The Canterlot library was quiet as I sat and shifted through history books and maps, trying to get a comprehensive view. They read like fantasy, artifacts, magic, and royals it always came back to these elements. A few days had passed since I had arrived with things going mostly smoothly although with a few misunderstandings.

“Carl. Carl!”

I was startled from my idle thoughts by Celestia, she held a finalized map of what was teleported, “It looks like it is everything inside of Equestrias' legal borders. There seems to be a small section of what was Griffonia but it was disputed at the time.”

“That makes things a little easier, still a nightmare but just a little bit easier is welcome.” I said shuffling through my stack of tomes I’d accumulated, “I keep seeing references to ‘the elements of harmony’ throughout all this. What are they?”

She shifted uncomfortably, “They are a set of six artifacts of substantial power, they draw upon the values most embodied by their user. As we speak, the current owners and wielders of the elements are on their way to Canterlot.”

I drummed my fingers on the table, “Do they have a defensive use, and do you have any control over their effects on the intended target? Sending a human to the moon would remove them from the gene pool…”

She looked past me like she had seen a ghost.

“Well sister, are you going to tell him?”

I jumped out of my skin, Luna's arrival completely silent.

Celestia just nodded as she organized my haphazard pile of tomes.

Luna spoke darkly, “Yes Carl, she knew exactly what she did when she sent me to the moon. We have talked about it and there is no more discussion to be had. The elements are purely offensive and there is a reason neither of us wield them anymore.”

I quickly changed the subject scribbling notes, “What about the crystal heart, can that be used beyond the empire?”

“Not without endangering the Empire,” They spoke over each other.

“So in short. We have thirty-six hours before the unicorns have to put the manual shields down, and the world gets to see everything. I guess we are doing this the hard way, Princess Luna, you said you can move the stars in the sky. Do you know if you are actually moving far off suns around or if you are just bending the light?”

Luna looked offended, “I am moving the stars themselves, do you think I'm some kind of simple magician!”

“Sister! He does not know how any of this works, stop being so offended by honest questions.

“He has read our history front to back, he should know better.”

“History gets embellished, you know that. I would be asking the same questions.”

“Don’t act dumb sist-”

I slammed the table in front of me cracking the old oak, “Hey! Immortal and petty is not a good look, unfuck yourselves and answer me this. Can you paint your tattoos in the sky?”

They both looked at me perturbed and confused, “Tattoos?”

“Yeah, the ones on the cheeks behind your wings.”

Celestia tilted her head puzzled, “Our Cutiemarks?”

“I refuse to call them that. Can you move the stars to resemble them in the sky? I really don’t care about any other aliens right now. Moving the stars around should protect us for at least a little while.”

Celestia looked thoughtful for a moment, “I don’t see why not, but what are we protecting ourselves from? You’ve said everything is balanced on mutual destruction but what is the cause?”

I scoffed, holding my face in my hands, “We figured out how to tear apart the fundamental building blocks of the universe. It makes really big explosions that leave behind lingering death for hundreds of years under the right circumstances.”

Luna looked grim, speaking softly, “Balefire.”

Celestia cringed at the mention, “I see…”

I looked at the maps laid out in front of me, “I wondered why the badlands only showed up about 300 years into your history. Well, I can infer why now, I guess that makes things clear as to what you need to protect yourselves against. No?”

Celestia coughed, “I guess that makes this evening-”

Luna finished, “Even more important.”

The next few hours were tense, busy, and nerve-racking preparing for the ambassadors. However the closer the hour drew near the princesses seemed to lighten up. Getting into their element seemed to calm them. My own tension slowly released as jokes and lighthearted fun were interspersed in the serious work.

The pad used for landing chariots was cleared for landings. The first helicopter made its appearance in the distance. Celestia and Luna watched the engineering marvel as though it would attempt to kill them at a moment's notice. We gave the helicopters space to land plus some as the ambassador's security fanned out. A slow accumulation of suit-wearing bureaucrats being surrounded in a protective bubble of guns.

As the last drop was made I stepped back to let the two royals handle their business. The silence was deafening, no one sure of where to start.

Celestia broke the ice, “Welcome to Equestria! I’m sure we all would have preferred less, awkward circumstances However fate had other plans. I hope an amicable solution can be found to this predicament. I am Princess Celestia.” She gestured to Luna, “This is my sister Princess Luna Co-ruler of Equestria.”

The crowd became alight with multi-lingual chatter being quickly translated. A voice spoke above the rest as a man stepped forward, “Hello, I am Robert Quail, a representative of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. I think a peaceful resolution can be reached, preferably out of the cold.”

The crack of a rifle split the air, the bullets caught mid-air slamming into the shield erected before their arrival. I laughed awkwardly as the smashed bullets fell to the ground with light clinks. The soldier who fired looked mortified. His rifle was caught in a golden glow, the barrel bending into a ninety-degree angle. The patch on his chest Identified him.

Celestia pointed to the soldier, “That’s the Russian flag is it not?”

I gestured to the sky as Luna's horn lit, “I recommend you don’t do that.”

“If you bear that flag, take him with you and leave. You have used up my patience,” She spoke sternly, “Those of you who are sane and intelligent I implore you to follow me into the warmth of the castle.”

The stars in the eight o'clock hour shifted and skipped across the sky, the big dipper finding new life as part of a crescent moon. The collected ambassadors looked in awe of the spectacle.
We turned and entered the dining hall, the royal guards opening the doors looking bored. We took our seats at the end of the table waiting for the ambassadors to enter. They slowly filed in, taking seats tentatively.

Luna uncorked a bottle of wine, “I think we’ll need this, it's going to be a long night.”

She poured two glasses sliding one to me and one to Celestia. She simply took a swig directly from the bottle, setting it next to herself.

“Sister! At least use a glass!” Celestia scolded. The assorted diplomats Laughed.

Luna muttered, pouring herself a glass, “The bottles are going to be the same type of empty by the end of the night regardless.”

I idly drummed the table, “A grand, and change and still acting like children with their siblings. I guess some things never change huh.”

Robert seemed tired of the back and forth, “Well where do we start? So much is unknown.”

Celestia answered him, “Assuming you read the document we sent, Ask whatever questions you see fit.”

The Chinese ambassador pointed directly at me, “What is he doing here, why is an American here advising you!?”

Luna looked at me, “Did you not say, ‘because the politicians will fuck it up irreparably’”

I nodded, adding, “The way I see it, a real person who does not want to do this is better than whatever fake face you’ll send. Oh, and they're fluffy.”

Celestia almost spit her wine sputtering, “Am I the only one of the three of us taking this seriously?”

Luna wrapped a wing around her pulling her close pointing to the rest of the table with a wing, “We all can be serious and have the whole night be torture or we can all chat without the formality and make this at least tolerable.”

“Next question,” I said to the baffled table.

Gathering himself the English ambassador spoke up, “On the international scale your country has no rights, how do you intend to rectify that?”

Luna quietly Teleported a stack of paperwork onto the table spreading around the table for all.

“Those are the terms we set for our borders and ponies' rights if you wish to dispute them.” Celestia declared. All was quiet as they read.

The American ambassador spoke up first, “Your ocean claims conflict with Alaska’s in multiple places.”

“Sorry, that is my bad. We can adjust them as needed. I eyeballed it because their maps and our maps have not been standardized yet.” I acknowledged.

Celestia continued, “We can fix minor discrepancies at a later date. For now, it can be shared.”

The Chinese representative butted in, “It shows Chinese Taipei is Taiwan on this map. I assume that is a mistake.”

“If there is a discrepancy on the map we are unaware of it.” The sisters repeated as rehearsed.

He glared at us, “And if we do not agree to these terms what then?”

Luna swirled her glass grimly, “What then indeed.”

The table stared at her unsure of how to proceed. A chill filled the room, a voice echoing around it.

“Ah, ah, ah. There can’t be any chaos if there's not a world left to create it. I would hate to see that happen.” The creature floated around watching the table, “I’m not sure I’ll need you little ponies anymore these ones are delicious. So much turmoil and strife without any provocation from me at all.”

“Discord!” Celestia shouted jumping from her seat.

“Oh Celly calm down, I don’t want to go back to a statue anytime soon I’ll behave myself. Your beloved elements even know I’m here. I even spoke with them on the way over.”

A hologram of a pink pony appeared in the center of the table blabbering, “He even Pinkie promised! You know how that magic works!” It blinked from existence along with its creator.

I looked pointedly at the princesses, “What? The. Hell. Was that!”

Celestias face hoofed and sighed, “That. Was Discord resident nuisance and god of Chaos and apparently what is going to happen if they don’t agree? Endless pranks of varying levels till your sanity goes and your crops fail from chocolate rain.”

Luna couldn’t hold in her laughter as Celestia's horn flopped limply.

“You mean the same Discord that almost killed you a few hundred years ago,” I questioned.

“Exactly.”

The scribbling of signatures was very audible in the silent room.

Robert's voice cracked, “I think that will be all for now.” Standing he started the exodus of diplomats.

They cleared the room swiftly the paperwork piling up at the end of the table, not a single one unsigned.

Cadence quietly listened as I told the story, the chariot quiet as we returned to Equestria. A letter popped into existence in the middle of our mismatched group.

Luna lazily caught the falling parchment idly reading to Cadance, Chrysalis, and I.

“Dear Princess Luna. Fluttershy is doing well; the brain bleed has resolved and no longer seems to be affecting her demeanor. She is going to continue treatment here in the United States even though natural magic is unavailable to help with healing. I and the other elements are going to stay here for her.

Discord is a mess, well more than usual. He is taking it really hard, Fluttershy being able to talk to him has helped but things are still touch and go. I fear what will happen if he finds the perpetrators before we do, he is not making jokes or playing pranks.”

“Good news is Fluttershy is doing better,” I said, knocking on the wood bench, “The bad news is a god wants revenge. We are so screwed.”

Luna spoke sagely, “Fluttershy holds no grudges Discord will see reason.”

Author's Note

Sorry about the wait on this one, I got mildly distracted. It's a longer chapter to make up for it. *Hopefully* Also a nod to Fallout because I thought it was funny.