More than This

by Damocles23

Chapter Seven: My Role in all of This.

“Tiara? Is everything alright?” The little grey filly creaks open the back door of the bakery. She had seen her friend sneaking out from there a few minutes ago and something dark had clutched her heart. Something that screamed to go check on her.

Under a tree she sees a light pink convulsing blur. With a gulp, she takes a few steps forward and recognizes the familiar shape. A crying filly stands beneath that tree, a dress discarded nearby like a cheap cloth. A crying filly that answers to the name of Diamond Tiara.

“Tiara!” She runs toward her, but the moment she gets too close she’s shoved away and plummets to the ground. The naked earth hits her back like a bullet made of stone, causing her to bite her lip. She ignores the pain and lifts herself from the ground to approach her again.

“Go away!” she shrieks with her back still turned. Spoon doesn’t move one inch. A drop of blood falls from her lip, but she’s more concerned about her friend, more than anything else in the world.

“Is something wrong?” Spoon asks, placing a hoof on Tiara’s shoulder. The touch is welcomed this time and the other filly stops shaking.

“Everything is wrong...” she finally answers. “Everything. How could I be worth less than those blank flanks? Where were they hiding all this time? They had that little speech prepared, just to humiliate me? Of all the days...” her voice cracks and she breaks down once again, slumping down against the tree. “This was supposed to be my day...”

Spoon doesn’t dare look at her face. It’s the fist time she sees her proud, confident friend in this state, and she knows she has to stay at her side. There is Tiara and there is Spoon and Tiara can’t be without Spoon. Not now.

“This is all I’m ever going to be...” Tiara turns her face and glances at her flank.

Spoon closes her eyes, not permitting them to look at her in this pitiful state. Suddenly, something brushes against her lips. A fleeting and sweet touch that makes Spoon feel a pleasant warmth on her cheeks. Her mind doesn’t register it until it’s gone and her eyes open enough to see Diamond Tiara dangerously close to her snout.

Neither of them will ever speak of this, of course. Something has changed forever, but neither of them is ready to acknowledge it.

“Thank you, Spoony...” the filly whispers.

As far as she’s concerned, Silver Spoon has always been in love with Tiara.

This nurturing feel in the back of her mind that the two mares were created in pairs, destined to be together, was the greatest joy she could aspire for. If nopony would accept Tiara for what she is, Spoon would be there— no question asked. If she was happy, Spoon would be delighted; if she was angry, Spoon would be furious; if she was sad...Spoon would be crushed right alongside her.

But what is she supposed to feel now, when not even Tiara knows? The vacant stare she pours into her mother reflects this.

“Welcome home, dear!” A broad smile graces the older mare face, her bright grey coat complimenting the old, but still vibrant, blue eyes.

“Hi, mom,” Spoon answers, gripped into a tight hug and stroking her mother’s mane.

“You could have told us you passed the night at your friend’s place,” she strokes Spoon’s mane. “I got so worried!”

“Well, I said I could have. I wasn’t expecting that, but she insisted so much that—”

“No, no, don’t worry, dear. That poor Tiara lost both of her parents in a matter of months and must be feeling so lonely. You truly are her best friend, probably the only pony she needs right now. I hope you two had a pleasant evening.” Her well mannered facade shifts for a moment into an angered glare, “Even though with a mother like that, it was better losing her.”

We slept together. “Yeah, we had fun. The club was nice and she even wanted to dance a bit.” Where she kissed me. Spoon sports a fake smile to distract her mother from that vacant stare of hers.

“Well, that means that she’s on the road to recovery. I miss the days she and her father would visit us and you two played in your room.”

“Yeah, I miss them too.” Back then she would just play with me. Not use me. “I missed her so much. I’m probably the only pony she has now. “ Silver Spoon, bucking heroine. “You don’t mind if we see each other again?” Why am I doing this to myself?

“Of course not, dear!” She gives a playful nib to Spoon’s cheek, “Just tell us outright next time if you’re staying.”

She takes a step toward the stairs. “I’m going to my room if you don’t mind. I wanted to study a bit.”

“Such a diligent student! You’ll be a physician in no time.”

Spoon forces out an empty chuckle, “Yeah! And without even graduating! I must be a genius. Is Dad at home?”

“No, he had to leave early this morning for an emergency. I’m so glad you are following his hoofsteps. Have I ever told you that?”

“Only every other day...” She goes up the stairs and enters her room, and groans when she sees the pile of books stacked on her desk, so high that they almost block the view out the window. Still a hoof full of anatomy chapters to go... she was supposed to finish it yesterday afternoon, but instead she stayed with Tiara.

It’s always for her.

She remembers the moment she had decided to study medicine: the same moment Tiara had come to her in tears and told her that her father was sick. A foalish desire to cure him somehow and make that sad little mare smile once again had fueled many wall-eyed nights spent in front of a textbook. Sleep, dreams, tears; she had sacrificed all to be her knight in shining armor, or a lab coat, and, who knows, maybe she would see something more in the only friend she’s ever had, and perhaps she would find somepony else to love. Somepony who doesn’t wear a pink bow for a change...

She got her wish, only it took far less to succeed since, as always, she did too little, too late. It had just taken her body, no big deal.

She used me and I used her.

The perfect night that she played in her mind countless times, each more glorious and romantic than the last, had eluded her for so long. And when the moment finally came that she could be one with the pony she loves, it was cheapened; cheapened by a burning, desperate, pitiful need. Just because she has the mind of a follower doesn’t mean she’s blind: Spoon saw Tiara’s genuine suffering and loneliness, and that was just the final push she needed to lay her trap.

And Spoon was okay with that. Spoon had given her heart, body and soul to Tiara to use and this didn’t bother her. She fell willingly into that trap, weaved of kindness and devotion in those eyes, oh those bucking eyes that can pierce a soul and melt it into putty. Those cruel, blue eyes stab like icicles and caress like the wings of an angel.

A trap designed for Spoon’s body because Tiara’s heart it still in her clutch, even if that mare has squeezed it so hard that only a black goo of sadness and neurosis remains.

The one pony that she would never forgive and who still has a hold of what remains of Tiara's heart. She had still held some hope that night; maybe Tiara would have warmed up to her and she could have finally fulfilled her dream...

...Until she whispered “Bloom.”

She looks down upon the book, open at the chapter about the heart and sneers at the cruel irony. She frantically flips the page to find something else to study, even though her mind is full of Tiara's voluptuous curves and seductive smile, of the scent of her gorgeous mane and eyes, of the sheer passion she puts into sex and how she was taken earlier that morning and claimed like a prize.

This thought makes her hoof move by itself and slide to her wet slit. She closes her eyes and massages herself, imagining the world between those lavender silken sheets and between that mare’s legs, dreaming of delving deeper with her tongue and of a a smile made of knives and arrogance. She gasps as she brushes her already sensitive organ and times each stroke with a suffocated moan. She was already wet and dripping since... Well since breakfast, she notes, staring at nothing. A nothing that slowly turns into a magenta shaped blot.

Always for her. Always...her. I can’t stay without her...

Spoon pictures Tiara clearly with a disheveled and unkempt mane, reaping from her absolute pleasure and unending bliss like a perfect spark is lodged deep inside her haunches and only her touch, that hungry touch, could claim it and free it. Pleasure delves into her mind like a hot iron and Spoon removes the hoof, slapping herself back into reality.

Spoon buries her face into the textbook and screams.

“She’s not there! She doesn’t love you as you love her. She doesn’t love...you...” Anger and disgust still lingers in her mouth until she lifts herself from the chair and stares vacantly outside the window.

“She...Doesn’t...Love...me,” she clearly repeats each word, savoring their bitter taste. That’s the meaning of Tiara’s words, isn’t it? Spoon had even confessed it, but her words were lost. Or meaningless for Tiara.

The realization somehow...quells her mind. Her memory returns to that fateful cutecenera and, once again, fate reminds her of her role in Tiara’s life.

Be there for her.

She always has. The answer is in the book: she’s like an organ. Every organ has a specific function. Just like the brain will never be able to pump blood and the heart will never be able to process thoughts, Silver Spoon is not somepony who Diamond Tiara will love. Sure, she loves Spoon in many different ways and not all of them clear: as a friend, as a love, as a hope... but not as the one that she seeks so desperately.

No, can’t reach that, no matter how much she struggles.

“This is all I’m going to be...” Tears form at the corner of her eyes and scroll down, crossing a pitiful, resigned smile. “We’re so alike...We’ll never be anything more, you and I, eh Tiara? I was right my love...” she sobs. She collapses in tears on the desk, covering her face with her hooves and isolating herself from the world.

“...It hurts.”

Time... time will heal and she’ll take her place once more. An organ that does something other than its function risks collapse, after all. If somepony has to suffer, it’s Spoon. If she bears Tiara’s pain and frustrations, the world will turn as usual.

Stay in your place.

A purple blot suddenly appears outside her window, replacing pain with amazement. The moment the purple fuzz taps on the glass, amazement turns into fear.

“Ahhh!” She jumps from the chair, landing with her back on the floor.

The figure facehoofs and leans against the glass, tapping again with an annoyed look. Spoon gives a sigh of relief when she notices the familiar face of an orange pegasus. The purple bush was simply an unkempt mane further messed up by winds and cloud moisture, not to mention the high speed any member of the weather team has to accelerate to.

Spoon hastily gets up and opens the window. Her mother’s voice comes from below:

“Is everything alright, dear? I heard you scream!”

“Nothing, Mom!” She opens the window a little, allowing the pegasus to squeeze herself in and hop onto the floor, “I just saw, um, a spider, yes!”

“All right...” the feminine voice goes silent and unconvinced. “Just be careful.”

The orange pegasus pats off the dust covering her shoulders. “A spider? Really? Was that the best you got?”

“I think better in an organized environment, Scoots. Besides I was in a hurry.” She closes the window and re-stacks some books into the same piles from before. She takes advantage of her back turned to wipe the tears from her face. “What brings you here?”

“Just checking on you. I wanted to know if the plan worked.”

“Ah, yes...” she sighs with a hint of regret, “the plan. You mean making one of my friends follow my crush like a shadow, because I didn’t have to guts to go and see her properly?”

Scootaloo scratches the back of her head. “You know, you make it sound bad if you say it like that.”

“Well, it was.” She lightly stomps her hoof on the floor in frustration, “I didn’t even came up with a good lie for that, when she saw me at the boutique.” Not that the one at the club was any better.

“It was no big deal. I was just on my usual course for the weather team and I just happened to see Diamond Tiara entering the boutique and passed by to tell you.” She pats Spoon shoulder. “It was for a good cause, after all.”

“Yeah, good cause...” She stares into nothing once again, in the same black abyss called resignation. “Let’s just say it worked too well.”

Scootaloo remains dumbfounded, raising an eyebrow. Spoon bites her lip.

“I talked to her, I saw her again after all this time,” Spoon continues, walking up and down the room, “we went a little beyond talking, actually.”

Scoots watches, astounded, but something behind her eyes doesn’t quite get it.

“Yes, In that sense...” Spoon rolls her eyes.

The pegasus remains silent for a few seconds until her cheek ferociously flush red. The orange mare looks down to avoid showing her blushing. “So I guess you two are a couple now?” Her enthusiastic smile is so full of optimism that it almost hurts.

“If only. She knows everything and...she doesn’t care.”

“WHAT?!” Her cry is so high that even somepony in Canterlot might look up, confused.

“Could you please be quiet?” Spoon rudely gestures at the pegasus with a hoof while tending an ear behind her. She hates hiding this from her mother, but Scoot’s visit isn’t exactly under normal circumstances, after all.

“So, that’s it? You two...” she whispers, “You two did the deed?”

Spoon allows herself a little chuckle There was a time that neither of them could say the word “sex” with a straight face. Scootaloo still can’t, no matter how many innuendos she’s spoon fed.

“Yeah, we did, but she said that it’s better that things stay this way.” Another punch in the gut for the grey mare, but pain will not change it.

“This way how? But, you told me that she knows and she doesn’t care?” Rage and indignation seeps trough her teeth, “Of course...Good old Diamond Tiara! She just keeps getting worse.”

“I know,” Spoon returns without a change in her expression. There was a time when she would have moved earth and sky to make Scootaloo regret that statement, but things have changed so much. Simple truths no longer have any meaning: she did tell the truth, after all.

“You know? Then how can you...How can you...” Rage taints her words and rears its head through her whispers; it’s an old trait Scootaloo carried into adulthood.

Some things never change.

“Just what did she say exactly?”

“That we shouldn’t make it more complicated than it is.” She grabs the book from before and reopens it with an automatic gesture. “We’re good as we are and I’m happy as we are. So, that’s it.” The heart chapter is in front of her eyes again. “End of story.”

“She used you, you know? After all these years, she used you.”

“I know.”

“But you still love her, right?”

“Yes,” she sobs, biting her lip. “So, so much.” Her shoulders tremble, and she sighs. “You have no idea”

“I’ll never get you two. I just can’t.” The pegasus gestures Spoon to move away so she can leave from the window again. She almost hesitates as her hoof reaches for Spoon’s shoulder in a gesture of comfort, but she can’t bring herself to do it. Spoon doesn’t want it either.

“Then why are you my friend?” She hates asking this, but her tongue runs loose, spurred by hateful thoughts for the world and everypony that lives in it.

“Is that a trick question, Spoon?”

“You can answer and see for yourself.” Her back stands between the two mares like a wall. Another tear tries to escape her eye, but she steels herself so much to avoid it that it hurts.

“Because, well...” Scoots scratches the back of her head, “without Diamond Tiara, you’re kinda cool and a decent pony. Besides, since Sweetie Bell left Ponyville with her sister, Rainbow Dash married and Applebloom, well...” The melancholy in her eyes tinges with yellow before before she gives into it. “You’re my friend, that’s it. Why do I have to explain myself to you?”

Strangely, Spoon is somewhat reassured by her foalish outrage. Maybe because it’s totally justified and it’s not right to doubt her few friends. Her only friend, actually. ”You’re right, sorry. I’m just a bit, well, discomforted right now.”

“Well, more than a bit actually. More like a ton.”

Spoon chuckles a bit. “You don’t see Rainbow Dash that often just because she’s married?”

“Well, I always feel awkward when I’m with her. Don’t get me wrong, Dash is always happy to see me and Pinkie Pie, well, it’s just Pinkie Pie, but you know how that is...”

“Yeah, it can be a little embarrassing after all.” Her mind goes to her earlier days and to a mare that, even if she didn’t knew her very well, always left an impression. An impression made of streamers, cannons and an alligator coming right at her face, jumping from a sugar bowl. “Well, very embarrassing,” she groans.

“Pinkie is cool, but sometimes I can’t shake the feeling that those two still see me as a kid. But enough about me, you’re the one with the problem here!”

“What should I do then, Scoots? What? Go to her and tell her again how I feel? Go with a grand romantic gesture that will finally crack through that thick skull of hers and live happily ever after?”

“Yes,” she almost shouts right next to Spoon’s face. No, not almost: she totally shouts in front of her.

Spoon almost falls from the chair in surprise by the other mare’s bluntness and the booming of her voice. Her glasses slip a bit off the bridge of her nose. “That wasn’t the answer I hoped for.”

“No, but it’s the answer you need.”

“I...I need more time to think.” Diamond Tiara’s voice shouts in her head with all the intensity and despair from the night before. That speech was sincere at least. Tiara had at her most vulnerable moment ripped her broken heart from her chest so that only Spoon could see it. Words of pain and all of them caused by Applebloom. And yet she still wants her... she really needs some time to think, but this time it’s not just a cliched excuse used by a mare too scared to finally confront her feelings. It didn’t end well, but it doesn’t mean she shouldn’t at least try. ”I really do.”

“Well, I hope you think up something good,” the pegasus creaks opens the window and crawls onto the sill, “because you can’t do this to yourself.” She turns her head slowly, revealing a pitiful stare. “You deserve better.” Then, without another word, she takes off and disappears with a swoosh far away into the sky, leaving behind only the sound of beating wings.

Somehow, the pegasus words strike more than they intended to. But what is this “better” she was referring to? Something ineffable and undefined, moved only by the pity for a friend or perhaps something else? Is there anything more than she can aspire to, after a life of being just a shadow, a mirror of somepony else’s perfection?

Just pity.

Something else her and Diamond Tiara have in common: there’s always somepony to pity them when they need it.

“I wish it was simple again.” Her thoughts return to the photo and that day at Sweet Apple Acres. The thing that hurt her the most wasn’t Tiara’s reaction, but the fact that her beloved can’t even enjoy a pleasant memory, just because it happened with her around.

“She really always is the problem,” Spoon whispers with angry eyes. Only the two of them and nopony else: that is the rule. Order is the whole point of their lives and when she intruded in Tiara’s heart, that order was forever lost and destroyed the pony loves the most.The only thing that consoles her now is the fact that Spoon is once again at her side: a first step, maybe, in restoring what was lost.

She returns to her studies with some hope in her heart. Nopony ever said it was supposed to be easy, right?

“Spoon! It’s the mail! There’s something for you!” her mother yells from downstairs. She gives a sigh and lifts herself from the chair, her concentration flown out of the window. A sharp scent of flowers invades her nostrils the moment she opens the door, almost intoxicating her with its sweetness.

Dozens of red roses sit in her house’s foyer, so much that even the furniture is hidden beneath the sea of crimson. Her mother’s head leans semi-obscured by a massive bouquet, but Spoon can still notice she’s stifling a giggle.

“Looks like you have an admirer...” the older mare’s blush is hidden by the red roses. Spoon sighs and pictures in her mind an admirer with a light pink coat, completely messed up and the only pony she knows who uses such a frilly hoof-writing:

I Need You is written on a little card with a flowered engraving. It must have been so awkward taking the message to the shop.

Sure you do, she thinks.

Author's Note

Little sidestory planned about Scoots, RD and Pinkie. One does not simply try to make some continuity between fics...^^