Harmony Manifest

by ulcuran

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Human, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1282

Anon was just enjoying some delicious muffins before being rudely interrupted.

Anon was just enjoying some delicious muffins before being rudely interrupted.

But of course, Anon, being Anon is going to make the lives of anyone involved a mess and just be a nuisance to the populace of Equestria.

Published 2024-07-07 21:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-07 21:40:00 UTC

Harmony Manifest

Anon was enjoying some great muffins with his friend, Derpy. Just as he was about to take another bite of the delicious chocolate muffin, the bakery door was kicked in and dozens of policemares and Raven Inkwell stormed the bakery. Before he could react, two of the police took him by the arms and forcibly led him outside.

‘’Anon!’’ Derpy followed suit, concerned for her muffin-eating partner.

‘’What’s going on?!’’ He tried to look towards Raven but his head was locked in place by the police.

Raven had a hard look on her face. ‘’Anonymous, you can speak’’ She couldn’t continue talking before Anon spoke again.

‘’Again, what the hell is goin-’’ He was cut off as well by one of the police trying to get him into the back of a horsecart. He scoffed and tried speaking to Raven again. ‘’You just assured me that I could speak.’’

She fixed her glasses and pointed to the cart. ‘’Sit down and you can speak, you are under arrest-’’

‘’I’m under what?!’’ He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, under arrest?

‘’Come on.’’ One of the policemares restraining him tried to force him into the cart, not trying to be gentle at all.

‘’GENTLEMARES, THIS IS HARMONY MANIFEST!’’ Anon declared to the crowd gathering around him and the cart all the while holding onto the bars on the side of the cart, continuing to resist the attempts of his arrest.

One of the police tried to put him in a headlock so that he could be handled better but it failed miserably. Anon, not one to miss a chance to humiliate a pony pounced on the opportunity.

‘’Have a look at the headlock here, see that pony wit-’’ Then something or someone touched his member. ‘’GET YOUR HOOVES OFF MY PENIS!’’ He quickly pointed to the pony whose face was red with embarrassment, the one who tried to get him into a headlock. ‘’This is the bloke that got me on the penis, ponies.’’

‘’Get some cuffs,’’ said Raven while trying not to show her face to the crowd.

‘’For what reason? What is the charge?’’ Anon sought a reason for his arrest. ‘’Eating a muffin? A succulent Griffish muffin?’’ That was the only reason he could come up with.

‘’Yeah! We were only eating some muffins!’’ Derpy tried to protect the innocence of her friend.

‘’Don’t try to reason with them Derpy, they’re corrupt perverts that touch other people inappropriately,’’ said Anon while still maintaining his position on the front of the cart door.

‘’Derpy, please move back.’’ Raven sighed and made Derpy retreat back from the scene. ‘’We have orders from Celestia herself that we arrest Anonymous the Human.’’

‘’Celestia? Of course, I always knew what kinda pony she was. A tyrant who wants to eat all the pastries in Equestria and leave none for anyone else!’’ Anon declared now that he finally knew why he was getting arrested.

The policemare not willing to let Anon disrespect The Princess herself tried to get Anon into another headlock with not much success again.

‘’Ahh, yes, I see that you know your judo well. Good one.’’ Anon ridiculed the now crestfallen policemare who was just about to give up and go home.

Anon turned to the cart driver and decided that he would make fun of him too. ‘’And you sir, are you waiting to receive my LIMP PENIS? How dare you!’’ The cart driver's eyes widened and he tried to process the words, another victim of Anon’s endless comedic might.

Raven had enough of the ape that’s been making a mockery of the Ponyville police force, so she ordered three other officers to finally get him into the cart.

Anon realizing that he had nowhere enough strength or energy to keep resisting chose to let the officers carry him into the cart, but not before bidding the fair and now embarrassed ponies of Ponyville a farewell.

‘’Tata and farewell! You guys can now sleep comfortably knowing your ruler is a megalomaniac who arrests random people whose only crime is enjoying some tender muffins!’’ He took a breath to continue berating the ruler of the sun but was cut short by the cart door being slammed in front of his face.

After the cart left, ponies that were present to see the display surrounded Raven and began to bombard her with questions. Thankfully the remaining police were able to disperse the crowd.

Raven took off her glasses and groaned into her hooves as the human menace was being carted off the Canterlot. This was supposed to be a quick and inconspicuous affair but of course, with anything Anon related, it turned into a mess.

‘’Umm, Ms. Raven?’’ Raven heard the soft voice of the gray mare.

Raven sighed before answering, she just couldn’t catch a break.‘’Yes, Derpy?’’

‘’It’s just that, I wanted to know why did you guys take Anon?’’ Derpy asked, sad that she had lost her muffin partner.

‘’Well, Derpy, we took Anon for…’’ Raven had to herself off in the middle of the sentence.
She didn’t know the reason why his arrested. She only knew how angry Princess Celestia looked while she was declaring it to the court.

…

Well, he must have done something extremely bad to get issued an arrest warrant from the Princess herself.

‘’The Princess deemed it so.’’

‘’Oh, okay…’’ At the mention of Celestia, Derpy became disheartened she couldn’t go back against the word of the Princess.

And hey, maybe Anon’s sentence would be light, and then she visit and bring him muffins and eat them together with him! Yeah! With a sad smile, she left Raven and went back into the cafe to finish her muffin.

‘’Anon, how nice of you to visit,’’ Celestia said with such coldness in her tongue that it could nearly freeze the tea she was drinking.

‘’Well, I aim to please,’’ Anon said, tied with rope while sitting up on the ground. ‘’But I didn’t expect such hospitality from you.’’ He said while shaking the cuffs on his hands. Yeesh she was mad.

‘’I’m glad.’’ Celestia finished the tea, got up from her chair, and walked towards Anon, each step shaking the palace halls. ‘’It was to my knowledge that your people return kindness with kindness. I believe you said ‘You scratch my back, and I scratch yours.’ So pray tell, why have you decided to spit on the hoof that scratched your back?’’

‘’I have no idea what you’re talking about.’’ He had every idea what she was talking about.

In her anger, she slapped the green man causing him to fall over. ‘’Silence! Because of you, I had to go a day without CAKE!’’ She brought him up with her magic and slapped him again. ‘’DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME WITHOUT CAKE?!?’’

Holy shit do those cakes have magic drugs in them? She goes one day without them and she’s like a crack addict. Anon may have made a grave mistake. The day prior he had used his immense wealth to buy all the pastries in Canterlot.

‘’How can my castle be empty?!?’’ Celestia's shriek had caused some of the guards to recoil in shock and fear.

And yes he had even bought the ones in the castle itself, he had some help but it still cost him a shit ton of bits. But, well, seeing Celestia like this was worth it.

‘’Anonymous the Human, I sentence you to ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF IMPRISONMENT IN THE DEEPEST PITS OF TARTARUS!’’ Celestia was now the judge, jury, and the executioner. ‘’Guards! Take him away.’’

Maybe it was not worth it.