Floundering Floriography

by gloamish

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Roseluck
Length: 1020

Twilight and Starlight work together to arrange a bouquet to celebrate their mutual friend's new romance. But who is this friend? And who's the special somepony?

Roseluck likes her job, for the most part. Floriography, or flower language, is full of interesting nuances that nopony really cares about, so it's engaging and low pressure. But when two clients come in insisting that they arrange a bouquet themselves, her day gets a little too engaging.

a rejected candidate for thousand words iii (comedy)

Published 2024-06-30 12:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-06-30 12:10:01 UTC

A Beautiful Bouquet

Slow days at Roseluck's shop were a danger. Flowers were bundled in increasingly arcane arrangements: 'get well soon' became 'be more careful', a fertility blessing became 'hope you like waddling', 'you're a valued friend' became 'let's kiss'. A particularly annoying customer had received a 'break up with her and get with me instead' bouquet, but she'd never been blamed for any destroyed relationships. So it went: customers didn't take any more than a surface interest in floriography, and she (mostly) translated their messages.

Until today.

"You want to arrange your own?" she repeated.

Princess Twilight Sparkle smiled shyly like she didn't own the land they were standing on. "I don't mean to disparage your talent! But if I could put it into words, I'd write a letter." With a grunt, she heaved a thick almanac off her back and onto the counter. Roseluck looked at it fearfully and wondered how many flowers they'd invented since school. "It's about... sending a message. One that can't be communicated in words," Twilight explained, running a fond hoof over the book.

"I was thinking the same thing."

The sudden appearance of another mare made Roseluck duck under the counter, but Twilight just sighed. "Starlight, we talked about menacingly appearing mid-conversation."

"I was browsing!"

"Was she?"

Roseluck emerged and glanced between the two irate mares waiting on her. She wished it was a less familiar sight. "Uh-huh."

"Oh! Sorry. Are you... also browsing for?.."

"A friend with... a new special somepony?.." Starlight provided.

"Oh, goodie!" Twilight exclaimed, clapping her hooves together. "Me too! Is it the same friend, though?"

As one, they glanced over at Roseluck, who was already planning on telling Lily and Daisy.

"Our friend... started this relationship recently?" Starlight ventured.

Twilight nodded. "And it's... been a while for her?"

"Well, I wouldn't point it out, but... yeah. Quite a dry spell."

"So, obviously, we should congratulate her!" Twilight flashed her signature I-love-friendship smile. "I was thinking roses?"

Starlight responded with her signature I-have-problems-with-this frown. "Aren't they kinda generic? Plus, the flavor's too strong. What if you want a break from all that sweetness?"

"Then eat a salad instead!"

As Equestria's two most talented mages began arguing in her shop, Roseluck eyed the swear jar beneath the counter labeled 'the horror' and half-full of bits. Were jars an acceptable denomination of currency? How many would therapy cost?

"Some nasturtium, at least?" Starlight pleaded, floating a few cuttings over.

"Maybe a little spice..." Twilight flipped through the almanac. "Conquest? That fits, depending on what her suitor's like. All she's said is that she's great, which doesn't really tell me anything."

"I mean, she'd have to be..." Starlight responded from the next aisle over.

The pair faded into silence as they browsed the aisles, nipping petals like Roseluck wouldn't notice.

"We have to have daisies, definitely."

"What?" Twilight's head popped up from an explosion of tulips in the corner. "Why?"

"They're her favorite!" Starlight mumbled around the bundle in her mouth.

"... They are?" The Princess looked pained, like daisies had hurt someone close to her.

"Looks good to me!" Starlight declared after placing the daisies. "Now, to wrap them..."

Roseluck derisively pushed the almanac out of the way "The six floristry principles are: proportion, scale, focus, rhythm, intent, and harmony. There's a lot to consider, so—"

"Harmony?" Twilight emerged from the tulips. "Like color coordination?"

Starlight snorted. "That's easy with her wearing the same outfit every day." She leaned closer to Twilight. "Think her suitor will manage to get her out of—"

"Alright!" Twilight stomped a hoof. "I know you were involved in that whole cutie mark debacle and I wasn't," she hissed, "but you are acting way too familiar!"

Starlight blinked slowly, like a cat does when it trusts someone completely, or a pony does when she's talking to someone very stupid. "What?"

Twilight slumped into a befuddled slouch. "... On three, we say who these flowers are obviously for. One... Two... Three..."

"Trixie!" "Celestia!"

They both stared at each other, then broke into laughter.

Starlight wiped a tear from her eye. "You think I would call a few centuries a 'dry spell'?"

"You think I would get Trixie flowers?!" Twilight giggled. "Guess we need separate bouquets, huh?"

Relief gave way to clammy trepidation, like cold dishwater concealing soggy truth-scraps. Covertly, Roseluck dropped two bits into her jar as down payment.

"... When did Celestia?.." Starlight asked, gaze wandering among the flowers.

"Two months ago." Twilight responded, pupils shrinking.

Starlight looked stricken. "She... Trixie's had her special somepony for two months."

"That means that Trixie—" Twilight started. They'd hugged?

"And Princess Celestia—" Starlight continued. They'd kissed?!

"—Are dating?!" they finished in unison. They'd fini—

Twilight screwed her eyes shut and started casting something.

"No!" Starlight slapped her, cutting the spell off. "No memory wiping! We face this head-on, like adults!"

"I am facing it head-on!" Twilight protested, leveling her horn.

"No time travel either!"

Twilight sighed. "Fine. Like adults."

Starlight looked at Twilight. Twilight looked at Starlight. They both looked at Roseluck. Roseluck's legs started shaking. Fortunately, her main competitor was greeting cards, so she was familiar with safe platitudes, and this called for one. "Maybe... Focus on finding a solution that works for everypony?.." she offered.

"Of course!"

"A solution!" Starlight agreed. "... What's the floriography almanac say about the meaning of hemlock?"

Roseluck began backing away, out of an abundance of caution.

"'Congratulations on the new relationship'," Twilight responded, not even glancing at the almanac. "So clear we hardly need other flowers, really."

The bell above the shop door dingled as Roseluck backed away out of the shop and, not one to let such good caution go to waste, continued past city limits.

"Agreed. It's about sending a message," Starlight stated grimly.

Then, Roseluck backed away a little more, because the accomplice radius was extra for attempted regicide.

"One that can't be communicated in words," Twilight agreed, similarly serious.

Finally, Roseluck collapsed in the grass and got her two bits' worth.

Author's Note

you can blame monochromatic for the existence of this ship

comedy hard