Gerascophobia

by Wolfeh05

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Sad
Length: 2480

Getting older is a privilege. However, one mare does not see things this way.

Rarity, like any other pony, is getting older. That is normal and natural. Even Rarity knows that. She just can't accept it.

A fic tackling fear of aging and death.

Published 2024-07-05 07:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-05 07:30:00 UTC

Thanatophobia

It was morning in Ponyville. Celestia's sun shone gently and bathed the small village in it's warm and welcoming light. One white, unicorn mare took off her sleeping mask and shook the sleep from her bleary eyes. Rarity yawned and then stretched in her bed just like her cat Opal.

The mare then leisurely climbed down her bed. She cringed a bit when one of her hindlegs creaked like an old, squeaky door. Rarity sighed and slowly trudged towards her vanity mirror. She looked in it, and while the reflection showed the same mare, she also couldn't help but notice the small wrinkles that adorned her face and the graying hair that made a path in her otherwise luscious, purple mane. The unicorn turned sideways and judgingly looked at her body: while Rarity was not an athlete like her friend Rainbow Dash, or a workhorse like Applejack, she tried her best to take great care of her body: spa treatments, massages, healthy food with only a few sweets in order to not upset her pink baker friend...but it seemed that it was not enough. Rarity became desperate to the point that she even started popping pills and potions in order to keep herself supple, but not even those worked. She was getting fat, and she was getting old. And Rarity hated it. Not to mention that even her eyesight started suffering, and instead of wearing glasses, she opted for contacts. Not that Rarity had something against glasses, goodness no. In fact, she was sure she could even make them a fashion statement, considering her influence. But Rarity found them inconvenient, that was all.

After styling her hair, doing her makeup and stretching her legs a bit more, the mare came down from her room, thinking about her day. She found it easier to plan her day rather than thinking about...the things that lurked in her mind, especially since they haunted her mind more frequently than in the past.

Rarity decided to skip breakfast, not only because she wanted to lose weight but also because she wasn't hungry. She decided to prepare herself some green tea. Rarity bought only high-quality green tea, and she loved it not only for its benefits, but also for its taste.

While she waited for the water to boil, the unicorn couldn't help but wonder how her friends fared. Did they ever think about aging? Did they...aside from Twilight of course...ever think about death? Rarity was shaken
from her train of thought by the whistle of her kettle. She took it from the stove and started to pour water over the crumpled green leaves. She took her place at the table and waited for the tea to steep. Again, since she didn't have anything better to do, Rarity's mind started to wander and she thought about each of her friends: "Considering how action driven Rainbow Dash is, I doubt she ever thought about death, or dying. In fact, I don't even believe she is afraid of it. Not to mention, considering how athletic she is, she probably never thought about joint or muscle pains related to aging", Rarity sighed while looking at the green colored liquid that was sitting in front of her. "And Applejack...she is too simple to think about things like these, not to mention her being a farmer kept her supple and healthy. I mean sure, she could work up a bit on the face department. Some sunscreen and makeup would be beneficial for her.", Rarity levitated the cup of tea to her mouth and sipped the delicious, warm liquid. She then continued her train of thought. "And Pinkie Pie. I could never understand how that mare ate so many sweets and still kept her figure. Probably the fact that she is hyperactive helps. That still doesn't explain the fact that she still looks young though. It must be nice being so fun-loving like Pinkie, not having a worry and especially not worrying about philosophical things".

Rarity stopped with the cup still in the air. She just realized that she unintentionally insulted one of her best friends. But at the same time, she truly wished that she could have Pinkie Pie's mentality. Thinking about aging and death almost daily was exhausting. Rarity couldn't even remember when these kinds of thoughts began to bury themselves in her mind. Was it when she noticed how dangerous her adventures were? Was it when she started noticing the subtle change of aging on her body? Were they just some intrusive thoughts that some day would simply pass? The unicorn sipped again on her tea and continued thinking about her friends. A bittersweet smile came to her lips. "And don't even get me started on Fluttershy. I know most ponies think that time has been kind to her, but I believe otherwise. It's obvious that that cheeky draconequus keeps her young. I am not sure, but I think he can actually alter time. I wonder if Fluttershy is extremely naive or if she actually knows what her mismatched boyfriend is doing".

The cup emptied, and Rarity levitated her teapot in order to pour herself another cup of tea. She looked intensely at the delicate, porcelain cup while thinking about her last friend. She hater herself for it, but Rarity was being honest with herself: she envied Twilight. Not because she was a Princess, since on paper that sounded nice, but deep down, Rarity knew she didn't have it in her to rule a Kingdom. No, she envied her for her immortality.

The mare remembered that after these pesky thoughts started bothering her, she even had a conversation with Twilight about it. The purple Princess was respectful and listened to her distressed friend intensely, as if devouring her words. She knew Twilight was a very analytical and scientific pony, but she could also see worry and care in her expressions. Rarity knew that it felt right to talk with Twilight not only because she was her friend and because she felt that the alicorn was capable of helping her, but also because she subtly wanted to ask Twilight for a solution to her problems. While her memories of the incident replayed in her mind, the mare hung her head in shame. She did not like how that conversation went.

"Rarity, I am deeply sorry that you feel that way. I may not be able to relate now, but believe me, when I was only a unicorn I also had thoughts just like you have", replied gently the Princess of Friendship.

"I...expected that from you. But the difference here, darling, is the fact that you won't have that concern from now on. Unlike me". Rarity hoped her answer came out as calm and collected, but it probably came out as bitter and pitiful.

"Rarity, I know you're sad, but you must understand that aging and death are normal and natural. And I also know it's normal to have a healthy fear of death and that aging can be depressing and painful, but we must accept them with dignity and do our best to live a happy and healthy life", lectured Twilight. She hoped that her answer would soothe Rarity a bit, but her friend seemed even more tense, as if her answer hurt her instead of calming her down. Suddenly, Rarity looked straight into the alicorn's eyes, fury and contempt obvious in her gaze.

"It's easy for you to talk, isn't it??? You're not gonna age, you're not gonna die! You get to enjoy your lush life without the fear and concern that one day, you're going to die, either suddenly or from a debilitating illness! You're not afraid of health problems, because you can't get them!"

Twilight looked at her friend, shocked. She saw Rarity angry before, but most of the time, it was a dramatic type of anger, just like Rarity was. But that day, the Princess saw her white unicorn friend with different eyes: she was furious, livid, desperate. She opened her mouth to reply, but she was cut short by Rarity.

"Forgive me for my outburst. That was uncouth. But...you have to understand me Twilight. I love life. I love MY life. I want to live and enjoy it. I am a beautiful, successful pony. I am an Element of Harmony. I have amazing friends and an amazing job. I don't want to lose all of this.", replied sadly the unicorn, eyes on the floor.

"But what makes you think you're gonna lose them Rarity? From what I know, you're a healthy pony, not prone to any grave illness. You can live a long, fulfilling life", again, Twilight tried her best to calm her friend and offer a reasonable answer.

"I am afraid of uncertainty, Twilight. And can you honestly ask that considering that we six battle villains? I know we are supposed to live in the present and enjoy it, but I can't help but wonder...what will happen after I die? And I am not talking about my legacy, I am talking about the spiritual aspect. Will there be nothingness? Is there an afterlife? Is it normal to feel so scared of both of them?"

Again, Twilight looked at Rarity with wide eyes. She knew that her friend was smart, but she never thought that Rarity would be concerned with things of this nature. She was at a loss of words, because just like Rarity said, after she became an alicorn she stopped thinking about aging and death. What Twilight said was also true, since when she was younger she was also curious about death and read a lot of books, even asking Celestia about it. But even though Twilight tried her best to come to a conclusive answer, even she had to accept that some things cannot be answered. Just like death, accepting uncertainty was healthy and natural. And while it was true that now she was an exception to that rule, the Princess also reasoned that while she couldn't die, a lot of things could happen to Equestria: war, famine, even the Sun extinguishing itself. So she couldn't help but ponder: was it better to have a shorter lifespan, but a happy and fulfilling life, or to be an immortal, not cowering before aging, death and uncertainty, but being able to witness all the atrocities that were going to happen? Not to mention the fact that Twilight also rummaged on some thoughts just like Rarity: aside from the Sun and Moon princesses, Cadance and Flurry, she was aware that she'd have to witness her friends and family die. It was not pleasant, but she just accepted it as a normal part of her alicornhood, just like regular ponies had to accept death. Her thoughts were interrupted when Rarity started talking again.

"I must admit, talking to you isn't the only reason I came here today. I also came to...ask you a favor", Rarity hopefully cast her eyes on Twilight.

But the Princess was not eager to hear what Rarity was about to say. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her throat was dry. She couldn't help but think: "Will Rarity ask me to turn her into an alicorn?"

"I am not going to ask you to turn me into an alicorn, goodness no", started Rarity, a dry, raspy chuckle coming from her mouth. "I try to be reasonable. I just ask of you to create, or give me if you already have it, a potion of longevity. I know a potion of immortality probably does not exist, and the only way to obtain that is to become an alicorn. So all I'm asking is for more years. A century, at least?", again, Rarity asked hopefully.

While the purple alicorn breathed a sigh of relief when Rarity did not ask her the impossible, she knew she reached an impasse: on one hoof, she knew that the potions Rarity talked about existed. In fact, she even read about them. But on the other, they weren't really stable and could have devastating side effects. She knew this was going to break her friend's heart, but she knew she had to refuse her. But how was she supposed to do that? Lie to her? But what if Rarity took the matters in her own hooves? Tell her the truth? She will most likely be extremely mad.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself and to prepare her answer, she started: "Rarity, I am deeply sorry, but I cannot do that. It's for your own good. Those potions you are talking about, they do indeed exist. But the risks outweigh the benefits."

Rarity was carefully studying her princess friend. She was not even moving. Her expression was unreadable. Was she mad? Did she understand? Twilight really hoped it was the latter.

"I see how it is then", replied Rarity with an air of finality that made Twilight's blood run cold. The white unicorn got up from her chair and started walking towards the door of the Friendship Castle, not muttering another word.

"What...do you mean?", asked Twilight meekly.

The white mare turned her head towards the Princess and replied in a low, cold tone:

"I thought we were friends, Twilight. Clearly that wasn't the case if you're not willing to help me. I know I am the Element of Generosity, but I never expected you to be so selfish. Like I said, I didn't only came to you because I think you're a smart and capable friend, but also because I thought you were willing to help me with my problems. But alas, that does not seem to be the case", and with that, the unicorn turned and left the Castle.

Rarity's eyes were brimming with tears at this point, her green tea long forgotten. She was ashamed of how she reacted. Sure, she was very upset and disappointed, but that was no excuse for how she treated her friend. Of course Twilight had only the best interests in mind, but the white mare was so engulfed by her problems that she just could not think rationally. Twilight tried talking with her, but Rarity always refused her. The poor dear even sent a scroll, but Rarity was indomitable.

She let her fears control her actions, and she realized that, even though at first she just wanted to talk with Twilight as a way of venting, really, deep down she knew that all she wanted was a quick fix to her problems. Rarity wasn't mad, she threw a tantrum. A tantrum that her friend didn't deserve.

A tear fell down on the table as the unicorn thought about the fact that, ironically, she was getting older, but sometimes acted like a filly. With her plan already made in her mind, she finished her tea and headed towards the exit.

She had an apology to give.