The magical locks clicked, and Twilight and her friends watched as Celestia opened the vault.
To find… magical artefacts of almost every kind. Ancient shields, enchanted jewellery, a sword, a spear, two mirrors, cloth, metals, woods, and everything else that could possibly be imbued with magic.
There were, however, six very conspicuous absences.
“Oh no!” Rarity gasped. “This is – this is – the worst possible thing!”
She sighed, and collapsed in a faint.
“Haha HAH!” Discord announced, a damp stain peeling off the nearest wall and turning out to be him. “You thought it was going to be that simple? I have stolen your precious Elements of Harmony, and hidden them behind a maliciously misleading riddle!”
Twilight began to speak, paused, then raised a hoof.
“I have questions,” she said.
“Tough,” Discord replied, then sighed. “Oh, fine. I might have answers, if I can be bothered, that is. Do go on, ask your tiresome requests for clarification, as overrated as clarifications are.”
He got out a clipboard and an eraser with a tiny little pencil on the end of it, then sharpened the eraser into a fork shape before beginning to take notes.
“Firstly… you realize this is a strategic error, don’t you?” Twilight asked. “You’ve confirmed that the Elements are a threat to you by bothering to deal with them.”
“Oh, you’re using logic,” Discord grumbled. “Take it from me, things are much more fun if you don’t do that.”
“Then, if I enjoy fun, I should continue using logic,” Twilight replied. “Since that would be the illogical thing to do.”
“But – hold on,” Dash said, looking perplexed. “If you – if it’s a logical thing to do, then – doing the illogical thing – how do double negatives work again?”
“They don’t,” Spike provided.
“Oh, good,” Dash sighed, relieved. “I was worried about that.”
“Secondly,” Twilight went on. “If you are going to steal away the Elements before we can get to them, why give us a riddle? Why not just put them on the moon, or three seconds in the past?”
“Twilight, are you trying to give him ideas?” Princess Celestia asked.
Twilight shrugged. “I think he’s an original draconequus,” she said. “If I give him an idea he might well not do anything with it.”
“I have a question as well,” Fluttershy said. “Why are you doing all of this?”
“Do I need a reason, ma cherie?” Discord replied. “I’m the Avatar of Chaos and Disharmony. And not the movie version, either!”
“Which one?” Pinkie asked.
Discord turned himself blue, inspected himself, then shook his head. “No, I don’t work well with blue. It must be the other one. What a twist!”
“Well… I was actually getting to that,” Twilight noted. “You’re the avatar of Chaos and Disharmony… why did you think it was safe to touch the Elements in the first place?”
“That’s simple!” Discord replied. “It’s the ~~_______~~ of ~~________~~!”
“...now what happened there?” Applejack asked, baffled. “He spoke, and I sure heard him, but nothin’ came out!”
“Ah ah ah, spoilers!” Discord tutted. “You wouldn’t want to resolve all this UST between you and the jock years ahead of time, would you?”
“What time zone is that?” Applejack said. “Is that one of those Zebraican ones?”
Dash was looking like she’d had a completely unexpected awakening of some sort.
“You know, if you’re not going to play my little game, I could just take the Elements away entirely,” Discord said. “But if you do, then I expect to see you outside-”
“Nope,” Twilight interrupted. “Not done with my questions.”
“Oh, you are dull,” the draconequus sighed. “Do you really have a plan for this or are you just winging it? Because if so, we’re a few seasons too early for that.”
“Well, I’m actually wondering… you stole the necklaces?” Twilight asked. “And the crown?”
Discord inspected her closely, using a pair of binoculars he’d turned around backwards.
“So, tell me, Cakelestia, are you sure this is the smart one?” he asked, leaning on Celestia’s horn at an improbable angle. “Because she seems dreadfully slow to pick up on the basics. Should I do it again in a louder voice?”
“I’m just saying,” Twilight replied. “I want to make sure of it so I can tell Rarity when she wakes up, she’s going to be very pleased.”
She reached out behind her with a hoof, and scooped Spike forwards so he was next to her. “See… those were replicas I had Rarity make.”
“They were?” Princess Celestia asked.
“Really?” Dash said, looking grateful for the distraction.
“Why?” Applejack asked. “You mean you made fakes? Why would you do that?”
“I had to,” Twilight replied, balancing on three legs as she picked Spike up with the fourth and some magic. “Spike woke up and found the originals while we were all out celebrating Princess Luna’s return.”
Spike looked embarrassed.
“They were tasty!” he defended himself.
“You also ate the first two sets of replicas,” Twilight pointed out, then pumped Spike’s forearm with a chunk-click sound and took aim.
“...erm,” Discord said, nervously. “Parley?”
Spike burped.
Some minutes later, Rarity had been revived with smelling salts, Spike had eaten some smelling salts, and the process of dealing with the outcome was well underway.
“I’m not sure how we’re going to get this out of the vault,” Princess Celestia admitted, looking at the statue – Discord had been striking a truly extravagant pose as he tried to avoid being petrified, and he was longer than the door was wide no matter which way you oriented him. "Perhaps through the floor?"
Twilight had been frowning for the last minute or so.
“I think I’ve worked out the friendship lesson for this incident, Princess,” she said. “Is it okay if I tell you in person?”
“I would hardly want to overburden young Spike,” Celestia replied. “What have you learned, then?”
“Sometimes, your dragon brother’s appetite really does save the day,” Twilight recited, then frowned. “Hmm. I think I need to make it a bit more generic…”
Author's Note
River Road suggested this, and I expanded it out to short fic length.
(now edited to be 1,000 words)
