The Five Horses of the Apocalypse

by Conchshellthegeek7

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Human, Sad, Crossover
Length: 3170

Twilight goes on a theological odyssey and makes a new friend.

Twilight Sparkle wasn't expecting to have an eventful day. Neither was Isaac.
She wasn't expecting to make a new friend. Neither was Isaac.
She wasn't expecting to go on a spiritual journey. Neither was Isaac.
She wasn't expecting to be drenched in the blood, sweat and bile of her newfound enemies. Neither was Isaac.
They couldn't have been more wrong.

A crossover between My Little Pony and "The Binding of Isaac." Rated M for graphic violence, stomach-churning gore, heavy religious overtones and full-frontal male nudity.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-01 10:30:01 UTC

0: The Never Hole

Dedicated to Roan, who knows why. Boy, does he.

"And they came to the place that God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood. And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son." --Genesis 22:9-10, King James Version

The Five Horses of the Apocalypse

Prologue: The Never Hole

There wasn't a cloud in the sky. The summer sun shone down on all of Ponyville like it had a grudge, but it seemed to be especially angry with Rolling Rock Ridge. The earth was hard and cracked, and it was a small wonder the various jagged stones didn't melt in the heat. Not many creatures made their homes in the Ridge, but the few that were dared not show their faces today. The only sign of life in the barren, jagged landscape were six young mares--two earth ponies, two pegasi and two unicorns.

"Are we getting close yet?" panted Rarity, tipping her canteen back to pour its contents down her throat. "This dreadful heat is not good for my complexion." That much was obvious; her white coat was obviously wet and matted, even from a distance.

"Don't worry, Rarity, we're almost there," Twilight assured her, magically tucking her own canteen back into her saddlebag. "The burrows should be just ahead."

Rainbow Dash slowed to a stop. "I hope you're right, Twilight," she panted, wiping her sweat-soaked, prismatic mane out of her eyes. "We've gotta figure out what those Diamond Dogs are up to and stop 'em before they fry us all."

"Ya don't really think the Diamond Dogs have the chops t' cause a heat wave, do ya?" Applejack pointed out, grateful for the limited shade that her hat provided her.

"I agree," Fluttershy panted softly. "I mean, Diamond Dogs aren't exactly known for their cleverness..." She winced ever so slightly at the insult, and began nervously fiddling with her golden necklace.

"I know that," Twilight agreed. "But according to Princess Celestia's letter, the heat wave seems to be coming from the Diamond Dogs' burrows. We're going to have to figure out what's going on, and see if we can arrange some kind of agreement with them. It's not far at all now, girls," she added. "The quarry is just over this hill."

"You don't think the Diamond Dogs are still mad about that time they tried to kidnap Rarity, do you?" asked Pinkie Pie, who was somehow hopping along as though the heat didn't affect her at all.

"If they were," Twilight replied, "why would they wait until now to do something?"

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash pointed out, "not to mention, why would they try to punish all of Ponyville? I mean, it's hotter than Tartarus out here!"

"No, it is not," interjected a gruff voice. As one, the Elements of Harmony jumped and looked up. Three dog-like creatures of varying sizes and colors stood on the ridge of the hill. The one who had spoken squinted at the three ponies suspiciously. He'd loosened his black, gem-studded collar and tied his vest around his forehead as a makeshift sweatband, tactics that the other two Diamond Dogs had also adopted. "It is not as hotter than Tartarus," the Dog continued. "It is exactly as hot."

The Elements of Harmony exchanged a quick, confused look. After a few moments, Twilight cleared her throat and stepped forward. "Uh, hello there," she said to the Diamond Dogs. "My name is..."

"We remember you, ponies," the Diamond Dog said. "I am Rover." He looked briefly to his right. "He is Fido..." He looked in the other direction. "...he is Spot." The Dog looked back down at the ponies and snarled. "You," he growled, pointing to Rarity, "are Rarity."

"Last year, you hunted gems for us," Spot growled.

"It was not worth it," Fido added.

"Ah... yes, yes, I did," Rarity confirmed, cringing. "I'm... glad you remember me, at least."

Rover glared at Rarity for a few moments, then turned back to Twilight. "The rest of you are Rarity's friends. You came to tunnels to save her."

"Yeah, we remember you too," Rainbow Dash grumbled, rolling her eyes. "Now, are you going to tell us what's going on or what?"

Spot leaned forward slightly. "Pretty purple pony is not as pretty with wings," he remarked, pointing to Twilight.

Twilight glanced back behind her. Sure enough, there was a pair of wings protruding from her back. She turned back to the Diamond Dogs and nodded. "Since we last met," she said, "I have been crowned a Princess of Equestria. As such, you will show me the proper respect."

Spot let out a single blast of laughter. "Pretty purple pony princess brings us gems?" he asked, pointing to Rainbow's neck.

The Elements of Harmony looked down at their necks. Indeed, five of the six necks bore golden necklaces with a single gemstone, shaped like each respective pony's cutie mark. The only exception was Twilight, who wore a golden tiara. "These gems are not meant for you," Twilight said sternly. "These are the Elements of Harmony. They are powerful magical artifacts, which my friends and I are fortunate enough to be able to wield. We have no intent to use them against you."

"Not unless we have to," Applejack added, glowering at the Dogs.

"Fine," Fido growled. "Why do pretty pony princess and her friends bring their Elements of Harmony to Diamond Dogs' home?"

"Oh, you know what this is about," Rainbow Dash snapped. "It's about this crazy heat! The weather team's completely helpless to stop this heatwave, and the Princess tells us it's coming from your burrows! So spill it, dogs! What's going on here?"

"Hey, you don't know they did this, remember?" Pinkie pointed out.

The Diamond Dogs laughed in unison. It was a dark, sinister laugh by all accounts. "We did not cause heat wave, ponies," Rover sneered.

"But we know what did," Spot continued.

"Pretty ponies seek the Never Hole," Fido growled.

Rarity blinked. "The Never Hole?" she repeated. "I don't remember you mentioning that when you... er, enlisted my services. What, exactly, is the Never Hole?"

Rover chuckled softly and sneered at the ponies. "The Never Hole has always been, and it will always be," he recited.

"The Never Hole was never dug by paws of dog or beast," Spot continued.

"To venture down the Never Hole, you'd have to be insane," Fido growled.

In unison, the three dogs grinned and leaned forward. When they spoke again, it was in perfect unison. "For those who venture down the Hole... shall not come up again."

Despite the heat, a shiver went down the spine of every pony present. After a few moments, Twilight took a deep breath. "So--" Her voice cracked mid-word. She cleared her throat, coughing a few times, then continued. "...So... the Never Hole," she said. "It's... what's causing the heat wave?"

"Yesssss," Rover growled. "The heat comes up through the Never Hole. We will take you to Never Hole, if you like."

Fluttershy started and took a few nervous steps back. "Y-You want us to go back down there?" she stuttered.

"Never Hole is in burrows," Spot explained. "You must go into tunnels to see Never Hole."

"Maybe you will find a way to stop the heat," Fido proposed. "But first, you must follow."

The Diamond Dogs turned around and charged into the quarry without another word. The Elements of Harmony exchanged a series of nervous glances.

"A-Are you sure this is a good idea, Twilight?" Fluttershy mumbled. "I'm not sure we can really trust those Diamond Dogs..."

"I'm inclined to agree," Rarity said, cringing. "After all, you do remember what happened last time we met."

"I know that," Twilight said simply, nodding. "But they do seem to know what's causing this heat wave. Maybe if we go to this... Never Hole, we'll find out what's causing this crazy weather."

"I don't know, Twilight," Pinkie said nervously. "I have a really bad feeling about all this..."

"An' besides," Applejack pointed out, "if the heat's comin' from a hole, underground, why's the surface gettin' hotter? Maybe those Dogs're lyin' to us..."

"Well, we've got to do something," Twilight said. "After all, if it stays hot like this for much longer, you might lose your harvest, Applejack. And if you lose your harvest, Ponyville won't have any apples."

"Yeah, that's a good point!" Pinkie agreed. "And if we don't have any apples, how can we make apple pies? Or apple strudels? Or apple muffins? Or apple cider?!"

"Not to mention, you'd lose the rest of your crops, too," Twilight pointed out. "Ponyville relies on those crops. We need to get this settled quickly, and right now, the Diamond Dogs are our only lead. I say we follow them. Now, are you ready?"

The remaining Elements of Harmony didn't say anything for a long, long moment. Eventually, Fluttershy whimpered and slowly stepped forward. "Um... I guess you're right, Twilight," she said.

"...I suppose it couldn't hurt," Rarity agreed.

"Well, ya make a good case, sugarcube," Applejack mumbled.

"...Well, I guess if the rest of you think it's a good idea..." Rainbow muttered.

A confident smile made its way across Twilight's face. "It's settled, then," she said. "Don't worry, girls. Whatever the Never Hole has to offer, we can handle it... as long as we work together.

Twilight had expected it to be cooler in the depths of the Diamond Dog's tunnels. She was wrong. The farther she and her friends proceeded down the tunnels, the hotter it seemed to get. Initially, she'd been trying to keep track of the layout of the tunnels in her mind. First a left, then a right, then another right, then straight ahead, and so on. But after traveling as long as they had--however long that was--the tunnels had begun to bleed together. Twilight's tongue was hanging out of her mouth like a Diamond Dog's. By this point, she was just blindly following behind the three Diamond Dogs, hoping that she wasn't walking right into a trap.

"Are we there yet?" Rainbow Dash asked from somewhere behind her.

As if on cue, the three Diamond Dogs came to an abrupt stop. "Yesssss," sneered Rover.

Twilight beheld the chamber she was in with awe and wonder. Every wall of the cavern was lined with beautiful gemstones of all sizes, shapes and colors. Only the floors were free of them. There were only two unique features of the floor. First, two bonfires had been lit, providing enough light to see by. Secondly, two statues, easily as tall as Princess Celestia, stood tall and proud in the center of the room. They appeared to depict similar creatures; both were bipedal, and sat cross-legged on their pedestals. But they barely looked like members of the same species.

The first statue had been painstakingly painted black. It somewhat resembled a minotaur with large black wings sprouting from its back and curved black horns sprouting from its head. However, its head was much more...round than a minotaur's, and its face more closely resembled that of a goat with empty, sunken-in eyes. It raised one hand with a single finger outstretched, and for some reason, it seemed to be beckoning.

The other statue was painted a strange shade of pink, and a white robe had been draped over it. The wings sprouting from its back were white as doves' wings, and a gem-studded disk was mounted behind its head. Its head was as circular as the first statue's, but its face was completely featureless. Twilight couldn't explain why, but she felt much more comforted looking at the second statue than the first.

And between the two statues was...

"A trapdoor?" Applejack observed, tilting her head to the side. "We came all this way t' look at a trapdoor?"

The Diamond Dogs whipped around. "That is not just any trapdoor!" Rover snarled.

"It is the Never Hole, untouched by Diamond Dogs' paws for generations!" Spot snapped.

"Do you not feel the heat rising up from the Hole?" Fido growled.

"Well, it certainly is hot in here..." Rarity panted, gracefully sweeping a white handkerchief across her face.

Twilight barely even heard her friends' voices. She didn't notice at first, but she was slowly making her way across the cavern. Any one aspect of the cavern could have held her attention for hours, but Twilight felt drawn to the open Hole. The Never Hole was perfectly square, and a perfectly square door laid on the ground behind the Hole. Twilight slowly stepped up to the hole and peered into it. She saw nothing but inky blackness that seemed to stretch down to the very center of the earth. A huge wave of hot air burst up from the Hole every few seconds, like clockwork, but Twilight did not look away.

"...close to that thing if I were you..." said the distant voice of Applejack.

Twilight's head jerked up again. "Huh? What?" she blurted out.

"She said, get away from that thing!" Rainbow shouted. "You could fall in there if you're not careful!"

Twilight winced. "O-Oh! Right," she blurted out, stepping backwards nervously. "W-Well, um, it does look like the heat is coming from the Hole. The solution seems obvious..."

Twilight's horn began glowing a deep, rich purple. After a few moments, the door of the Never Hole did as well. Twilight strained for a few moments. She squeezed her eyes shut, tensing every muscle in her body. The glow of her horn began to intensify. It reflected off every gem in the room, lightly filling the cavern with faint purple light. But no matter how much she tugged on the door, it didn't seem to budge.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie gasped. "Twilight! Twilight, my tail's twitching!" she blurted out. "Get away from the hole before--"

Suddenly, Twilight's legs were swept out from under her by an unseen force. Her eyes snapped open, and she stumbled forward blindly. An instant later, she realized what was happening. She tried frantically to regain her balance, but to no avail.

Her hoof landed on thin air, and Twilight tumbled headfirst, screaming, into the Never Hole. Not an instant later, the trapdoor slammed shut behind her, plunging her into complete and total darkness.

Her mind was overcome with terror, but she didn't scream. She found that she couldn't scream. She couldn't open her mouth to scream. She didn't feel like she was falling down an uncharted tunnel in a Diamond Dog's lair. Instead, she seemed to be falling slowly, almost lazily. She'd assumed that falling into the hole would be akin to tumbling into an oven, but instead she felt quite comfortable, as though she was a leaf adrift on an autumn breeze. She could see nothing, not even her own hoof in front of her face. But far, far in the distance, she heard the sound of... laughter?

"Um... can I sit with you, please?"

"No thanks, Crylight! We brought our own drinks!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Wh-Why are you b-being so mean to me...?"

"Aw, she's crying again! Go cry to somepony else, Crylight Sparkle!"

"Crybaby, crybaby, crybaby..."

Twilight didn't realize she'd passed out until she opened her eyes again. "Aaaah... Where... am I?" she said to herself. Summoning all the energy she possessed, she somehow managed to climb to her hooves again. Her legs were weak, and wobbled beneath her like flags in the wind, but somehow she managed to keep her balance long enough to look around.

She was in a perfectly square cavern, empty and featureless. Its walls and floor were made of smooth blue stone. Twilight looked up instinctively. To her great confusion, the ceiling was made of the same blue stone. There was not a single hole in it, and therefore, nowhere from whence she could have fallen. Had she been brought here? Where was here? As soon as she realized she didn't know, she decided to cast a simple scrying spell to determine her location. She closed her eyes and tried to activate her horn.

Nothing happened. She opened her eyes again, beginning to grow concerned, and tried again to activate her horn. Nothing happened. Confused and scared, she slowly lifted one leg up to her forehead. It passed clean over it without incident. Not only was the Element of Magic missing, so was her horn. Twilight gasped in shock, a second horrifying thought occurring to her, and she twisted her head around to look at her back. As she suspected, her wings were missing as well.

"Oh, no..." she mumbled to herself, her eyes growing wide with terror. "No, no, no, no, no... What's going on? What's going on?" Confused and scared, she looked back down to the room at large. Somehow, she managed to find the presence of mind to get a good look at her surroundings. On each of the four walls around her, there was a simple-looking wooden door. The one behind her bore the distinction of being locked firmly shut, and was unique in that regard. The rest of the doors were open and inviting, or as inviting as anything could be in this place. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Twilight realized that despite there being no light source anywhere in the room, she could see as clearly as if it were daylight. There was no light source anywhere in the room.

"What's going on...?" she said again, softer this time. Suddenly, Twilight noticed something on the floor. Her eyes snapped open, and she began frantically over the new information.

The first depicted an earth mare who looked to be running. A crude, hastily-written message was scrawled above the drawing in what looked like black ink. The message was as short as could be, only consisting of the word "MOVE." The second depicted another earth mare--the same one, perhaps?--standing still, surrounded with four circles that seemed to be moving away from her. Her face was frozen in an expression of horror... or was it sorrow? The word "ATTACK" was written above it. The third image depicted the same mare nudging what a spherical, cartoon-like bomb with her muzzle. Fittingly enough, the word "BOMB" was scrawled above it. The final drawing depicted the earth mare looking up at an unidentified, cuboid object that was floating above her head. Unlike the other drawings, she looked genuinely happy here. "ITEM," read the word above the drawing.

Twilight slowly looked back up at the ceiling. She didn't know why she looked up; her neck just seemed to move on its own. On the roof directly above her head, there was a message she previously hadn't noticed: "ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE."

Twilight's legs gave out beneath her. Overwhelmed with panic and confusion, she did the only thing left to do: she began to cry.