BEDLAM Minus One

The books, grimoires, and scrolls Celestia and her sister had left behind in their old castle rapidly proved to be a collection on par with Twilight's personal library. As a result, despite Jury and I being alone in the woods with no one but our golems supporting us, we were able to continue our research and experiments as if we'd never left civilization. Two days after collecting Jury and only one week after learning Celestia had been spying on me, we'd already completed our first flying animunculus.

It hovered unevenly for just a few feet off the ground, one of its four propellors was noticeably slower than the rest, and it was making a horrible scraping and crunching noise as its wooden parts bit into each other, but it was still flying!

Right up until it broke apart and sputtered on the floor before going still. Jury and I stared at the destroyed golem before sharing a look.

"IT WORKED!" We cheered in unison. I rolled to my feet and dashed to our worktable, where all our notes were, and jotted down the design's air time while Jury picked the gems out of the debris.

"This is nice," she said with a giggle as she dropped the gems back on the table. She reared up on the table and looked at my writing before giving me a sad smile. "Do we really have to go picking a fight with Celestia and everypony? Couldn't we just-"

"They started it," I spat, reaching forward and tapping our notes on potion-making. "Were you able to find any references to what 'popilot major' is?" Jury let out an almost imperceptible sigh before nodding.

"Yep. It's actually a pretty common weed used as a fire starter," she replied with her ears back. "We should be able to find some in the Everfree."

"Fantastic," I chortled, leafing through our notes. "So, then we just need some cockatrice tears and pale moon moss and we should have ourselves a nasty little explosive to play with." I smirked at her as we walked to the door. She followed along, but with her head hanging slightly.

"Should be able to use it to start blasting up stone or metal," I added, which perked her up.

"Yeah! Plus if we keep it boiling, we can use it for smelting!" She skipped forward with a bright smile.

"Exactly~," I replied.

The golem we'd tasked with cockatrice wrangling was holding up pretty well despite the savage little chicken snake's flailing and screeching. The machine had its claws clutched around the animal's head, obscuring its eyes and allowing us to get close.

The forest around us echoed with the frantic hissing of the thing as it kicked and clawed at its captor and Jury swallowed before cowering behind me.

"H-how're we supposed to get its tears without getting turned to stone?" She squeaked. I leaned over to pat her on the back.

"Remember those gemstone glasses I was tinkering with last night?" I asked, at which she nodded. Reaching into my pants pocket, I pulled the glasses out. "Well, they might not be ready for what I really had in mind, they should be able to let me look in the thing's eyes without its magic working." I unfolded the glasses and checked the fit of the stones. I'd carefully chipped them from a larger pair of blue gems until I had a set of thin blue lenses for the frame. Eventually, I hoped I'd have something that'd let me see the flow of magic, but for now-

snap

I jumped and whirled around with my blasting talisman drawn. Jury let out a yelp and hugged the ground as we both scanned the woods around us. I quickly threw on my glasses on the chance it was another cockatrice but quickly realized there was no need.

Seven ponies with sour glares stepped out from the brush, led by a smirking orange stallion in a bow tie and big coke-bottle glasses who I recognized. Pinch Penny, one of the rich stallions who'd refused to even consider me for employment all at Filthy Rich's behest.

"Mornin' Bedlam!" He chirped.

"Bedford," I spat back.

"Oh, I didn't ask!" He chuckled. I grit my teeth and growled.

"Be nice," I hissed, my eyes drifting across his group as they formed a semi-circle around us. "How'd you find us?"

"Well, I had an inkling of an idea," Pinch explained with a hum, looking my golem up and down. "And some pals who do work out here who might've seen you skulking around." A chill danced up my spine at the thought of being spotted, but something about that statement struck me funny.

"So, what the hell do you want?" I pressed, still with my weapon aimed. His gaze drifted to me, but his smirk remained.

"That's a real neat thing you've built there. That uh, wooden thing behind you," he said, gesturing to the golem. I snarled my lip and grunted.

"And?"

"And I feel it'd be real nice of you if you, I dunno, whipped up a couple for me?" He offered with a bright look in his eyes. "I've heard about golems and such before, but never seen one in person! I heard they make for great cheap labor." I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"They do, but why in God's name would I do that for you?"

"Because if'n you don't, we'll have to go with my original plan and just tip off Celestia about your whereabouts Bedlam." I froze and locked eyes with him. "Since you two've been hiding out here the last few days, you might not know it, but the princess is looking for you both. Heh, one more than the other, of course." His smirk widened and I growled, aiming my talisman at him.

"And what's stopping me from blowing your head meat all over the forest floor?"

"Hah! You ain't no unicorn!" One of his thugs laughed, stomping his hoof at me. "How you gonna-" With a flick of my wrist, a beam of magic shot out and blew a hole in the ground at his hooves. He jumped and stumbled back, landing on his side before scrambling behind his fellows. Despite their newfound hesitance, Pinch remained unshaken.

"Go ahead! Take your best shot," he chirped, giving me a toothy grin. "But maybe you weren't listening? I've got some pals who work these woods. Pals who're waiting for me to make it back home." His smile turned dark.

"Pals who'd be pleased to let Her Majesty know where you're lurking if I didn't," he added before his smile turned bright. "So, that's some solid-" Whatever else he was going to say I'd never know, as I ripped the angry cockatrice out of my golem's grip by the tail and hurled it at his face. He let out a terrified shriek as the creature began biting and pecking at him, knocking his glasses off and then turning him to stone.

Pinch's thugs scrambled back with similar cries of terror, but before the bird could do them any harm I blasted it. Unlike the guard from a few nights prior, the creature was driven into the dirt and went still with a smoking charred patch on its back. The ponies huddled together, looking at me in terror and affording me a chance to look back at Jury, who was cowering on the ground with her hooves over her eyes. I took a heavy breath and then stalked towards the group of thugs, shoving over the petrified form of Pinch as I did.

"Let's clear the air," I began with a growl and thrust my pointing hand back at the golem. "I can have that golem or any of the dozens I've got in my lair hunt each and every one of you down, and haul a cockatrice with them, or one of these talismans, or any other awful thing I feel like. And I can teach 'em how to use 'em." The ponies shivered as I spoke, and I bent down to one knee.

"I could also have them wait until dark, and get you when you're asleep," I added with a low tone, which drew a mournful moan from one of them. "Listen closely if you don't want to die."

The doors to the throne room were pushed in by my golems that I'd instructed to escort our guests to me. In addition to the ponies Pinch had brought with him, there were four rough-looking specimens who scanned the ruined throne room with contempt, only giving consideration to the lines of golems forming a path up to where Jury and I sat.

"Good afternoon," I cheered with a wave. One of them, a tan hulking unicorn with a glass eye looked my way and snorted.

"Hoh, you must be Bedlam," he grumbled. Jury growled and stamped her hoof.

"His name is-" I cut her off with a wave of my hand.

"Edward Bedlam, to be precise. Try to keep it in mind going forward," I replied. He raised an eyebrow and glanced back at Pinch's thugs who wilted under his gaze and mine.

"So, what the heck do you want? These bums said you 'n Pinch came to an agreement, but wanted to talk to us," he turned and scanned the room. "Where is he anyhow?" I snapped my fingers and the left line of golems parted, revealing the petrified pony in question. As the four new ponies recoiled in shock, Pinch's boys fled the room and pulled the door shut behind them as ordered. The two golems who'd opened the door stood between it and the ponies.

"Pinch! What'd you do to him?!" The scrawny pegasus of the other three cried out. The big guy lit up his horn and adopted a wide stance aimed my way.

"Told him to be nice. He didn't listen," I said with a shrug and a smirk. "I was hoping you'd be more receptive."

"Receptive? The only receiving here is your teeth of my hoof, pal!" The big guy grunted. "You think these flimsy toys spook me? Fat chance!" He thrust his head back and one of the golems was yanked off its feet and crushed by magic.

"Heck yeah, Gravel!" The scrawny one cheered, snapping his wings out. "You don't scare us, you freak!"

"Dunno if Pinch made it clear, but we know the princess is looking for you!" The unicorn spat, taking a step back and watching the lines closely. "If anything happens to us, we got guys who'll-"

"Tell her exactly where I am, yeah, he said as much," I hummed and shook my head. "But I don't think you want that to happen."

"Why wouldn't we?" He growled. I adopted a cool smile and knit my fingers together.

"Because you're criminals, and probably don't want any extra attention drawn to whatever illicit work you get up to out here." The unicorn raised an eyebrow, but the scrawny pegasus let out a squawk.

"How the heck do you know that?!" He shrieked, causing my smile to widen and the unicorn to groan with a grimace.

"Cause you just told me, dumbass," I chortled. After a moment, the pegasus wilted and adopted a bashful smile at his annoyed companions. "But it was odd to me that anyone tied to an honest business pony like Pinch would have anything to do with a place like the Everfree." I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees.

"Unless of course, they were up to no good and needed secrecy," I added with a low chuckle. The four of them shared an anxious look before Gravel hurled a venomous glare my way.

"So, what? You gonna rat on us to her highness to get back in her good graces?" He demanded. I smiled and turned to Jury, who let out a quiet sigh of relief. I turned back to the criminals and rose to my feet.

"Absolutely not. Rather, I was hoping we could come to an agreement," I explained stepping down from the throne and approaching them. "Since you are criminals, what are the chances you'd have need of, say, unstable alchemical mixtures for blasting?" I gestured to my golems.

"Or flying machines to tirelessly deliver sensitive materials? Or dedicated and enduring golem guards and laborers?" I stood before them and smiled. "Because I can offer all of this and more." The four of them scanned the animunculi around them and me before sharing a look. After a moment, Gravel turned back to me with a curious look.

"What'd you have in mind, Mr. Bedlam?"