The Reformed Evil Unicorns (but not Sunburst)
“Starlight?”
Starlight Glimmer jolted in her seat, nearly dropping the tea she’d been drinking in surprise. It was a shame too, as she’d had such a lovely day in the park with her companions so far.
But why was Sunburst here?
Turning in her seat to look at him, she saw the confused, somewhat sad look on his face as he looked between her and the banner that hung above her head.
“Uh, what’s this?” he asked, peering over his spectacles to read it.
A banner that read ‘Meeting for the Reformed Evil Unicorns (We're not planning something with this, promise)’
“Oh Sunburst. You beautiful, simple man." Trixie sighed, taking a self-satisfied sip of her tea. Really, the only way she’d ever learned to sip tea. “We’re holding a meeting, and you weren’t invited. So trot along, unless you’ve got some crimes to admit to.”
Sunburst tilted his head, a bit confused at the suggestion. “Well, I suppose I did forget to return those books, but I paid that fine. And I swore in front of Celestia once, but I spent weeks apologizing for that.” He stroked his goatee thoughtfully. “What kind of crimes are really ‘evil’ enough to need reformation? In fact, are we not all-”
“I killed a few ponies.” Tempest Shadow said with a neutral expression, staring Sunburst dead in the eyes. She took a long drink from her milkshake.
As Sunburst was completely stunlocked by that, Trixie chimed in again. “You see? True evil is more than a few late fees. You have to at least enslave a town like Starlight and I. And, honestly, I don’t think you have it in you.”
Sunburst’s eyebrows furrowed. Something about the statement offended him in a baser sense, an instinctual level of annoyance unlocked by the very words Trixie had said to him.
Seeing her childhood best friend pout so pitifully like this, Starlight was quick to wave it all away with her hoof. “Sunburst, it’s not that big a deal. Just because you somehow ignored the urge for world domination doesn’t make you any less of a unicorn.” She offered a smile to Sunburst, hoping for it to defuse the situation.
“It just means you have no ambition.” Tempest said softly. “Which isn’t a bad thing, just a personal failing.”
“I do so have ambition!” Sunburst raged, stomping a hoof down on the grass beneath him. “And if I have to take over a town or commit other irredeemable acts to prove it, then so be it!”
“Well, by definition, they’d need to not be irredeemable.” Tempest attempted to correct, gesturing up towards their banner.
“Then so be it!” Sunburst repeated, turning around with a huff and beginning to storm off.
“Sunburst, wait!” Starlight cried as Sunburst stormed away.
Sunburst’s eyes lit up as he spun back around, a small and hopeful look blooming across his face.
“Could you give this to Sombra when you see him?” Starlight asked, pulling out a small business card and magically wafting it to Sunburst. “He’s pretty much The Reformed Unicorn at this point, so we’d love to have him.”
Sunburst set the card alight where it hovered, then continued to trudge off with a frown.
“So I’m not saying we have to wrest the throne from Twilight, but we could definitely use her position to our advantage.” Starlight said, looking towards her two companions for support.
It had been two weeks since their last meeting, and two weeks since Sunburst had rudely interrupted it. And since then, the boring little wizard hadn’t been seen.
But before either of Starlight’s companions could respond, a small smoke bomb rolled onto the table, emitting an absolutely pitiful amount of orange smoke. And just behind it dashed a cloaked orange figure who posed dramatically on their table.
“Greetings my dear unicorns.” Sunburst crooned, looking down on the meeting he’d just interrupted. “Tonight, for your viewing pleasure, I'll be-”
“Sunburst, what are you doing?” Starlight asked.
Sunburst blinked, pausing for a moment. “Oh, uh, I believe the book I read called it a ‘Villain Monologue’.” He drew a stack of note cards from his cloak and began to consult them. “Let’s see… ‘If subject fails to respond-”
“I know what a monologue is, Sunburst.” Starlight groaned. “But why are you giving one now?”
"And doing such a cringe job at it." Trixie chimed.
“I think he’s doing well for his first time.” Tempest countered.
“Well thank you.” Sunburst gave a nervous smile before returning his attention to Starlight. “Now, to skip ahead a bit, I’m trying to prove I can be just as villainous as you by-”
“Oh my Celestia, you’re still on that?” Trixie rolled her eyes, laughing so hard she nearly fell from her seat. “It was two weeks ago! I can hardly remember what I had for breakfast then!”
“Oatcakes in the shape of your face.” Starlight answered quickly before returning attention to Sunburst. “Sunburst, why is it the end of the world if we can’t hang out for a day?”
Sunburst pursed his lips. “I suppose I just want to feel included. I mean, even my boyfriend gets an invite…”
Starlight sighed, offering a hoof out to Sunburst. “I guess that took it too far. But you did put in the effort, so maybe we could make you an honorary member?”
Tempest and Trixie both nodded in agreement, also offering a hoof in as well. For a moment, Sunburst’s heart was melted by the gesture.
But the moment was broken seconds later as explosions sounded from the center of Ponyville, orange and yellow smoke curling to the sky as chunks of town hall crumbled to the ground.
“Oh right, the bombs.” Sunburst swallowed harshly. “S-so… when it comes to the reforming part. What’s usually the first step?”
A shared grimace spread across the faces of the three other unicorns, but only Trixie dared to speak. “Well that part varies, but it usually ends with a lesson in the magic of friendship!”
