My Girlfriend is Stronger than Yours
A lesson in debating power levels
Author's Note
Needed to get something out there and this idea was on my mind
Written in one sitting with little proofreading, be warned
A lesson in debating power levels
“I’m just saying, she may be strong, but there’s no way she’s as awesome at magic as MY girlfriend!”
“Well Trixie is simply stating that you’re a braindead little foal who can’t recognize true power when she sees it!”
An alicorn and a unicorn, both of a somewhat purple persuasion, groaned in unison.
Behind them, a pegasus and another unicorn, both an inarguably blue persuasion, glared daggers in unison.
This had been going on for what seemed like the past hour, and after a few feeble attempts to put this argument to rest, Twilight and Starlight were growing sick of it.
It had started as a simple double date. A proposal that Starlight felt dubious about, knowing how both her and Twilight’s respective girlfriend could get, but one she was willing to try all the same. Really, what was the worst that could happen?
Then Rainbow Dash made a comment about how Twilight had “beat” Starlight back when she was evil. What caused the brash pegasus mare to make such an unsolicited brag was anypony’s guess, but one thing was for certain: Trixie was having none of it.
And now, as they made their way back from the café to the castle, Rainbow and Trixie continued their heated debate that had taken the better half of their tenuous date:
Whose girlfriend would win in a magic duel?
Rainbow Dash scoffed. “Can’t recognize true power?? Listen here, miss card trick; I’ve been ‘recognizing’ Twilight’s true power since she came here to Ponyville. She’s kicked more flank with her magic than anypony could ever dream of, including the flank of your wannabe firecracker over there.”
“Wannabe firecracker?” Starlight’s muzzle contorted in confusion and vague offence.
“A mere fluke, I can assure you,” Trixie retorted. “Besides, nopony around knows what actually happened besides those two. Who’s to say your precious Sparkle isn’t stretching the truth a little, hmm?”
“Girls, please,” Twilight begged, voice thick with exhaustion.
Trixie continued regardless. Whether she was being spitefully oblivious to her old rival, or just regular old Trixie oblivious, none could tell. “Besides, she had the rest of you and the Elements of Harmony during most of those battles, unless Trixie is mistaken. Starlight was able to defeat the likes of Chrysalis and her army by herself, without magic even!”
Starlight frowned, recalling the efforts put forth by her companions to help her succeed during that debacle, including those of Trixie herself. “Th-that’s not exac-”
“Oh puh-lease! If ‘by herself,’ you mean ‘the rest of the Changelings blasting the roof off the castle.’ Also, how does that matter in a magic duel if she did it without magic??” Rainbow appeared equally unaware of her own girlfriend’s growing annoyance, let alone that of the mare she wasn’t dating.
Trixie only rolled her eyes, as if there were some divine truth the stubborn pegasus just wasn’t getting. “Look, I’ve fought and defeated Twilight before, and Great and Powerful as Trixie is, my Glimmy is even more powerful than I was when I had the Alicorn Amulet. How could the so-called ‘Princess of Friendship’ possibly stand up to that?”
A Rainbow growl. “You’re forgetting that she wasn’t a princess when you banished her. She’s an alicorn now, and WAAYY more powerful than she was back then!”
“That changes nothing. Starlight’s magic easily rivals that of any alicorn, including the two sisters!”
“Oh come on, now you’re just being ridiculous.”
“What’s ridiculous is that you won’t accept the truth that Trixie’s girlfriend is the most powerful pony in Equestria!”
“The only truth here is that my girlfriend would kick Starlight’s big fat-”
”GIRLS.”
That appeared to snap the two arguing mares out of their fiery contest of wisdom and philosophy. Twilight and Starlight were looking back at them with scowls that would make a minotaur whimper in fright. If these two were half as powerful as their girlfriends were making them out to be, one did not want to be on the receiving end of their scorn. Rainbow and Trixie stared back with a mix of guilt and caution, awaiting a good talking to. This was not their first rodeo.
Seeing as they finally had the blue mares’ attention, Starlight sighed and begun. “Listen, we both appreciate how... passionate, you are about the two of us, but this has gotten really out of hoof! It doesn’t matter who would win, because Twilight and I are never going to fight like that.” She was stern in finishing her statement, before realizing her slight error. “...Again.”
Twilight nodded. “I would have thought you two would know better than to speak about other ponies like that, especially you Dashie. Starlight and I are good friends; we don’t want to think about what would happen if we were to fight, and we certainly don’t want to think about the time when we were fighting.”
Rainbow Dash now looked especially guilty. Trixie moved as if to protest, but took a second look at Starlight and thought better of it. With a sigh, the two scolded mares turned to eachother and nodded, before looking back towards their upset beloveds. “We’re sorry.”
Starlight almost seemed surprised, but soon grew chipper. “Well! That was easier than I thought. We would have yelled at you sooner if we’d known you’d shut- err, I mean, give up, so quickly,” she punctuated with the patented Nervous Starlight Chuckle™.
Twilight, on the other hoof, was more than willing to display her exhaustion, giving off a heavy sigh. “I seriously don’t know what we’re going to do with you girls sometimes. I mean, really? Arguing over who would win in a fight? Everypony knows alicorns are the most powerful beings in Equestria!”
“Yeah, I- wait what?” Starlight turned towards Twilight, shocked. Rainbow and Trixie gaped.
“Twi, are you... bragging?” asked Rainbow. She wasn’t sure whether to be more perplexed or proud.
“No, not at all!” Twilight almost seemed hurt at the implication. “I’m just stating a fact! Alicorns combine the magic of all three types of ponies in Equestria into one super-powerful being, that’s just the truth. Whether or not I’m an alicorn doesn’t change that.”
Starlight moved slowly towards her companion, placing a hoof on her shoulder, “Twilight... We don’t know what would happen.”
This statement confused the alicorn. “What? But I-”
“No, I’m not saying that that isn’t true, just that it doesn’t change the fact that we don’t actually know. Frankly, I don’t really want to know.” In her mind, Starlight was equally afraid of winning as she was of losing, if not moreso.
Twilight wasn’t really sure of the direction this conversation seemed to be going, but now she was invested. With a half-hearted chuckle, she replied, “Starlight, you can’t possibly think you could stand a chance in a magic battle against an alicorn, right? Certainly, you’re one of the most powerful mages Equestria’s ever seen, but that doesn’t change the biology at play here.”
“Why not? Whose biology? As much as I hate to be reminded of it Twilight, you and I have fought before, and I strictly recall being on equal footing with you and your ‘biology.’ We were both exhausted by the end of it.” Starlight answered defensively.
Trixie and Rainbow both looked at eachother, then took a few steps back. Neither was totally sure what was going on, but they didn’t want to be in the blasting zone if things got more heated. But they did want to watch.
Another measly chuckle from Twilight. “Need I remind you who won that confrontation? And what the consequences were if I didn’t win?”
“Those consequences were why I stopped fighting. You didn’t ‘win’ anything, you just enlightened me to the fact that getting revenge wasn’t worth possibly destroying all of Equestria, and that I was motivated by a deep loneliness brought on by feeling like I had my childhood stolen away from me. That doesn’t mean you beat me in a fight!” Emotions were rising. Trixie could have sworn she saw a red spark from Starlight’s horn as she spoke.
“You’re welcome!” Twilight added. Starlight growled. With a huff, the Princess of Friendship continued, “Alright, fine, we didn’t really finish that fight, but that doesn’t mean you would have won!”
“You’re right. Same for you. We don’t know, and we never will.”
“But we can guess, and based on all available evidence, it is highly unlikely that a unicorn, even one as powerful as you, would be able to defeat an alicorn in a magic duel. And not to toot my own horn, but I’ve been studying magic for at least as long as you have. It’s kind of my thing, if you recall?” Twilight emphasized by pointing towards her cutie mark.
Starlight groaned and rolled her eyes, electing not to point out her astonishingly similar (yet more glimmery) cutie mark. “All available evidence? What about our little sparring bouts we used to have when I was your pupil? I recall something along the lines of, ‘maybe there’s such a thing as too much studying’?” Trixie heard the cockiness in Starlight’s tone and almost shed a happy tear.
“All that means is that I know how to pace myself better than you do, which most definitely is not a point in your favour!”
“Please, I could have gone on for hours if you had let us. I know my limits, I’m not some foal overexerting themselves in magic school for the first time. If alicorns are so endlessly powerful, how come you needed my help when defending us from the Pony of Shadows?”
Twilight was beginning to fume. Starlight had long since stopped hiding the venom in her voice. Rainbow and Trixie looked on anxiously.
“J-just because we’re powerful doesn’t mean we don’t need help from time to time! You know as well as I do how strong the beings who have threatened Equestria were, even Celestia needed help from time to time!”
“Ohh right, like how all four of you combined your magic to defeat one little centaur! Oh but wait, you still lost that one without the power of friendship, didn’t you?”
“You know better than that, Starlight. We were on equal footing, but he had hostages!”
“Equal footing, huh? Gosh, that sounds familiar! Well, I guess we’ll never know which one of you would have won, will we?”
”At least I’m not the mind control expert who let herself get so easily brainwashed by Sombra!”
“...”
“...”
“Alright, that’s it. Shields up, Princess.”
BYOOM
Pink and turquoise laser beams pierced the clouds. Explosions reverberated through the air currents. Crystal rubble was beginning to pile around the formally intact castle. Teleporting specks raced across the atmosphere.
This had been going on for what seemed like the past hour, but Rainbow and Trixie made no attempts to stop it.
Instead, the two merely sipped from their soda cups, an empty bag of popcorn sitting between them on the grass.
Something occurred to Rainbow as she watched yet another giant laser tear into the grassy hillside.
“...Trixie, do you think this was a good idea?”
There was a pause as the unicorn thought it over. “Probably in Trixie’s top ten. Why?”
That stumped Rainbow for a second, but she continued, “I just mean... They’re really going at it.”
“Yeah.”
Rainbow winced to protect her eyes from the sandy debris of a nearby magical eruption.
“Just y’know, they’ve been fighting for at least an hour, and I think I’ve been hearing screams behind us.”
“Your point?”
Starlight suddenly popped in before them, blocking a flurry of well-aimed shots with a layered barrier, before popping away just as fast as she came.
“I just think that maybe they’re getting a little carried away. I mean, sure, they’re both insanely talented,” as was evident by Twilight managing to freeze several of Starlight’s dozens of high-speed clones, “but what if they accidentally do some real damage to Ponyville?”
Trixie placed a hoof on her chin and thought about it, still sipping her soda. Looking towards the battle, both mares were wearing a maniacal smile as magically reinforced hooves were thrown at one another, the powerful ponies flying directionless through the air.
Rainbow sighed, having yet to receive an answer. “They’re going to be real upset if they were responsible for somepony getting hurt, is all I’m saying.”
Trixie thought about the look Starlight would have on her face in such a scenario. She sighed, and begrudgingly agreed. “Fine, you’re right. Let’s go.”
Trixie stood up and made her way towards her wagon. Miraculously, it seemed to have survived most of the surrounding destruction. Rainbow was confused, but followed, flying along next to her. “Where are we going?” the colourful pegasus asked.
“We need to get them to stop, right?” Trixie brought up her own shield to protect them from smaller rocks that had been thrown around.
“Yeah?”
“In your experience, what’s been the best way for you to get Sparkle’s undivided attention?”
Rainbow pondered for a little while, ducking a stray beam from overhead. “...Annoying her, or doing something stupid. Or annoying her by doing something stupid. Why?”
Trixie smirked. “Ever wanted to be shot out of a cannon?”
Rainbow gleamed with joy at the prospect. She almost forgot what they were doing on the spot. “Hay yeah!!”
With that, the two mares who had started this pointless power struggle trotted carelessly through the battlefield. Sure, they may not ever find out who the winner would be, but they had learned that it didn’t really matter at the end of the day. Besides, there was one thing they could definitely agree upon:
Both of their girlfriends could beat Starswirl.
