written for the A bronze medalist in the A Thousand Words Contest III, in the Comedy category. Read the other entries here!

Named after Foreign Object, a feel-good song about sportsmanship by the Mountain Goats.

Preread by the wonderful Octavias Melody!

Published 2024-06-25 16:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-06-25 16:10:01 UTC

Ba BaBaBa Ba Ba BaBa

"It's been a while since my last visit, hasn't it?" the former headmare of the School of Friendship said aloud, looking down the hall.

"Only a year, three months, two weeks and a day," Starlight Glimmer, the current headmare (and she would be for some time to come, hopefully, if today went alright) replied. "But who's counting?"

Twilight Sparkle smiled down at her former student. "I'm sure you're doing a fine job, Starlight. While today is technically an evaluation, I want you to think of it more as just an old teacher checking in on her student. Nothing I see today, even if everything were to go horribly wrong, will make me think any less of you Starlight. So lighten up a little!"

Starlight rubbed the back of her neck. "Ha ha, yeah..."

"Anyway, I hear you had some new science labs put in?"

"Oh! Yes!" Starlight said, perking up a little. "You'll love them. Not to toot my own horn, but they're top of the line."

"I'd love to see them," Twilight replied, trying to disguise her interest in a princess-ly manner.

"Of course! Right this way."

"Hello, Princess Twilight!"

"Oh, hello Ocellus!" Twilight looked at the bright blue bug and smiled fondly. "You've grown quite a bit since I last saw you."

"So have you," Ocellus replied, looking up at the alicorn. "Are you here for an evaluation?"

"Officially, yes," Twilight said. "But don't worry about that. I'd just like to sit in on your lesson, if that's alright?"

"Of course."

"Ocellus is one of our best teachers," Starlight said. "In fact, she spearheaded our push into including more scientific study into our curriculum."

"Really?" Twilight said, glancing back at the pristine science lab behind her. "I'm glad to hear that. Science is a very important subject in today's Equestria."

"It hasn't been without its challenges," Ocellus said. "But we've come up with some clever solutions!"

"That's wonderful to hear," Twilight said, smiling. "What's today's lesson about?"

"Changeling anatomy."

Just then, the bell rang, cutting them off. Twilight nodded respectfully, and together with Starlight headed for the back of the room while Ocellus took her place at the front.

"Good morning, everyone!" Ocellus said. "Let me just take roll, and then we can begin."

Twilight turned to Starlight. "Changeling anatomy?"

"It was Ocellus' idea," Starlight said. "She thought that the best way to understand other races was to show that, deep down, we're all quite similar in terms of physiology."

Twilight nodded, albeit slowly. "Interesting. I must admit, though… I always hated anatomy class."

"Really? Why, Princess?"

Twilight shuddered. "The dissections. Although if you're teaching about the anatomy of sapient species, I suppose I don't need to worry."

"Oh, absolutely," Starlight said. "Actually, we have a great new technique to replace dissection. In fact, we don't have a single scalpel in the building!"

"Really?"

At this point, Ocellus had finished roll. "Alright, everyone,” she said. “We'll be continuing to learn about the anatomy of different races. To be specific, today we're learning about changelings! Can you all come up to the front please?"

Twilight looked on curiously. "To the front? Is she doing some kind of demonstration?"

"You could say that," Starlight said. "C'mon, let's join them."

Everyone in the room gathered in a circle around Ocellus. It was then that Ocellus did something that Twilight wasn't expecting: she sat upright on the ground, put her front hooves behind her, and puffed out her chitinous barrel. Twilight smiled, wondering what wonderful new teaching technique she was about to see.

With a great schlorp, Ocellus's exoskeleton split vertically down the center, peeling apart and revealing her abdominal cavity. "This is what my insides look like," Ocellus said, seemingly unbothered by the fact that said insides were exposed to open air.

Twilight's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets.

The students, meanwhile, seemed enthused:

"Oh, wicked!" a griffon said.

"Cool!" said a hippogriff filly.

"Is that her heart?"

"It's green!"

"What's that big orange thing?" a colt asked, pointing at a large organ hanging at around Ocellus' middle.

"Gross! It's moving!" another filly said.

"That's my crop!" Ocellus replied, beaming. "It stores food and pumps it into my alimentary canal."

"So it's like a stomach?" a colt asked.

"Kind of! But I have an actual stomach too." She pointed at a different organ. "It's this one."

"What do you need the crop for then?"

"It's just one part of a changeling's digestive system," Ocellus explained. "Food is stored there before it moves further in the system. A lot of avian species have them too, including hippogriffs!"

"I have one of those?" a young hippogriff said. "Does it look like that?"

"Not exactly the same. But it's one way we're similar!"

Another foal raised their hand. "Ms. Ocellus?"

"Yes, Wintergreen?"

"If your heart is green, does that mean your blood is green too?"

Ocellus smiled. "Excellent question! Would you like to see for yourself?"

The foal beamed. "I wanna see! I wanna see!"

He held his hooves out. Ocellus took one of her own hooves and reached inside her cavity, then pulled out her heart.

"Be gentle with it, okay?" she said, before placing it in the young child's grasp, still beating. Everyone crowded around the lucky student.

"I want to hold it!"

"No, me!"

Ocellus quieted them down. "It's okay, everycreature, you can all have a turn."

"Yay!"

"Here, you can play with mine, too!" announced a changeling student at the back of the pack, drawing everyone's (including Twilight's) attention. He screwed up his face in concentration, and then abruptly his abdomen split open too, except he wasn't leaning back, so all of his organs spewed out onto the floor in a wet mass.

"Oh beans," he said, disappointed. "Again...?"

Starlight nudged Twilight in the side. "What do you think, Princess? Pretty innovative, right?" She was smiling.

Twilight threw up all over her hooves.

Dear ~~Princess~~ Celestia,

My student wasn't ready.

And might be insane.

Tonight's on me.

Twilight Sparkle.

Author's Note

I'd like to apologize to the judges for making them read this. But also: Ha ha, you had to read this!

And therein lies the comedy.