Rumble Splits Lickety

by Neon Czolgosz

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Romance, Comedy, Rumble, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 8118

Aged-up Rumble and Lickety Split clop. M/M shippery.

Rumble and Lickety Split are in the final year of high school, and both in their first ever relationship. For years, each thought he was the only gay colt in Ponyville. Two weeks ago, they found each other. It's the happiest they've ever been.

Tonight, Rumble has an empty house and Lickety is coming over. They have a plan.

They're going to have sex. It's going to be wonderful. And nothing will go wrong.

Two of those things will happen.

Side-sequel to Pipsqueak's Day Off, not at all required for reading. Both characters over the age of consent.

Published 2012-10-11 01:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-19 18:35:37 UTC

Joy

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

Three knocks sound out, and the lone occupant of the house zooms toward the front door.

Mom, dad, thank you both so much for not buying a cloud house.

The grey pegasus bolts downstairs, turns right, and sprints to the front door. He nearly slams face-first into it, and fumbles madly with the lock. After too many seconds, it's open.

An earth pony in his late teens is standing there, in the drizzle. Burnt caramel coat. Floppy blond mane sitting damp across his face. Those sweet blue eyes, that silly, sheepish grin. It's Lickety split, the pegasus's coltfriend.

My coltfriend. I have a coltfriend!

"Hey, Rumble. Can I come in?" There's an adorable flutter in his voice.

"Step right in to the palace of love, Lickey!"

Lickety steps inside, and as he's through the door Rumble darts in close and presses his lips against his. The kiss is short and chaste. Lickety's lips are damp with rain but so warm and so soft. His eyes are still closed when they break the kiss. Both of their hearts are thumping in their chests.

They've been going out for two weeks, since Diamond Tiara's party. They're in the final year of high school, and it's their first real relationship. Every kiss still feels like that.

They close the door, and then quickly head upstairs. Rumble opens the door to the bedroom. It's a spacious room, with a double bed and a desk. There are posters all over the walls and ceiling, of bands, atheletes and models. Clothes, books and graphic novels are scattered haphazardly on the floor.

"Wow. This is your room?"

Rumble grins. "Nah, it's Thunderlane's. He's got a double bed."

Lickety raises his eyebrows. "And he's okay with this?"

"What big bro don't know won't hurt him."

"Sneaky." Lickety kisses Rumble, catching him off guard. Rumble's eyes go wide, then slowly close as he sinks into the kiss. Lickety is strangely forceful, and pushes into him. Before he knows it, Rumble is suddenly pushed out of the bedroom door.

"Wha?"

Lickety cuts him off. "Wait there until I say. I've got a surprise for you," he says, tapping his saddle bag. With a wink, he closes the bedroom door, leaving Rumble outside.

Rumble blinks a few times, trying to figure out what just happened. A surprise? What kind of surprise? Beer? Chocolate? Haybacon? Or.. or is it going to be a sexy surprise? Is he going to let me eat haybacon off his flanks? I'd like that. I hope it's a sexy surprise.

A minute later, Lickety's voice brings him out of his thoughts. "Come in, I'm ready!" Rumble opens the door and steps inside. The sight stops him in his tracks.

Lickety is laid on his front on the bed, facing away from the door. He's wearing a pair of white cotton panties over his shapely, chocolate-brown flanks. There are knee-length, white cotton socks on his crossed hind legs. The back of his straw-coloured mane is pulled into two cute pigtails, and the front is swept over one eye. He's looking over his shoulder at a stunned Rumble, with an innocent expression on his face.

Rumble swallows, his words caught in his throat. "Uh... you look..."

"Close the door," says Lickety, almost whispering. "And come here."

Rumble does as he's told, and silently makes his way to the bed. His heart is pounding in his chest, and his legs feel like they're not quite his own. He puts a leg on the bed.

"Stop," orders Lickety. Rumble is still. Lickety parts his hind legs slightly. "Kiss my back hoof," says Lickety, breathily. "Then work your way up."

Rumble nods wordlessly, then shifts along the bed to Lickety's back legs. He takes Lickety's left hoof between his front hooves. Then he leans forward, and plants a kiss on the bottom. The cotton sock is soft against his lips. Lickety relaxes into the sheets. Rumble kisses the hoof again. He moves up and kisses Lickety's calf. He goes further and kisses his way up the leg. He reaches Lickety's inner thigh, and finds his face inches away from his coltfriend's panty-clad flanks.

Oh Celestia, something about that butt is just...

It's not hardened from constant exercise or flabby from too little. It's soft, round and just right, a perfect peach of a butt. Rumble swallows, then inches forward and grazes his muzzle over the chocolate curves. He can smell a hint of aftershave, mixed with clean, fresh sweat. His eyes glaze over.

Rumble buries his face between his coltfriend's flanks. He nuzzles Lickety's balls through the soft cotton, nips at the side of the cheeks, rubs his face from side to side and massages Lickety's flanks with his hooves. His coltfriend's flanks are very clean, but there's a wonderfully musky smell. He inhales deeply. Lickety sighs with pleasure.

Rumble reluctantly lifts his face from the flanks, and kisses his way up his brown-coated boyfriend once more. He moves faster this time, planting kisses one after the other, dragging his tongue across Lickety's ice-cream cutie mark. He kisses up Lickety's barrel, up his back, up to his withers. Lickety makes little noises of contentment as Rumble kisses his back. When Rumble reaches Lickety's neck, he gently bites and sucks on the side. Lickety rolls over onto his back, and pulls Rumble into a deep kiss.

Despite being on the bottom, Lickety is full of passionate intensity. He runs his hooves through Rumble's dark grey mane and slips his tongue in his mouth. Their tongues move with and against each other. Rumble tastes toothpaste and bittersweet cocoa in his boyfriend's mouth. He breaks the kiss, dragging his teeth over Lickety's bottom lip as he does. Lickety slips down and starts kissing and nipping at Rumble's neck.

The two lovers mash their chests and bellies together. Rumble's cock is achingly stiff, and he can feel Lickety's hot and equally hard erection rubbing against his. The thought of it alone makes his cock throb. The actual sensation, the heat coming from his boyfriend's dick makes him grind his hips into Lickety's crotch. Lickety's balls are straining against the cotton panties, and half of his erection is poking out of the top. They grope at each other, clumsy and fumbling, just trying to feel each other everywhere, almost as if to make sure they're both really there.

Lickety brings a hoof down on Rumble's thundercloud cutie mark, and flips his boyfriend onto his back. He plants a kiss on Rumble's lips, soft and short, and then looks into his eyes.

"Rumble," he says, his voice almost a whisper. "I want to suck your cock."

Rumble swallows and looks at his boyfriend, mouth slightly open. I'm going to get a blowjob! My first blowjob! This is- Wait, he wants a reply. Say something. Say something!

"Uhhh..." Rumble pauses and swallows again, his mouth oddly dry. "Yes! Uh, please."

Lickety smiles upward at him, and starts to kiss his way down his body. Rumble strokes one of Lickety's ears with a hoof, making the earth pony giggle. Lickety reaches his boyfriend's ribs, and keeps kissing downwards, nuzzling the soft, grey fur on his belly. His chin touches the top of Rumble's cock, and he cradles it in both hooves. It's six inches long, jet black, and burningly hot. He looks up at Rumble's eyes, and plants a soft kiss on the head.

Rumble lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

Lickety's bright blue eyes never leave Rumble's as he kisses his way down the shaft. He pushes his hind legs up, showing off his shapely flanks to his boyfriend. The white filly's panties are tight against his balls and shaft, and they force him to keep his tail high in the air. It makes him feel like a slut. He's Rumble's slut.

Rumble groans as Lickety laps at the base of his cock. Lickety goes down further and starts licking his balls sloppily, then sucking one in his mouth. Rumble's mind almost melts; it's like sinking crotch-first into a hot bath. Lickety opens his mouth wide, trying to take Rumble's entire sack in his mouth at once. He succeeds, and Rumble giggles at the sight of Lickety's cheeks bulging cutely.

Lickety lets the balls out of his mouth and starts licking his way up the cock, drooling all over it. He rubs a hoof over Rumble's balls and into his taint as he does. When he reaches the top, he sucks the head into his mouth.

Oh fuck. This is it. He's sucking my cock. I'm looking at the cutest colt in Ponyville, and my cock is in his mouth. It feels...

It doesn't feel like pure ectasy. No surges of pleasure course through his body like lightning. His world doesn't explode into a shimmering kaleidoscope of lust.

It just feels, well, good. Pleasant. Lickety's mouth is warm and his tongue is gentle. It feels nice. Like he could stay here all day.

Lickety tries to take the cock deeper in his mouth, but it's too thick. He only manages two and a half inches. Rumble doesn't mind. He splays his wings out, getting more comfortable, and tenderly runs a hoof through Lickety's blond mane.

Lickety makes up for his inexperience with enthusiasm. He takes it as deep as he comfortably can and drools all over it, getting it slick with saliva. He moans with hunger and lust as he sucks and licks, and makes happy sounds when Rumble lets out a contented sigh.

A few minutes later, Lickety sucks right to Rumble's tip, letting go with a 'pop.' He plants a little kiss on the side of Rumble's length, and then looks up at him.

He brushes his mane from his eyes, and whispers, "Rumble, can we do it? Tonight?"

"Like, sex?"

"Yeah."

Rumble grins. It's the cocky athelete's grin that Lickety loves. "Sure."

Lickety beams at him. "How do you wanna do it?"

"Stand up and turn around." Lickety does so, turning his flank towards Rumble. "Now put your chest and head down on the sheets, with your butt sticking up."

"Like this?"

Rumble's eyes glaze over, and he nods at the sight. "Uh-huh..." He takes a moment to admire his boyfriend's arse. Two perfect globes, the color of milk chocolate and wonderfully soft, framed by filly's panties. Then he runs a hoof along Lickety's back leg, along the soft cotton of the socks, and gives the rump a smack just to see it jiggle.

Rumble leans in close to the base of Lickety's tail, which swishes over his face and makes his ears twitch. He nips forward and takes the top of the white panties between his teeth. He slowly pulls them down Lickety's legs, revealing his prize. He can see everything. Lickety's mottled pink balls, his stiff shaft swinging undernearth, and his tight little butthole.

"Uh, Lickey?" he says, unsure of how to word the question. "How clean are you back here?"

Lickety cranes his neck to look back at his boyfriend. "Don't worry, I had a long shower, and, eh..." He stops and giggles nervously. "...I borrowed a donut syringe from work, so I'm as clean as I can get. I feel pretty guilty, I had to throw it out afterwards."

Good enough for me.

Rumble inches forward, and touches his tongue to Lickety's asshole. It tastes of nothing, just skin and sweat. He flicks his tongue over it a few times, and gets it wet with saliva. Then he pushes his tongue into the tight little hole. Lickety bites his bottom lip and coos with delight. The sound spurs Rumble on, and he massages Lickety's cutie mark as he licks his ass. A minute later, he pulls away.

"Um, Rumble, I didn't bring any lube..."

He flashes that grin again. "Don't worry Lickey, I took care of it."

Rumble nips off the bed and picks up a small plastic bottle he'd left by the bedside table. It's a bottle of personal lubricant. He'd asked Pokey Pierce for advice yesterday, and he'd reccomended this brand and told him to use lots. Rumble gets back on the bed, pops the top off the bottle, and slathers a generous amount over his cock, spreading it with his hooves. He squirts a little onto Lickety's butthole, making him shiver at the sensation, then pushes the nozzle into his ass and squeezes in about half the bottle.

Rumble puts the bottle to the side, and then puts his front hooves on Lickety's back. He uses a hoof to guide his cock onto his coltfriend's anus.

"You ready?" he asks.

"Yeah." Lickety's voice is a whisper, "Be gentle." Lickety cranes his neck and Rumble nips down to kiss him.

The pegasus slowly starts to sink his length into Lickety's butt. It's incredibly tight, and warm and soft. Two inches in, Lickety gasps sharply.

"Ahh, stop!"

Rumble freezes, his stomach turns to ice. "Shit, you okay?!"

"Yeah, sorry, just give me a second." Lickety wiggles around underneath him for a moment. "There, go ahead. Just be slow."

Rumble cautiously pushes into him. Lickety lets out a slow, high-pitched moan as he bottoms out.

He's completely inside Lickety. Lickety's anus is squeezing the base of his cock, and the rest is in a warm, comfortable void. Rumble nuzzles the back of his mane as he sighs happily. The pegasus pulls out Lickety's hairbands so he can rub that delicious blond mane across his face. He kisses the back of his neck and nips at the earth pony's ears. Lickety giggles, and pushes his rump back against Rumble's cock.

They start to fuck. Rumble pulls out slowly, until only half his length is inside, and then slides back in. "You're so soft and sweet, Lickey. You want it badly, you little slut."

Lickety grinds back into his hips. "Mmmm, I'm your little filly."

Neither of them say anything for a moment. Then they both burst out laughing at the corniness of their sexy talk.

"Mare, we'd so be fired if we were pornstars," says Rumble.

"Hee, yeah." He twists for another kiss. "Now fuck me, you sexy, sexy studmuffin!"

Rumble is happy to comply, and quickly gets into a good rythym. He slips a lubed-up hoof under Lickety and starts clopping him off. Lickety moans and slams his rump backwards into him. Their fucking becomes fast and fluid, made easy by the slick lube. Rumble changes the angle a little, and Lickety starts moaning incoherently.

"You close, baby?"

Lickety just nods and bites into the pillow. Rumble pulls the back of his mane with his teeth, and keeps fucking at the exact same pace. One of Lickety's front hooves comes down on top of Rumble's. Both of them stroke up and down Lickety's cock at the same time.

Lickety's moans get higher in pitch. "I'm gonna oh I'm gonna!" With a throaty groan he shoots his load into the sheets. Rumble keeps on fucking and stroking, though more gentle. The earth colt keeps spurting, and his cock keeps twitching even as the spurts stop. His back legs collapse, and he lays down on his belly.

Rumble is about to speak, then Lickety says, "Keep going, Rumby. Finish inside me. Fill me up."

Rumble starts fucking him again, with long, slow strokes. He pulls out until just the tip is inside, then buries the whole thing inside him. Lickety moans ever so softly. Five minutes later the thrusts become shorter and uncoordinated. Rumble squeezes his eyes shut and comes. His whole body siezes up as he shoots his seed into Lickety.

They lie there together for a while, comfortable, silent. Rumble snuggles close against his lover, sharing the warmth and softness. Both of them just lost their virginity.

"Rumble, that - that was..."

"It sure was, Lickey."

It's ten minutes before either of them think of moving. Rumble is first to speak.

"You wanna go clean up, babe?"

Lickety turns and kisses him on the lips, short and sweet. "I'd love to."

Rumble pulls out of him, and then Lickety stands up and stretches. That's when Rumble sees something very bad.

Lube.

Filthy, frothy lube, mixed with semen.

Filthy frothy lube, mixed with semen, squirting out of Lickety Split's anus like Discord's water pistol!

"Gah! Lickety - butthole! Lube! Stop!"

"Wait, what?" Lickety turns around in a circle, trying to see the problem. The foul mess goes all over the sheets, and spurts onto the limited edition autographed poster of Fluttershy at the head of Thunderlane's bed. Lickety sees the mess, and starts to freak out.

"EWWWW! Rumble what the hay! What do I do what do I do?!"

"Clench! Clench!"

"I'm clenching!"

"IT'S NOT WORKING!"

The flow hasn't stopped, and somehow clenching seems to make it worse. It just comes out at a higher pressure, spraying vileness across the bed, over Thunderlane's alarm clock, the carpet, his The Immortal Game graphic novels, and other items that were previously unlubricated.

"Rumble, quick, plug it!" cries Lickety.

"With what?"

"With you!"

Rumble gets the hint and hastily mounts Lickety. It takes several awkward and intensely humiliating seconds, but he manages to stuff his softening penis back inside.

Oh mother of Celestia, Thunderlane is going to kill me. They'll never find the body. There won't be a body to find.

Lickety's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He sounds testy. "Rumby, how much lube did you use?"

"Dunno, like, most of the bottle?"

"How much was in it at the start?" There's a definite edge to his voice now.

"It was new, a ten ounce bottle."

Lickety's eye twitches. "Those things are meant to last two months, Rumble!" he yells.

"Well I didn't know, did I? Pokey just said use a lot, he didn't warn me about turning my boyfriend into a fucking sewage cannon!" he snaps, instantly feeling bad about it. "Sorry for snapping."

Lickety relaxes, and gives a little smile. "Okay. Don't worry, it's going to be fine. We'll get everything fixed, we just need to clean up, and then, well, clean up. We just need to get to the bathroom."

"It's downstairs."

"Wonderful." Lickety sags.

"It's no problem, we'll just walk downstairs together and clean up. The house is empty, big bro is at Flitter's and my parents are at a poker night with Sweetie Belle's parents."

With some creative shuffling, they both waddle off the bed, Rumble still balls-deep inside of Lickety. They start walking very gingerly out of the room together, Rumble standing on two hooves and keeping the other two on the small of Lickety's back. It takes a full minute to reach the top of the stairs.

Getting down the stairs is slow and terrifying. Rumble flutters his wings to stay stable and avoid putting too much weight on Lickety. A single false step will send them into painful cartwheels of agony and filth. Three steps from the bottom, Lickety stops.

"You okay, Lickey?"

Rumble notices an oddly green tint to Lickety's cheeks. "I can't - the smell, I'm gonna..."

"You're gonna what?" Oh. OH! Oh no! No no no! "Wait, Lickety don't throw up please don't if you throw up-"

There's a soft, wet noise. On second-from-bottom step is a small patch of sick.

It might be okay, the smell might not be that bad-

The smell hits Rumble. There is a second soft, wet noise.

"...I'm so sorry Lickey," croaks rumble. He sounds on the edge of tears."

"Rumble."

"..."

"You threw up on my back."

"..."

"It's in my tail."

"We - we should get to the bathroom."

"Yeah."

They reach the bottom of the stairs, looking rather worse for wear, but the worst is over. They're in the hallway. A meter away is the door to the sitting room. To the left is the kitchen, and to the right, next to the front door, is the main bathroom. The floor underneath them is hardwood, easy to wipe clean.

That's when they hear the most terrible sound.

The sound of a key in the front door.

Pain

Rumble and Lickety Split barrel into the living room, just quickly enough to miss the door opening. They waddle behind the living room curtains and hide, still lewdly locked together crotch-to-flank, silently praying to Celestia that the ponies at the front door aren't going anywhere near the living room. Or Thunderlane's room for that matter.

Alas, their prayers go unanswered.

Rumble and Lickety hear the sound of many hoofsteps and voices. They hear the gravelly bark of Thunderbolt, Rumble's father and the soft, raspy tone of Skyblossom, Rumble's mother. The bubbly, hyperactive voice of Pinkie Pie, the town gossip. The elegant, affected voice of Rarity, the other town gossip. Lickety's blood turns to ice when he hears a mare's nasal Baltimare accent. That's his mom, thinks Rumble, that's Lickety's mom, Buttercream. She gave me cookies when I hung out at his place on Tuesday. I'm ten feet away with my cock in her son's ass. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

More hoofsteps, more voices. More than six, maybe a dozen. Rumble and Lickety hear the living room door open, and the ponies start to file in. Chair legs scrape against the floor as ponies sit around the living room table. Rumble nudges his head forward, and peers out of the edge of the curtains. His parents haven't turned the overhead lights on, only the lamps. Rumble stays very still in the dim light, becoming more horrified as he sees who's in the room.

Mom, dad, Magnum, Pearl, Buttercream, Caster, Pinkie Pie, Rarity — my fucking boss, Rarity — Rainbow Dash, Bon Bon and Lyra. They are not here to stay. They are sitting down to rest their hooves, then they're going to raid the liquor cabinet and go somewhere else. They must go somewhere else.

"Thanks for hosting on such short notice, Thunderbolt," says Magnum, taking his coat off then sitting down, "Me and Pearl forgot about Sweetie's practice session tonight. She plays with that dragon all the time now, I didn't even know he was a musician..."

"Oh yes, Spike is quite the talented pianist," says Rarity.

"Said the nurse to the guardspony!"

Rarity laughs and waves him off, "Oh father, you're dreadful!"

"That he is," says Thunderbolt. "You're all welcome tonight, anyway. Thunderlane's over at his marefriends’ place, and Rumble is... somewhere, dubtrotting or whatever it is teenagers do these days. Teenagers still do drugs, right? They'd better still do drugs. I didn't raise Rumble to be some sissy who lives on tap water and good intentions, hah! Now let's get down to business, it's time to get drunk and play cards. Nopony leaves this room 'til sunrise! Unless you have to pee." His face darkens and muscles ripple under his grey coat. "Pee in my living room and I'll cripple you..." he growls.

Skyblossom brings in several bottles of gin and some tonic, and serves drinks as Rarity conjures up several stacks of chips and doles them out. Soon, eleven of the ponies in the room are drinking, laughing and playing poker. The two other ponies are hidden behind the curtains in an uncomfortable position, either stuffed inside another pony or being stuffed by another pony.

"Hey Thunderbolt," says Magnum, "What was the joke you were going to tell us before we left our place?"

"That? Oh, it's a good one." Thunderbolt grins and slugs his gin and tonic. Everypony looks at him, and he takes a moment to drink in the attention. "So there's four merchant bankers in a train cab, a Cloudsdaler, a donkey, a Fillydelphian and a griffon. They're joking and boasting and all trying to flaunt how rich and successful they are. The griffon takes out this bottle of spiced brandy, real classy stuff, the sort made from champagne grapes and aged for twenty years in barrels of the finest pearwood. The stuff that costs two-hundred bits a bottle. He takes a swig of it, then chucks the bottle out of the window. The other passengers gawk at him, and he just shrugs and says 'Plenty more back where I'm from.'

"So they talk some more, until the Cloudsdaler pulls out a snuff box. It's full of white salts, the kind you're not even allowed to export from Cloudsdale, purified with lightning so it hits you like a cannonball but lets you down as gentle as a feather. The sort of salts that cost two-hundred bits a gram. He taps out a line onto a pocket mirror, snorts it and then flings the snuff box out of the window. Like the griffon, he shrugs and says 'Plenty more back where I'm from.'

"By now, the Fillydelphian is seething, and he knows he's got to one-up these other bastards. So he grabs the donkey, throws him out of the window, sits back with a smug grin and says, 'Plenty more back where I'm from!'"

Everypony at the table bursts out in groans and laughter. "That was awful," says Lyra, "Never change."

"Terrible," says Bon Bon, rolling her eyes. Rumble feels Lickety tense up underneath him. Oh Celestia, Bon Bon is his boss. He used her confectionary contraptions to clean his colon. Please Luna, drop a shooting star on this house...

Buttercream is cringing, fidgeting her butter-yellow hooves. "I don't know, that joke is a bit... out there, for me, personally."

Caster nods along with her. "I agree. It's funny, but I wouldn't be comfortable telling it around Cranky and Matilda."

"Ahh, come on, we're all friends here, it's a funny joke," says Magnum, shrugging. "Everypony is so politically correct these days, it's almost as bad as the nine-eighties."

"I agree," says Rarity, "Sometimes I feel like they've banned common sense, you can barely put two words together without someone calling you a racist. Now I'm certainly no racist, one of my very best friends is a zebra, but there are still parts of Manehattan I wouldn't walk around at night. That's not racism, it's just good sense."

"Rares, that is some bullshit," says Rainbow Dash, "There's bad parts of Cloudsdale too, and there's not many zebra up there."

"Oh, I'm not saying it's a racial thing, heavens above. It's just that there's a certain culture in places like that. I know they've been traditionally deprived, but it's naive to expect that they'd all instantly become well mannered law-abiding citizens simply because they were treated poorly in the past."

"Still bullshit."

"Rainbow Dash!"

"Look, I get that you're not burning sundials outside Zecora's hut or anything, but you've still got that freaky Ponyville attitude. Are you gonna tell me you wouldn't blink if you saw Sweetie Belle walking down the street tail-in-tail with a zebra? You wouldn't ask him pointed questions about what his family does for a living? Wouldn't worry about Sweetie picking up 'bad language' and 'bad habits' from him? Wouldn't try to touch his mane?"

"Rainbow Dash, you're out of line," says Magnum, "You know we'd welcome any coltfriend of Sweetie's with open wings, as long as he was nice and not a scumbag or a mohawked welfare thug."

"No, Rainbow has a point," says Rarity, "I phrased it very badly, I only meant to talk about communities, not zebra. I'm very sorry if I offended anypony; that was not my intention. Let's change the subject."

Rainbow Dash nods, her expression softening. "Yeah, good idea. So, ponies, what's new? Didja hear about the riot me and Thunderbolt stopped the other week?"

A collective groan rises from the ponies.

"Yes," says Bon Bon.

"Yes," say Magnum and Pearl.

"You called me a hippie and laughed in my face when I asked if the use of dogs on teenagers was a reasonable use of force," says Caster.

"Yes," says Buttercream.

"I'm representing several of the ponies you arrested in court and I'm bound by oath and law not to comment," says Lyra.

"I thought you were a harper?" says Skyblossom.

Lyra shrugs. "I also harp."

"You have told me on more than one occasion, Rainbow Dash," says Rarity.

"You told me three times today, and twice yesterday, and once on Wednesday before we started making out, and twice on Tuesday, and-"

"Fine," huffs Rainbow Dash, "Does anypony have any less awesome news?"

Skyblossom perks up, a silly grin on her face. "I think our son might have a secret fillyfriend!" Oh dear Celestia please no please stop talking mom oh please. "He's been zipping off to see 'friends' all this week and last week and he just blushes bright red and gets tongue tied when I ask who it is. It's adorable! He must have found somepony he really likes; none of his other fillyfriends lasted longer than a week, he just went through them one after another."

Thunderbolt smiles proudly and lights up a cigar. "Yeah, the colt's a real ladykiller."

"He's a lovely young stallion, I'm sure he's found a very nice fillyfriend," says Rarity.

"Actually, I think Lickety has a marefriend too, he's been doing those exact same things," says Buttercream. "I'm so happy for him, he's seemed so lonely lately, and that's completely changed over the last few weeks."

"D'aww, lil' Lickey has a marefriend?" says Bon Bon, "I'm going to give him such a ribbing over that the next shift he has — nothing too bad, I'm not a monster." She raises her forelegs in mock-surrender when Buttercream gives her a look.

Thunderbolt's brow is furrowed, his expression somewhere between perplexion and indigestion. "Lickety Split? I thought your son was a gay."

"Not — not that I know of..." says Buttercream.

"'A gay?' Seriously?" says Lyra.

"He's never said that he was," says Caster, his eyebrows raised, "Why would you say he is?"

Thunderbolt looks uncomfortable for the first time this evening. "Well, you know, he's got a long mane, and uh, he's kinda campy acting not that there's anything wrong with that, and he makes ice cream—"

"What's wrong with ice cream?" asks Bon Bon sharply.

"Yeah, why is making ice cream gay?" asks Caster.

"'A gay?' I'm not letting this drop, I mean, 'a gay?' Luna above, it isn't the Dark Ages anymore, you can't call us that," says Lyra.

"It's — it's sweet, and popsicles and ice cream cones, they look — I mean, they look kind of like - you know, when you lick them..." Thunderbolt trails off.

Lyra crosses her front legs. "You're all seriously going to let this pass, aren't you? He just dropped 'a gay' into casual conversation like a landmine in a playground and none of you are going to dig it up? You know what, fuck you ponies. I need a wicked piss, excuse me." With that, she gets up and leaves the room.

"I see where you're coming from, but, doesn't your son work for Rarity in a dress shop?" asks Buttercream.

Rarity turns her nose up. "Nothing gay about that, I'll have you know."

"Kinda fruity," says Rainbow Dash.

"Rumble is working for a business," says Thunderbolt, a tad defensively, "Business is manly, even the fashion business. Especially the fashion business! Look at that Hoity Toity fellow. He's surrounded by mares!"

The living room door opens, and a grey pegasus pokes his head in. "Hey mom, dad, hey guys. You playing poker?"

"Thunderlane!" says Skyblossom, "Come give your mom a kiss!"

"Sure thing, ma." He trots over an plants a kiss on her cheek.

Thunderbolt slaps Thunderlane on the back. "Son, it's great to see you, sit down, have a drink, we'll deal you in."

"Ah, sorry dad, I'm just back to pick up some clothes from my room, if I'm not back soon Flitter will chew me out."

Oh no. Fear grips every nerve in Rumble's body. His pupils turn to pinpricks. Every muscle freezes stiff. His cock retracts straight back into his sheath, pulling out of Lickety Split with a quiet 'slup'. A frothy mixture of lube, semen and excrement seeps out of Lickety and runs down his legs and onto the floor.

"It's lovely to see you anyway, Thundy," says Skyblossom, "Give Flitter and Cloudchaser our love."

"Will do, ma, see you tomorrow." He trots out of the room, and Lyra comes back in a moment later.

"Hey guys, I'm back," says Lyra. "Oh, Skyblossom, I don't want to gross you out or anything but your cat threw up on the stairs."

Skyblossom blinks rapidly, and gives Lyra a wary look. "We don't have a cat..."

Pinkie Pie sniffs the air and looks around the room. "Hey, do you ponies smell that? There's a weird smell in the air. It smells like... *sniff* *sniff* huh... It smells like anal sex and fear."

Lickety lets out a sudden, terrified squeal.

Thunderbolt sits bolt upright. "What was that!?"

"Burglars?" says Rarity.

"That curtain just twitched!" yells Rainbow Dash. Oh Celestia no!

"Thunderbolt, on three just like back on deployment," says Magnum, "One, two, three!"

Magnum rips the curtains off the poles with telekinesis, revealing Rumble and Lickety Split to the whole room. Rumble is on top of Lickety, his limp cock hanging behind Lickety's flanks, a puddle of foul juices underneath them. The room rings with shocked silence.

Lickety bursts into tears and runs off crying as fast as he can. Not a single other pony moves.

Thunderbolt is the first pony to speak. "Well, at least he's on top."

Silence reigns once more. Nopony moves.

Suddenly, there is a strangled cry from upstairs.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?!"

Catharsis

Rumble stares at his bedroom ceiling. His world is grey bleakness, and all he feels is a dull ache inside him. The clock on his table had said 1:15 in the morning, the last time he looked at it. That had been ages ago. He can't sleep and can't get up, as if this horrible night wants to draw itself out as long as possible. Time will stretch on, until the rocks melt and the seas burn, and Rumble will be stuck in bed, staring at his ceiling and contemplating the last few hours.

The night had started perfectly. He'd lost his virginity to Lickety Split. So far so wonderful. It all went nimbostratus-shaped from there. They had destroyed Rumble's big brother's room with frothy used lubricant, vomited on the stairs, and outed Lickety to his boss and parents. Lickety had run off crying, and Rumble just trudged up to his room. Nopony stopped him.

There's a soft knock on the bedroom door. "Hey, uh, Rumble? Can I come in?" It's Thunderlane, speaking softly and tentatively. Rumble grunts, and the door opens. Thunderlane shuts it behind him, then sits on the bed next to his little brother.

"Hey lil' bro," says Thunderlane, his voice a light step on a rickety bridge, "You doing okay?"

Rumble grunts and stares at the ceiling, his face slack with utter sadness.

"So, you've..." Thunderlane looks around, as if unsure of his next move. "You've had a pretty crazy evening, huh?"

Rumble grunts again, though it sounds more like a squeak.

"That kid Lickety, I, uh, I guess he's why you've been so happy for the last few weeks, right?" He places a hoof on Rumble's left shoulder.

Rumble lets out a low, mournful wail, then rolls over and sobs into his pillow. "I've lost him," he cries, muffled through the down, "He's the cutest, sweetest, smartest guy I've ever met and I love him and I screwed it up and now he hates me and I'm never going to see him again! I got him outed in front of his parents and in front of his boss and her wife so he's fired and Rarity was there so I'm fired and dad's going to disown me and..."

He clamps the pillow into his face, sobbing hysterically. Thunderlane rolls his eyes. He grabs his little brother, rolls him onto his back and rips the pillow away.

"Rumble, listen, listen! Lickety Split is not getting fired. You are not getting fired. Nopony is getting disowned. I've met his parents, they're milder than semi-skimmed milk and won't care. And our parents? Dad will come around, and I'm pretty sure mom suspected it already." Thunderlane looks his little brother in the eye.

Rumble sniffles. "But in the living room-"

"But nothing," says Thunderlane. "Bro, I know Lyra and Bon Bon. I don't know if you noticed, but neither one of them has a dick. Both of them know what coming out is like, and Bon Bon had to come out to her parents who I've heard are crazy traditionalists. Geniunely crazy. Screaming-at-rocks crazy. Lickety is not getting fired. He'll probably get a day off and a raise."

Rumble nods, but still looks sullen. "Rarity saw me and she's really proper, there's no way she'll let me - ow!" He winces as Thunderlane slaps his ear with a wingtip.

"Sorry, reflex, I do that when I hear stupid things, can't help it. Because yeah, Rarity will just be scandalised by a gay stallion working in the fashion business," says Thunderlane. A tiny grin appears on Rumble's face, breaking through the frown. "Come on, dude, she knew already. And proper? Tits from Tartarus, you're a grown pony now, we'll have to take you drinking with her. You'll see how proper she is when she's ten shots in, screaming Equestria Girls with Pinkie at the top of her lungs, and waving her vagina at the bouncers."

Rumble giggles, his red eyes crinkling at the edges in a smile. "Really?"

"That's on her better nights. And don't worry about dad, either. He'll mutter some words to mom, mom will snap at him, and tomorrow he won't have a problem with it. The worst he'll do is give you an awkward lecture on using condoms. Exact same thing happened when I started dating two mares. Before I did it, I heard him going on about polyamorists being a bunch of base perverts who act like we're still grazing herds. That changed when he found that I was one. Kid, you'll be fine. Trust me."

Rumble stops sniffling, and sits up. "Th-thanks, Thunderlane. How come you're all cool, and not..."

Thunderlane laughs. "Not punching you for wrecking my room? I thought about it, but I've got a guilty conscience. Remember the Baltimare Music Festival I took you to when you were fourteen?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember how you said your pillow smelled funny?"

"...yeah?"

"That was me. I banged this mare dolphin-style in the tent. I might have used your pillow to prop up her butt. She wasn't clean." Thunderlane clears his throat, awkwardly. Rumble stares at him.

"You bastard."

"Yeah."

"No, seriously bro, I got conjunctivitis from that pillow."

"My bad, Rumble."

"Mom thought I didn't know how to wipe my ass."

"I remember that."

"She kept waiting outside the bathroom to check that I'd washed my hooves properly."

"Yeah. That was hilarious," says Thunderlane. "Still, I think we're even after tonight."

"Yeah." Rumble smiles at Thunderlane. "Thanks, big bro."

"No problem. Now are you going to sit here and mope all night, or go out and get your boyfriend back?"

Rumble stares at him, confused. "What? There's no way he'll have me back, not after what I put him through..."

"Midden will he not. You're head over hoof for this dude. If he likes you even a third as much as you like him, he'll take you back in a second. Go round his, tell him you're sorry, tell him you're still into him, ask him where he wants to go with it. He'll take you back. He probably never let you go in the first place."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, dumbass, you think he ran away because he couldn't bear being next to you instead of, I dunno, because his parents, your parents and his boss just saw him with a dick up his butt? Get up, clean up and go kiss and make up!"

"Yeah?" Rumble is sitting up now, no longer miserable. "Yeah! I'm going to do that, I'll go over there right now! Thanks, bro!"

"No worries, Rumble." Thunderlane grins, and bumps hooves with him. "Two things though."

"Oh?"

"Use less lube."

"Got it. And?" Rumble is off the bed, already starting to clean himself up.

"Stay the fuck out of my room."

* * *

Half an hour later, Rumble flutters outside Lickety Split's first-floor bedroom window. He taps a hoof on the glass, soft enough that only a pony in that room could hear. After a dozen seconds, a light flicks on and a figure trots toward the window. Lickety Split pulls the curtains open, and stumbles on the spot when he sees Rumble hovering outside. He opens the window so quickly that he fumbles the latch, then yanks Rumble inside, grabbing the pegasus in a crushing hug.

"Rumble I'm so glad you're here I'm so sorry it was my fault if I hadn't squeaked they'd never have found us-"

Rumble returns the hug, stroking a hoof down Lickety's neck. "It was my fault, Lickety, I got you into that room in the first place. I came here to apologise, Lickey."

"I thought you'd hate me," whispers Lickety. "You said your dad was all macho and always expecting you to have a marefriend. I thought you'd never want to see me again."

"Dad's cool with it. And even if he wasn't, I'd still stay with you." The hug softens but they stay in place, resting their heads on each other's shoulders. "...are your folks okay with it?"

"My mom already knew about it, and dad doesn't mind. Lyra and Bon Bon came round earlier, to tell me that it was okay, I wasn't fired or anything and that if I needed any help or advice I could come to them. They did take the syringe from my wages though, but I guess I had that coming." Lickety nuzzles into Rumble, who giggles softly.

They nuzzle more, softly rubbing faces against necks and withers. Lickety draws back and places a soft kiss on Rumble's cheek. Then two more, and three in return. They breathe fast and heavy, their noses an inch apart...

"We... we should wait," says Rumble.

Lickety blinks, as if snapping out of a trance. "Hmn? Yeah, you're right. We've done lots already tonight, and there's plenty of time later."

Rumble nods and kisses his coltfriend on the nose. "All the time in the world."

"So, have you got to head home, or can you stay the night?" Two bright blue eyes plead for Rumble to stay. Rumble grins.

"Sure, I can stay. What do you wanna do?"

Lickety glances at his well-stocked bookcase. "We could sit in my bed and read some comics together?"

"Sounds great."

They hop into bed after grabbing a few issues of Sampo, Consulting Reindeer. They lay down, and Lickety rests his head on the crook of Rumble's right shoulder, wrapped up in his right wing. Rumble holds the comic above them, using his left wing to turn the pages. They settle in and get comfortable.

Page after page they get closer and closer, until they can feel each other's heartbeats. As Rumble turns the page, he feels Lickety's muzzle against the side of his head. Lickety takes a soft sniff of Rumble's face and main. Rumble turns his head, pressing into Lickety's soft lips in a kiss. Sampo, Consulting Reindeer is dropped and forgotten.

They make out, frantic, desperate, groping with hooves and wings. Lickety parts his lips, not slipping his tongue inside, just an intimate, open mouthed kiss. The only noises are happy sighs and kisses.

Rumble breaks the kiss. "Lickey, can - can I go down on you, like you did for me?" Lickety bites his lip, nodding.

Rumble kisses his way down, shuffling along Lickety's chest and stomach, until his chin bumps the tip of Lickety's achingly hard cock. He holds it in his hooves, kissing it, licking it, listening to every quiet little moan from his boyfriend. Lickety gasps when Rumble takes the head into his mouth and sucks it hard, bobbing his head and flicking his tongue against the stiff prick. Rumble is amateurish and halting, but Lickety couldn't care less.

Rumble pulls off the cock with a *pop* and looks up at Lickety. The earth pony is breathing hard, his blond mane flopping over his face. "Lickety, do you wanna fuck me? Like I did to you earlier?"

Lickety looks unsure. "That doesn't really do it for me, I only like to, uh, take it. But..." His blue eyes dart to the bedside table, and the small bottle of grapeseed oil on top of it. "I'd love it if you fucked me again." He sits up and pulls Rumble towards him, then starts kissing his grey face. "Will you do that for me, Rumble?"

"Sure? Even after tonight?"

"Yeah. Can you do one thing for me?"

"Anything."

"Can we do it face to face? I want to look you in the eyes while you fuck me, Rumble."

Rumble quickly assents, grabbing the lube and coating his cock in a slick layer. Lickety Split lays back on the bed, his hindlegs spread wide. He bites his lip and rubs his cock, displaying himself for Rumble.

Rumble climbs over Lickety, and presses the tip of his cock to Lickety's asshole. He pushes his cock inside Lickety as he bites down on Lickety's neck. It's blissfully hot and painfully tight. Lickety's head goes back and he moans, high and soft.

After a few thrusts to get them both comfortable, Rumble is completely inside his coltfriend. It's tight around the base of his cock, so tight, Lickety could probably take his pulse. Rumble's wings twitch and flutter. They won't even stay fully extended; he's too excited.

Rumble pushes himself up on his forelegs, so he can look Lickety right in his big blue eyes. Lickety's face is scrunched up in pain and pleasure, his mouth slack in a dopey smile, grunting softly between panting breaths. He lifts his hips up and wraps his hind legs around Rumble, grinding onto him.

"That feels good, oh, that's good, oh, oh, ohhh..." Lickety's eyes go lidded from the sensations. Every thrust into his ass makes him clench around Rumble, and sends incredible pulses through both of their cocks.

Rumble pulls his hips back, then slams forward. Lickety squeaks in pain and ectasy. Not to be outdone, Lickety reaches up and ruffles Rumble's wings.

"Oh! Damn!" A shiver runs through Rumble's entire body as Lickety plays with his feathers.

Lickety sits up, peppering Rumble's face with kisses, letting out little moans and squeaks as Rumble's hips slap against his own. Rumble shifts his legs and hips, sitting up straight. He trails a hoof down Lickety's chest, down to his erect cock, and starts to stroke him off. He pushes his hips forward as he plays with Lickety's shaft. With every thrust, he runs his hoof up and down his boyfriend's cock.

"Fuck me, Rumble, fuck me, hard, fuck fuck fuck me please oh fuck me Rumble please!"

Rumble starts fucking faster, stroking faster, stroking twice for every thrust. They sweat and grunt, never once breaking eye contact, sharing each other, joining together as completely as can be, each desperate to please and love their partner.

"Rumble - oh! - are you, mnh, close?"

Rumble grunts and nods, his eyes glazed with concentration. Lickety sits up and kisses him, then nips his ear.

"Come for me, Rumble," whispers Lickety.

"Nnh! Lick- FUCK!" With a shout, Rumble comes inside Lickety. He can feel every jet go through his cock and into his lover. His heart thuds in his mouth, head spinning, Lickety's heart beating against his. He frantically works his hoof up and down Lickety's cock. Seconds later he feels the warm splash of his jizz, smearing between their two bellies.

The pair collapse. Rumble pulls out of Lickety. Rumble has enough wits to grab some tissues from the bedside table and pass them to his lover, who accepts them with a blush and cleans up a little. They then cuddle into each other and sip water from the glass on the bedside table.

Rumble speaks first. "That, uh, that was good."

"Yeah, it was. We should do it again. Uh, later, sleep first..."

"Yeah..."

They both look at each other, dazed smiles on their faces. They last a few seconds each before they burst out giggling, drunk with hope and joy. When they found each other, it was like a great weight had been lifted from them. After tonight?

They're damn near weightless.