The Profitable Use Of Illogical Dimensions And Spaces

by ARandomLonelyDude

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Flim and Flam, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1164

This story is larger on the inside, just like the Flim Flam brothers' warehouse. Come and store your stuff today!

The Flim Flam brothers have been facing trouble making money. Their misadventures have led to them ending up in Canterlot with a small plot of land, which they intend to use to generate a steady stream of profit for their other projects.

The problem is that it's a tiny piece of land, only 100 square metres, and they aren't allowed to exceed the local building height limit of 25 metres. It's a hard situation, and they don't even have Little John's expertise with small spaces to help them.

Fortunately, they know a different way to make the space work.

Unfortunately, they'll have to explain it to a local regulator.

FOR BEST READING EXPERIENCE, READ THE STORY IN A BROWSER. DOWNLOADING THE STORY BREAKS IT (it's pretty broken but still)

WARNING: formatting might be terrible on all devices with a screen different than my laptop's, but honestly, that's because all y our device has have a skill issue.

Written for "1k" word contest. Category: experimental.

Just in case:

The story must be exactly a thousand (1000) words long as seen on its card or longdesc. [...] all that matters is what the website says!

The gratuitous use of non-words, weird formatting, or other trickery to get a story to exactly a thousand (1000) words is not allowed, and we will be checking. The only exception to this are purely Experimental fics. In those, feel free to use whatever non-words, weird formatting, or other trickery you please!

Published 2024-07-09 23:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-09 23:40:00 UTC

Chapter 1

The_regulator_was_an_old_mare.

She_was_not_physically_old_(even_though_her_forehead_looked_like_a_raisin),_but_mentally,_the_burden_of_a_government_job_like_hers_had_made_her_feel_older_than_even_the_princesses._As_a regulator, her job was to ensure that all buildings in the city of Canterlot met building codes and regulations.

One_would_expect_that_regulations_being_adhered_to_would_be_a_given_in_the_capital_of_Equestria,_but_the_regulator_knew_one_thing_very_well:_the_rich_people_who_had_the_buildings_built_were_the_worst_kinds_of_cheapskates,_the_kind_who'd_think_that_fire_exits_were_a_waste_of_money,_or_that_ponies_would_be_alright_living_in_windowless_apartments_with_just_enough_space_to_make_prison_cells_look_luxurious.

She_also_had_to_respond_to_complaints_of_code_violations,_which_were_disturbingly_common,_and_it_was_these_violations_that_stressed_her_enough_to_feel_mentally_old._After_all,_who_wouldn't_go_white_as_a_sheet_upon_learning_that_there's_a_large_apartment_complex_housing_hundreds_of_ponies_despite_it_not_meeting_even_the_most_basic_of_fire_safety_standards,_and_that_it's_been_up_for_quite_a_while_as_well.

On_this_particular_day,_she_was_out_on_the_streets_to_go_and_investigate_a_safety_complaint_filed_against_a_warehouse._She_expected_it_to_be_an_easy_job,_but_that_went_out_the_window_when_she_read_the_address_of_the_warehouse.

It_was_located_right_in_the_middle_of_a_mixed-use_area,_that_should_not_be_able_to_house_a_standard_warehouse,_or_even_a_small_one._The_complaint_had_only_said_'Unsafe_Building',_and_that_did_not_exactly_help_her_figure_out_what_was_going_on_with_the_building._Hence,_being_out_on_the_street.

She_came_to_a_stop_right_in_front_of_the_building_that_the_address_was_on,_and_she_almost_started_looking_around_since_the_building_did_not_look_anything_like_a_warehouse_would._However,_she_noticed_that_it_had_two_doors_for_a_cart_loading_bay,_and_a_sign_on_top_of_the_front_door_that_read_'Flim_&_Flam_Co._Storage'.

There_were_no_other_buildings_around_that_would_fit_the_description_of_warehouse._There_were_only_shops_around._The_building_in_front_of_her_also_looked_like_a_shop_—_a_very_grey,_brutalist_one_—_but_it_declared_itself_to_be_a_warehouse_very_clearly._Or_maybe_it_was_a_front_to_illegal_business._Whatever_it_was,_she_had_to_enter_the_building_to_find_out.

She_walked_up_to_the_main_entrance,_a_double_door_besides_the_loading_bay_doors,_and_knocked.

Within_a_moment,_the_doors_flung_open_outwards,_making_the_regulator_step_back_to_avoid_getting_hit.

She_was_greeted_with_the_most_peculiar_sight_of_twin_unicorn_stallions,_both_wearing_the_exact_same_outfit_of_a_white_vest_and_straw_hats._The_only_feature_telling_them_apart_was_that_the_one_had_a_moustache_while_the_other_didn't.

"Oh,_hello_there,"_the_one_without_the_moustache_began.

"Are_you_here_to–"_the_other_one_continued.

"–Make_use_of_our_storage_services?"_they_both_ended_together.

The_regulator_didn't_answer,_for_she_was_stunned_by_how_abnormal_the_two's_synchronisation_was._She_was_quick_to_get_over_it_though_and_she_got_straight_to_the_business.

"A_complaint_has_been_filed_against_your_warehouse_for_not_following_regulations._I'm_here_to_verify_the_complaint."

There_was_not_a_hint_of_fear_on_their_faces._Instead,_there_was_just_slight_annoyance.

"I_was_telling_you,_Flim,_we_shouldn't_have_explained_our_process_to_that_nosy_noble,"_the_one_with_the_moustache_said_to_the_other,_Flim.

"You're_right,_Flam._I_bet_he's_just_angry_that_we're_taking_away_his_business!"_Flim_replied_to_Flam._"How_terrible_it_is,_the_nobility_trying_to_end_small_businesses."

"Truly..."_Flam_agreed_solemnly,_seemingly_forgetting_the_regulator_was_there._Then,_he_got_back_his_cheerful_demeanour_and_said,_"But_we'll_win_against_him!"

"Yeah!_He'll_be_out_of_business_soon!"

"But_first,_we_have_other_business_to_attend_to.”

"Ah,_yes."

They_both_retreated_into_the_building_and_moved_out_of_the_way_of_the_door._"Come_on_in,_miss_regulator–"

"We'll_show_you_that_our_business_is_perfectly–"

"Without_a_doubt–"

"Or_even_a_shadow_of_one–"

"Up_to_code!"_They_both_declared.

The_regulator_stared_at_the_two_for_a_moment,_wondering_whether_or_not_they_were_intentionally_trying_to_make_themselves_look_like_con-ponies,_before_entering_the_building.

The_inside_was_a_bit_cramped_since_there_were_no_windows_on_the_ground_floor,_and_everything_was_in_one_single_room._There_was_a_reception_desk_right_by_the_main_entrance,_and_opposite_to_the_desk_were_the_two_loading_bays._A_railing_ensured_that_one_wouldn't_fall_into_the_bays,_which_was_good.

Other_than_that,_on_the_not-so-far_end_of_the_room,_there_were_stairs_going_up_to_the_first_floor,_and_two_elevator_like_things_as_well,_marked_with_warning_signs._She_could_hear_the_hum_of_ventilation,_and_she_could_see_that_there_were_fire_exit_signs_pointing_to_the_main_entrance,_along_with_sprinklers_and_a_carbon_monoxide_detector_on_the_ceiling._The_were_no shelves_or_storage_units_of_any_kind_on_the_floor.

So_far,_it_only_looked_like_a_bad_business_idea_and_not_a_safety_hazard,_which_was_good_in_the_regulator's_eyes.

There_was_still_the_upstairs_though.

"This_floor_looks_alright._Can_you_take_me_upstairs?"

"Of_course,_miss!"

"Come_with_us!"

They_both_pranced_over_to_the_stairs,_while_the_regulator_walked_normally._The_stairs_were_not_as_cramped_as_they_looked_and_had_railings_as_well.

The_upstairs_area_was_a_lot_more_different_than_the_downstairs._For_starters,_there_was_a_cage_around_the_stairs._Beyond_the_cage,_the_rest_of_the_room_was_a_lot_more_like_a_warehouse._It_was_a_windowless_room,_in_which_there_were_four_shelves_that_reached_the_ceiling,_two_on_opposite_walls_and_two_in_the_middle_up_against_each_other._All_were_being_used._There_were_rails_on_the_ceiling,_going_in_the_two_spaces_between_all_the_shelves._On_the_rails_was_a_contraption_that_looked_like_a_forklift._The_rails_ended_in_front_of_the_holes_that_lead_to_the_previous_elevators._There_were_railings_around_those_too.

Besides_the_rather_futuristic_looking_storage_method,_the_regulator_focused_on_the_things_that_concerned_her._There_were_sprinklers_here,_and_a_fire_extinguisher_as_well._A_sign_on_the_wall_declared_that_it_was_the_first_floor._Everything_seemed_alright_from_the_safety_point_of_view.

"As_you_can_see,_our_warehouse_uses_state_of_the_art–"

"–modern–"

"–top-notch–"

"–high_grade–"

"–systems_to_make_the_entire_operation_possible!"

Their_whole_synchronisation_thing_was_starting_to_get_more_annoying_than_weird,_but_the_regulator_didn't_say_anything.

"We_use_this_same_system_on_all_the_other_floors_as_well_and_it_works_with_record_efficiency!"

The_regulator_raised_an_eyebrow_at_that._"What_do_you_mean_'all_the_other_floors',_there_are_clearly_only_two_floors_in_this_building."

The_brothers_looked_at_each_other_and_grinned,_making_the_regulator_a_bit_concerned.

"Flim,_I_think_I_know_why_she_is_here."

"I_think_so_as_well,_Flam._Let's_show_her_the_upstairs_as_well."

"Yes,_we_shall."

They_both_turned_to_face_her.

"Come on up, there are more floors for you to inspect."

The regulator was worried. The exchange between the two did not reveal much to her, making her confused, and a small part of her was making up all sorts of irrational thoughts that served to scare her, like one that suggested that the two were going to silence her permanently.

Still, she followed them upstairs.

The second floor was just like the first — everything was alright, safety and otherwise.

However, the regulator distinctly remembered that she was in a very clearly two-story building. Yet here she was on the second floor.

It shouldn't have been possible.

"Really? A portal on the stairs? Is this some kind of joke?" the regulator asked, rationalising the discrepancy with the most rational explanation. After all, how could the building have an extra floor? It couldn't. She'd eat her notepad if it somehow did.

"A portal? Aren't those really visible?" Flim asked, seeming to be genuinely confused at the regulator’s words. "I can assure you that there are no portals on our fine establishment."

"Then, how come did we loop back to the first floor?"

"Ohhh," both brothers said at the same time, realising something that the regulator didn't.

Flam began, "No, good madam, you see–"

"–we did NOT loop back to the first floor."

"Look here, the sign says '2'–" Flam pointed to the sign next to the stairs, which now declared it was the 'second floor'. The regulator thought it was an elaborate prank.

"We are on the second floor!" Flim ended, declaring it with all the confidence of a sun-worshiper declaring that princess Celestia was the true god, and it with the same amount of evidence as well.

The regulator snorted, "Oh, yeah? Watch this."

She ran up the stairs, expecting to come back up to meet the brothers, who were shouting at her to not go anywhere without supervision.

She didn't.

Instead, she ended up on the third floor. She looked around, finding that brothers were nowhere to be seen, and that besides the sign, everything looked the same– no, the shelves were empty. When no explanation came for why the floor was so, she tilted her head and looked at it. Nothing changed.

She went back down the stairs, confused. The brothers were waiting for her.

"I'm sure that you've seen firsthoof that–"

"–we are in fact, on the second floor right now."

"But how? The building should have only two floors," the regulator said, still thinking about how the building had more floors than it should. Then, it came to her.

"Unless you two have–"

"Nope, we don't have the rest of the floors under invisibility spells," Flim interjected.

"In fact, there are only two floors–"

"–but that's only on the outside."

The regulator looked at them, still thinking that the building was illegally tall.

"Come with us, we can explain to you."

They led her downstairs to the reception, where they pulled out some certificates from behind the counter along with a book on the Canterlot building codes.

"You see, when we got this building, we were told that it'd be a good start to our business," Flim began. "But when we got here–"

"–it was tiny!"

"Yes, only a hundred square meters on each floor! Not something we can make a warehouse in."

"So..."

"So, we decided to expand it," Flim said, opening the code book to a specific page. "However, we found that we couldn't expand upwards like we thought we could."

He pointed at a line that stated that build height limit was only twenty-five meters.

"Nor could we expand around," Flam added, looking to the ground sadly.

"But then," they both said, abnormally cheerful. "We got help."

The regulator got a bad feeling.

"Help from out of this world–"

"Help from those far beyond us–"

"And we took that help!"

Flim presented her the certificate. The regulator looked it over, her eyes widening as she read it. It was a certificate that stated that the two had made a deal with a demon, and it bore Princess Celestia's seal on it.

"How?"

"Oh, it's quite simple. Our eldritch benefactor was a random lonely being with not much to taste, and they wanted a simple thing–"

"–a box of sweets–"

"–in return for expanding our building without breaking any laws. We read over the law–"

"–and found that these deals are legal! So long as nobody is hurt, that is. Pretty simple business."

"And that is how our building is bigger on the inside! And we have used the new space to our advantage!"

The two looked at her with smiles, while she looked back worried. She looked back down at the certificate on the desk, it telling her that she shouldn't be as distressed as she was. She immediately took the code book, flipping through the pages quick as she could.

There HAD to be a law that prohibited this kind of dark magic from being used in buildings.

There was none.

The building was legal as long as it met fire safety standards, and local build height limits, which it did. There was nothing prosecutable about the nature of the building — the signature of Princess Celestia just cemented the fact that it was alright if buildings were larger on the inside.

"So?"

"Is everything alright?"

The regulator looked at them both, wondering how crazy or desperate they were really.

"Y'know, I think you guys are missing a warning sign that tells everyone that this building is bigger on the inside."

Author's Note

(Don't do this, it takes a lot of time to do and it doesn't look pretty)

It's called the curse of knowledge because I'm using it to my advantage and ~~you're~~ yro'ue not.

I'll be fr, I do NOT think I cooked with this one. This ninja technique to reduce the domain of the story is of questionable quality, and so is the story (according to me).

I hope I got the characterisation of Flim and Flam right, or at least, close to right. Too bad that I didn't expand the story more to make it better, ~~and funnier~~, since that'd be too many words.

Also, ground (0) --> first (1) --> second (2) is objectively better. Buildings are basically arrays and arrays start at zero (except for Lua but it's only relevant in roblox so we don't care)

If you disagree, I suggest you go to a doctor to get your intelligence un-fanumtaxed