Paragraphobia

by Silver Needle

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Fluttershy, Random
Length: 1115

Discord is afraid of units of discourse

The draconequs are not fearful of the physical. Nothing scares Discord. Or at least, that was what Fluttershy thought. But even the embodiment of chaos fears something.

Bronze medal in the Third 1000 words contest! Definitely check out the other entries, there are so many good ones!

Published 2024-07-14 19:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-14 19:10:00 UTC

To write beside

It was a beautiful spring morning at Fluttershy’s cottage. The house near the Everfree forest was a little far out from the rest of Ponyville, but the proximity to nature more than made up for it in the homeowner's eyes. And today was truly a day for appreciating the environment. The sun was filtering through the trees, catching the water of the brook as it ran its course over smooth riverbed stones. Distant birdsong could be heard, interrupted ever so often as a gentle breeze caught the treetops. The only disturbance to the peace was the ear-splitting shriek of terror that had suddenly pierced the air.

“Discord!” Fluttershy exclaimed, running into the kitchen. The lord of chaos was currently cowering under a sofa cushion, shaking like a leaf. His eyes were wide, and filled with fear. “What's wrong?”

"Shush!" He hissed, stretching a long arm out to press a claw to the pony's mouth. "Stay quiet!"

Fluttershy stayed quiet. Slowly, Discord began to calm down.

"They've gone," he finally muttered, "But they could be back any time soon. We have to be careful."

"W-what's gone?" Fluttershy said, looking around fearfully. She couldn't see anything at all, but something capable of scaring Discord was scary in itself. Maybe it was-

"Stop!" The Draconequs cried.

Fluttershy's ears flattened back in fright, and not a little confusion. "Um... Stop what?"

"Stop thinking so much. You almost caused a paragraph."

"Oh," said Fluttershy. And then, because she felt like things still hadn't been cleared up, "A paragraph?"

Discord looked at her with frustration. "Do they not teach literacy in Cloudsdale? Paragraphs are units of text within writing composed-"

"Oh, no, I do know what they are," Fluttershy hastily clarified. "I just don't understand why you seem so scared. Or what I was doing wrong."

Discord gave a sigh. "It's a... stupid fear of mine. Blocks of text have always sent a shiver down my spine. Just something about their density, all those words... it gives me the creeps."

He made a careful, measured pause.

"And it made finding good reading material a nightmare," he continued. "I've just about learnt to deal with it over the years."

Another pause. Was he counting something?

"But seeing paragraphs is one thing. Being in them is another. And due to our current circumstances..."

He gestured around him, as though it were obvious. To Fluttershy, it was not.

"I still don't quite follow..."

The draconequs huffed impatiently. "Well, I'll try to break it down for you, but do try and keep up this time. A phobia is an irrational fear, yes?"

"Y-yes."

"And as I've just said, I have a phobia of paragraphs."

"Yes."

"And we're currently in a literary medium."

"Um-"

"So my greatest fear has literally come to life to surround me!" Discord wailed.

Fluttershy felt like she understood even less than she did before, but she flew over to wrap a comforting wing around him all the same.

"I'm sure it will be ok," she said, wishing she knew what "it" was.

"It's not over yet," Discord whispered. "We're about to be hit by a big one. I can see it."

He was looking down, not down towards the floor, but a different direction of down that made Fluttershy's head hurt when she thought about it.

"There's another one coming. Even bigger than before."

"Can I do anything to help?" Fluttershy asked. Discord didn't answer, his eyes widening and jaw slackening. Whatever was scaring him was happening right now. Instincts kicked in, and the pegasus dashed to the kitchen, swiping a roll of linen from a drawer as she went. She flicked a tap on and ran the linen under it as she pulled a small mug down from the shelf with a wing, before exchanging them, filling it with water. She wrung the cloth out, snagged a blanket and a couple of cushions for good measure, and then ran back to Discord as fast as she could without spilling the water.

"Here we are," she gasped, as she got back to him. "I've got water, damp cloth-"

The draconequs was pale, but he was still managing to aim a glare at her that stopped her in her tracks.

"Fluttershy dear," he spat out between clenched teeth, "Would you be able to perform less actions in the future?"

"Oh, um... Sorry?" She said, unsure really what she was apologising for.

"I can't let that happen again," Discord said. "We need a plan."

"What should we do?"

"Speaking in short alternating sentences is a good start."

"L-like this?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yes, like that," He replied. "And try not to think too much about what you say."

"Ok." Said Fluttershy.

The pair continued to converse in brief statements for a while, as the sun rose ever further into the sky of that fine spring morning. However, while his condition initially seemed to improve, Discord soon started to look under the weather again, skin paling and sweat beading on his brow, no matter how desperately or monosyllabically Fluttershy talked to him. Eventually he gave a gasp for air.

"We've been summarised!" He groaned. "It's no use, Fluttershy! You and I are simply too plot relevant to be in the same room."

Fluttershy felt she could have won an award for not understanding things in the past few hours. "Does that mean... we'll never see each other again?"

Discord managed a smile, despite himself. "Of course we will. All the time, whenever we're not the focal point. However, for now at least, I must bid you farewell."

He snapped a claw, and a very nondescript portal appeared.

"Will this happen again?" Fluttershy asked.

"I hope not." Discord said, as he stepped through. "But paragraphs aren't common. And the only thing I'm more scared of than those is time skips."

3 Weeks Later

As yet another scream rent the morning air, Fluttershy pondered the peace that a life without the embodiment of chaos hanging out around her house would be like.

Author's Note

What is a paragraph?

It's hard to define really. There's a bit of a definition clash, with some systems counting every section of text separated by a break of some kind, others claiming it has to be composed of over 3, or 5 sentences, others claiming the opposite, etc.

For this text, I went mostly by my old English lecturer's definition, which was "if it looks like a paragraph, it is one." Subjective, maybe, but I hope its clear which bits of text I intended to be paragraphs, and which aren't.

Additionally, I wrote this on pc. If it isn't as obvious on mobile, I apologise.