Report: Monday, August 2nd, 2021, by Agent Honor Duel

When Director Bones floo-called to ask me to address a case for the DME-MCO (Muggleborn Compulsion Office of the Department of Magical Education), I was unable to figure out why. As a Junior Auror in the DMLE-AO (Auror Office of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement), just barely graduated from Auror School, I’m not even a part of the DME, let alone the MCO.

When I came in to the office to check my briefing, I found out why.

For some unknown reason, over ninety percent of the DME, including the entire MCO, has called in sick today. Not only that but a vast majority of the DMLE has also called in sick- and while the AO suffered the smallest impact, it was enough that Director Bones can only spare a few new recruits like myself to shore up the enforcement divisions of other Departments; all the more senior Aurors are shoring up other divisions of the DMLE.

She directly warned me to be careful, as we had- and still have- no idea what caused almost thirty percent of the entire Ministry of Magic to call in sick; Education and Law Enforcement weren’t the only offices to take hits, and the Muggleborn Compulsory Education Office (the full title for when referring to it directly rather than as a part of the DME) was far from the only office to suffer a total loss.

Once I had performed the standard battery of tests and checks on myself, all clean, I stopped into the DME-MCO under the protection of a Bubblehead Charm and a full-body thaumic glove. My scans were not able to detect anything wrong, but I did not cancel those protections until I was well clear of the Ministry and the entire magical world.

While I was in the DME-MCO, I checked over the Substitute Instructions before I began to inspect and investigate the specific case given to me.

Harry James Potter… had apparently received letters from Hogwarts every day for a full eleven days, starting with just one on July 20th and ending with over seven hundred on July 30th. On the 29th, the Office mailed Hogwarts a Cease and Desist order, which likely arrived after the final batch of Hogwarts letters was sent; on the 30th, the Office mailed the standard compulsory education notice to Harry Potter, via direct insertion of the properly mailed envelope into Mr. Potter’s local post office. There is a note in the file indicating that there was a muggleborn working at the post office in question, and they helped to ensure it was inserted, processed, and delivered properly. The Office received a read receipt from that letter on the morning of the 31st.

There were no further actions taken. Had Hogwarts defied the Order they sent, they would have forwarded the case to the DMLE; while the law does not prohibit the excessive numbers of letters per day, the law does specify that the School may not repeat its invitations across a period of any more than seven days. Upon inspection of the order, it is not specific to Mr. Potter, but to all new student invitations this year. I confirmed this Order and its circumstances to Director Bones, and she agreed that it’s not quite actionable by the DMLE, unless Hogwarts violates the order, indicating good judgement on the part of the DME-MCO personnel.

The DME-MCO did not have any indication of any further infractions by Hogwarts, nor of any other schools actively inviting Harry; this is strange to me, given the vast number of schools that have registered as interested in having him as a student.

Harry Potter is, after all, the Boy who Lived, perhaps the most famous living person in the entire magical world.

With this in mind, I collected the welcome kits for all of the schools that wish to invite Mr. Potter, covered myself and the large bag necessary for all of the individually packaged kits in Disillusionment Charms and Perception Filters, and apparated to his front door. Note that when I presented this method of safely apparating directly into public muggle areas to Director Bones, she approved it for use, but also restricted it to Official Use Only, as there is still a risk of detection.

Once in front of Number Four, I cancelled the disillusionment first, then the perception filters, and finally knocked on the front door.

The yard and structure was impeccably tidy, though the driveway was clear, so I was uncertain if I would get a response at this hour. I did, though.

I was greeted by a woman, one Petunia Ann Dursley. She appeared on Harry’s file as the wife of the homeowner, though interestingly not his guardian; according to the files, Harry doesn’t actually have a guardian. My guess is that the adoption paperwork had never been completed, but I cannot be certain.

I flashed my badge, introduced myself as a representative of the DME despite having flashed a DMLE Auror badge instead of a DME one, and brought up the issue with Harry’s magical education. She welcomed me into the home and called for Harry to meet with me.

The family dynamic in that home is obviously very complex. The pictures on the walls showed a massively overweight child with Petunia and a similarly overweight man, presumably her husband- but when Harry arrived, it was immediately evident that he was not the overweight child. He was actually quite skinny, and wearing what must have been the overweight child’s castoffs. These details were clearly heavily abusive- but Petunia seemed delighted to see me, and during our conversation she showed me that she truly cared about the boy, but felt like she couldn’t care for him properly.

The reason was obvious: My Agency Mind Barrier triggered before I even entered the building, and stood strong against something for the entire time I was there.

I believe Mrs. Dursley does not want to be an abusive parent, but is being forced to be.

Interestingly, when I later informed Director Bones of the effect, she visited the house, returned, reviewed her own memories in a Pensieve, and commended me for my outstanding apparent prowess in Occlumency. She identified it as an extremely powerful blood-anchored notice diversion ward but, like me, she was unable to determine who cast it.

During my conversation with Mrs. Dursley and Harry, Harry let on that he’d actually read the DME-MCO notice because it had a stamp more than anything else, but also communicated that his bedroom appeared on all his Hogwarts mail, even when said bedroom was changed or he traveled to another location, such as a hotel. This indicated highly illegal, active tracking spells by Hogwarts or staff thereof, and in my authority as an Auror of the DMLE, I have purged all tracking and monitoring spells affecting him. When I returned that evidence to Director Bones at the end of the day, she approved of my action time-of and drafted charges against Hogwarts as a whole and Albus Dumbledore in particular for allowing it.

Apparently, the thousands of invitations Hogwarts had sent didn’t have a single stamp across them.

Harry was deeply amused by the number of options, but told me that he’d been told to ask Gringotts about his Estate Guardian. He refused to tell who had told him to, but when I asked him what he knew of his magical assets, he confirmed the worst: The Estate Guardian to a Junior Lord such as Harry is legally required to inform the Lord of his assets, even if control is not handed over, prior to the Junior Lord’s tenth birthday; our discussion was two days after the Junior Lord’s eleventh. As such, whoever Harry’s Estate Guardian was, they were in default- and I could not fault his benefactor for choosing Gringotts to ask. Unlike the Ministry, which would just assign a new one and be done with it, Gringotts will ask him to appoint a new one. Also unlike a Ministry-assigned Estate Guardian, a Junior Lord-appointed Estate Guardian would also serve as Regent, granting them control of the political powers of his House as well as financial, until such time as Harry reaches majority.

Petunia opted to stay behind, but gave her blessing as me and Harry departed for Gringotts.

The part that baffles me is that whoever Harry’s benefactor is, they didn’t tell him anything about Gringotts, nor what an Estate Guardian is, but he still expressed total confidence in their reliability.

“What do you need?”

“Hi. I’m Junior Lord Harry James of the Noble and Ancestral House of Potter, and I need to ask about my Estate Guardian.”

The goblin grunted. “Who is your Estate Guardian?”

“That’s what I’m asking you.”

He looked up from his counter to squint at the Potter boy. “And what are your assets?”

He shrugged. “I’m not aware of any, though Auror Fight here said they’re significant.” He gestured towards the Auror standing just behind him.

He snorted. “Who are your Guardians?”

“I’m told I don’t have any, though I have been living with my Aunt, Petunia Dursley nee Evans, and her husband, Vernon Dursley.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Scram,” the goblin decided. “We have no use for-!” He suddenly went silent, then tipped over backwards and landed on the floor with a splat.

The tellers on either side looked alarmedly at him, behind the counter where Harry could not see, then one of them turned to Harry. “Junior Lord Potter, was it?” he asked.

Harry nodded, nonplussed.

“And your Estate Guardian has neglected to inform you of your assets?”

“Presumably?” he offered. “I don’t know who they are.”

The goblin sighed. “I will get you a meeting with someone to confirm your story,” he offered. “However, the Auror will not be able to follow. Bank policy.”

Auror Fair Fight nodded. “As expected, Sir.”

Continued: Monday, August 2nd, 2021, by Agent Honor Duel

Roughly ten minutes after Harry was guided back into the bowels of the bank, my attention was drawn to another customer. She was about his age, dressed all in black to match her long hair, and she walked like a true Lady. When I first saw her, I believed she was playing make-believe, which the Gringotts Goblins have been known not to appreciate. I was quickly disabused of that notion, though, even before she reached the counter- she is one of very, very few locals in this world powerful enough to trigger the Agency Pony Detector- and the first one I’ve seen capable of convincing it an Alicorn is near. That was to say nothing of the claims she made, loud and clear, once she reached a teller- an uncooperative teller.

“What do you want?”

“Good morning. I am the newly appointed Lord Regent Helia Jennifer Black of the House of Potter; I have the unexecuted Last Will and Testament of the late Lord and Lady Potter in my possession, and would have it read in the Junior Lord’s presence and executed immediately. I understand he is in your bank at this time, and would like to request the read-!”

“Get out,” the teller barked. “We don’t need make-belie-!” He froze.

Helia had, in a blur of motion, drawn a gleaming blade from inside her robe and slammed it overtop the goblin’s book of numbers, the hilt held firmly in her fist. “You have denied my claims before these goblins many without making any attempt to disprove them,” she informed him darkly but firmly and loudly, drawing the attention of every goblin in the entire hall, rather than just the tellers on either side. “You will perform your duty to verify my claims and execute my requests to the extent that my authority to make them can be verified, or you will face me in battle.”

The silence echoed- even the other customers had gone silent at the girl charging a Goblin with dishonorable acts and challenging him to an honor duel.

He took the duel, of course- any other action would be to accept that mark of dishonor.

Unfortunately for him, though, the girl was lightning fast. The goblin had only made it halfway out of his seat, his blade barely clear of its sheath as he attempted to pounce on her, when the duel was already over, and he falling to the floor behind the counter in six separate pieces- decapitated, delimbed, and tainted with the dishonor of such a one-sided loss to an eleven-year-old human girl.

As for Helia Black, claimed Lord Regent Potter, she had her blade cleaned and stowed so quickly it looked like she’d immolated the goblin with her mind while sheathing the blade, rather than using the blade.

The silence held for another three seconds.

The teller next to the defeated one turned to her. “I heard your intent, but could you repeat the request?”

She bowed her head. “As I understand Junior Lord Potter is in your bank at this time, I would like to request the reading be done in the presence of both him and the Potter Account Manager, to be executed immediately by the latter of the two. I have prepared the necessary fees.” She showed a bulging sack of coins. “Further, as Junior Lord Potter has completed his company-exclusive duties within the bank, I would like to invite his traveling companion, Auror Fair Fight, to witness the reading and execution for the Ministry of Magic.” She gestured towards the Auror in question, who gave a start at the address.

The goblin paused. “You’re… Acting Lady Black, are you not?”

She bowed her head. “Named Lord Regent by Junior Lord Potter himself.”

The goblin drew something from under the counter. “Please place your hand on this and restate your claims.”

She did. The stone tablet glowed green.

“The claims are confirmed. Please wait while I contact the Potter account manager.”

Continued Again: Monday, August 2nd, 2021, by Agent Honor Duel

That girl, Acting Lady Helia Jennifer of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, is absolutely terrifying. Not only did she cut the goblin up so quickly that her blade was nothing but a blur even to my trained senses, but she somehow knew that I was accompanying Harry… and that Harry had completed the duties for which I had to stay out of his hair. I fully understood that requirement- the Goblins did not want Harry to feel any pressure to assign any particular Regent, nor even to tell me who it was.

Then of course, as Harry had not yet emerged from the bowels of the bank, I have to wonder how Helia had learned that she was Lord Regent Potter. This is especially suspicious, as I later discovered that she showed up at the DA-RO (Records Office of the Department of Administration) literally just seconds after the appointment was recorded as having happened, in order to use her authority as Regent Potter to demand access to the illegally-sealed Potter wills.

Interestingly, the Records Office was the only office throughout the entire Ministry which had not suffered any losses to disease- followed closely by the Child Services Office of the DMLE, which only lost one person.

But anyways, it took around three minutes for her requests to be approved, then both Helia and myself were guided down to the Potter Account Manager’s office, where we met Harry, a Goblin will-reader, and several Goblin Nation witnesses. Helia’s bag of gold changed hands and was inspected, then the Will in question, which she also drew from inside her robe, changed hands and was inspected and read. By the time the reading was complete, Harry was crying into Helia’s shoulder while she hugged him- and Heila seemed pleased overall, despite clicking her tongue in evident disapproval when the Will specified that Harry was to go to Hogwarts for all seven years.

On the other hand, the Will specifically appointed guardianship over Harry first to Lord Sirius Black, who Account Manager Gornok found ineligible due to his current incarceration in Azkaban… then simply to the Current Head of the House of Black, before moving on to the Longbottoms and finally the Dursleys.

Which meant that Lady Helia was now Harry’s legal, magical, and Estate guardian, plus Regent of his House; the Will specified that the Regency should go with the Guardianship, neatly confirming Helia’s appointment.

Naturally, I asked Helia what she had against Hogwarts.

Helia gave a soft chuckle at the question. “You probably know this already, Auror, but the Hogwarts Welcome Kit is missing from that bag of yours. What you probably don’t know is that if it was there, Hogwarts would be the number one worst school on the list. Fortunately, for as bad of a state as the school is in, it is solely owned by the House of Potter- so we should be able to do something about that.”

There was a pause.

“It is,” Account Manager Gornok agreed suddenly, looking at his paperwork and sounding surprised. “It’s very well hidden, but yes, House Potter owns Hogwarts outright.”

Continued for Thirds: Monday, August 2nd, 2021, by Agent Honor Duel

I don’t know why Helia suggested Harry get a Will on file during our visit, but she did, and he complied. It was filed with the goblins, and I filed it with the DA-RO upon return to the Ministry; he is simply giving everything to Helia with no predeceased clause, which seemed to amuse her for some reason. Once all three of us were informed of what all the Potter Estate contains, Helia took my testimony- I didn’t originally expect it to be, but it turned out that way- as to the classes and staff that Hogwarts actually has, which is vastly different- and less- than what it has on paper. After that, Helia stayed behind to manage the Potter Estate while me and Harry returned to the surface with the bag of gold she handed him and the Hogwarts welcome kit she handed me.

I have included a transcript of the aforementioned testimony with this report, as well as provided it and the official roster to Director Bones, who agrees that such blatant fraud cannot be tolerated, even if neither of us could find a law making it illegal.

Seriously.

In any case, I have written a separate report on the Diagon Alley shopping trip I had with Harry before we met back up with Helia so she could take him to his new residence, then I returned alone to the Ministry.

Transcript: Monday, August 2nd, 2021

Interrogator: Helia Jennifer Black, Acting Owner of Hogwarts

Subject: Auror Fair Fight, recent Hogwarts Graduate

Witness: Harry James Potter, Junior Lord Potter and Official Owner of Hogwarts

Witness: Gornok, Gringotts Account Manager for the Potter Accounts, including Hogwarts

Witness: Gringotts Witness Platoon E-67

Topic: Hogwarts Course and Staff Roster

Note: While this questioning did occur in an informal setting, proper oaths were requested and given prior to transcript begin.

Security: This transcript has been blood-sealed by all named above. Junior Lord Potter had to be shown how.

Transcript follows.

Int: “Auror Fight, you are a recent graduate from Hogwarts, correct?

Sub: “Yes. I graduated just over four years ago.”

Int: “What classes were available at the school?”

Sub: “The Core classes are Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Herbology, History of Magic and Astronomy; starting in third year, the Elective classes Care of Magical Creatures, Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, Divination, and Muggle Studies are available.”

Int: “Does History of Magic include non-magical History?”

Sub: “History of Magic is taught by Professor Binns, and his lecture transcripts are always the same in every class, every year. The assignments are always graded exactly the same as well, regardless of what the student does, so students have to educate themselves out of the course book, A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot.”

Int: “Are there any language classes in the school, to include but not limited to the core Latin and electives French, German, and Goblin?”

Sub: “No.”

Int: “Is there an Etiquette or Wizarding Culture class for those entering our world?”

Sub: “No.”

Int: “Do you believe the Muggle Studies curriculum is up to date?”

Sub: “No. Professor Charity Burbage is amazed by objects as simple as pencils.”

Int: “Are there courses covering professional topics, such as Law, Political Science, and Finance?”

Sub: “No.”

Int: “Are there any courses covering the Arts and Sciences, to include but not limited to Dance, Music, Painting, Spellcrafting, Biology, and Chemistry?”

Sub: “No.”

Int: “Are there any other course issues you have noticed?”

Sub: “Yes. The best grades for Divination go to those students which make everything up rather than putting in a true effort. Potions lessons are more like institutionalized bullying, with no proper instruction or safety measures. Astronomy requires students to get up in the middle of the night to gaze into the night sky from the very first lesson, and involves little else; we learn more Astronomy in Divination than in Astronomy. Ancient Runes is a sham, as Professor Bathsheda Babbling confuses herself all the time- students get better grades when they skive off except for assignments, and otherwise teach themselves. Arithmancy is really basic math, only barely touching on long division by the end of seventh year. Defense Against the Dark Arts is like a roulette wheel- there’s a new Professor every year, and it’s only a good one on occasion. Two of the seven I faced were actively dangerous to their students.”

Int: “Good point, are there any basic non-magical courses, such as mathematics, basic science, language, writing, and so on?”

Sub: “No.”

Int: “What is your opinion of the remainder of the staff?”

Sub: “Severely overworked. The entire castle is cleaned by a single squib; the house-elves only have time to cook and tend to beds and common rooms. The school has only one matron, Madam Pomfrey, who does not hold any medical certifications but has far exceeded them since her hire; Professor Snape of Potions is also Head of Slytherin House, resident Dark Expert, resident Potions Master, and certified Healer’s Assistant. Professor Flitwick of Charms is also Head of Ravenclaw House and resident Cursebreaker; Professor Sprout of Herbology is also Head of Hufflepuff House and resident Farming Manager. Professor McGonagall of Transfiguration is also Head of Gryffindor House, Deputy Headmistress, occasional Acting Headmistress whenever Headmaster Dumbledore leaves the grounds, and Master of Maintenance. Many of these duties have been poorly done or not done at all, thanks to the excessive amounts of work poured upon these Professors- including teaching not less than fourteen class sessions per week, two per year. No assistants.”

Int: “How about the Groundskeeper?”

Sub: “Groundskeeper Rubeus Hagrid does a surprisingly good job for a man with no wand rights, as his status as a half-giant allows him to control all manner of creatures that a human Groundskeeper would be unable to. His methods are unorthodox, but no less effective for it- and while he sometimes misunderstands the danger certain creatures might pose to lesser students, he does take adequate precautions. He is also Keeper of Keys, and when asked, has no idea what that’s supposed to mean.”

Int: “Are there any clubs or other extracurricular activities available to students?”

Sub: “Yes, but only one, and only to those students which manage to get on the House Quidditch Teams. The students are required to bring their own brooms.”

Int: “Thank you.”

Author's Note

Patreon, Discord.

If I remember right, this is the single longest character section in the story (except Shooting Star's introduction, but that doesn't count because it's mostly backstory). Also, Bonbon's not the only one with a screwdriver!