Author's Note
Mentions of cutting but no descriptions of the act. This is a comfort fic that hopefully works to get me back into writing. Enjoy! Feel free to leave a comment
Starlight’s Comfort
Fluttershy remembered how it started. The teasing about her flying, her height, the way her cheeks would flush bright red, stark against her pink mane. She remembered being shoved into the clouds. Boyish laughter. The snot running down her face as she cried, as she fled. She remembered that one of those days, it all became too much to bear. She believed them. Now, she couldn’t stop.
Fluttershy sighed as she bandaged her legs with leaves collected from the outskirts of the forest. She was lucky; ponies in town simply thought of it as a fashion statement, and her time as a model meant some of the younger fillies even added the foliage to their clothes. Flower bracelets, vine wraps, leafy shoes—Fluttershy felt shame when it first started, but the fillies weren’t hiding darkness with their accessories. Only she was. She learned to accept it. After all, it made her burden more easy to hide. Her friends didn’t need to worry. She deserved it anyway.
Flinching, Fluttershy finished tying the bandages and slowly rose to her feet. The Everfree Forest terrified her. The meadows outside, though, provided her with a comforting home. The butterflies out in full force amongst the rainbow flowers; besides them, it was always a mystery what creatures she would run into. The beavers sometimes passed through here, carrying wood. She once had to break up a fight between a lost family of wolpertingers and Angel. No one was surprised to hear about that. Speaking of Angel, where did he run off to?
Fluttershy peered around the clearing. Flapping her wings softly, she hovered above the grass, but even with the added height to her already lanky frame she couldn’t find him. “Angel?” She crooned. The dandelions waved and dispersed. Angel did not appear. Fluttershy sighed.
“Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy squeaked and dove to the ground. When she looked up, Starlight’s sheepish face peered back at her, along with an angry Angel sitting on her flank. Angel shook his head at the mare’s skittish response, though really he should be used to it by now.
“I’m so sorry! I was just gathering some fairy dust for Twilight and I ran into Angel and so I thought I’d say hi…” Starlight winced at her own awkward words, but Fluttershy didn’t notice. She was too busy freaking out, staring at her legs which were now absent of bandages and slowly once again starting to well up with blood. Her eyes started to well up with tears. What would Starlight think of her? Hurting herself like this? She would finally see her as the freak she was. The foals and fillies voices screamed against her skull:
Fluttercry, Fluttercry. Fluttercry can hardly fly. All she does is fail and cry.
What a pathetic little Pegasus. Of course no one wants to date you. You can’t even fly!
You’re so awkward. Why can’t you just act normal?
Suddenly, she felt a hoof holding her face. She blinked open her eyes and realized her face was wet from tears. Angel stood over her legs, wrapping the cuts in bandages with his little paws as Starlight stood over her. Holding her. She squeezed her eyes shut again. Stupid. Now she’ll hate her now that she’s seen how pathetic she is. She waited for the vitriol to start.
“Fluttershy, why are you doing this?”
There it goes.
“I just… you’re the sweetest, most beautiful mare I know. Why are you doing this to yourself?”
Fluttershy gasped. Well she certainly wasn’t expecting that. There must be some mistake.
“Starlight, I can’t even talk to any pony. Everyone’s so scary… I keep messing up.”
She thought of all the items she’d broken with her skittishness. All the ponies who made up excuses to get away from her. Sure the little ones enjoyed her company: creatures and ponies alike, but she still couldn’t work up the nerve to be herself. Every conversation she wore a mask, and every conversation she saw other ponies disappointment. Hoops was right: no one could ever love her. Her friends were surely getting tired of her by now…
“I don’t know who Hoops is, but I know Rainbow Dash would kick his butt if she heard you believing his words over those of your friends.”
Fluttershy clamped her hooves over her mouth. Thankfully the bandages were secure, but Angel still sent her an annoyed look before bouncing off. She wanted to call him back. She couldn’t believe she had just said her thoughts aloud. At least Angel openly judged her: these nice words were almost too much to bear.
Starlight sighed and stepped back from her. “I know what’s it like to think your friends don’t care. To think they’d leave over every mistake.” She winces. “Twilight and the others should’ve left me after all I’ve done. But they don’t. They have hearts large enough for all of Equestria. And trust me, Fluttershy, you’re easy to love. Your mind just hasn’t caught up that truth yet.” She smiles sheepishly. “Do you remember when you girls showed up in my village?”
“Of course! You were so pretty, and everyone seemed so nice… of course it’s much nicer now that it’s not a cult.” Fluttershy was quick to add. She was honest, though, too. She had been so tempted. The idea of ponies sticking by each other no matter what… all the same so there was nothing to judge… she wouldn’t give up her animals. They were her family. But sometimes she wondered if it would easier if she was any pony else.
Starlight’s eyes shone softly. “I know. I never should have forced people to be with me: that’s the magic you and your friends showed me. We’re all different and that’s what gives us strength. Starlight scanned Fluttershy’s face. “You stood out even back then, too.”
“Me??”
“Yes, you. Back then you were just a sweet peach, now… well, you’re more magical than the weight of all my powers.” Starlight tossed her head, her purple horn flickering with green sparks. “You’re so kind and passionate. You believe in creatures when no one else does. You see beyond the rage and the fear and see a friend. Not to mention you’re gorgeous.” A pink seemed to flush over Starlight’s face before it was gone. Fluttershy knew she must be scarlet. She couldn’t look away though. Starlight was glowing. Radiant with conviction. Fluttershy knew she would follow her friend anywhere. She gave her hope.
“Do you really think… I mean…”
Starlight reaches out and touches her face again. “I know this doesn’t fix anything, but I’m here for you Fluttershy. You’re not alone. You’re worth having around. We all care about you. Twilight, Rainbow, Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, Spike, Discord… you’re even wiggling your way in Trixie’s heart, and you know how difficult she can be.”
“I suppose…”
“Trust me; you’ve changed me Fluttershy. You’ve made me believe I’m worth having around. I’ll just have to convince you of it too.”
There: the bright smile that swayed a village started to sway Fluttershy’s heart. Maybe this was the first step, if Starlight believed so strongly she was worth it, maybe she could try to see it too. She wasn’t alone. No matter how her mind made her feel, she wasn’t. She had ponies around her who wanted her there, and her creatures needed her. She thought how she would feel if Harry was hurting himself with her sharp paws, or if Angel gnawed on his skin because he didn’t feel worth it, and her eyes welled up with tears.
She collapsed again, this time in sobs, and this time, Starlight was there to catch her.
Light shone brightly after all. Maybe even she deserved it too.
