I awakened with a jolt, sitting upright in the bed I shared with Mudbriar.
[Maud Sense Input Δ2: Danger to Pinkie Pie. Input Σ1.02: Ammunition Shortage]
My heart was racing, and my abruptness woke Mudbriar.
“Maud Sense?” he said, voice rough with sleep.
I nodded.
“Yes. Inputs Delta two and Sigma one-point-oh-two.”
He took a moment to process. Mudbriar hadn’t memorized every single input quite yet.
“I remember Delta two,” he said. “Don’t tell me the other; I shall deduce the meaning through scientific observation.”
I loved it when Mudbriar flirted with me.
But there were other concerns than my perfect coltfriend and his immaculate seduction techniques. We were quickly getting dressed when another Input registered.
[Input Γ6.23]
“Set out treats for Boulder and Twiggy, we may be gone awhile.”
“Technically,” Mudbriar said, “Even the most complicated of ‘Input Delta’ situations rarely last longer than twenty two minutes. Forty four at the most.”
That was true. I had asked Pinkie about the very specific time for Delta Inputs, and been confused by her answer; something about attention spans and room for commercial breaks.
Modern science had not yet caught up with Pinkie Pie's thought processes.
“You’re right. I just worry.”
I finished pulling my dress on in time to see Mudbriar already filling two bowls; one with twig treats (magically coalesced sunlight and water, in hard candy form) and rock treats (cheese crackers). Both organically sourced.
Celestia Above, I love that stallion.
While he finished, I searched our cave for one of Pinkie’s secret stashes.
It could be argued that my sister having secret stashes in my home were a violation of my privacy, but A)She had my direct permission and B)Her stashes turned out to be quite useful at unexpectedly convenient times.
I found what I was looking for in a curving fourth-dimensional space somehow nestled between my cupboards and the cave wall. It was a cardboard canister stickered with warning labels containing a grinning Pinkie and symbols of explosions.
The explosions were probably gratuitous. Anypony who knew Pinkie already knew to expect explosions.
It was a timely thought; both Mudbriar and I froze as we felt the ground tremble. Dust and shards of limestone, mica, and crystals tumbled free of the walls of our home as a loud explosion boomed from the direction of Ponyville.
“It appears your Delta Two is becoming rather urgent,” Mudbriar said.
There was no time for planning, and we rushed out of the cave, even as a second and third explosion rocked the ground. Idly I wondered what the property insurance industry was like in Ponyville. We’d certainly had to pay a steep premium, even though our cave home was only Ponyville adjacent.
Once outside, we could clearly see smoke in the distance.
Pink smoke.
When I turned at an angle to Ponyville, however, Mudbriar appeared confused. I waited for him to ask.
“Go on,” he said encouragingly.
“You’re not going to ask where I'm going?”
“I trust the Maud Sense. Well, technically, I trust you and science. And though I haven’t had the opportunity to study it yet, I’ll continue to trust you and your sense explicitly.”
His confidence filled me with warmth.
[Input Θ6.343; Kisses with Mudbriar, Delayed By Imminent Ponyville Disaster]
“The Maud Sense is telling me interesting things,” I said. I’d never gotten the zero-zero-three variant before. But I could think about it later, when we reached the point of the six-point-three-four.
I did enjoy a good six-point-three-four, after all.
We set off at a gallop. Four more explosions rocked Ponyville as we raced along at a forty-two degree angle to the town. The pink smoke was now joined by cobalt, vermillion, and crimson respectively. Ominous, but I was certain the heroes of Ponyville would take care of it. We had our own quest.
I pulled up to a stop on a hill just tall enough to give us a good view of the village in the distance. We couldn’t make out much; the colored smoke was making it difficult to even note the shape of the buildings, or even determine how much any of them had been damaged.
“Here,” I said, and Mudbriar stopped. I placed the canister right in one of his hooves, then angled it in the air by pushing him into position. He watched me, curious but trusting. “Hold this position exactly.”
I moved behind him. Mudbriar and the canister he was holding up were perfectly lined up between me and Ponyville. Then I held out my forehooves, and braced for an impact that would come in…
Three.
Two.
One.
Another explosion shattered the silence, and something shot through the air towards us, trailing more pink smoke. A PInkie Pie projectile plummeted through the air, right at me, and right past Mudbriar.
She caught the canister of party cannon ammunition on the way.
With an impact that felt like a party cannon to my gut, I caught her, rolling to disperse as much momentum as possible. Grass and dirt and polka dot smoke and confetti sprayed up around the impact site, but besides a few bruises, we were fine.
“Maud? MUDBRIAR?!? How—” Pinkie began.
“Maud Sense,” I said.
Pinkie gasped. “OH! No time! Here, hold this!”
She shoved something into my hooves. A giant rubber band.
“You too!” She did the same for Mudbriar. “Stretch it out!”
“Technically,” Mudbriar said, even as Pinkie fit herself between us, her rump in the middle of the rubber band, and began to stretch it backwards, “there is no physical way this will actually—”
“THANK YOU BEST SISTER EVER AND BEST FUTURE BROTHER-IN-LAW EVER YOU’RE BOTH THE BEST!” Pinkie shouted, releasing her hooves as the rubber band snapped, sending Pinkie and her fresh ammunition careening back to Ponyville.
We watched her silently.
“Did she say ‘future brother-in-law’?” Mudbriar asked.
“She did,” I said, as I watched a distant pink dot crash land in Ponyville. Everything would be fine now. “Come. I want to tell you about Input Theta six-point-three-four.”
Author's Note
I'm not the best at comedy, but this is me trying to stretch myself. I hope it's fun. Criticism is welcome; I'm trying to get better, after all.
