Equestrian Cleanup Detail

"Bubble, you're worrying over nothing. All they're looking for in a janitor is the ability to hold a mop and follow basic instructions," Thyme insisted.

"You're being reductive!" Bubble retorted from the bedroom, "Janitors need a keen eye for detail, a strong memory, and-"

"Punctuality?"

"Yeah!"

Thyme glanced at the clock hanging above the doorway from her spot on the couch, "If you really think this interview is gonna be that hard, not being late for it is a good start."

"Wait, WHAT?" Bubble burst out of the bedroom with a egregiously colored and poorly knotted tie hanging from her neck. A quick glance at the clock revealed her worst fear. "Only 5 minutes!? But I haven't finished my flashcards! Or my list of strengths and weaknesses! Or three words I'd use to describe myself!"

Thyme rolled her eyes as she got off the couch and looked Bubble over. The dark green tie with bright yellow polkadots was bad enough because of how it clashed with Bubble's white coat and pink mane, but the unicorn hadn't even tied it correctly!

"Maybe you should be a bit more concerned with not looking like a clown that broke out of fashion jail."

The fashion criminal's blush showed through her white fur like a lighthouse beam piercing fog, "I-It's the only tie I have, alright? Cut me some slack!"

Thyme just shook her head and sighed as her hooves undid the amateur knot, "Like I said before, they're just looking for a janitor. Whether or not you dress up fancy for it won't make that much of a difference."

The undone tie fell to the ground limply as the pegasus gave Bubble an appraising look before nodding in approval, "You look fine, Bubsy. Just get going and be yourself."

Bubble sighed, "Alright, guess I better head out now if I don't wanna be late. Wish me luck!"

Thyme waved lazily with her wing, throwing herself back on the couch. "Knock 'em dead and-" She let out a deep yawn, "-And stuff."

——————————————————————<

Bubble fidgeted restlessly. Ever since she had entered the office building, she felt as though a strange pressure was squeezing her. The cold white walls surrounding her seemed to grow ever closer. Her heart skipped every other beat. Her breathing grew laboured.

Is this what dying felt like?

Before she could dwell on that thought, a gray earth pony entered the lobby, his gait confident and calculated. His short black mane was slicked back, and his white collar and black tie combo gave him the look of a professional. His gaze locked onto her instantly, and a friendly smile spread across his muzzle. "Hey there, stranger. Are you here on business, or are you here for that opening we put in the paper?"

Bubble sat up as straight as she could, trying to ignore how the pressure seemed to intensify in the stallion's presence.

Something creaked. Bubble told herself it was just the chair, and not her bones being compressed by an unseen force.

"T-The latter, sir," She answered, despite her throat constricting involuntarily, "I saw you were looking for a janitor?"

The stallion's smile grew into a toothy grin upon hearing that.

Were those. . .fangs?

Bubble blinked.

No teeth that wouldn't be on a pony, she observed.

She was probably just imagining it from all the stress.

She was torn from her thoughts by a loud cough as the stallion cleared his throat, looking at her expectantly.

Oh Celestia, she wasn't listening! She didn't want her first impression to be an absent-minded airhead!

"Sure. . ?" She tried, hoping that was an appropriate response.

Apparently, it was.

"Wonderful! Just follow me and I'll take you to my office, then we can start your interview properly."

Bubble shakily got up from her seat and started after him, trying her hardest to ignore how much her primal instincts were screaming for her to run far, far away from this place.

As the stallion led her through the winding halls of the building, she couldn't help but wonder where all the employees were.

She voiced this to him, but he only chuckled in response before continuing to walk in silence.

——————————————————————<

Bubble gingerly closed the door behind her as the stallion — or "Dire Straits" as the nameplate on his desk read — took his seat across from her, gesturing with a hoof towards the open chair on her side of the room.

"Please take a seat, Miss. . ." He trailed off.

"Uh, Bubble. I'm Bubble."

"A pleasure. If you can't tell from the nameplate, my name is Dire Straits, and I'm the CEO here at Dire Finances. We deal out loans to those in need, as well as providing paid consultation to clients."

"So. . .like a bank?"

Dire paused, before laughing at a joke that only he seemed to get, "Sure, kid. Like a bank. But you won't need to worry about any of that. All I need to know is what hours you can work, any previous work experience, and your signature on the contract."

Bubble tilted her head in confusion, "That's it? No background check? No questionnaire?"

"Are you a criminal?"

Her eyes widened in shock, "N-No! Of course not!"

"Can you mop the floors?"

"Uh, yeah, I think."

Dire's eyes narrowed, "What do you mean 'you think'?"

Bubble took a deep breath.

C'mon, Bubble, just remember what Thyme said about being yourself. You got this!

Bubble narrowed her eyes back at Dire, and steeled herself. She had to show she had what it takes! This was her chance to be a paragon of self-confidence! An empress of self-esteem!

"Yes, I CAN mop the floors!" She proclaimed boldly, striking a pose like a pony of legend.

"Please get your hooves off my desk."

Bubble's confidence popped as she realized what she had done, sheepishly sitting back down in her seat.

Dire let out an exhausted sigh, "I'm gonna pretend like that never happened and bring us back on track. Namely, your hours and experience."

All too eager to move on from her outburst, Bubble idly tapped a hoof as her eyes drifted upwards in thought.

"Well, I don't really have much going at home besides cooking for my roommate. She gets days off on the weekend, though, so I'd like it if my schedule matched that. Making plans is easier like that."

Dire nodded and scribbled something down on a scrap of paper, "Weekends off is fine, now for your previous work experience?"

"Two years as a sanitation worker for the city, I quit that recently though because of the awful hours."

Dire scribbled something down again before looking back up, "Well, I'd certainly say you're qualified to work here. That just leaves the paperwork."

He pulled open a drawer and dropped a thick stack of sheets onto the desk.

Bubble gulped in fear.

——————————————————————<

"What on earth is a Nasdaq? Why does this keep mentioning quarters? Didn't I already read this one?"

Dire answered the last question with a barely repressed grin, "Oh, that's cause you just finished last year's version. These are the revised guidelines we're operating under now."

Bubble's jaw went slack, her eye twitching intermittently.

"If you want, I can just show you where to si-"

"Please." Bubble cut him off, her voice strained with frustration.

Dire slid out two papers from the bottom of the stack, "This one just restates what we agreed upon earlier about your schedule, as well as how you'll be paid."

Bubble gave it a cursory inspection with tired eyes, before levitating a quill and putting in a sloppy signature, "And the other?"

Dire took back the signed paper, sliding the next forward, "This one is an NDA; Non-Disclosure Agreement. Basically just says you can't spill company secrets and statistics."

Bubble was more focused on stifling an incoming yawn than reading closely into the mass of text, and blindly signed off where Dire's hoof was pointing, "Anything else?"

Dire's muzzle split into a wicked grin, and he began to cackle darkly.

"Oh, just one more thing you should know about us now that you're on the team."

The pressure that was crushing down on Bubble finally dissipated.

Then Dire's muzzle split, the flesh peeling away to form something akin to a flower, if that flower's petals were strips of banded muscle and adipose tissue, and its stamen was a cavernous esophagus. The eyes were torn from their sockets during the transformation, and fell down into its throat, piercing Bubble with their cold gaze throughout their entire descent until they were no longer visible.

With no more tendons and ligaments holding the lower mandible to the rest of the skull, it fell and lodged itself in the entrance of the throat, too large to fall through like the eyes. The thing gagged for a moment, before retching and sending the jaw clattering onto the desk.

Bubble shrieked, and her flight response worked overtime as she overturned her chair in her panicked dash for the door.

Throwing it open with her telekinesis, her escape into the hall was halted when she accidentally rammed straight into a pair of legs.

A lanky, bipedal creature froze mid-knock. There was no skin or fur covering its flayed body, and an unknown fluid dripped from its raw, exposed muscle. A pincer-shaped head leaned down towards her, the strands of connective tissue holding the two halves of the head together stretching as it did.

"Oh! You must be the new hire."