BEDLAM Minus One

"Please. Just come home."

The sun was about to set again. I could see it through the repaired throne room window. The sight didn't motivate me to stand up from my seat, however, despite it being proof I'd spent another day sulking on my chair. My left hand supported my head as I stared off into space while my right hand idly and slowly twisted my fork into what was left of the potatoes Jury'd brought me earlier.

"Please. Just come home."

"Who do you think you are?" I spat mentally. "Who do you think I am?"

"My friend," she'd probably say. Despite everything. Everything I'd done, everything I'd said.

How?

"Bedlam, I'm glad you're finally eating but you can't just sit here forever! You're gonna put on a hundred pounds at this rate," Jury said. I blinked and looked down at her in concealed surprise as I never noticed when she entered the room and made it up to my side. She was reared up on the army of my throne fixing me with a sad frown. "What kind of genius mechanist lets himself get all egg-shaped, huh?" I returned to staring straight ahead, mulling over Twilight's impudence.

"How can you possibly still want me back?" I mused, feeling a grimace work its way to my face. "If you're even being genuine."

"Do you wanna try turning lead into gold again? We got pretty close last time!" Jury offered before pausing and looking off to the side. "I mean, it melted when it made contact with the air, and it burned a hole through the table." She paused again and cleared her throat.

"And floor. But still!" She leaned forward to try and meet my eyes to no avail.

"What are the chances she was being genuine?" I tilted my head back as I followed my thoughts. "Let's see. She was absolutely trying to prevent me and Stygian from pulling off our scheme."

"C'mon, Eddy," Jury suddenly pressed. Despite her mistake and her immediate, anxious smirk, I ignored her and continued thinking. She sighed and tilted her head. "Nothing, really?"

"She was trying to trick me, wasn't she?" I narrowed my eyes as suddenly a few things clicked. "Trying to trap me. To thwart me and seal me away somehow." Jury slowly and miserably trotted out of the room allowing me to pace in silent thought without being bothered.

"But Stygian had already surrendered. The plan was already wasted," I growled at the memory. "Little bastard." I made it to one of the windows and leaned on my elbow against it, staring at the animunculi gathering lumber and rocks outside.

"So, what? Was she just trying to be thorough?" I stood for a few minutes, stuck on that question and unable to find an answer. Instead, I found a different query.

"What the fuck am I doing?" I quietly murmured, rolling into the wall and sinking to the ground where I sat with my head in my hands.

What the hell was the point of all this? Before Stygian, what was I even doing? Where was I going?

"Toppling Celestia's government and making things better for me. But why?" I knit my fingers together and dug through my memories. The answer raced to the forefront of my mind. "Those bastards who fucked me over." And there I found a snag.

What had I actually done to pay any of them back? I'd rattled Pinch, sure, but he was small compared to the bastard. Compared to Neighsay and Celestia. My thoughts began to clear up and I slowly nodded as everything meshed in my head.

"Please. Just come home."

And then it was muddled again, causing me to groan aloud and thump my head back against the wall.

"I need a change of scenery," I grumbled, removing my glasses and rubbing my eyes. "Something to help me clear my head and get back in the swing of things." I dragged my hand down my face and huffed.

"And definitely a break from all the little ponies," I added, rising to my feet. I cleaned my glasses with my cape and then paused. A bitter scowl formed on my face. "After I settle a few old scores."

I found Jury outside curled up on the grass, idly chipping at a gem with her etching tool. I strode up and sat beside her causing her to snap to a sitting position and fix me with a wide-eyed stare.

"Bedlam?" She squeaked. I considered her for a minute before scanning the golems at work around us. The castle grounds were cleared of trees, forming a neat circular grove full of pits where stone and gems were almost constantly being hauled up. I sighed and gave her a weary stare.

"Sorry for my extended melancholy, lil' lady," I began, cupping her chin with my hand and offering her a weak smile. "My head's been all abuzz since Twilight screwed everything up for us."

"I could tell," she said sadly with a frown. "Are you okay now?" My smile waned for a moment and I hummed, scanning the golems once again.

"I have a plan," I replied, raising an eyebrow and giving her a stern leer. "But it involves us hitting the road." She blinked and tilted her head, but after I offered a malicious chortle she smiled.

"And I think we'll need some new tools to pull off what I have in mind," I added.

All warfare is based on deception.

But a few advanced magical gizmos and weapons don't hurt, either.

To that end, for what I had planned we'd prepared a few doozies which were now laid out on the workshop table before me. After taking a few days to really test the limits for our range of controlling signals and then testing a few controlled explosives, I now had a remote detonating fire starter carried by a sturdy drone.

My shield was stronger than ever and my blasting talisman was rebuilt. My glasses were now not only sensitive to magical auras, allowing me to see unicorns through walls as it turned out. My belt was loaded with talismans dedicated to unique spells such as a weak gravity field generator, three short-range single-use teleporters that didn't need to be set ahead of time, something Jury made and called 'the scrum-bumbling spell', a long-range teleporter set for just outside the castle's clearing as an emergency, a potent fire conjuring spell, and finally something just delightful.

A talisman that created a three-foot-long, thin, oscillating, green beam of pure magic in the style of a damned lightsaber. No mundane material in the world can hold up against such a tool, since it burns as hot as a unicorn's beam spell, but the oscillating feature meant it was in motion like a chainsaw. Additionally, it should be able to slap spell work out of the air and, if it makes contact with their horn, it'll give nosy unicorns head spins. Sadly, we discovered this fact by pure accident when Jury tried testing it herself. The bright side was we discovered it doesn't cut through magical material, like a unicorn's horn.

I smiled and drummed my fingers on the table. With this and the drones I was bringing along, it'd be a cakewalk to punch my way into the E.E.A's office, regardless of Neighsay's interference.

"And then what?" A thought popped up, giving me pause. "Murder him?" My smile vanished and I leaned heavily on the table.

Was that the plan?

I intended to just ruin the place and set their whole operation back years by burning all their records and books but..

If he does interfere, won't I have to kill him? Twilight and company were sturdy as all hell as recent events proved, but Neighsay didn't have whatever chosen-one divinely appointed durability to protect him. If I blasted him..

More importantly, why did I care? Bastard ruined my life even when I thought I was as low as I could go. Why did I care if I slit his little pony throat or not?

"Because she probably thinks you're better than that," I thought, and grimaced as a result. "Even though I had Verko kill Earner for me."

But she didn't know that. And I technically hadn't done it myself, so it was different, wasn't it?

I cupped my face in my hands and groaned quietly as I followed this line of thinking, which just posed the question again. What if he interferes? My eyes drifted down to my tools.

"If he interferes it won't matter. I don't need to be so drastic," I said with a shudder as I gripped one of my talismans and held it up. "Because, unlike Earner, this little pony is scarcely a threat." I clicked the gem and the saber-like beam hissed to life. I looked it up and down, inspecting the edge and visualizing the ease with which it could cut material and mentally repeating my declaration.

"Boom. Easy." A knock at the open door drew my attention to Jury as she came trotting in.

"Okie-dokey! The animunculi are all set to start marching and carrying our supplies to the south-most edge of the Everfree," she declared as she came to my side and smiled up at me. "Just waiting on a command to get everything moving." I smirked and switched off the saber before reaching down to pat her head.

"Great work. Guess it's time for phase two," I declared before fixing her with a firm look. "You remember what you need to do while I sneak up to the caves near Canterlot?"

"Yep! I already sent for some of our distributors to come and buy up the surplus potions we've made and exchange all our gold for something easier to transport," she replied, still smiling.

"Good, but what else?" I pressed, causing her to wilt.

"Uh, well," she averted her eyes and scrunched up her muzzle for a moment. "I'm nervous about talking to the princesses alone, Bedlam." I hummed and crouched onto one knee to approach her eye level.

"Do you remember what I told you to say?" I asked, causing her to sag with a sad whimper.

"Yeah, but," she paused again before looking at me with a frown. "Telling them you just brow-beat me until I did what you said's just gonna make them hate you more." I smiled and nodded.

"I know. I'm counting on it," I said with a chortle before poking her on the nose. "And thus, I'm counting on you."

Twilight poked her head into the library door and twisted it to look up at Starlight, who was floating in the air, suspended in her own magic and scanning the upper-most bookshelves.

"Hey," Twilight called, causing Starlight to stumble in the air and roll until she was looking down at her. "Whatcha doin'?"

"I'm trying to find one of my notebooks I left lying around. I assume you put it away somewhere in here," Starlight replied, righting herself to continue her search. "I wrote down a lot of what Eddy used to talk about in a few of them. There might be something to help us find him or, well, hold him down long enough to talk." Twilight frowned before floating up beside the unicorn and scanning the shelves as well.

"You know, Stygian and I had a talk before he and the Pillars went to explore their old homes," Twilight said as the pair shuffled the rows of books.

"About Eddy?" Starlight asked.

"Yeah, and about Neighsay," Twilight replied with a sigh. Before she could continue, the books all burst from their places causing the pair to shoot back and cry out.

"Twilight!" Pinkie screamed as she dove from the shelf and clung to Twilight. "Come quick! You'll literally never guess who just walked into Sugarcube Corner!" Twilight blinked and finally relaxed with a sigh as she fixed Pinkie with an annoyed leer, while the pink mare hung off her kicking her rear legs in the air.

"Who?" Twilight asked.

"Jury-rig! She says she's giving herself up!" Pinkie declared causing Twilight to flinch. Pinkie pulled herself up and wrapped one leg around Twilight's neck, using the other to gesture as she spoke. "And don't worry, I made sure not to give her any double-mint chocolate donuts like she used to order before she turned to the dark side." She grabbed Twilight's face and twisted her head to touch their snouts.

"Because evil ponies only get vanilla donuts," she added with a scowl. Twilight blinked and her eyes darted to Starlight who floated with her jaw hanging slightly, before she returned her attention to Pinkie.

"Okie," Twilight squeaked.

Jury-rig slowly trotted away from Twilight's castle door, flanked by guards and the royal sisters, both of whom kept their attention forward with steely glares. Jury occasionally spared an anxious glance back at the castle where Twilight and Starlight stood, waiting for the other Elements to arrive with Pinkie who'd been sent to collect them all.

A tense, unhappy silence hung over the pair as they watched the errant unicorn being led away, knowing what was coming next.

"I guess we finally have him cornered, huh?" Twilight finally said, turning to look at the forest in the distance. She winced and her already dour expression worsened. "I just hope he gives up this time."

"Something about this rubs me the wrong way," Starlight said, rubbing her chin and drawing Twilight's attention to her. "She said losing Stygian made her question if Eddy's as capable as he made her believe, but." She paused and screwed up her face before giving Twilight a firm look.

"You remember back at Hollow Shades? When she first scrambled up to his side?" She asked. When Twilight nodded, she cast an incredulous leer at the group shrinking in the distance. "She sure didn't look or sound too disillusioned with him." Twilight blinked and held her hoof to her chin.

"Maybe something happened within the last few weeks?" She offered.

"Maybe," Starlight mused before shrugging. "Then again, last time I felt like letting you all handle 'Bedlam' without me, I was pretty on the money, wasn't I?" She turned and began to trot back inside. Twilight turned but didn't follow her.
"What're you thinking this time, then?" She asked, glancing to the side for a moment as the rest of her friends appeared in the distance, racing toward her.

"I'm thinking he might be up to something outside the Everfree," Starlight replied before leaning into a full gallop. "And you mentioning Neighsay earlier sure ain't quieting those thoughts." As the unicorn raced inside, Twilight furrowed her brow before turning to meet her friends.

Starlight dashed through the halls until she made it back to the castle library. Even if she was right about what Eddy was up to, having her old notes on his inventions seemed necessary, regardless of how much advancement he'd made. It seemed like a reach, but she hoped something in them could help her figure out something to counter his tools with.
However, as she again scanned the towering shelves of the library, she again found no trace of her old notebook.

"Where is it?!" She snapped as she hovered and ripped books free. She groaned aloud and drifted back to the floor, spinning in place to scan the entire room at once. She screwed up her face and smacked her hoof against her head trying to remember.

"Well, what are the chances I'm even right?" She finally sighed before turning for the door. "Twilight and the rest are probably gonna find him and-" She gasped and clapped her hooves.

"Right!" She lit up her horn and popped back to her room. "In my closet, duh." She threw her closet door open and began hauling out her raincoat, ruined kites, and finally, her special box in which she found a sparkly rock Maud had given her, a bundle of used fireworks from one of Trixie's shows, and a worn old notebook which she pulled out and began leafing through as she lit up her horn again.

"Let's see. Magic projection, shaping, meh-meh-meh," she held her breath and began chain-warping for a few seconds, after which she exhaled hard and shook her head, looking around to see she'd made it to Canterlot. Blinking the dizzy stars away she nodded before turning and making her way up the street to Neighsay's office. She again scanned the notebook, pausing on one particular entry. "Thaumic frequencies. Hm."

A few weeks of planning and preparation had all been worth it. Once I saw the chariots loaded with guards racing for Ponyville, I knew they'd taken the bait and I knew the time was now. The fact I hadn't been incinerated after breaching the front gate proved neither alicorn sister was present.

It was all too perfect.

The dozens of guards scrambled to keep me surrounded while also staying a safe distance from me as I marched down the main road of Canterlot. Just beyond my ring of silly armored ponies, the upper class ran screaming for cover behind market stalls and in alleyways. We came to a crossroads, and I hummed as I scanned the available paths.

"Which way was the E.E.A. office?"

"Like we'd tell you!" A white guardsmare screamed as she dove at me from behind. There was a crackle at my belt as the barrier spell stone I'd built snapped to life. The poor, ignorant little pony was zapped and sent flying over the ring of her comrades, who cried out in terror.

"Ah-hah! It was this way," I looked at the most important-looking member of my unwelcome entourage. "Don't you have a fire to handle?" He blinked.

"Fire?" I smirked and slipped a control rod from my coat and pressed the stone on it. Nothing happened. I pressed it again, to a similar effect. The guards shared a look as I groaned and took a few steps back the way we came. Holding my arm out, I firmly hit the stone again and this time there was a distant boom. The guards looked dumbfoundedly in its direction then back at me.

I rolled my hand that way. "The fire which you have a better chance of handling than you do of handling me." They blinked and looked back then wilted in horror at the billowing tower of smoke rising over the city skyline.

"When the princess hears about this-!" The important guard choked as he and his fellows scrambled toward the smoke.

"You bet!" I cheered, waving at him as we parted ways. Walking alone towards the office, I looked it over through my glasses. The magic-sensitive gemstones and lenses immediately revealed a potent magical aura on the second floor. And it sure as hell wasn't Neighsay. I frowned and drew my magic saber before igniting it. As I approached the front door, I dragged the tip of the magical blade along the road. There was a hiss as it burned a thin, shallow cut in the stone.

Then, the aura imploded, which was followed immediately by the sound of teleportation just behind me.

"Hey, Eddy."

"Hey, Starlight!" I whirled around and smiled. "How'd you know I was coming?" She looked me up and down with a frown.

"Didn't really know, but I had a gut feeling you still had a bone to pick with Neighsay, and it looks like I was right."

"Still doesn't explain why you aren't trawling the Everfree with the rest."

"Right. I figured if you were really holed up out there, Twilight and the rest could handle you, especially with Celestia helping out," she smirked. "But I also had a sneaking suspicion that Jury-rig wouldn't roll on you that easy. She just turns herself in after three months of practically worshiping you? Yeah, no." I hummed in approval.

"Bless your incredulity, Starlight. Won't help you here, but it's a delight to see," I waved my saber back and forth.

"Oh, I don't need the help," she replied, her horn lighting up as she condensed her aura. I smirked as she blasted me with all her might. My shield crackled to life and caused her beam to split and flow around me harmlessly. I snorted and chortled, but then my shield wavered as the beam doubled back and danced all over its surface. Starlight took a breath and smirked. "Cause I think you forgot who you used to share your discoveries with." I blanched as the stone on my belt whined and then popped, causing my shield to literally melt away.

"Ah," I said.

"Ah," she replied.

After a brief moment, the wall to the Ponyville jail had a neat little hole cut into it. The circular chunk I'd sliced fell inwards with a heavy thud, allowing me to step inside. I smiled at the lonely little inmate who looked up at me in wonder.

"Hey, 'lil lady! You come here often?"

"Bedlam!" Jury squealed as she galloped up and hugged my leg. "I knew you'd be back!"

"'Course you did. I promised, didn't I?"

The door to the cells creaked open. "What was that?!" A guard came galloping in, sliding to a stop when he saw me. "Y-! you."

I drew one of the last remaining stun spell talismans. "Me." With a click, the guard was blasted and knocked out cold. Jury and I stepped back out into the moonlit yard around the jail before slinking away. After just a few minutes we made it to the school and slipped inside the toolshed I knew wasn't locked. It had been broken for months, but Cheerilee never had a chance to fix it. I was going to handle it for her the day she dismissed me.

Woopsie-daisy.

I pulled the light string and lit the shed up so we could talk. "So, did they say anything about the lair?"

Jury nodded. "They came back like you said they would. I told them you probably realized I was betraying you so you were clearing out, like you said I should."

I patted her head. "Good girl. What then?"

She hummed and leaned into my hand before responding. "The guard told them you were attacking Canterlot, so they rushed up there. Like you said they would."

I inhaled through my teeth and pumped my fists. "EASY!" I let my breath out in a cackle. Jury smiled and giggled but then blinked and looked off to the side.

"So.. Did you do it?"

I chortled and sighed. "Do what?"

"Uhm.. Neighsay.. Did you.." She shuffled her hooves and her ears shot back. "Ki.. Get him?"
I choked. "I wasn't going to kill him!"

"You weren't?"

"No! I was going to burn all the E.E.A.'s records and books!" I shook my fist northward. "Let's see how they like having to start from scratch!"

She raised a hoof and blinked. "O-oh!" I scowled down at her.

"Listen, the guy has more in common with a rat than any pony I've ever seen, in looks and personality, but that doesn't mean I'm down to kill him," I smirked and scratched her ears. "I've still got a soft spot for all you adorable little idiots." Again, she leaned into my hand and giggled.

"So, you burned their archives?"

I scowled and folded my arms, drawing a curious squeak from Jury. "Unfortunately, no. Starlight intervened and I had to detonate some of my tools just to get away. So much for my grand temporary farewell to Equestria!"

"Darn!" Jury grumbled before giving me a sympathetic smile. "Well, at least we got the important stuff out!"

I waved my hand. "Pfft, please. The real silver lining is they left you so poorly guarded," I smirked and scooped her up. "You and I can just rebuild, but I think I'd go crazy without you." She blushed and smiled.

I rolled her and held her under my arm before pushing to door open. I thrust my pointing arm south. "Let's get a move on. We got a long trip ahead of us!" I carried her out into the yard and made my way to the road.

She looked up at me. "After we collect the animunculi and our tools, we're going south, right?"

"Correct. Why? Did you learn something about the southern lands?"

She frowned and nodded. "Mhm. Some of those mob ponies we've been selling explosive potions to said there's a warlord taking everything over."

"Shouldn't be a problem. We can talk to that Verko twerp and-"

"With a fleet of airships. He also recently took over Klugetown."

I sucked air through my teeth. "Oh."