Author's Note

There's four parts and an epilogue to this one. But this volume, I'm counting stories rather than chapters. You'll get 8 at the minimum, and maybe more depending.

Also, I'm publishing this story once a week. Once it's over, I'll have the first part of the next one up by two weeks at the soonest and a month at the latest.

Edit 1: Revisions to grammar, punctuation, and sentence and paragraph structure upon a late but needed proofreading.

Rock Farmin' and Rollin' Part 1

Pinkie Pie beamed as she got to her favorite part of the story she was telling. “...and when I wished Maud an early birthday a month ago, she said that she was invited back to the rock farm to celebrate! She figured I’d want to plan it, and you know how she likes things small and personal, so she said…” Pinkie then shifted her features to match her mentioned sister’s. “...If you want to invite any of your marefriends, I’d prefer it if you’d just pick one.” With a blurring shake of the head, she put her face back to normal and moved to give Fluttershy a hug, who awkwardly smiled back. “...and I knew that Fluttershy had some time off that week, so I’m bringing her along to help prepare!”

On the train seat opposite of the mares, Alphonse slapped his magazine down onto the cushion. “So why’d you bring me along if she only wanted one friend, huh?”

At that Pinkie Pie giggled, and with a goofy grin tapped her forehead with a hoof. “Well, SOME of us know how to read between the lines, silly! When she said she wanted me to bring one marefriend, she meant that she wanted me to bring a few of my new manfriends!”

At that, Alphonse made a hacking scoff and crossed his arms. “What kind of logic is that?”

Wilda bent close to wrap an arm around his quirky friend and held his other hand to Alphone’s ear. “Silence, you fool! Free eats for a whole week, remember? And we could definitely do with some references if we’re gonna find some good work!” At this, Alphonse made a low grumble as he shook his head, then picked back up and opened his magazine.

A couple more hours passed as Pinkie Pie dramatically posed to add a visual element to her many, many stories about her childhood on the Pie Family rock farm. Wilda was learning forward with clasped hands and an unfocused gaze as he gave a nod every couple of seconds. Alphonse was on his fifth magazine, having placed an invisible bubble of silence around his head when nobody was looking. Fluttershy, meanwhile, had a content expression as she watched the scenery pass, but her smile seemed to slack a bit as the green pastures and vibrant patches of forest gave way to the dull grayish crags of the Rockville countryside.

Eventually Alphonse felt the train slow as it pulled into the Rockville station. Glancing at Pinkie hopping on her back hooves with her mouth wide open as she gazed out the window, he steeled himself before popping his construct with a poke, wincing slightly as the excitable Pony’s squeal filled his ears.

The group grabbed their carry-on luggage, the experienced human warriors knowing well enough to pack light. But as the doors opened and the group stepped onto the platform, they immediately noticed the ground shaking. Wilda squinted as he gazed into the distance, then his eyes went wide as he pointed at a dust cloud. “Stampede! Quick, get behind the biggest, broadest thing you can find!”

Alphonse, never one to miss a beat, immediately hopped into the air, leaving behind the bright green spring of energy aiding him, and clung to the mountainous shoulders of his beast elemental friend while Pinkie and Fluttershy zoomed around right behind Wilda’s back. Rushing onto the platform was a veritable herd of farm folk ponies carrying with them the barest of necessities, making a brief divide around Wilda before corralling into the train. Fluttershy halfheartedly extended a hoof and softly made an inquiry. “Um… Excuse me, but what’s got you all into such a tizzy…?”

A brown coated colt in an old-fashioned wide-brimmed hat slid to a halt, turned his head to her and pointed a hoof back and forth. “It’s a disaster! They’ve overrun the whole countryside and taken all the farms for themselves! Get out of town quick, before they-” He then turned his head towards Alphonse and Wilda, who spared a wave. His eyes went wide. “SUFFERIN’ SLATE! There’s more of them now! Get the train moving now, before it’s too late!” The rest of the panicked ponies quickly zoomed behind the doors, which snapped shut as the whole train seemed to recoil before rocketing off, zooming over the hills.

Alphonse gingerly slid back down Wilda’s back and turned towards Pinkie with narrowed eyes. “Did that seem strange to you? Or is that some kind of rock farmer tradition you may or may not have mentioned on the way here, like a holiday or something?”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow and scratched under her chin with a hoof. “Not that I’m aware of. Believe me, if there were a holiday that crazy, I’d know about it!” Then, Pinkie hopped into the air, doing a drawn-out gasp amid her (too-long) hangtime. “Unless… There’s a new holiday! And it falls right on Maud’s birthday! We’ve got to get to the rock farm, pronto!” With that, Pinkie’s legs whirled into wheel-like blurs with a loud revving before she zoomed off into the distance

Alphonse stepped forward with a lopsided frown, scratching his chin. Then, he tipped his head to the side as he shrugged. “When in Rockville…” He abruptly crouched, pulling his arms back. Then he briefly dashed before jumping forward. Before he landed, a big wheel of bright green energy appeared encircling him and he zoomed off following the dust trail of the hyper earth pony.

Fluttershy and Wilda just stared into the distance for a moment. Then, Wilda turned to his pegasus friend and raised a hand to tap on his shoulder. Fluttershy held a hoof to her muzzle for a moment, then nodded. She gently flew upwards and layed herself over Wilda’s shoulder. She then pulled out a pair of goggles and wrapped them over her eyes. Wilda smiled a toothy grin and gave her a thumbs up as she smiled and nodded. Wilda coiled his body as his feet began to glow with a bright blue light, extending the transparent dark-spotted legs of a cheetah. With an imaginary 3-2-1-Go! The elemental warrior and his ride-along took off after both their friends.

***

Pinkie held a hoof over her squinted eyes at the sight of her family home. “Huh…! Well, all this definitely wasn’t here before!”

Wilda and Alphonse turned towards Fluttershy, who closed her eyes and shook her head. “This is my first time here too…”

The main house and some of the buildings like the silo had a freshly-built but big and sturdy-looking wall of tightly fitted rocks surrounding it. But the land around it, including the rock fields, had towers of raised terrain in a circle with clusters of spikes made out of the same material filling out the space between them in an impassable ring. Alphonse stepped forward while scratching his chin with a finger, followed by Wilda with a focused, lopsided frown. “You know… In a way, it kind of reminds me of all those drills Master Noxus put us through for our advanced warrior training.”

Alphonse proceeded forward, tightening his gaze as he shook a finger towards the site ahead. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that that your family’s farm is under some kind of-” But with a shrill yell, the land under Wilda and Alphonse abruptly gave way. Pinkie and Fluttershy rushed up to the edge of the newly-revealed pit and gazed in at the two out-of-sorts elementals. Alphonse, the smaller and therefore the one who landed lighter, managed to sit up and regain his senses first. “-siege!”

Both Pinkie and Fluttershy stumbled back as the ground suddenly started shaking more violently than with the stampede before. From out behind the surrounding hills slinked out several narrow waves of roiling earth. With the group of friends surrounded, the humans hopped off their improvised mounts as they sank back into the ground.

Each one, wearing a dull gray padded jacket, gave the mares a sinister smile. One of them with wild brown hair tied back in a spiky ponytail stepped forward, letting out a wheezing chuckle as the ponies stumbled back. “Well, looky here! Seems like we’ve got ourselves a couple hostages, boys! But, maybe… hasn’t it been a while since we’ve had some fresh meat?”

Alphonse didn’t like what he was hearing one bit. He got on top of Wilda and gave him a pair of hard slaps to the face. Wilda quickly shook his head and focused on his friend on top of him. Alphonse quickly held his forearm vertically and gestured, pumping it upward twice while flicking his two fingers in the same motions. Wilda quickly furrowed his brow. He grabbed Alphonse with both hands, jumped to his feet, and threw him straight up with a holler.

The interlopers craned their heads upward, following Alphonse. At the height of his ascension, he held an arm horizontal to his chest, made a series of elaborate gestures, and swung his glowing hand in an arc overhead, creating seven wisps of bright green energy that soared outward, leaving behind narrow tail-like streaks. Three of them, including the spikey-haired one, acted quickly and swung up their arms to rip broad chunks of dirt out of the ground that shattered as they dispelled the projectiles on collision. The other four weren’t so quick and were blasted off their feet and lie strewn on the ground.

Once his hang time was over, Alphonse extended an open palm upward and above it appeared a bright green asterisk-like shape that seemed to grant him a controlled descent as it spun. As Alphonse glided into the distance, he extended his other hand to make a rude gesture and blew a raspberry as he stuck his tongue at them. They each grit their teeth at him and braced themselves as they made an upward pulling motion and ripped bowling ball-sized chunks from the ground. As they were taking aim with their free hands extended, Wilda came springing out of the pit with his cestus materialized, his feet covered in an aura Fluttershy recognized as the back legs of a puma. He swung a fist overhead and sent the spikey-haired human stumbling back with a powerful slam.

The spiky-haired human quickly regained his posture, then gave Wilda a ferocious grimace, who pulled one cestus back and held the other extended with a wide, forward stance. The spiky-haired human held up a hand and the nail of each of his extended fingers began to glow in a pale light before each extended a thin, inward-curling claw-like blade of energy.

He dashed forward but stopped short of striking distance of Wilda before swinging his magicked hand in a wide uppercut. The energy from each claw leaped onto the ground and spread towards Wilda in a cluster of curving blades. Wilda brought his cestus together to guard but was sent sliding back by the force of the attack, and found himself teetering on the edge of the pit.

The spiky-haired human took this opportunity to rush to his nearest downed ally and scoop him up onto his shoulders. He turned his head to his companions. “They’ve got top-classers with ‘em! Grab the others and fall back!” The remaining interlopers summoned more waves or land and pulled their downed cohorts onto them before racing off back over the surrounding hills.

After a moment, Wilda managed to steady himself and stepped towards the two ponies with Alphonse coming in from the side after crossing the distance he flew on foot. He dispelled his cestus and cracked his neck a couple times. “Welp… Looks like you’ve got bandits.”

Alphonse managed to finish brushing the dirt from the pit off his backside. “And pretty good ones, unfortunately. That one with the tectonic shockwave claw spell must be their lieutenant.” He then made a loud sniff and scratched his nose. “The fact that he could size up the situation so quickly and coax the others into taking action in addition to having one heck of an ace up his sleeve means that they’ve definitely got an ironclad chain of command. Their boss must definitely be a doozy!”

The whole thing happened so fast that Fluttershy was briefly sent witless, then she shook her head and focused her eyes. “What do we do now? We shouldn’t stay here if they might come back with backup…!”

Pinkie abruptly pulled Fluttershy’s face into her own. “Forget that! What about my family? Mom! Dad! Marble! Limestone! I need to check if they’re okay!”

Alphonse made a cocky grin and held high a finger. “Just like the drills: When in doubt, fall back and regroup! I’ll lead the way and see if I can make a bridge past those barriers!”

Alphonse quickly turned around and rushed towards the Pie Farmhouse, his finger still extended. Pinkie galloped close behind while Fluttershy flew alongside a jogging Wilda. As they approached the outer barricade, Alphonse extended an open palm and a bright green arching stairway appeared stretching over it that he and the rest of the group rushed across, doing the same for the wall encircling the central property.

Pinkie didn’t waste time and rushed past Alphonse right up to the door, getting on her back hooves and beating on it with both of her front, making a sound like a woodpecker. “Dad! Mom! Everypony! Are you alright? It’s me, Pinkie!”

Pinkie got back down on all her hooves as she heard a ruckus on the other side. She trotted back right as Alphonse and the others and the door slowly opened. However, they all ducked and covered as they were met with an onslaught of jagged rocks and various odds and ends. When they got the chance to spare a look they saw a line of dull-colored earth ponies, each wearing an anxious expression and holding a rough and worn farming implement, shaking towards the group.

Pinkie’s father, Igneous Rock Rock Pie, trotted forward holding a chipped spade. “Pinkamena, my dear… Take thine friend and slowly trot away from yonder vandals!”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow for a moment, then glanced back at Wilda and Alphonse and at her family a couple times, then made another drawn-out gasp as her shuffling legs blurred. She quickly zipped back, standing on her back hooves again, extending her front ones to cover her human friends. “Wait! You don’t understand! They’re my friends, from that huge underground city I mentioned in my letters! They can help, too!”

Limestone groaned, practically growling with the trowel in her teeth. “Dodn’t madder! Hwee don’ gnuw dem! Zhey coot vee shpiez!”

Pinkie rapidly shook her head a few times. Then stared at her family with her big, sad eyes. At the sight of this, Marble’s expression softened. She spat out her garden cultivator and trotted forward, turning to face her family. Cloudy Quartz, shaking a garden weasel, gave her daughter an angry look. “Marble! Dost thou stand in defiance of thine clan’s welfare?”

Marble squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head a few times. “Mm-mm-HMM!” She turned back, looking deep into Pinkie’s eyes for a moment. Then she turned back to her family, furrowed her brow, and bent low.

Limestone’s scowl softened ever so slightly. She turned towards her father, meeting his gaze for a moment. Igneous Rock took a deep breath and relaxed, blowing it out his nose. “If thy heart sayeth so, and thou believest these bipeds shall risk thine own peril on behalf of the clan, then so be it. Come, knaves!”

Igneous Rock turned around and his wife and daughter followed him back into the farmhouse. Pinkie trotted up next to Marble and gave her a sentimental smile. “Thanks a bunch, Marble! I owe you big!”

Marble gave Pinkie a smile and nodded. “Mm-hm!” And with that, the both of them trotted into the doorway with Fluttershy, Alphonse, and Wilda following behind.

Pinkie was met with unfamiliar sights in what should have been a familiar place, as the Pie Family den had been converted into a war room, with the ancestral cards table having a chart of the farmlands with several miscellaneous objects serving as tokens for things and units in the vicinity. At one of the corner windows, her great-granduncle’s telescope stood pointed to gaze into the hills in the distance.

Alphonse quickly took stock of the place and extended a finger. “Okay, so, first thing’s first… How long have these bozos been here and what have they been doing this whole time?”

Limestone raised an eyebrow and made a grimace at that display of presumptuousness. However, Igneous Rock gave her a scowl and she rolled her eyes. Limestone reached a hoof upward and pulled down (from nowhere) a chart of the surrounding countryside of Rockville and began pointing at several marked spots with a hoof. “It didn’t take two days for those big monkeys to blitz and take over every farm in the tri-county area. As far as we can tell, there are at least sixty-four of them put together, and they’re all grouped into four divisions of sixteen. The troopers don’t have anything to write home about besides pulling walls up from the ground and hurling big chunks of dirt, but they’re each headed up by a captain that can do some big and weird stuff. Nopony’s seen him, but they’ve been heard talking about a boss that they’re all scared of.

“There are a few holdhouts in some shelters and cellars between farms, but the bandits say they won’t let anypony have their land back unless everypony pays them a hundred-thousand bits per acre! Highway robbery, I tell you! But apparently, they’ve also been planting some gems, like they’re prepared to swindle a few packs of diamond dogs as a backup plan. As far as we know, we still have a chance as they’ve spread thin at garrisons in every county to chase away every charge to take the land back through force.”

Fluttershy softly coughed into her hoof, drawing the room's attention. “Um… When we got off the train, it looked like everypony in Rockville got on and left…”

At that, Limestone pulled the chart back down with a deep inhalation and let it wind back up with a defeated sigh, all while maintaining her sour expression. “Well…! I guess we’re all doomed, then! Once they regroup, they’ll storm the Pie Family farm all at once and that’ll be that!”

Alphonse extended a hand and gestured at Limestone. “Whoa there, bronco! Can it with the pessimism and ‘tude!” He then gestured at himself with a thumb and made a cocky grin. “That’s MY exclusive schtick! Too many cooks in the kitchen, I’ll have you know!” Then, he held out an upturned hand and shook his head with a lopsided grimace. “Besides, it’s not completely hopeless now that we’re here!”

At this, Limestone loudly snorted and spat a loogie to the side, getting a bad look from her mother. “Oh, come on! What can two mares and a couple of hairless apes do against a horde of brutes with some crude but effective magic?”

Alphonse made an arrogant smirk and snickered, gesturing at himself and Wilda, who decided to flex despite his awkwardly flat expression. “Well, I’ll have you know, just these couple of brutes with sophisticated and extremely effective magic sent almost half of this quadrant’s squad packing in two attacks. And I personally laid out four of them flat with a spell seasoned with a little extra something to make them completely useless for the next day and night!”

Limestone could only roll her eyes at that speech. Then she raised a hoof at the fairy elemental, deepening her scowl. “Fine then! If you’re so confident, then why don’t you two go out there and bear the brunt of their oncoming assault!”

Alphonse threw up a hand and rolled his eyes, giving his head a shake for good measure. “Well, alrighty then! Wilda and I will take point and do just that!” He theatrically turned around and marched back towards the door in an overexaggerated manner with Wilda following along. Then he abruptly paused at the threshold and raised a finger. “And when we’re done cleaning up, we’ll send you an invoice for the bill for our services…” He lackadaisically pointed at Wilda behind him. “...Because I’ll have you know he’s a one-man riot squad…” Then raised his hand to point at his own head, spinning his finger. “...And I’m an expert on indirect fighting! Your enemy’s worst enemies!”

Alphonse continued the way out. Before following behind, Wilda turned around and gave the pie-family a one-armed shrug and smirk. Then he turned to Fluttershy and gave her a wave. “Bye-bye, Fluttershy. See you soon.” Fluttershy waved her hoof at her friend as he followed his own out the door.

As both human warriors went out the door, Limestone made a contemptful, drawn-out groan, then raised a hoof and eyebrow at Pinkie while maintaining her frown. “Where do you even find creatures like that, Pinkie?”

Pinkie gestured here and there with her hoof, whirling her eyes around. “Oh… Thousands and thousands of miles underground, give or take.”

Limestone put her hoof down and rolled her eyes. “Of course…!”