Entry: Sunday, August 1st, 2021

Well, I have now pulled some strings.

It… wasn’t exactly legal, or ethical for that matter, but it should do what I need it to.

And I will admit I had way too much fun slipping Fudge and all his cronies enough Dis-Ease Draught to make them seek hospitalization. It’s a harmless potion, just makes you feel sick for a couple days.

Fudge and Co were the primary targets for large doses, along with about half of the Wizengamot; everyone else that I needed to knock out of the running, and basically everyone corrupt that I could knock out, got a more normal dose, enough to make them call in sick.

There were several people that I had to potion despite not wanting to; if I didn’t, the wrong substitute would be called in to alert Harry.

I so very much need the only Equestrian in the entire Ministry to be the one that introduces him to the magic world and processes his compulsory education case. Basically anyone else would see his lack of guardians and go about assigning one before they even tried to reach him; it was only my direct interference that kept the poor clerk that sent the letter Harry received yesterday from doing precisely that. The poor sap was already under so many compulsion potions that he probably didn’t even notice my Imperius Curse.

He was one of the other ones I potioned hard enough to seek hospitalization; he’ll probably go there in the morning, then St. Mungo’s should discover the compulsions during the day, and report them back to the Ministry.

But still; I have pulled my strings, and now I’m virtually certain that not only will Agent Honor Duel be the one to talk to Harry, but she’ll do it after Vernon leaves for work- and Director Bones, who I have been regularly slipping various Cleansing Draughts for years now, will realize just how deep the compulsions go in the Ministry. Given how spread-out my potioning was, though, she should be completely unable to figure out what my goal was with the Dis-Ease Draughts, beyond revealing the compulsions.

I might even get Fumblemore in trouble- even more trouble than when I made it so obvious to anyone with a brain that he has offended a member of my kind that’s capable of sparing his life.

That was only two days ago, wasn’t it? I wonder if Madam Bones will draw the connection, or think it’s a coincidence.

Entry: Monday, August 2nd, 2021

Things went a lot better than expected today. I wasn’t certain if Agent Honor Duel was going to take Harry to Gringotts or not, but she did- after explaining to Harry that Gringotts was a bank instead of a person, at least. And telling him what an Estate Guardian is, and doing a little questioning of her own.

Fortunately, unlike almost anyone else that might have actually taken the case, she agreed that Gringotts was the right place to ask.

Unfortunately, the first goblin they faced was one of the… inconsiderate ones. They used to just be rude and slow, but ever since the break-in a couple days ago, they’ve taken to dismissing customer claims out of hand, without even checking to verify. All because they’re afraid of letting through someone that shouldn’t be let through.

Spineless cowards.

That one had a spine, though.

I corrected that. I removed much of his nervous and skeletal systems, including both his spine and his brain, and replaced the former with raw magic… until he was a few centimeters off of the ground, so he would fall like a sleeping goblin and land like a sack of chopped meat.

The other goblins were alarmed, but not entirely; they’re familiar with my kind, and always have been, as near as I can tell. They also ascribe extreme freedom of action to my kind, since we only ever fight when we absolutely have to.

And in goblin eyes, anyone bad enough to earn the wrath of a member of my kind has already fallen to the lowest of the dishonorable, and deserves what they get. Goblin magic meshes well with the magic of my kind, which keeps an unthinking Guardian from breaching Bank security by accident, and will often cause them to provide their own extra security for as long as they are there. I am a thinking Guardian, but whenever I am at Gringotts, I still gladly provide my services towards bank security. They are my natural allies, after all- not unlike the Equestrian Agency.

So they probably knew it was me, but almost certainly didn’t care.

The second goblin properly processed Harry’s request. Harry was brought, alone, to a goblin interrogation chamber, where he consented to the use of truth potion. I think our minds are still connected on some level; I trust the goblins, and so he automatically trusts them, despite showing automatic distrust to basically everything else. By the same measure, I dislike Hogwarts, so when he saw the Hogwarts Crest all the way back on the twentieth, he wrinkled his nose at it and made up a reason to not even try to read it. I’m glad he refined that reason once Vernon gave him that bedroom, else it wouldn’t have stood and we wouldn’t have had this wonderful opportunity.

A little quick questioning and an antidote later, the Goblin confessional informed Harry that Albus Dumbledore had, by failing to inform him of his holdings prior to his tenth birthday, abdicated his post as Estate Guardian.

He also informed Harry that this meant his estate- and holdings- were wholly inaccessible, until a new one was assigned… or appointed. And he told Harry how to appoint one.

He immediately appointed me, as expected.

Magic accepted the appointment immediately, but Gringotts still had a fair amount of paperwork to be done about the change, so I took that time to go to the Records Office at the Ministry, which I’d deliberately left fully staffed for this purpose. I then used my magically verifiable authority as Lord Regent Potter to gain access to the Potter will, and once I had that in hand, I traveled straight back to Gringotts.

I also ran into an unwelcome goblin. When he spurned me, I challenged him to an honor duel- and as my magic-powered reaction speed is so fast that I can dismember and decapitate a goblin in the time that it takes a nervous impulse to travel from his brain to his hand, I won. Predictably.

The very speed of that victory served as proof of identity, but true to security, the second goblin still used the Truth Stone, which is basically a lie detector for magical constructs. Since I’m part-construct, part-being, I can fool it, but I have no reason to.

I had to wait another minute or two for Harry to finish with that paperwork, then we went down to meet his account manager with him- and he was evidently surprised by my rapidity. And even more so by the fact that I’d already retrieved his parents’ Will.

The Will was empowering to me- and because of it, I finally know why I’m a Black: It made me his parents’ second choice of Guardian, after only Lord Black himself.

Fitting. I do carry his mother’s heart and soul.

Once Harry finished crying himself out on my shoulder, we listened to Gornok listing off the Potter assets- only a tiny fraction as large as the Black assets- then I made arrangements with the Agent and sent them on their way with a bag of gold and a Hogwarts welcome kit I’d summoned from the Castle, through my authority as the owner by proxy.

Because while the Potter estate isn’t nearly as large and well-off as the Black estate, it does include Hogwarts.

Perhaps the only part about Harry’s parents’ will that I didn’t like was that it instructed that Harry should go to Hogwarts. So much for picking the ten best schools out of the bag Agent Honor Duel had brought and letting Harry pick one.

But it might actually be better this way. Hogwarts is still famed as the best school in the world, despite actually being the worst- but no wizarding school on Earth has ever had one of my kind at the reins.

As an example of what my kind can do, ever since I took control of it, the Black Estate has been the fastest-growing estate on Earth. That is not to say I am all-knowing, but my information gathering and processing ability is unparalleled.

I have assessed the current state of Hogwarts School, and sent letters to various staff members to ask for their opinions on how the school is working… while wording it as if I believed the official class roster was correct, which includes every single class I asked Agent Honor Duel about in that documented interview she gave me except only the ‘basic non-magical courses’ she reminded me of.

And while I wait for answers, I am combing through Magical Britain and the entire rest of the world, looking for fresh staff and sending invitations to apply to everyone I judge suitable. At the moment, I’m only looking for replacements for the proven inadequate teachers; Trelawney, Burbage, Vector, Sinistra, Babbling, Binns. I’m noting down candidates I find for other positions, but not actively sending invitations to apply just yet; I want to get the opinions of the staff at the school first.

I have also prepared Potter Manor for Harry, and moved him there, complete with the whole new wardrobe I had Agent Honor Duel help him acquire. There he will live alone- well, as alone as he can be with a dozen house-elves to tend to his every need, an active Floo connection, an owl, and a list of people to reach out to. Neville Longbottom, Daphne and Astoria Greengrass, Susan Bones, to name a few. At the moment, he’s reveling in the freedom of being away from Dudley and Vernon.

Now that I’m thinking about it, I should probably e-mail Princess Arienne about this, shouldn’t I? With me at the helm, Hogwarts will cater to the Crown’s every need- which will allow her to attend. And Hogwarts is likely the only magic school in the country that would be willing to do that.

Entry: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021

Princess Arienne got back to me today, setting a time and date for my meeting. Tomorrow. That should work- I’ll have enough time to check the day’s mail and collect meeting materials before I stop by.

Entry: Wednesday, August 4th, 2021

The ball really started rolling today- I got a number of responses back from Hogwarts staff.

First was Madam Poppy Pomfrey, Hogwarts nurse… who technically isn’t even a nurse. She was simply a Healing student that Dumbledore hired straight out of her Hogwarts graduation ceremony some twenty years ago. She’d worked as an assistant to the prior Hogwarts Healer for two years… then the healer had retired, and she became the de-facto Hogwarts Medic, despite not holding any certifications beyond her Acceptable NEWT, which would normally see her unable to stay in the medical industry. She denied knowing much about the rest of the school, but did note that several of the teachers and subjects I’d asked about were unfamiliar to her. She also decried the absence of a proper Healer for the students, and informed me that Dumbledore was apparently stonewalling all attempts to hire even so much as another medical student to lighten the load.

On the other hand, all of the other staff members I contacted gave positively glowing reviews of her performance, and seemed to believe she was anywhere from a Healer to a Master Healer. Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress, seemed to be the only one aware that Madam Pomfrey was officially just a medical student; she explicitly stated that she believed Madam Pomfrey was a Mastery exam away from the paycheck she really should be earning.

I have sent Madam Pomfrey a follow-up letter to ask if she has considered taking a Nurse or Healer exam.

Professor Sinistra, of Astronomy, sent me a two foot scroll on how pretty the stars are. As Professor Trelawney of Divination said she usually has to teach her fourth-year students the basics of Astronomy so they can start calculating horoscopes, I have sent Sinistra an order of dismissal for dereliction of duty.

As for Trelawney herself, her letter was mostly complaining about the things she shouldn’t have to teach her students- and when I read between the lines, I had to wonder if she was intoxicated when she wrote it. This was backed up by most of the rest of the staff; she was never to be seen outside her tower without at least one bottle of sherry. Not only this but students were often heard to be complaining about the strong sherry smell in her tower room, and several of her colleagues informed me that she likes to welcome a new class by predicting the death of one of the students. Madam Pince, the librarian, informed me that every year, she hears students talking about how their Divination grades went up when they just started making tragedies up for their homework instead of doing the calculations properly. I have issued Trelawney an order of dismissal for dereliction of duty and drunkenness while on duty.

Binns answered my letter with an essay about a goblin rebellion in 1892. A quick stop at both Gringotts and the local bookstore resulted in several laughing tellers, and a quick disproving of his essay; it was a wizard rebellion, not a goblin one, and didn’t happen in nearly the way Binns stated. Combined with reports from his colleagues that all agreed with Agent Honor Duel’s assessment of the broken record, this was more than enough evidence to issue him an order of dismissal for dereliction of duty.

Professor Babbling wrote her letter in runes. As a magical construct, I am a natural expert at runes- but even after staring at her letter for over five minutes, I was not able to determine what cipher she thought she was using. My conclusion is that Agent Honor Duel, and the few other teachers that commented on her performance, were correct, and she actually has no idea what she’s doing most of the time. I have issued her an order of dismissal by disqualification.

Professor Vector seemed to think that addition tables were a thing. And subtraction tables.

He was having students memorize mathematical formula and their answers, rather than learning to calculate them.

He claimed that long multiplication and division is the pinnacle of mathematics.

He has been sent an order of dismissal by disqualification.

Then of course, Professor Burbage. Where do I start?

She explained that muggles live in walled cities and ride horse-drawn carriages between them. She said muggles only recently invented gears.

I have issued her an order of dismissal by disqualification, stapled to the front of a dual-clutch automotive transmission repair manual.

The last four were not nearly so bad. The four Heads of House are clearly qualified for their positions, to hear them praising each other, but they’re also clearly overworked- and interestingly, every single one of them places the blame for that at Albus Dumbledore’s feet. I have followed up with each of them asking them which of the positions they hold they would most like to see split off to new talent.

I also received thanks for application invitations from nearly a hundred different people, though only four of them were actually interested. I have sent them full details on the positions available to them, along with instructions for the accelerated application and interview process I will be using.

Finally, I have sent invitations to apply to the various people that met my criteria for Etiquette, Wizarding Culture, and all of the core non-magical subjects.

The mail dealt with, I collected a Hogwarts welcome kit and area map and met with the Royal Family.

Entry: Friday, August 6th, 2021

I have a letter from the Board of Directors informing me that they have elected to fire me for interfering with their Hogwarts. By the way their letter is written, it would seem they are aware of the discrepancy between the official and actual course lists.

I have issued them all orders of dismissal for dereliction of duty. I have also issued the Board a broad directive to indicate that the Board is being dissolved, and control returned from it back to the rightful owner, which gives me another reason to fire them all.

Madam Pomfrey has informed me that Dumbledore once told her he would have to let her go if she tried for Healer certification, as apparently Hogwarts has a rule that Healers must have at least five years of experience as a Healer before they can be hired. I checked, this rule does not exist; as such, I have once again followed up with Pomfrey, this time simply requesting a face-to-face meeting over the weekend.

Finally, I now have copies of the educational standards of over a dozen different magical nations, including Britain, France, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Australia, and even the United States. Comparing them has revealed that Britain’s magical education standards are a joke to the rest of the world, well behind even the United States, which also trails behind the rest of the world by a significant margin.

Entry: Friday, August 13th, 2021

Today marks the end of a productive week. Hogwarts now has a France-certified Professor of History, and I’ve narrowed the Astronomy position down to three candidates. Much of the latter achievement was an easy quiz- a majority of the candidates thought staring at the sky was enough.

Of probably greater importance than either of those core classes, though, is that just yesterday, on Thursday, Madam Pomfrey finally took her Healer Exam- albeit only after I had talked her into signing a contract that gave her the medical version of a teacher’s tenure, such that she can only be fired for malpractice or healer-certified dereliction of duty. I have no doubt she will remain working at Hogwarts until she decides to move on. That said, it was highly amusing to watch no less than a dozen of St. Mungo’s most famous and skilled Master Healers begging the newly-certified and very stunned Senior Healer Pomfrey to take them on as apprentices. According to the Masters that proctored her test, the main reason she didn’t get Master Healer certification is because her skills are a little lopsided; she actually scared them with how good she is in handling strange new cases, having resolved nearly half of the problems plaguing the Long Term Care Ward in under a day, but she has trouble with a routine check-up.

She will, of course, be receiving pay appropriate for a Senior Healer.

And Hogwarts is now decked out with a Senior Healer as Head of Infirmary, with four Master Healers working underneath her on a temporary basis. I am reasonably sure that the students will not have to go without medical attention this year- and Madam Pomfrey has informed me that she intends to use the spare capacity the infirmary is now likely to have to get ‘caught up on’ the annual check-ups all of the students are supposed to be getting. To be fair, she made air quotes around that, not me. Said the check-ups simply haven’t happened since her own first year as a student, back when Healer Coulson kicked the bucket, as the school healers just haven’t had time. Not even when she was helping that other elderly healer.

The Master Healers working with her have promised me that by the time the year is out, she’ll be qualified to take the Master Healer title herself- and be the finest healer in Britain.

Next to all that, dousing Princess Arienne and her guards with a bucket of diversion magic was hardly a footnote. She could have done her Hogwarts shopping in full regalia and introduced herself to all the shopkeepers as Princess Abigail (her public name) if she wanted to, but nobody would have realized they were talking to anyone special. Not even when they bowed and called her by her proper titles.

Magic is so convenient sometimes. She was worried at first, but when people kept greeting her by name, and calling her by her proper titles, but not seeming to realize that the Crown Princess was in their midst even when talking to her, she quickly became highly amused. She has asked me if it’s possible to set up a necklace, ring, or other bangle to have that effect on demand, or if I would have to be a part of it every time.

My answer surprised even me.

I’ll have to look into that.

Even with my immense, lightning-fast, construct-powered mind, I was not able to even conjecture how to compact all that magic into a bangle or similar within a couple seconds, but I also wasn’t able to rule it out.

And honestly, why didn’t I think of that myself? It would be so much easier. Especially when Bonbon’s agents start needing to sneak around- the girl herself has crossed this year, and it seems she’s keeping tabs on the news. She’s already put feelers out to make contact with me as the definitely-unsatisfied-with-Dumbledore owner of Hogwarts, in the hopes of finding a local ally.

I think I’ll let her look a little longer before I set something up to remind her of what she’s forgotten. It’s nothing significant- only that I’m not registered with the Wizarding Post Office, so her mail will only find me if it’s sent to Lord Regent Potter or Lord Regent Black. That’s deliberate, as it keeps the spam- and howlers- down.

And yes, ‘Lord Regent Black’. My official title is Acting Lady, but as far as the post office- and the House Magic- is concerned, I’m actually regent to Lord Sirius until he is both released from Azkaban and cleared of charges.

As such, all the mail that Dumbledore has sent to Lady Black over the ages has been returned undelivered. All the mail in which he’s been accusing me of ‘stealing’ the House of Black from him; he is the named Regent Black En Absentia, which gave him Regent power over the House until I claimed it shortly after my appearance.

Speaking of Dumbledore, I have given the Deathstick that I lifted off of him two weeks ago to Garrick Ollivander to bond one of my hairs to. This will work because, after I defeated Dumbledore, Harry is the Deathstick’s current master- and bonding my hair to it will both cause it to spurn any master which would use it for evil, and change its allegiance criteria. It shall never more change allegiance to the one that defeats its prior master; instead, it shall spread allegiance to those that endeavor to protect its prior master of their own free will, whether successful or otherwise.

Entry: Friday, August 20th, 2021

Another long week. Hogwarts now has professors for Astronomy, Etiquette, and all core non-magical subjects alongside quite a few non-core ones, and Astronomy is now an elective rather than a core subject. It was almost startling how easy it was to find Professors for standard non-magical subjects- all I had to do was send a notice to the Muggleborn Parenting Association. Not even six hours later, I had over a hundred applications from the teachers that tutor muggleborn Hogwarts students over the summer but want to teach throughout the year at the Castle itself. Each such subject has a full set of three teachers right now, and when they met Professor McGonagall on the Hogwarts Express, she said she was delighted to have so many new staff, even as she expressed concern over the budget- and their status as simply magic-aware muggles.

I took the opportunity to inform McGonagall that a magic wand is a deadly weapon, and I want any misuse of it at Hogwarts to be treated as such, not swept under the rug as Dumbledore is so fond of. She quickly agreed with me.

Entry: Friday, August 27th, 2021

It took almost a full week of interviews, but I have now hired Emma and Daniel Granger as Muggle Studies professors at Hogwarts; the castle is now back up to the bare minimum of two elective courses. Their daughter, a new Hogwarts student named Hermione Granger, is excited to help shape the curriculum; when I left, the three of them were pouring over the information I’ve gathered on exactly how ignorant wizards are, and thinking up the best ways to bring it back. Daniel has already informed me that they’ll likely need to offer Muggle Studies for the full seven years, so I have notified McGonagall.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I won’t be able to get further Professors this year.

That said, I’ve dropped an appropriate hint in an appropriate place for Bonbon to find.

Entry: Tuesday, August 31st, 2021

Have you ever been convinced that you wouldn’t find anything, only to have it land in your lap? I knew the international rumor mill was going crazy about Hogwarts’ sudden hiring binge, but I certainly didn’t expect a Veela named Arienne Delacour to approach me at the Black family residence. Her husband, Head of Foreign Relations in Magical France Sebastian Delacour, is evidently capable of something Dumbledore has proven time and time again that he cannot do: Checking records. She applied directly for the Wizarding Culture class, but did so on condition that she also be allowed to teach senior Political Science. When I warned her that I don’t currently have any Professors for Political Science, she acknowledged and accepted that she would have to teach all years if she wanted to teach any year, so she has been hired.

And like all of the other new employment contracts, hers uses language that means that Dumbledore cannot get rid of her, despite technically being their overseer and employer. Her husband said he was impressed by the protections the contract gave her, then outright asked me who I was trying to protect my employees from. I merely smiled at him- and Professor Delacour promised to let him know as soon as she found out.

That said, while Hogwarts is down Divination, Arithmancy, Runes, and even Care of Magical Creatures (Professor Grubbly-Plank quit over the summer), it meets non-magical educational standards and is up Wizarding Culture, Etiquette, and Political Science.

In other news, I met up with Bonbon in Diagon Alley today, and she told me outright that she’s impressed with what I’m doing with Hogwarts and how quickly I’m doing it. She also thanked me for the files six years ago; as expected, she recognized me almost as soon as she saw me. Probably doesn’t hurt that her wand contains one of my hairs, and both she and Princess Luna are thankful for the protective effect this has on Agency secrets; once they found out that Ollivander was putting my hairs in wands, almost two years after he started doing it, every Agent not already carrying a Guardian Wand returned for a second wand… and acquired a Guardian Wand.

When I say ‘protective effect’, I mean it seriously. My magic is protecting their minds against the British Wizarding Geas that they didn’t even know existed until the second wave to get Guardian Wands started at Hogwarts. The geas that keeps British wizards so… backwards.

There is also a worldwide Wizarding Geas, primarily used to help prevent a magical war from breaking out, but it hasn’t been tampered with nearly as much as the Britain-specific one, so I don’t need to shield people from it.

Not that I’m not- it’s in my very nature to be immune to it, and as such in the nature of Guardian Wands made from my hair to shield their masters from all forms of mental interference.

Finally, Mrs. Delacour wasn’t the only surprise encounter; while I was out with Bonbon, she noticed a man in tattered clothes and told me he moved like he knew what he was doing, even while he was just shopping.

That man turned out to be Mr. Remus Lupin, werewolf and registered, approved, and highly successful private investigator.

I have acquired his services to inspect Hogwarts Castle, without telling him I own the place, to ‘make sure it has a safe environment for my sister’. I have also provided him with an Invisibility Cloak for the job forged out of my own magic, making it comparable to the Death’s Shroud that Dumbledore is hiding from Harry. Not the same, though- it won’t work for anyone I consider unfriendly, and is personally bound to Lupin, much like a wand, so he can summon it at will and it can’t hide anyone from him. Or me, but that’s beside the point. Another effect of the binding is that now Lupin is fully steeped in my magic as well, converting the ravenous monster of his werewolf side into a fierce protector… and also giving it a rather large firepower upgrade.

Author's Note

Patreon, Discord.

Yes, this section is also longer than Agent Honor Duel's. However, it's also bloated with administrative nonsense, so it doesn't count.