Physician, Heal Thyself

by Pascoite

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Suicide / Self Harm, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1005

Applejack has a rather troubling question for Rarity. But Rarity refuses to answer until she understands the reason for it.

Applejack has a rather troubling question for Rarity. But Rarity refuses to answer until she understands the reason for it.

An entry in the A Thousand Words Contest III, in the Drama category.

Tagged [Suicide/Self-Harm] only for it coming up in conversation.

Cover art by It Is All Hell
Spanish translation available here.

Published 2024-07-08 23:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-08 23:40:02 UTC

Physician, Heal Thyself

Applejack never showed interest in fashion. Thus it struck Rarity as particularly odd that Applejack had slipped into Carousel Boutique silently, if not stealthily, and watched Rarity sew for nearly an hour without speaking. She didn’t even look like she wanted to say anything.

Finally, Rarity indulged her curiosity. “Can I help you, darling?”

Applejack opened her mouth, closed it again, and at long last said: “Rarity, if I was gone, would you miss me?”

What? It took far too long for the jumble of thoughts to unclog from Rarity’s brain enough for her to… pick one? No. Well yes, but first: “Why do you ask?” Applejack didn’t reply immediately. She was always difficult to read. She had her jaw slightly clenched, so one more question would fit. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

Rarity set down the tools, cloth scraps, and accessories swarming in her magic’s scintillating cloud and faced Applejack directly. “Why would you be gone? Has something happened?”

Applejack’s face remained unreadable. “I just wanna know.”

“But context matters, darling!” Rarity said. “I don’t mind answering that, but frankly, you’re setting off alarm bells.”

For a moment, Applejack averted her eyes to the floor, but she made no reply. She simply sat waiting for Rarity’s response. Did she really think Rarity would play along without knowing the reason why?

“Won’t you tell me what motivated this?”

“Can you just answer the question?” At least Applejack looked up again, but that Apple family stubbornness had set in. Now she’d probably refuse to explain out of spite.

So Rarity walked over and slowly sat on the floor right in front of her. “Is it a health problem?” Still silence. “I understand you may be reluctant to talk, but I’m one of your closest friends! If you can’t tell me, please talk with somepony, but I assure you I’d keep it in the utmost secrecy.”

“I feel fine,” Applejack said with a faint ringing of steel in her voice.

“Has something necessitated moving away? I hadn’t heard of any difficulty at the farm, but I apologize if I’ve been out of the loop of current events too much to know something most others do. I’m not trying to be obtuse and… I don’t know, force you to admit something to make a point. I really am worried about you.” That pretty much answered the original question anyway, so shouldn’t that satisfy her?

“Sweet Apple Acres is fine.”

If not that, then what…?

Oh…

Rarity allowed herself a coy smile and turned her head away while still keeping her eyes on her friend. “Are you hinting that… well, I’d be flattered, really. I’m not saying no, per se, just that I hadn’t considered it before, and I’d have to give it some thought, assuming this is your way of telling me you might want to pursue…”

At last, a tiny smile emerged from Applejack’s lips, but so did an even tinier sigh. Not that, then.

A chill crept its way down Rarity’s back on spider’s legs. “Please don’t tell me you’re feeling poorly—”

“I told ya—”

“I don’t mean ill, I mean… are you depressed? I’d be glad to listen and help, but I wish you’d also see somepony qualified to guide you.” Of course, nothing from Applejack. “Please, I know how difficult it can be, and I know how it may seem embarrassing to talk about.” In a welcome sign of normalcy, one of Applejack’s eyebrows rose. “I suffer from that, too, and no, I didn’t tell my friends. I should have, and I’m speaking from experience. I hope coming here means you have better sense about it than me. Is that your problem?”

“No, that ain’t my problem,” Applejack nearly growled.

“Then what?”

“Nothin’.”

Rarity stood again, and heat flashed over her face. “You can’t just ask that and expect it won’t inspire some questions in return!”

“Sure I can!”

“No, you can’t! Now tell me what’s going on!” Likely she’d already hit on the explanation and Applejack refused to admit it.

“Why’s there have to be a reason?”

“There just does. What if I did this to you? Wouldn’t you be concerned?”

Applejack huffed a breath out her nose. “It’s an easy question. Just answer it.”

“It is not an easy question.”

“Yes it is. Just answer.”

“No.”

“Answer!”

“No!” Rarity wiped away the tears running down her cheeks. “No, because you have me so afraid that if I do—” she stifled a sob and shook her head “—I’ll lose any leverage to keep you here until I can figure out what’s wrong and do something about it.”

She couldn’t stop shaking. But then she felt a warm hug and heard a soft voice next to her ear. “If I was gone, would you miss me? I promise, nothin’ bad will come of it.” Then the sound of Applejack wetting her dry lips. “Please.”

“Yes I would, because I love you dearly. You’re one of my best friends, and I’d miss you terribly.”

“Thank you.”

Applejack stayed until Rarity had stopped shaking, but then she left without speaking again.

What had even prompted that? Did Applejack doubt Rarity’s friendship? Had Rarity been a poor friend to Applejack? To everypony?

She looked up, across the coffee table and over her tea. “Twilight, has Applejack asked you a strange question recently? Don’t tell me what, if it would betray a confidence.”

“No, she hasn’t.”

Rarity should probably check with her other friends as well. Maybe Applejack hadn’t gotten to Twilight yet. Or… maybe Rarity was the problem. Yes, Applejack had seen right through her. For years now. She slumped into her chair. “If I were gone, would you miss me?”

Twilight’s eyes widened at first, but then she donned a gentle smile. “Is there something wrong? If there is, I’d be happy to talk to you about it.”

“No, there—” Hadn’t Rarity learned her lesson? Hadn’t she come here for just this reason? “Yes, Twilight. I do need to talk to you.”