Pick me?

by stealthcam

Rating: teen
Tags: Mystery, Sex, Queen Chrysalis, Profanity, Violence, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Romance
Length: 19536

A realistic take on Equestria arriving on Earth in the current era.

The Equestrian continent is teleported to Earth due to a magical disturbance of unknown origin. The USS Argyle a fishing vessel and her crew get caught up in the politics of finding the new nation between Midway Island and Dutch Harbor. Carl and Luna tell their story with no embellishments whatsoever.

Content warning: Real-world politics with some liberties taken regarding future events. Allusions to real-world racism and hate crimes.

Published 2024-07-11 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-20 15:04:05 UTC

Pick me?

“Why did you pick me?”

It’s odd. These serious conversations always happen snuggled up in bed. Tonight she decided to lay on top of me like an overgrown cat, forelegs curled up underneath herself. She has a knack for placing her head right where it belongs on my chest. We lay there, holding each other close after another long day's work finished.

Running my finger across her cheek she opened her eyes and languidly replied, “Maybe it was that day you almost hopped the counter when the store clerk said no pets allowed in the store.”

I laughed, “I still remember the look on his face. looked like he was going to shit his pants when you grabbed me by the shirt and told me, no. ”

We both had those stupid smiles. The type of smile that shines in the eyes.

“Why did you, not say anything?”, she said with joking indignance.

I don’t have a good answer for that. I could make a lot of excuses, royalty, species, circumstance. What I ended up with was, “I don’t know. It just felt wrong at the time.”

Lifting her head, she placed her hoof on my hand, “We can make a list.”

“All that time with Twilight must be rubbing off on you.”

“It’s better than when you were working with my sister and called me Lulu.”

“Hey! That was one time.”, I half-heartedly argued.

Her muzzle scrunched, “Yeah, and now you do it when I’m already annoyed.”

“Ok, Lulu.”

She pushed up the bed, the covers shifting above us. The slow rocking of the bed pushed her fluffy barrel against my chest with every step. I couldn’t fight off the giggles, with a pull we were nose to nose.

With a seductive look and quick realization, Luna carefully spoke, “This could go somewhere you know?”

I’ll admit it was tempting, a quiet hotel room in the middle of nowhere with no one to interrupt.

“I–with all this shit going on, I’m not sure I could even make it work.” I gestured down and sighed, “We’ll have our day when this is all over.”

With a pout, she deflated, “Was it not you who said ‘screw the royalty’?”

I could feel the disappointment but, there was no way I was going to let that stand. “If I remember correctly that was followed by ‘I’m so over their bullshit’.”

Luna recoiled with an obvious frown even in the dim light. I held my breath, not sure where the line was. Did I step in it, did I not?

A combined, “I’m sorry.”, cleared any confusion I had.

I kissed her, the tension evaporating. A comforting silence fell over the room Just our breathing and the occasional sound of cars passing by outside.

She clicked her tongue, “When do you think our day will be?”

“I don’t know, maybe after the U.S. government unpauses imploding. Ya know, maybe Equestria just popping into existence might hold the union together.”

She laughed, “I don’t think any amount of magic could fix that mess.”

I joked, “Hey I like that place, let me believe there’s a chance.”

“Like there’s a chance you sprout wings.”

“I think the odds might be a little better than that, but you’re probably right.”

She stopped smiling, looking more serious, “Do you think the Chinese will get over me calling Taiwan, ‘Taiwan’?”

“I thought you said ‘no work talk’ in the elevator on the way up.”

She flopped off of me exasperated, “Fine, I guess we should probably actually sleep.”

I was awoken by a cadence of thumps at the door, “Luna, I need to speak with you!”

My pillow started to squirm, the night owl fighting the morning light. She spoke, “Cadance, I’ll be right there give me a moment!”

I chucked, “I guess that means I have to get up too, huh.”

“What?” Luna rattled, not quite awake.

Slipping off the bed, I quipped, “Coherent to confused, you need to stop drinking so much.”

Sitting up with a yawn Luna muttered at me, “Foust damned, morning ponies.”

The room was quiet other than the shuffling of clothes and the air conditioner blasting in the August heat. Luna watched as I got dressed, a contented smile soft on her lips. Collecting the last of my things I started my walk to the door with a joke on my lips, “Ya know, if you want to keep ogling you’re going to need to follow me down to get coffee.”

Luna hauled herself off the bed, she stretched suggestively, her back arched high. Shuffling to my side she bumped hips with me.

The door rattled again with a little more oomph, “Come on guys this is important I have news for you!”

Luna pushed me with a wing, “You heard the young lady let's get going.”

Ignoring her I replied through the door, “We’re working on it, give us a minute we have not had any go juice yet.”

Luna popped open the door revealing Cadance and Chrysalis looking antsy.

“To what do we owe the pleasure?”, Luna asked politely, clearly off put by Chrysalis.

I gestured down the hallway, quickly cutting in before they could respond, “Let’s walk and talk, it’s early, and a good discussion is had after coffee.” The walk was fairly long with plenty of time to chat on the way down.

Cadance piped up, “We were wondering if you two would help us work out the details on the laws surrounding changeling transformation?” She paused for a moment, then continued sounding exasperated, “Every nation here is so focused on their transformation magic when with the right combination of spells any unicorn can do the same thing.”

I posed the question, “Is it not like the difference between an earth pony using their innate magic and a unicorn using a spell to augment their strength? The time it can last is the differentiation between the two, no?”

Chrysalis answered me gruffly, “That’s not how I would have put it, but in short that is most of the differences. There are a few minute details of note but that's not here nor there right now. But enough work talk that can be had later, how did you two become a couple?”, she nervously laughed, “I wasn’t around to catch up because you know… the statue thing.”

I laughed, “Now that is a long story, I guess it’s a good thing the agenda for today is fuck all, but before we get to that what is the news?”

Cadance paused for a moment mid-stride, quietly whispering to Chrysalis.

“Gah! Why are you making me tell them!?” Chrysalis said, poking Cadance in the side.

Cadance just laughed at Chrysalis's misfortune.

Chrysalis walked stiffly, looking nervous, “Cadance, Shining, and I are forming a herd.”

I smiled at Luna, “I told you so! Anyway, let's get going, I can tell you the story of how me and Luna got together over breakfast.”

Author's Note

And thus begins a long-form story I actually have a plan for. Chapters of this should come out every week or two depending on IRL happenings.

Ambassador?!

Author's Note

The first chapter I edited myself, hopefully, I did not miss anything. if something is wonky I'm sorry. I know that random pony words are not the height of literature but I want it to be the best it can be.

Ambassador?!

“So, where were we after lunch, I don’t remember?”

Luna answered me as we entered the limo, “I believe, I had just finished explaining that you had made my face hurt without kissing me.”

“Ah yes, the second most brick-shitting moment in my life so far. Anyway, after my royal gaffe in both senses of the term.” I said booping Lunas’ nose.

Her nose was wrinkled and clearly indented with a perfect imprint of my fingertips.

“Carl was it?” She said flatly with the kind of tone that makes full-grown men feel small.

My voice cracked meekly, “Yup, that is me, Carl the guy who just fucked up real bad huh.”

“I understand thy reasoning however, thou shalt not touch me again do you understand?!”

I nodded, rattled. I’ve felt small before but this was unlike anything else I had experienced before. This ‘pony’ of mythic resemblance wings flared black as night, her royal regalia shining in the bright interrogation room. Her presence suddenly held an unquestionable power understood by my very soul.

Done searing her visage into my brain she turned to leave. Exiting the room she called back, “I will speak with my advisors and return with a decision momentarily.”

As the door clicked closed I was left with nothing but my thoughts and the items in my pockets. As I stripped my sea water-soaked outer layers I tried to reconcile my bad decisions.

I remember hearing somewhere the little things get lost in hallucinations and dreams. I felt like a kid again, twenty-three and negotiating with aliens. It seemed like a dream, I cataloged my pockets trying to focus on the little details. I don’t know how long I slowly went over the contents of my pockets, radio, phone, wallet, keys, knife, zippo, and multitool.

Coming to grips with the fact all this is all very real I nervously paced the room. I am the Babylon V crew screwing it all up this time. Everything I do and say will be scrutinized for the rest of written history from now on. I sat down with my head in my hands, I made my bed, time to lie in it. Slowly collecting my things, I opened my phone and started Writing down everything I could remember of importance.

Putting down my phone I clicked on the radio relaying what I’d written. It was nothing actionable, simply the facts missed in the first conversation. Levitation and teleportation being the mainstay of the conversation. The continued directive was simply to wait for new info.

The wait seemed like forever but a knock at the door startled me from my slowly amplifying panic.

The door opened, and a gruff voice ordered, “The Princess requires your ponyage.”

Standing I stifled a laugh at the verbiage, I followed the guard out of the room being flanked by a pair along the way. They led me through a few short halls, their metal shoes clanking on the stone floor. The metallic echos ensured their presence was known. We entered a conference room. Its tall arched ceiling reminded me of a courtroom. The princess and two other ponies sat at a central table, a clear seat across the table clearly designated for me.

The princess pointed to the chair across from her, “Come sit, we have introductions to make and questions to answer.”

Gingerly making my way over I took a seat. Shifting uncomfortably under the ponies' stares, I pulled out my phone. Starting a recording I placed it on the table.

The Princess introduced the two ponies, “This,” she gestured to her left, “Is Cobalt Spear Captain of the Manehatten guard. This,” She gestured to her right, “is the Mayor of Manehatten, Rolled Fleece.”

I shrugged uncomfortably, “I am Carl D. Roland, a dumb fisherman with no qualifications for any of this.”

The princess chuckled, the other two ponies looking mildly perturbed, “From our few conversations, you are young, impulsive, and possibly naive, but you are anything but stupid. Now, introductions are not the only reason I called you out here. I need to ask you, what do you want from this?”

I provided the safe answer, “I want a quick and safe resolution to all of this, hopefully with all parties involved happy with how it turns out.”

The princess pointed at me, “What do,” she emphasized, “You as an individual want from this?”

The words fell out uncensored and unabridged, “I want, to ensure that you know what you need to know to not be taken advantage of. I want nothing to do with this as soon as I have provided enough information to feel like I have done what I feel is necessary. I want to leave here with no doubt that you will be able to make informed decisions about what is right for your country. History has too many dead civilizations as it is. I don't want another. I am a simple man. I don't have a reason to do any of this but I am here now so I can’t exactly quit now. It was a mistake to do this and I have arguably screwed everything up. All said, I know it’s not that simple and I will reap what I’ve sown as will everyone else.”

Rolled Fleece shifted papers around on the table speaking as she looked for something “For someone ‘stupid’ that was eloquent and well said.” She leaned and whispered something in the princess's ear as she levitated over a quill.

A smile crept onto the princess's face seemingly out of nowhere. She spoke clearly and loudly for all to hear, “By royal decree Carl D. Roland is hereby human Ambassador to Equestria at risk of my royal status.”

We were seated at the restaurant having arrived during my animated retelling of my experience.

“Luna will have to pick up the story from there, however.”

Cadence tilted her head puzzled, “And why is that?”

Luna idly tapped the table, “Because he fainted and I had to catch him to make sure he did not bust open his head on the floor.”

A simple, “oh,” was all that was heard from the duo across the table.

I caught the ‘stallion?’ ‘man?’ from his fall, “Cobalt, make sure he is alright and bring him to one of the royal suites in Canterlot and ensure he is comfortable.”

Cobalt scoffed, “How do you expect me to do that? The creature is completely alien, I don’t know what ‘Alright’ even is for it.”

I face-hooved, “Just take him, I’m sure he will be fine shortly.”

“You want me to take this creature of unknown intentions across Equestria and put him in a completely unlocked room at the seat of the nation?!”

I snapped sharply, “Captain! Do I need remind you who I am?”

“No Princess,” He said stiffly, turning to bark quickly heeded orders.

Shifting my attention right, I shifted the documents on the table towards myself, “Mayor please collect any other relevant documents and have them sent to the Canterlot archivist for transcription and catalog,” She stood quickly running off to handle the collection of such things.

I levitated the stack of papers off the table. Standing I noticed an odd device the guards had left behind rushing Carl away on a stretcher. Stepping around the table I looked directly at the object, it shown a mirror image of the ceiling and myself. Picking up the device with my magic it distorted and became a collection of white and black dots. Quickly letting go of it with my magic it returned to its state before I lifted it. Softly picking it up with a wing it seemed to have no change, only the direct application of magic seeming to affect it. Touching the mirror itself caused a sudden change in its appearance, shifting to an image of a stylistically drawn human covered in odd little bubbles. Accidentally pressing a button on its side It suddenly turned black. Ignoring it for now, I left to prepare for the flight back to Canterlot.

Luna stopped, dinner having been acquired and eaten during her storytelling. She looked at me pointedly, “But we can finish this another time, Intuition says I’m going to be up late tonight.”

I looked at Cadance, “I’m not in danger am I?”

All three of them simply smiled as we made our way from the table.

The ride back to the hotel was quick, Cadance stopped me as we exited the limo quickly whispering in my ear, “I hear she likes her wings played with.”

I blushed, lightly pushing her away, “Quiet you.”

Luna quipped from the other side of the car, “Don’t be trying to steal my stallion over there Miss Amore.”

We all laughed working our way to the hotel doors and the end of the day.

Epilogue

There they sat, paperwork, documents, and emails piling up. Two ponies, a human and a changeling of questionable moral alignment.

“Chrysalis, do you mind if story time waits till later, we have far too much to do and far too little time to do it,” Carl said, gesturing wildly to all the assorted work piled before them.

Celestia sat straighter starting in, “I would also rather not listen to a story I was a part of for significant portions of it. I lived it, I don't need it dictated to me.”

“Yes, yes that is acceptable,” Chrysalis said, peeking over a stack of tomes with a Cheshire grin, “We can catch up on Carl and Lunas’ affair another time.”

“Doesn’t an affair require more than one partner?” Carl and Luna’s voices layered over each other.

“Enough, there is far too much work here to waste time.” Celestia sniped.

“Fine back to it,” Carl whined dramatically.

Thus, the conversation concluded with the work continuing, leaving the rest of the story for another day.

Author's Note

There it is end of book one, don't worry book two will be worked on shortly. My medical problems are acting up and I have not been able to work on anything for personal fun having barely been able to get the required life things done.

I'm breaking this into two stories because there will be a significant shift in the cast and both stories can stand independently.

First Contact.

“Well Chrysalis, Let me tell you the un-doctored and totally unembellished story of how I met my lovely lady friend. I was minding my own business fishing off the coast of Alaska when I beheld fireworks where they shouldn't've been.”

“Captain what in the hell is going on over there,” first mate Rodger yelled up the deck to the helm. The short length of the trawler and relatively calm waters made such a thing possible.

The PA system crackled and popped a short measured reply, “I don’t know but whatever it is, it sure is pretty.”

I watched a light show like I had never seen before, flowing dragons with crisp edges and plumes of flame hundreds of feet long. The ship was headed that bearing, the continuous, ‘bang, fizz’ of crackling light getting louder the closer we drifted.

My radio clicked and Captain Roko rattled, “Carl, can you check the bow of the ship? The sonar is giving me weird depth readings. Don’t want to run aground do we?”

I sarcastically replied while I made my way to the bow, “Butttt it would be so much funnn.”

I pulled the binoculars from my coat. Rubbing the frost from the lenses I couldn’t believe my eyes. We were about one-hundred yards off shore of an unknown coast. Before I could report the news, I was blinded by an ungodly bright light just offshore. A flare on steroids in the shape of a stylized sun revealed to all, a dockyard full of ships straight out of the eighteen-hundreds. It was lined with brightly colored quadrupeds, half of them enamored with the light show further into the city. The other half was staring right at us. Behind them a skyline like Boston, its edges bathed in shadows from the artificial sun. Snow drooped off the buildings, the January cold trying to freeze the air itself.

I stuttered into the radio, “Well I…I…am I seeing things or is that a lot of colorful creatures in a city that should not exist?”

The radio chattered and popped as everyone aboard tried to respond at the same time. Luckily, we did not have to wait long to find out if it was a joint hallucination.

An authoritative voice yelled from shore, “Ironclad, Identify yourself or you will be fired upon under the authority of the Manehattan Guard.”

The PA returned its request, “This ship is the USS Argyle, ship identification number 5231412. A fishing trawler, we are only armed against pirates and intend no harm. We seem to be very lost. Where are we?”

The reply was swift, “You are off the coast of Manehatten, located on the north-east coast of Equestria.”

I muttered into the radio, “I think we just made first contact with aliens.”

The radio was silent for a few minutes as we all took in the reality of the situation. Roko broke the radio silence, “I’ll contact the coastguard until they respond we will stay here.”

I quietly made my way to the auxiliary boats. Climbing aboard one of them, I lowered it to the water. Full of bad ideas, I turned on my radio, “I’m going ashore, you can warn them, or let me get killed. It’s up to you but I’m not going to let the government screw this up.”

I expected some kind of pushback, but Roko simply said, “One of our crewmen has decided to come ashore as a temporary liaison. He is in no way affiliated with our government but,” Roko emphasized, “He will tell it to you straight with no reservations about the good, the bad, and everything in between. Be good to the kid, he will tell you the truth as he knows it. ”

A far more feminine and regal voice replied, “He will be treated fairly, but with due caution.”

“That is all that I can ask, his name is Carl.”

The two-stroke motor roared to life, the trip to shore short, but tense. As I made it closer the look of these creatures became significantly more clear, very equine in nature. There seemed to be two subspecies one with horns and one with wings. I was being visually directed to the docks by an armored equine. He pointed me to a well-lit pier with an area being sectioned off. As I coasted into the dock, I had a realization. Why are they speaking English?

I was greeted by a few more of the armored equines at the pier, a larger one with wings and a horn was looking at me very intently. Her dark coat and piercing eyes made for a very imposing figure, if not for being very fluffy.

I killed the engine and stopped. We just watched each other for a moment.

We spoke over each other, “How do you know English/Equish?”

Once again awkward silence prevailed.

A guard presumably ran down the pier addressing the winged unicorn, “Princess! We just received word that Discord’s statue is bleeding!”

The princess did not break her gaze from me while snapping at the guard, “My sister will handle that, I have more important matters to attend to currently!"

"Now, You.” She pointed at me emphatically, “What are you? You are nothing like any creature I have ever seen.”

“Do I have to go over all the basic terminology exchanged, or can we skip to the more important bits,” I asked the table.

Chrysalis laughed, “No, no we don’t have to retread the first contact document. I would like to ask though, Luna, what was your perspective on all this?

Luna seemed surprised by the sudden question, “Well I was interrupted from my celebration, by a warning flare at the docks.”

“Princess! There is an emergency at the docks, an Ironclad like nothing we have ever seen is approaching!”

“I’m sure your guard can handle it, Cobalt, it’s probably nothing to worry about.”

“Princess, The creatures aboard are alien-looking. I would not intrude during the celebration of the first new moon of the year if It was not important.”

I stood from my bench overlooking the field hosting the fireworks display, “Well, let's get this done with then, I’m sure it’s nothing.” Captain Cobalt quickly led me to the docks, a large group of ponies parting in front of us. The pier was being cordoned off as we worked our way there.

A loud male voice rattled the docks, “One of our crewmen has decided to come ashore as a temporary liaison. He is in no way affiliated with our government but.” The voice emphasized, “He will tell it to you straight with no reservations about the good, the bad, and everything in between. Be good to the kid, he will tell you the truth as he knows it. ”

I cut in, “I think we can just cut to your first impressions of humanity.”

Luna jokingly pouted at me, “Fine, we can skip to that part. It was very weird I knew you were not of this world when I finally saw you up close. It was like looking at a cut-up photograph if you placed all the pieces back together wrong.”

I gasped with mocked offense, “I’m a very pretty cut-up photograph, I tell you what.”

Luna held a feather to my lips, “I still wonder about the languages being the same, it would be easier to ignore your sass if it was in a different language,” She pulled her wing away, “You can continue the story, since you seem so excited to.”

I scoffed, “You're not going to tell them about your gaff helping me up on the pier from your perspective, for shame.”

“Fine, fine I’ll tell them, if only to keep you from making it more embarrassing than It already is.”

The human looked enamored, the fictional creatures of his legends appearing seemed to hold his attention like nothing else.

He spoke carefully trying to avoid any faux-pas, “Alright, I understand horse is a slur, I'll try and remember that.”

I cringed as He said it again, “Yes, now, let's get somewhere warmer. This is no place to have long discussions.”

He started to climb up after tying off his boat. He looked to be struggling so I grabbed his bottom cloth covering and pulled him up. He squealed like a gerbil as I pulled, now on the pier he laid on the planks squirming.

He managed to squeak out, “You crushed my balls.”

Chrysalis giggled, “That was not in the first contact info sheet. The first physical interaction with alien life and you manage to harm its genitalia, that is some talent.”

Author's Note

My current editor is losing time to edit my work, so I am looking for someone to proofread/edit my work. I am a broke disabled dude so I can't promise any compensation other than early viewing. If you are interested in such a thing, DM me and we can discuss it.

Worlds Combined.

Author's Note

Alright, people of the internets if you have gotten this far you clearly like the story, but all things have flaws let me know what I can do better. Updates on this will probably slow down here soon but, this one should not end abruptly with a crappy forced ending. Can ya tell I'm enjoying writing this one a little more?

Worlds Combined.

“Anyway my dear bu-,” I stopped for a moment, “Wait a second, sorry if this is insensitive but is bug a slur for changelings? I was about to refer to you as ‘buggo’ endearingly but I have a suspicion that would have gone over poorly.”

Chrysalis frowned, but Cadance cut in before she could say anything, “Chrysalis don’t kill him, he doesn’t know.”

I nervously laughed, “I’m sorry, I’m not great at this meeting royalty thing. I called a princess a whore by accident on my first meeting and managed to call a queen a slur within my first six months of being the official liaison for humanity.”

Chrysalis spoke up, “It’s alright, I understand the resemblance, just don’t do it again.”

“Hang on, you called Luna a whore during the first contact, How did that happen?,” Cadence said flabbergasted.

“Yeah, not my finest moment, your guys' minor resemblance of the earth equines named ‘horses’ got me in trouble.”

A few awkward moments passed before Luna cleaned up my mess, “My guards thought it was pretty funny at least, but back to the story.”

“Alrighty, so after I recovered from my sudden onsetball pain, I was escorted back to a private room with Luna at the guard station.”

Cadance wiggled her eyebrows suggestively looking at Luna, “Already taking him to bed on first meeting? You must have thought he was pretty handsome, huh?”

Luna almost choked on her coffee and sputtered, “Laugh it up little one, now let him continue the story.”

We sat at a large wooden table, the small interrogation room echoing, “So magic huh, so is it nanobots, maybe some kind of targeted electromagnetic effect? It’s very advanced tech however you set it up.”

The princess tilted her head quizzically at me, “I have no idea what either of those terms means, but I assure you that it is entirely a biological function.”

I paused for a moment trying to read if she was screwing with me. It really didn’t matter right this second, so I moved on, “Do you have a map on hand so I can try and figure out how screwed you guys are?”

“What do you mean how ‘screwed we are’, Equestria is more than capable of defending itself.”

I scoffed, “Well ya seee, from what I can tell you guys are armed with toothpicks in comparison to what any of the nations you now neighbor have. I know you have,” I made air quotes with my hands, “‘Magic’, but unless it can do some crazy shit I’m not aware of. You will be outmatched by even the smallest developed nations here.”

The princess's expression darkened, “Tread lightly, you know nothing of what we are capable of, I move the very stars in the sky on a whim and the moon is my birthright. My sister wields the power of the sun itself.”

I put my hands up, “Whoa, whoa, no moving celestial bodies around, I quite like living and that sounds like a good way to kill the whole planet. My concern is that having a new continent with many presumably untapped resources is going to start hostilities. I’m trying to help you understand where you have landed yourself. I don’t know how quickly you can disseminate information around here, but getting it out there to all the coastal cities that there may be hostile entities arriving on their shores, is imperative.”

“Do you think me stupid? There is already an alert out to shield the coasts from the frozen north to the badlands. You seem Tartarus bound to make it seem like your species is unreasonable. Why do you care?!”

“I care because I don’t want history to repeat itself, humanity has a storied history with fear of the different and unknown. The average person is flawed but generally empathetic and understanding. Groups of people ar-”

She cut me off, “Are panicky, dangerous things, I understand that. You act as though this could end the world.”

I slammed the table with a fist, “Because it fucking can, irreparably! This planet is kept at peace by the tense understanding of mutual destruction at the tip of a hat. They will assume you have no such ability to defend yourself, and that’s me holding you at your word that you can.”

Her horn glowed and a calligraphy set flashed into existence with a champagne bottle pop. She quickly removed the lid from the ink bottle and dipped a quill, “Tell me all of the threats to my nation with no reservations If you truly wish to help us.”

Cadance gasped, “And you just told her? Where is your loyalty to your country?!”

I paused for a moment thinking, “I did, I did tell her everything I knew. There is a saying where I’m from, ‘Love your country, hate your government’. It really applied then, So I told her the list, nukes, planes, guns, etc. I would do it again in a heartbeat to protect innocent people, and before you say it, Luna agrees with what I did and would do it too.”

Luna tapped her coffee cup with a spoon to break them from their flabbergasted bewilderment, “We discussed it with my sister as well, and we came to the conclusion that without that information, everything would have gone far, far worse.”

“I did not tell them anything they could not have known with an internet connection if they had one, Cadance.”

Chrysalis shuddered at the mention of the internet gathering odd looks from all of us.

“I hate what my-Thorax's changelings are doing on those damnable picture boxes.”

I attempted to speak but Luna covered my mouth before I could, “No, we are not having the discussion of the rules of the internet here. You can talk when you behave.”

I exaggeratedly slumped my shoulders and squinted at her, the whole interaction drawing laughter from Cadance and Chrysalis.

Luna picked up the story where I left off.

“These are the threats to my nation as you know and understand them?”

“Correct, I have told you everything I know and am qualified to explain. There is probably more that if given due time, I will remember, however, everything of import has been covered.”

I knew he spoke the truth; the lie detector behind him never once blinked. Multiple nations at an uneasy peace, held by such a delicate balance of inevitable destruction. I stood from my bench startling the human.

“I must go brief the royals, your needs will be attended to within reason.”

He went to speak but was cut off by the speaker box in his pocket, “Carl, do you copy, I repeat Carl, do you copy?” He removed the device from his pocket pressing a button on its side. I attempted to talk but he grabbed my muzzle, stopping me.

“Good copy, I repeat, good copy, who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

“This is Laura M Clark, four-star general of the U.S. Army, are you safe?”

He snickered, “As safe as one can be in a foreign nation hanging out with alien royalty, I need you to listen carefully. They don’t want any trouble and are just as confused as we are. I don’t know why they speak English, they call it Equish and they don’t know either. They have told me they will defend themselves if attacked. I have told them about the world's nations, and all that entails. They have yet to convene and decide on a course of action, my personal recommendation is to let them contact you through me. Do not, I repeat, Do not engage them outside of this channel, just like us they are afraid and confused. We all know what happens when afraid and confused people panic. I have no idea why they are even putting up with me; however, I know that bureaucracy can come later. Right now we need clear communication.”

There was a pause, then a deep sigh, “Well then… that was concise. For a simple fisherman, you managed first contact well. I will get this out to the press and other nations ASAP. For now don’t do anything, we will advise you on next steps. Until then contact us if anything changes. You will be processed and handled after this is all over for your actions today.”

He responded sharply, “That’s if I didn’t accidentally kill me or them with a transferable sickness by accident. I’m aware I will face the consequences for what I have done today, whether that be from you or my own hubris, but if anyone is to die from this hopefully it is only me.”

“I hope you are right Carl, I really hope you are right. We will contact you again when we have a plan or you can when you have actionable information.”

“Copy that.”

He released me from his grasp immediately blurting, “I’m sorry I did not want them to know you were there. I hope I did not offend you, I didn’t want them to withhold information because of you.”

I wanted to be upset but understood.

Cadence looked concerned and Chrysalis looked amused, they echoed each other, “You didn’t immediately pull away!?”

Luna shrugged, “I was surprised and shocked he did it at all. It’s not like his rationale was flawed, I wish he had not gripped so hard but it was reasonable at the time.

Chrysalis smiled a joke flying before she could stop it, “I’m sure you appreciate the strong digits now though.”

We all cracked up, a blush forming on Luna's cheeks.

We were interrupted by a hotel attendant, “As much fun as it is listening to you reminisce about probably the most stressful moment in human history, the breakfast lobby is closing and I need you guys to find somewhere else to be.”

I looked at the clock we had killed four hours chatting already, “Well shit, I guess we should probably work on that legislation you two were talking about. Let's get out of here and go do that.”

The Talk

The exit from the hotel was swift and efficient. The security detail, a mix of Secret Service and Royal Guard, having quit their bickering for the time being. The motorcade entered with little fanfare, and the long ride to the White House ensued.

The imposing home of hypocrisy stood in front of us, as we exited the vehicle. Congress, the keepers of such a place in session.

Chrysalis chittered, her wings shifting uncomfortably.

Cadance addressed her concerned, “Honey, you alright?”

Chrysalis coughed, pointing to me, “I,” she gagged, “I can passively taste the contempt and disgust from that one.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I stepped as far as I could away from the group, “I don’t know if that is any better but it’s just going to get worse once we're in there, are you going to be able to handle it?”

Cadance responded for her, “Chrysy, Luna, you guys go ahead and handle it. You and I can sit this one out, Carl.”

Chrysalis quickly made her way away from the group getting visibly less tense the further she made it. Luna followed with gusto, attempting to catch up to the fleeing changeling.

Cadance awkwardly coughed pointing to the buildings, “You really hate them huh?”

“I hate what they’ve turned that institution into.”

We continued, quietly walking into the building, having given the emotivore enough space.

Passing through the buildings we found a small garden close by.

Cadance broke the silence, “You and Luna done the deed yet?”

I tripped surprised, “The fuck?! Where is that coming from, who just asks that?”

She snickered, “Princess of…”

“Yeah yeah, love magic power, bullshit.”

“I’m going to take that as a no. What’s wrong, Carl I know you love her.

“There is nothing. Wrong.”

She stepped in front of me being sure to look me in the eyes, “Bull-Shit, don’t lie to me. Luna has been talking with me, you sidestep, derail, or otherwise make excuses. What!? Is wrong?”
I couldn’t look her in the eyes, frozen under the weight of her gaze, “Cadance, I don’t know? It’s not that she is not visually appealing, or that I’m not attracted to her. It just doesn't. I don’t know, feel right.”

She slightly tilted my head up to look her in the eyes, speaking softly, “It’s your first time isn’t it?”

I nodded slowly, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

“You won’t disappoint her if that's what you are worried about.”

“I sure fuc-”

“NO, you can’t. There is no pony more qualified to teach you how to saddle the beast with two backs. She is! The! Princess of the night and all things that entails!”

I couldn’t talk, the meaning and understanding of the words washing over me. All those tension
fraught moments, making excuses with no reason. A bench across the garden drew my watering eyes, I had to sit. Cadance just watched as I sat, head in my hands, memories replaying in my head now held in a new light.

“Cadance, I’m an idiot.”

“No. You’re not an idiot, you are reasonably nervous about what you believe to be one of the major social goalposts. Luna understands that you are some thousand years younger, and it’s just one of many things you have yet to experience.”

I laughed trying to keep it together, “I keep being reminded I’m dating the original GILF.”

“Don’t let her hear that.” Cadance scolded.

“Don’t let who hear what?”

“Nothing!” Both Cadance and I shouted startled.

“Now I have to know,” Luna said, turning the corner into the garden, Chrysalis at her side.

Cadance trotted over to Chrysalis asking, “You feeling better love bug?”

Suddenly knocked from my inner turmoil I questioned, confused, “Did I miss something? I thought?”

Chrysalis smiled, showing all her sharp teeth, “She gets away with it cause she’s cute, you look like a minotaur with a squashed muzzle.”

Cadance smacked her shoulder, “Hey! Be nice.”

“He Is my. Minotaur with a squashed muzzle, you ought to remember that,” Luna growled.

“Ay, no fighting. I've had enough emotional turmoil this morning,” I said quickly standing.

Luna stepped to my side covering my back with a wing and pulling me close, “Don’t listen to the mean changeling, You're cute too,” she laughed. The jokes clearly going over my head.

“I, you, wait. Y’all set me up. Well played…”

Chrysalis cackled, “I don’t taste any emotions unless I want to.”

I looked at Luna a, shit-eating grin split her face. I surprised her with a kiss, she pulled back bewildered for a moment before returning it. Breaking away I pulled her close whispering in her ear, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“We can talk about it later,” I said, kissing just along her jawline.

She shivered and looked away embarrassed, mumbling, “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

Cadance and Chrysalis both snapped off, “I don’t think either of you will have to worry about finishing tonight.”

“Jinx.”

I cringed, “Jesus Christ, no horny you two!”

“You’re the one who started getting saucy with your mare over there, don’t blame us,” Cadance said still giggling.

I pointed at them, “You see this shit Luna? Shining has to deal with that on his own, the poor bastard.”

“Thou, art no better you tease…” She said, pinching my ass.

The unlikely couple continued to laugh at my misfortune.

I jumped from the unexpected playfulness, “Ow, I thought we talked about that?” I stopped for a moment thinking, “Now that I’ve gotten my love lecture, what's the plan for the evening assuming that the legislation was a lie?”

A long pause followed as we all thought about what we were doing.

Cadance suggested, “We can all go find somewhere cool and you can continue your story from earlier.”

“Somewhere cool? It’s nice out,” Chrysalis said smiling.

I exaggeratedly wiped the sweat from my forehead, “I would not call eighty-five ‘nice’, Miss Cold-Blooded, and it’s dinner time anyway. I don’t know about you guys but with the ride here and the stern talking to, I skipped lunch.”

Luna hurried me with a wing, “I also skipped lunch, you can continue where I left off on the way there.”

“I guess that's the plan then,” I said as I was pushed along toward the exit of the garden.

Author's Note

WOO! Socially awkward humans and the white house what could go wrong? A small chapter before we get to the meat of the story, and set up for a saucy side thing later. I don't want to alienate anyone with the politics-related stuff in this story I think everyone can agree that it's all broken at this point though.

Just tell The Story.

Author's Note

A side story takes place between the last chapter and this one. It expands on Luna and Carl's relationship beyond the teen confines of this story. You won't miss much other than some minor plot that will come up later without the mature elements. Go read that if it sounds like your thing. The Soft Moments In-Between. - Fimfiction
I see you people tracking without liking the story. :fluttercry:

Just tell The Story.

A loud knock at the door shocked Luna and I from our post-morning shower coitus cuddles. I ignored it and Luna simply snuggled further into my neck avoiding the noise.

The knock intensified two voices shattering our peace, “United States Secret Service!”

“Equestrian Royal Guard!”

I covered my ears waiting for the inevitable.

Luna shouted, deafening me even through my covered ears, “Raucous Vice we are fine and if you dare speak of the things you heard, I will castrate you myself!”

Tentatively I removed my hands from my ears, immediately hearing animated chatter from outside.

The secret service member did not seem to catch the hint, calling through the door again, “We need to see Carl for a moment, another guest heard some concerning noise.”

Quickly shushing Luna before she could continue to verbally harass the agent I called back, “I’ll be out in a minute, I’m sure that you know this is just a noise complaint.” The lack of response said all, untangling myself from Luna's grasp I started my walk to the door.

She looked conflicted asking, “Are you going to get dressed?”

I made a dismissive gesture, “I can peek through the door and if they need to see me in full,” I pointed to myself up and down, “they can see me in full.”

Jumping to her hooves she threw a pair of pants at me, “No they won't! We talked about this!”

I caught the offending ball of denim saying nothing, putting it on as I walked onward. Opening the door the large suit-wearing man looked me up and down before being interrupted.

Luna's day guard Raucous turned and coughed, “toldyouso.”

Leaning against the doorframe I held my hand out in the universal ‘what do you need’ gesture.

“Sorry sir, Policy requires we physically see you to ensure your safety.”

Luna called out, “Well, you’ve seen him now are you done?!”

“No, no I have to ask what all the noise was last night and this morning,” He asked looking very over his job.

I pinched my temples snapping off, “We fucked like rabbits,” Before the rational part of my brain could intervene.

“Alright then,” he stated flatly as Raucous laughed. He continued talking over the pony's unprofessionalism, “I also must inform you that the president has requested your presence for a press briefing later today details will be provided as soon as possible. That is all for now.”

I nodded, closing the door. Walking back I idly mused, “Well that’s a perfectly good way to ruin a day. It had such a good start too.”

Luna grinned looking at the television, “I have an Idea that might change that notion.”

“Go on…”

She reached over and futzed with the TV remote and turned it on pointing, “You keep watching these YouTube series, we should tell our story. With how enraptured Cadance and Chrysalis were, it would probably do well.”

I cackled mischievously, “That sounds like it would make a lot of people very unhappy. When do you want to start?”

She tilted her head perplexed, “And why is that?”

“You remember how the news organizations were fighting over the first interviews? So many companies would kill for what we would be putting out for free.”

Excitement grew bright on her face, “We can even start it where we left off with Cadance because of the press release we put out a few months ago with the.” Making air quotes she continued, “‘safe’, version of events.”

Her excitement was infecting me, “It’s good for public image too, let's go right now! Why can’t we screw off in our off time too!”

tossing my phone at me she told me, “Get dressed we probably have an hour before they come knocking for us.”

With a mock salute, I cracked, “Yes Ma’am! But you’re starting with ‘that’ phone call.”

“Gah! Fine, fine. ‘I guess there’s nothing to it, but to do it’.”

“Stop quoting me, quoting others, it's weird.”

“No.”

It was odd enough returning from my stint on the moon even after the year it has been. Everywhere I had known changed, but this was something different. The view out of my chariot was completely different from the one I had seen on my trip to Manehatten. ~~Our~~. My borders, surrounded by ships of all different designs, the Island chains of foreign origin looking out of place. Me and… had many conversations about what alien life would look like. This was not in those conversations. In no fashion did I think we would be the foreign entities encroaching on another form of life.

My saddle bag started to play guitar and rattle. Quickly I unbuttoned the lid, finding the device Carl left behind starting to play, “Fly me to the moon, So I can kick its fucking ass.”

Removing it from the bag the object's face lit with a name and two different colored bubbles. It read, “David, That Guy.” I touched the red bubble and the device suddenly went silent.

Starting to play its tune again I touched the other bubble, it started to make faint noises. Trying to hear what the object was playing I held it to my ear suddenly being assaulted with a torrent of words.

The male voice started blathering animatedly, “Carl! Carlmans, I know you don’t watch the news but did you see what’s going on? A whole new continent showed up in the Pacific, I told you they were hiding shit from us. The news is showing twenty-four-seven coverage, there is this weird-looking blue hologram shield-looking thing. It’s crazy dude!”

I was stunned by the sudden barrage, “I’m sorry, who is this?”

All I heard was a muffled shout, “Jermey come here! I think Carl finally got himself a chick!” He continued unmuffled, "I'm David, Carl's housemate, You are?”

Still befuddled I questioned, “I’m unsure what being ‘Carl’s chick’ is but I can assure you that he knows what is going on.”

The stallion responded confused, “How do you not know what ‘chick' means, anyway what’s your name and how do you know Carl?”

Regaining my composure, I gave a non-answer, “I’m not sure what I am at liberty to share. However, rest assured your friend Carl is safe and cared for.”

There was a pause, the muted shouting returning, “Jermey, where did Carl say he was going yesterday?”

Another voice joined the shouting, “He said he was going out to fish on the…”

“Holy shit! It’s Carl they're talking about on the news.”

Pulling the device away from my ear I saw another red bubble, assuming it did the same thing as the last time I pressed it. Call ended, flashed quickly before disappearing to black.

I placed it in my bag as it continued to play different music and obnoxious noises. The rest of the trip was quick with the entertaining cacophony of mismatched songs to pass the time.

“Yeah, yeah your story gets boring from there.”

“Fine! Your turn then.”

I’ve never been black-out drunk before but I bet this is close. Doesn’t help the bright sun crashing through the window. I never leave my curtains open, this is not my room, Shit it’s real.

The blue crystal walls reflected a kaleidoscope of colours across the ceiling. Getting out of the small bed I took inventory of the room. It was furnished with plain comfortable furniture. My personal effects lay nicely on the side table, collecting them I explored the room. It was very simple with nothing of note other than the balcony. The view was immense, looking over a city of quarts spires, and roads hanging over the cliffs below. Looking beyond the city the sprawling country was dotted with towns and farms, a view that didn’t exist anymore stateside.

I was broken from my awe by a knock on the door, a recognizable voice on the other side.

“May I come in?”

“I’m decent,” I called.

A voice I did not recognize made fun, “That’s great hear, but may we come in?”

I rapidly and embarrassedly replied, “Sorry habit, come on in. I doubt I could stop you anyway.”

The door opened revealing the princess I had met, and another pony of similar stature and build. She looked over me curiously, her magenta eyes showing nothing but curiosity and kindness. She was the opposite of the princess. A flat cream coat with a rainbow mane and tail, an arguably garish combination.

There was silence, my dumbfoundedness obviously mutual with these two.

“I am,” We spoke over each other.

Princess Luna laughed, continuing for the other, “This is my sister Celestia, diarch and princess of the sun.”

I stretched awkwardly unsure of how to proceed. Slowly I pulled a chair from the room's desk. Taking a seat I tried to gather my thoughts, “I um, I have no idea what to do from here. I have no idea why you want me as an ambassador, but that is an obscenely bad idea.

“And why is that?” The sisters echoed looking far too smug.

I rapped my knuckles on the desk trying to put any kind of argument together, finding nothing intelligent to say, “Experience.”

Celestia clicked her tongue, “The way we see it, you’ve shown you want to help. You want the best for everypony and you not being a politician means you don’t have an agenda to fulfill.

“And if I say no?”

Luna dropped a canvas bag in front of me with what looked to be gold coins spilling from it. “You will be compensated for your services. Even if you just advise us with the basic niceties and standard conventions, you will be paid a fair if not rich salary.”

Picking up one of the coins and biting into it, the soft metal denting, “Gold, you just dropped four to five years of workless living in front of me. Let me guess, this is a few months of groceries here.”

“See! You’re already being helpful,” Luna said excitedly.

I Jumped to my feet, the chair slamming against the floor, “Stop! I Don’t know. I have no idea what the hell I want to do! This is crazy!”

I paced in the small room struggling to parse my feelings on everything.

The ponies looked genuinely concerned. Luna spoke up, “I understand this is a lot of pressure but the only way this goes well is a safe and intelligent exchange. You can make that happen, I implore you! For at least the next few weeks until things are settled.”

I stumbled, the pleading striking a chord. I stated flatly, “I’ll hold to my word, with one caveat. After all of this is over I need a guarantee that you will protect me from the inevitable backlash. I would be sent to a hole under a prison for what I will be telling you. I’m already neck deep and I won’t see the light of day for a long time without some kind of safety net.”

Luna looked to Celestia who nodded looking at me, “That can be arranged.”

“Where do I sign?” I nervously joked.

They both pranced over, hugging me, knocking me flat, “Thank you! Thank you!”

I groaned, “Ow, y’all are soft but the floor’s not!” They jumped off me looking like startled cats. Holding up a hand I silenced their apologies, “It’s alright, just give me a minute.”

While I recovered from my sudden loss of verticality, Luna took her leave speaking to someone outside. I could hear the brilliant sound of Bon Jovi coming down the hallway, “I knew I was missing something. Let me guess someone called and you answered it…”

Celestia pointed out the door, “She did speak with somepony on the device but she was waiting for you to provide any details.”

Strolling back into the room Luna held out my still blaring phone with a wing, this obnoxious thing is yours.” Taking it from her my hand brushed against her soft feathers.

Unlocking it I immediately turned down the ringer, a look of relief on Luna's face. I had received calls from three unknown numbers, and my parents and roommates. Checking the battery it was on its last legs.

the phone rang, the recording pausing automatically.

“Well that’s actual work calling, should probably do something about that,” I complained.

Luna rubbed my arm reassuringly, “I know you hate talking to the press but at least they focus on me most of the time.”

I answered the phone preempting the other end, “Yup we will be on our way shortly what are we covering this time.”

“Well… Shit!”

Clipped wings

I couldn’t believe the words coming from my phone. Luna sat next to me, a look of sad resignation on her face.

“A pony was beaten badly and had her wing broken in Manhattan today. Reports say she is in critical condition but currently stable. She was helping out at a homeless shelter it's unknown what the cause of the attack was. The press conference is at three o'clock today if you choose to attend. We would love to have you, your wisdom and insight are invaluable in this matter.”

Luna’s voice cracked through hiccuping breaths, “We will be there, this is a travesty.”

I followed up, “We will have remarks prepared, goodbye.”

She started to sob in earnest, holding me close. I let her cry on my shoulder, gently running my fingers through her fur. No words were needed to convey my understanding.

“Why!?”

The word reverberated in my head, it’s always a terrible word. Always an open question usually left unanswered lately.

“Hun, we need to get going if we want to be there.”

Slowly dragging herself off of me she limped her way over to her regalia. She slowly dawned it seemingly refusing to use her magic, the process deliberate and precise. I Dressed the time taken letting Luna clean up. We wordlessly left the room silence prevailing over the entire trip, the type of quiet reserved for eulogies and funerals.

The bright sun interrupted us from our inattention. The chatter of paparazzi drowned out any intelligent thought, our exit prompting questions from all directions. Luna held her head low, the noise rolling off of her like oil on water.

A single statement carried over the noise, “You aliens deserve it!”

Luna’s head snapped to the direction of the call, her horn flashing violently. The man who had yelled appeared directly in front of her, the whole area awash in a sea of floating stars.

The crowd forcibly silenced, she spoke, “We did not wish to be here anymore than you wanted us here,” The words had force to them felt by all, “May your dreams be free and safe for I. Will. Not. Help. You.” She pulled the man's necklace from his neck, holding the cross aloft she continued, “Given your hatefulness, I don’t think he will either.” The cross turned to liquid in her magic, reforming into a crescent moon and falling to the ground.

The air fizzed and popped the artificial noiselessness replaced by a natural hush as the dumbfounded crowd gathered themselves. She walked away as though nothing had happened. The only noise left as we finished our entrance was the man being taken away.

“You know we’re going to eat so much shit from your sister, right,” I said as we cleared the threshold into the Whitehouse.

“I’ll handle that,” She forced through clenched teeth.

“This is going to go well,” I whispered under my breath, as our escort led us through to where we needed to be a few minutes before we were to be introduced.

“Introducing: Princess Luna Nightbringer, And Carl Roland Ambassador for Equestria.” The press secretary called having finished the usual platitudes and condolences.

Luna entered the stage to applause that stopped dead as she gazed over the crowded hall. I followed her out as she sat at the podium. I stood next to her, placing a hand on her back comfortingly.

Before the press could start asking questions She stated, “What happened today is a disgusting act of cruelty and shall be dealt with as such. To break a pegasus's wings is tantamount to breaking your hands.” She pointed to the perpetrators' photos and names on the wall with a wing. “By royal decree the men pictured there are wanted, dead or alive. A reward of one thousand bits for their capture, one hundred for their head.”

The crowd erupted in noise, all persons present astounded by the proclamation. As the crowd calmed down the moderator started taking questions.

“How do you plan on enforcing that? It’s not your jurisdiction.”

Luna responded, “Simply put, I don’t foresee having much trouble, they harmed an Equestrian citizen. Next!”

Another asked, “What is the punishment for assault in Equestria?”

“Nothing irreparable,” Luna replied cryptically.

The room paused as the only other pony in the space meekly questioned, “Princess, you are going to explain why this is so, so wrong. Right?”

Realization dawned on her and I. Luna teared up as she looked behind her, the image of the broken mare on the screen. Her Yellow feathers were stained red, and patches of pink hair missing from her head. A cast wrapped around her wing tightly the exposed feathers bent and broken.

Looking back at the press focusing on the camera she whispered, “I will let them learn from their mistakes.” Without another word, she walked off stage leaving me to deal with the rush of questions.

The press exploded as I took the podium gripping its sides to hide my shaking hands, “Quiet, Quiet!” The questions turned into hushed murmuring. I pointed to the screen, “That right there,” I said voice cracking, “Is Fluttershy, bearer of the element of kindness. Hero of Equestria multiple times over. Be Better!” I exited the stage leaving any further questions unanswered.

I walked into a maelstrom of people running around frantically. The staging room was loud with shocked politicians and assistants trying to gather statements. Two royal guards flanked me as I crossed, “Make way for the prince consort!” I made my way through with little trouble, the guards ensuring it.

Her eyes sunken from crying Luna looked dead curled up on the couch, the only indication of life, shallow hiccuping breaths. I gently picked her up, the slow trip out to the private exit, seeming to last an eternity. No one dared to question us as we took our leave.

Daunting questions rattled around my skull as we entered the armored car. How does this affect Equestria's security? What is the fallout from this going to look like in regards to trade?

“Why?”

There it was again, ‘Why?’ It’s always that question.

“I don’t know, I’m not sure it matters right now. It is time to go home now. I’ll draft up the return paperwork for the elements and others. We can deal with this another day.”

The glamor Luna held night and day, sleep and service faded away leaving her just a pony. The stars in her mane faded away leaving long locks of purple to hang. Her scars and slightly off-kilter wing showing her story.

“You know, You’re really pretty without the magic covering everything up.”

“Now is not the time to get cute,” She growled at me.

I chuckled sadly Luna glaring at me.

I held onto her tightly, “‘The moon shone brightest in darkest of nights doesn’t it'”

Trying to bat at me with a wing she groaned, “Gah, you actually read that garbage. I wrote that over a thousand years ago.”

“At least it shows I care about your story, even though your blunder years are a touch farther away than mine.”

“I’ve done enough crying today, stop it.”

“Fine.”

The small smile I wished for, found.

"Cadance. When was the last time a bounty was placed by an Equestrian royal?" Chrysalis Chirped looking horrified.

I had to take a moment, "Your mother some thousand-odd years ago."

We were both speechless, the Television replaying Luna transforming the man's cross. The reporter spoke in disbelief, "The princess's actions today are unbelievable. The ramifications of today are international, these ponies have so much potential to improve our lives and it may have all gone down the drain."

"I hope the elements can be tempered without kindness to guide them," Chrysalis said softly.

"So do I."

History Lesson

The Canterlot library was quiet as I sat and shifted through history books and maps, trying to get a comprehensive view. They read like fantasy, artifacts, magic, and royals it always came back to these elements. A few days had passed since I had arrived with things going mostly smoothly although with a few misunderstandings.

“Carl. Carl!”

I was startled from my idle thoughts by Celestia, she held a finalized map of what was teleported, “It looks like it is everything inside of Equestrias' legal borders. There seems to be a small section of what was Griffonia but it was disputed at the time.”

“That makes things a little easier, still a nightmare but just a little bit easier is welcome.” I said shuffling through my stack of tomes I’d accumulated, “I keep seeing references to ‘the elements of harmony’ throughout all this. What are they?”

She shifted uncomfortably, “They are a set of six artifacts of substantial power, they draw upon the values most embodied by their user. As we speak, the current owners and wielders of the elements are on their way to Canterlot.”

I drummed my fingers on the table, “Do they have a defensive use, and do you have any control over their effects on the intended target? Sending a human to the moon would remove them from the gene pool…”

She looked past me like she had seen a ghost.

“Well sister, are you going to tell him?”

I jumped out of my skin, Luna's arrival completely silent.

Celestia just nodded as she organized my haphazard pile of tomes.

Luna spoke darkly, “Yes Carl, she knew exactly what she did when she sent me to the moon. We have talked about it and there is no more discussion to be had. The elements are purely offensive and there is a reason neither of us wield them anymore.”

I quickly changed the subject scribbling notes, “What about the crystal heart, can that be used beyond the empire?”

“Not without endangering the Empire,” They spoke over each other.

“So in short. We have thirty-six hours before the unicorns have to put the manual shields down, and the world gets to see everything. I guess we are doing this the hard way, Princess Luna, you said you can move the stars in the sky. Do you know if you are actually moving far off suns around or if you are just bending the light?”

Luna looked offended, “I am moving the stars themselves, do you think I'm some kind of simple magician!”

“Sister! He does not know how any of this works, stop being so offended by honest questions.

“He has read our history front to back, he should know better.”

“History gets embellished, you know that. I would be asking the same questions.”

“Don’t act dumb sist-”

I slammed the table in front of me cracking the old oak, “Hey! Immortal and petty is not a good look, unfuck yourselves and answer me this. Can you paint your tattoos in the sky?”

They both looked at me perturbed and confused, “Tattoos?”

“Yeah, the ones on the cheeks behind your wings.”

Celestia tilted her head puzzled, “Our Cutiemarks?”

“I refuse to call them that. Can you move the stars to resemble them in the sky? I really don’t care about any other aliens right now. Moving the stars around should protect us for at least a little while.”

Celestia looked thoughtful for a moment, “I don’t see why not, but what are we protecting ourselves from? You’ve said everything is balanced on mutual destruction but what is the cause?”

I scoffed, holding my face in my hands, “We figured out how to tear apart the fundamental building blocks of the universe. It makes really big explosions that leave behind lingering death for hundreds of years under the right circumstances.”

Luna looked grim, speaking softly, “Balefire.”

Celestia cringed at the mention, “I see…”

I looked at the maps laid out in front of me, “I wondered why the badlands only showed up about 300 years into your history. Well, I can infer why now, I guess that makes things clear as to what you need to protect yourselves against. No?”

Celestia coughed, “I guess that makes this evening-”

Luna finished, “Even more important.”

The next few hours were tense, busy, and nerve-racking preparing for the ambassadors. However the closer the hour drew near the princesses seemed to lighten up. Getting into their element seemed to calm them. My own tension slowly released as jokes and lighthearted fun were interspersed in the serious work.

The pad used for landing chariots was cleared for landings. The first helicopter made its appearance in the distance. Celestia and Luna watched the engineering marvel as though it would attempt to kill them at a moment's notice. We gave the helicopters space to land plus some as the ambassador's security fanned out. A slow accumulation of suit-wearing bureaucrats being surrounded in a protective bubble of guns.

As the last drop was made I stepped back to let the two royals handle their business. The silence was deafening, no one sure of where to start.

Celestia broke the ice, “Welcome to Equestria! I’m sure we all would have preferred less, awkward circumstances However fate had other plans. I hope an amicable solution can be found to this predicament. I am Princess Celestia.” She gestured to Luna, “This is my sister Princess Luna Co-ruler of Equestria.”

The crowd became alight with multi-lingual chatter being quickly translated. A voice spoke above the rest as a man stepped forward, “Hello, I am Robert Quail, a representative of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. I think a peaceful resolution can be reached, preferably out of the cold.”

The crack of a rifle split the air, the bullets caught mid-air slamming into the shield erected before their arrival. I laughed awkwardly as the smashed bullets fell to the ground with light clinks. The soldier who fired looked mortified. His rifle was caught in a golden glow, the barrel bending into a ninety-degree angle. The patch on his chest Identified him.

Celestia pointed to the soldier, “That’s the Russian flag is it not?”

I gestured to the sky as Luna's horn lit, “I recommend you don’t do that.”

“If you bear that flag, take him with you and leave. You have used up my patience,” She spoke sternly, “Those of you who are sane and intelligent I implore you to follow me into the warmth of the castle.”

The stars in the eight o'clock hour shifted and skipped across the sky, the big dipper finding new life as part of a crescent moon. The collected ambassadors looked in awe of the spectacle.
We turned and entered the dining hall, the royal guards opening the doors looking bored. We took our seats at the end of the table waiting for the ambassadors to enter. They slowly filed in, taking seats tentatively.

Luna uncorked a bottle of wine, “I think we’ll need this, it's going to be a long night.”

She poured two glasses sliding one to me and one to Celestia. She simply took a swig directly from the bottle, setting it next to herself.

“Sister! At least use a glass!” Celestia scolded. The assorted diplomats Laughed.

Luna muttered, pouring herself a glass, “The bottles are going to be the same type of empty by the end of the night regardless.”

I idly drummed the table, “A grand, and change and still acting like children with their siblings. I guess some things never change huh.”

Robert seemed tired of the back and forth, “Well where do we start? So much is unknown.”

Celestia answered him, “Assuming you read the document we sent, Ask whatever questions you see fit.”

The Chinese ambassador pointed directly at me, “What is he doing here, why is an American here advising you!?”

Luna looked at me, “Did you not say, ‘because the politicians will fuck it up irreparably’”

I nodded, adding, “The way I see it, a real person who does not want to do this is better than whatever fake face you’ll send. Oh, and they're fluffy.”

Celestia almost spit her wine sputtering, “Am I the only one of the three of us taking this seriously?”

Luna wrapped a wing around her pulling her close pointing to the rest of the table with a wing, “We all can be serious and have the whole night be torture or we can all chat without the formality and make this at least tolerable.”

“Next question,” I said to the baffled table.

Gathering himself the English ambassador spoke up, “On the international scale your country has no rights, how do you intend to rectify that?”

Luna quietly Teleported a stack of paperwork onto the table spreading around the table for all.

“Those are the terms we set for our borders and ponies' rights if you wish to dispute them.” Celestia declared. All was quiet as they read.

The American ambassador spoke up first, “Your ocean claims conflict with Alaska’s in multiple places.”

“Sorry, that is my bad. We can adjust them as needed. I eyeballed it because their maps and our maps have not been standardized yet.” I acknowledged.

Celestia continued, “We can fix minor discrepancies at a later date. For now, it can be shared.”

The Chinese representative butted in, “It shows Chinese Taipei is Taiwan on this map. I assume that is a mistake.”

“If there is a discrepancy on the map we are unaware of it.” The sisters repeated as rehearsed.

He glared at us, “And if we do not agree to these terms what then?”

Luna swirled her glass grimly, “What then indeed.”

The table stared at her unsure of how to proceed. A chill filled the room, a voice echoing around it.

“Ah, ah, ah. There can’t be any chaos if there's not a world left to create it. I would hate to see that happen.” The creature floated around watching the table, “I’m not sure I’ll need you little ponies anymore these ones are delicious. So much turmoil and strife without any provocation from me at all.”

“Discord!” Celestia shouted jumping from her seat.

“Oh Celly calm down, I don’t want to go back to a statue anytime soon I’ll behave myself. Your beloved elements even know I’m here. I even spoke with them on the way over.”

A hologram of a pink pony appeared in the center of the table blabbering, “He even Pinkie promised! You know how that magic works!” It blinked from existence along with its creator.

I looked pointedly at the princesses, “What? The. Hell. Was that!”

Celestias face hoofed and sighed, “That. Was Discord resident nuisance and god of Chaos and apparently what is going to happen if they don’t agree? Endless pranks of varying levels till your sanity goes and your crops fail from chocolate rain.”

Luna couldn’t hold in her laughter as Celestia's horn flopped limply.

“You mean the same Discord that almost killed you a few hundred years ago,” I questioned.

“Exactly.”

The scribbling of signatures was very audible in the silent room.

Robert's voice cracked, “I think that will be all for now.” Standing he started the exodus of diplomats.

They cleared the room swiftly the paperwork piling up at the end of the table, not a single one unsigned.

Cadence quietly listened as I told the story, the chariot quiet as we returned to Equestria. A letter popped into existence in the middle of our mismatched group.

Luna lazily caught the falling parchment idly reading to Cadance, Chrysalis, and I.

“Dear Princess Luna. Fluttershy is doing well; the brain bleed has resolved and no longer seems to be affecting her demeanor. She is going to continue treatment here in the United States even though natural magic is unavailable to help with healing. I and the other elements are going to stay here for her.

Discord is a mess, well more than usual. He is taking it really hard, Fluttershy being able to talk to him has helped but things are still touch and go. I fear what will happen if he finds the perpetrators before we do, he is not making jokes or playing pranks.”

“Good news is Fluttershy is doing better,” I said, knocking on the wood bench, “The bad news is a god wants revenge. We are so screwed.”

Luna spoke sagely, “Fluttershy holds no grudges Discord will see reason.”

Author's Note

Sorry about the wait on this one, I got mildly distracted. It's a longer chapter to make up for it. *Hopefully* Also a nod to Fallout because I thought it was funny.

Time Like Water

Author's Note

This chapter got a little, odd. A little bit of nerding out never hurts though does it?

Time Like Water

I slowly stirred the pan of onions in front of me, The royal kitchen filled with human cuisine and the sound of a very busy man.

“Carl?”

“Yes, hon.”

“Why Fluttershy? Of all ponies, Why?”

“Why us?”

“What?”

“Why are we the ones holding together world peace? My clown ass could barely tie my shoes and now I help make sure the world does not implode.”

I scoffed, “You are far more capable than that, and you do more than simply ‘help’.”

“My point still stands, why anything? Why does Twilight do magic? Why do you move the stars around? Why do we, Fight, Love, Die, Live? Does it matter?”

I stuttered, “Of, of course, it matters, it matters because without us the world ends!”

“Oh? It does?” He paused for a moment checking temps, “You have always held the end of the world in your ha-hooves. For the rest of us life is led by our simple will to live it. Destiny tells your story, I have to make my own.”

I choked up, “Hey, none of that we talked about this, No existential dread before five-PM, and you have far longer than most.”

“You keep reminding me I’ll outlive my friends and family. In the far future if ‘We’ end, do I just shrivel up like a prune and die on the spot or do I get sixty years to be sad.”

The spatula I was holding flew past his head and out the door behind him, “Thou art obnoxious you know! We warned you of exactly all that was entailed, don't pretend you don’t know. Tartarus, you even asked us about it before we got together at all!”

I posed the question, “So, now that you have an internet connection, whatcha thinking about?”

Luna looked at the laptop blankly, “What is this type set? It seems inefficient.”

“Old typewriters used it and beyond that, I have no Idea. You have the secrets of the universe in a box in front of you, why don’t you look it up?”

Giving me side eye she muttered, “And how would one use, said ‘box of secrets’?”

Sliding down the bench we shared I flopped down the book I was reading, “I will help you in a moment. However, I have a few questions about this ‘Broken Pauldron’, he shows up a lot and for seemingly too long to be a normal pony. What is up with that?”

“She,” Luna corrected, “Is-was Celestia's lover, those involved with alicorns live longer. It’s a magical phenomenon we don’t quite understand ourselves.”

Our conversation shifted back to the computer. Reading public opinion of all of what is going on, then slowly drifting to the more entertaining parts of the internet.

Slowly losing interest she pushed the computer away she looked perplexed, “We seem to have made an impression. I’m unsure why they provided this for us though. You would think it would be unwise, to give a potential enemy so much information.”

I spoke as I moved the laptop and started to type, “It’s the fastest way for information to be sent and returned, and with how fast situations change it’s the safest option. They also have locked down a lot of the information available. It's honestly impressive but to answer your earlier question. The QWERTY keyboard design was just what stuck in short. Mostly because of ease of transition and standardization. Also, a monopoly in the industry making typewriters but that is not that important.”

An email came through the header reading, “Receipt of email regarding royalty entering the United States.”

Carl sat next to me typing away intently. He seemed relaxed for the first time in the last two weeks. His negotiations with the US ambassador had him and I working together for the last few days.

His nonchalant attitude broke after the meeting with Discord and Ambassadors. Between that and in his words, “Being fucking shot at!” He cried for two hours as we talked about his life, family, friends, hardships. It all seemed to finally catch up with him at once.

He hugged me then an honest clean hug, my first in a long time. They all seem fake and awkward. My sister, the elements they still have the image of her embedded in their psyche. Even the night guard whose great, great grandparents I knew personally would never attempt such a thing. Whether it be honor, fear, or insincerity none of them felt real.

I was tapped on the muzzle, “Earth to Luna, anyone home?”

“Pony feathers!” I squealed, almost falling from the bench before Carl caught me.

He laughed saying, “Wow your light.”

I sarcastically gasped, “Are you calling me fat?”

“Did you hear a thing I said?” He questioned with a smile.

“Touche.”

“Anyway, I guess I’ll repeat myself. You asked about why send the computer right? It’s the fastest communication metho-”

“And I clearly still don’t know how to feel about it Luna! I turned my life upside down and then got told I could live for as long as I keep you happy… Fuck! That’s not what I meant, I'm sorry.”

Luna yelled into the dining hall, “Roko! Get in here!”

The bulky man hastily jumped through the serving window far too nimbly for a man his size.

Luna deftly tossed a new spatula at him and pointed at the onions as she walked. I couldn’t look at her, the clip-clop of her hooves stopping behind me.

She whispered, holding me with a wing, “It’s been a stressful week. I know what you meant. I don't know why you insisted on cooking for us. Go relax.”

“But-”

“Roko can cook a steak, don’t worry about it, go.” Softly taking the tongs from me she lightly ushered me out.

I walked reading the history written on the walls. Tapestries and stained glass teaching stories I’ve only heard. Chrysalis shown, green lightning arcing across the glass. Shining stood enthralled crackling blue fire flowing around purple.

“Not my finest moment hmm.”

I turned surprised, as Fluttershy struggled through her wired jaw, “Tits mnot you falt.”

Chrysalis continued, “No, no it was in fact my fault, however, that seems impertinent right this second. Carl, what’s the trouble this time?”

“I opened my mouth.”

“Oh? Welcome to the club, the hookers are ugly and the whisky's cheap. But what’s the details?”

“Luna and I had a spat, argument? I inserted my foot, you know how it goes. It’ll be fine, it always works out, just got told to ‘go relax’.”

“Ha! Cadence and I are in the dog house ourselves, we proposed some bedroom activities and crossed a line.”

I cracked my knuckles uncomfortably changing the subject, “Flutters how are you doing? I know you probably don’t want to talk much but I hope things weren't too suck stateside. I know US. hospitals have a tendency to be boring as hell.”

She nodded at Chrysalis who explained, “She is doing great for what happened, from what I gathered they were very good to her. Having the element of magic breathing down their neck might have had something to do with that but… She should be able to take off the jaw wires in the next week or so.”

“You gotta go back stateside for that or nah?”

“No.” Fluttershy grimaced.

Chrysalis pointed down the hall, “We can talk more over food, I know I’m hungry.”

“Well then, Ladies first.”

Shifting Gears

The world knocked, every little detail shifting lightly. I looked around as the sun shifted in the evening light—a sure sign of her.

“Well, that's flattering,” Her voice reverberated through the back of my head.

“Hello, Princess. Is there a reason you are altering my brain waves with magic?”

“Just visiting.”

“We’re working together all of tomorrow, you know.”

“Mhmm, and you clearly don’t appreciate my company,” She lightly wrapped a wing over my chest.

My mirth washed over the landscape, the pond shining reflecting the autumn leaves. The water far clearer than it ever was back then. The paths through the park, free of their blemishes and tire tracks. No ugly trash cans or paper wasps they attracted. It was beautiful how it was meant to be, everything fixed and clean.

“This place is?”

“Home.”

“It’s.”

“Far prettier than it ever actually was.”

“It’s how you remember the places you love, not what they really were that matters.”

I choked up, “I. I never got to do this, just sit with, with friends. They all slowly drifted away whether it be distance, time, personalities. I don’t know how I feel about this place anymore.”

“You can stop pretending now.”

“Oh?”

She pointed out to the pond the fountain at its center starting to turn crimson, “Joy and sorrow are the same side of the coin here. You are allowed to feel them both.”

I looked up to nothing but sincerity, in those sparkling blue eyes.

“Not today, evening? Night? Whatever.”

“Morning,” She laughed as the world started to fade.

“I did not know how much it bothered you. Are we ok?”

“‘We’ as in you in the third person or ‘we’ as in us as in po-hum-a couple?”

“Us you stumbling buffoon.”

I kissed her on the top of the muzzle, “I believe so, unless you have something to say on the matter?”

“No. I don’t think I do, Although I should probably apologize to Roko.”

“Yeah, that would probably be wise. It can wait though, I need more snuggles.”

“Snuggles or Snuggles?”

“No make-up copulation for you today I’m afraid, we do in fact have duties to attend to.”

“I suppose we do, we really have been being lazy the last few days.”

“And our road trip across the states wasn’t?”

“If I recall correctly you called that ‘work’ in the dream before.”

“I did do that, didn’t I? That is a story to tell isn’t it.”

“I’m sure the world would love to hear it,” She smiled, levitating my phone from the side table.

The chariot lurched and bucked as we moved from the controlled weather of Equestria into rougher currents. The first ponies into a completely different world and the return of the first ambassador.

Carl sat across from me buried in his phone, the shifting heights quickly burning through his false confidence. The movie he watched stopped and started to his growing frustration. I, he, I looked away blushing watching the water rushing passed outside. No, that would never work. He’s not even the same species he would never. But, he’s, no I shan't even think it.

The chariot rolled violently as pillows and blankets were thrown across the cabin. A tangle of arms and legs was created as Carl fell into me, the pillows and blankets softening the landing. The terrified human clung to me as the turbulence passed. He trembled and shook burying his face in my neck.

“Not afraid of flying huh?”

“Luna. Don’t fucking start,” he growled into my neck.

“I warned you it was different.”

“I will bite you. Can it!”

The words escaped, skipping all intelligence, “At least take me on a date first.”

He sprung like a startled cat kicking me in the process, Quickly making his way back across the chariot. I curled holding my side ribs throbbing.

The rest of the ride was stable and quiet, if mildly painful. The landing however was anything but, The chariot rattled and knocked as we touched down. I looked to Carl, he gripped the bench aggressively, his fingernails digging into the gold plating. Applause was all I could hear outside, the chariot lurching to a final stop.

Carl stood shakily looking back at the bench then back at me dismayed, “We are not taking this fucking deathtrap back.”

I sheepishly nodded, “Are you ready to ‘face the music’?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Steeling ourselves we faced the doors, unlatching they framed the world's first view. Stepping onto the light briefly blinded by the glare, speechless they watched, nay the world watched.

“Welcome to the United States Princess,” The lanky old man greeted me, ignoring Carl entirely.

“Greetings,” I waved to the crowd a series of flashes lighting up my view.

Without another word, we were guided down a winding path off the landing strip. I heard gasps and murmurs behind us as we walked.

The balmy temperatures of the desert state were, quite understated by Carl.

I watched Luna as we walked a light shift to her step, wings hung slightly. Relaxed and back in her element she looked, nope, nope, bad thoughts. I looked at the media surrounding us, they chattered and watched amazement clear as day. Probably ninety people photographers, videographers, and reporters. This is probably the quietest LAX has ever been all in all. Before I knew it we entered the conditioned air of the terminal, a conference room the destination.

Luna And I had rehearsed this many times but they were still being, difficult.

“I hath stated I will handle my own safety in your nation, I wish to see it as it truly is! My ambassador and I wish to travel sparsely accompanied, if that accommodation can not be made then I don’t foresee a favorable future for our country's relationship.”

The man in black looked conflicted, “I can’t do that, the security needs would be astronomical.”

I cut in, “If you are truly interested in the weather control the Equestrians can provide, then you will reduce the security to the minimum needed and let us roam as we see fit.”

Luna looked at me surprised, she held her breath as the man looked to his left. He whispered to a very decorated general, the star, bars, and heart showing a long service.

He grimaced and spoke, “I am unsure of the intelligence of such a decision but, I will work on it. Until a conclusion has been reached you may stay in Los Angeles.”

Luna stood from her seat, “Then I believe we are done here. I assume we will be informed as soon as possible when a decision has been made.”

“As soon as we know the next steps you will be informed.”

I stood to follow Luna, a hand grabbing my shoulder.

“Carl, Roland you, are staying right here. You are under arrest for espionage, treason and Collusion with a foreign nation against the United States.”

Luna whipped around snapping, “Unhand him! He is under my protection and as I see it he has committed no crime. If you wish to punish him for perceived slights you may do so after I release him from his ambassadorial duties. Until such time, harming him is to harm Equestria.”

“He.”

Luna stared down the man, any rebuttal shot down, “he is to accompany me,” Any qualms were quelled as the room began to cool an icy chill fogging over the windows.

The man's hand slid off my shoulder as I stepped to Luna’s side as she turned to leave. We exited to a cacophony of arguing and accusations. The day ran like sand after that, with continued discussion of imports and exports and future immigration. All going over my head trivial little details causing hang-ups and arguments.

Finally, we were escorted to our accommodations. We sat across from each other in the hotel room trying to decompress.

“That was-”

“Torturous,”

“-Hell.,”

“Tartarus,”

“Yes, the deepest pits.”

Luna laughed rolling over on the bed.

“Gah!” I looked away, having seen far too much.

Luna questioned concerned, “What’s Wrong?”

I coughed awkwardly, “I’ve been ignoring that y’all just let everything just, hang out, but that was a lot more view than I ever needed.”

“Oh. What of all the Photos and…”

“Shit.”

Author's Note

And it begins in earnest. The timeline should be far more linear from here on out.

Perturbed or Perverted

I watched the Television as the news scrolled, showing Luna and I walking away. She swayed lightly as she walked revealing and hiding the news anchor's topic of choice behind her tail.

“This is a travesty! To just, show off… That! Disgusting, and these comments.”

The newsreel scrolling through Twitter threads, and certain Subbreddits disgust and an unsurprising amount of thirst abound.

The screen blanked as Luna grabbed the remote from me, “Enough of that. I thought the Equestrian press was bad enough.”

“Not enjoying the royal treatment, Princess.” I teased.

She grumbled, “I did not realize how detailed, the press could get with their…”

I sighed, “My recommendation is to get ahead of this one, but it might be a little too late for that now.”

“It’s your fault is it not?” She glared at me pointedly.

“I didn’t even think about it, I was just going with the flow and y’all were just running around the way you liked.”

“They act as if I was flagging my tail and win-”

“Luna! None of that I don’t need to know how your intimate parts work.”

She hopped off the hotel bed with a clatter, throwing the door to the room open, “I. Nay we will fix this,” grabbing my collar she pulled me along outside.

I staggered along as I was dragged to her side, “Jesus, Luna I only have three shirts till I make it back to the frozen tundra be nice to the dam things.”

She snickered, “It’s Rarities work I could lift you off the ground by it and nary a thread would displace.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s comfortable ya fuck!”

Luna stiffened as we turned the corner face to face with a large camera.

Questions came lightning fast, “Princess Luna, what do you have to say to those who found your display yesterday disturbing?”

“How did you fail to account for such social taboo?”
She answered quickly in kind, “They are prudes who should keep their opinions on the natural state of ponies to themselves. It t’was an oversight as other more… Pertinent matters were dealt with. No more questions, you will get a full statement as to how this will be addressed by the end of the day.”

Stepping around the group we picked up the pace down the hall. As the camera turned I looked back with an exaggerated sway to my hips, “Make sure you get my ass too I’m bootylicious.”

Luna looked at me incredulously, “You’re not helping.”

I called the elevator mumbling, “You know how to fix that.”

“Oh?”

“Nothing.”

“No, No there is more to that. Elaborate.”

We stepped into the cramped and dingey elevator, our positioning awkward regardless of how we situated ourselves.

We stood facing each other uncomfortably close, Luna reiterated, “Continue. How would I go about ‘fixing that’?”

“You could fire me, or let the feds have me, or send me back to Equestria and make me disappear. Ya know the usual ways to get rid of someone you don’t want around.”

She looked at me aghast and deadly serious, “Do not suggest me that monstrous again, I would never do such things. Again.” Her voice petered out as she looked at the floor.

The rest of the ride down was stressful and quiet as we tried to avoid each other's gaze in the small space.

The rest of our day was complicated as we worked through the ins and outs of who, what, where, and why of our trip with the Sirs and Madams who needed to know. A few feet manifesting itself between us anywhere possible.

Standing outside we looked over the armored escalade fitted to my specifications. The passenger seat replaced with a flat bench for a more comfortable ride. I stared at the beast of a vehicle as I walked around it. I've always wanted to see one of these behemoths in person. As I walked ogling I bumped into someone.

I started as my flank was bumped, my wings flaring and smacking something hard.

“Gah! My fucking nose. What the hell!”

I turned, seeing Carl flat on the pavement clutching his face.

I knelt down pulling him close, “Oh my, I’m so sorry I did not. I did not-”

Carl wheezed lightly, laughing through gritted teeth, “No, I deserved that I should have paid attention to where I was walking.”

Standing, I helped him to his feet slowly, “I’m, I’m a little jumpy after this morning's sudden tabloid… Scare.”

“It’s alright, let’s just get going. We can work on a statement on our way out.”

Climbing into the motorized chariot was mildly awkward, The small door requiring some cumbersome movement.

Carl slammed the other door, his irritation with the morning's events clear as day. The vehicle roared to life as He hit a button, opening a window he quietly spoke with someone outside.

Traffic was light as we rolled through election year California, in other words, terrible.

Luna chatted Idly as we sat in deadlock traffic, “Mandating some kind of covering is restrictive, but leaving things as they are is just going to cause friction-”

“Mhmm.”

“And clothes are a luxury, expensive to boot. What the, what was it? ‘What the Hell?’ am I supposed to do”

“Mhmm.”

“Are you even listening?!”

“Huh?”

She sighed exasperated looking out the window, “Carl. Listen to me, if I were to simply leave things as they are, how much trouble would I cause?”

“I Dunknow.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Shake the magic ball and ask again later.”

The rest of the stop-and-go was tense and significantly more uncomfortable than before.

“Do you even know where we are going?”

“Anywhere but here.”

“That does not answer my question, Carl.”

“The next gas station 'cause we are almost to the second tank on this behemoth and I would rather stay in the first one.”

“Mother of! Mother of me Carl, What the fuck,” Luna rattled the truck the driver of the car next to us startled by the sudden shout.

I cackled, the sudden change in demeanor comical for some reason, “Oh, so you do swear.”

Traffic broke as we pulled off the highway, the desert back roads quiet and empty.

“Carl! Stop this thing and talk to me.”

I slammed the brakes, the rear of the heavy vehicle fishtailing on the gravel road. We both slammed forward, our belts the only thing saving us from going through the front windshield.

“What!? Are you going to remind me that I'm stupid every five miles or can we get going so we can actually see the states like you want? I’m aware that I fucked up, scribble up one of those asscovers so I can release the bitch and forget that I am incompetent again.”

“That’s what this is about, you are anything but incompetent Carl. I don’t think I would have handled this as well as you have. You are young and inexperienced, yes, but the only way to gain from this is to learn.”

I rested over the steering wheel tears rolling and voice cracking, “I, the consequences aren’t mine to bear if I fuck it up though. The innocent people caught up in it all will be the ones to be hurt in this,”

“When my learning experience causes the death of someone, then what Luna!?”

The softest thing covered my back, the kindest voice I’d heard in a long time in my ear.

“We understand, we’ve made that mistake. It is an important lesson learned.”

Author's Note

I once again apologize for the wait on this chapter, kind of writing this by the seat of my pants and trying to figure out where to go is, difficult. I now have an actual timeline figured out now so chapters should be more consistent from now on. hopefully

Cute, Concern, Cuddles?

‘Pling’

The same noise at every self-checkout.

Luna looked at our cart of assorted foodstuffs curiously, “Carl, what does a drink called ‘monster’ taste like?”

I held up the can toward her just as confused, “I’m not even sure what it is supposed to taste like. All I know is it keeps me awake and probably gives me some kind of cancer.”

Banter was our current ploy to avoid the constant uncomfortable staring, it’s not every day alien royalty shows up in a Nevada Walmart.

“You’re a curious creature.”

“That’s why you keep me around is it not.”

A little voice interrupted our back and forth, “Mommy, She’s so fluffy!”

The little girl came running, just the right age for all things pink, fluffy, or cute. Luna just smiled watching the kid. Stopping in front of Luna she stared in awe.

Luna couldn’t help herself kneeling down and hugging her, “Hello little one, do you need something?”

She squealed in delight as Luna played with her while I finished off checking out.

“Oh my god. I’m uh.” The little girl’s father stood mortified as she was sent back to her father, with a feather in her hair.

Luna waved him off as we started to leave, “This happens all the time, do not worry yourself .”

“You know you should probably stop doing that.”

“When fillies and colts stop escaping their parents I might.”

“So, never.”

She just smiled at me as she unruffled her fur, Hopping into the truck.

“He is right, you should probably stop giving away powerful potion reagents to small children Princess.”

“Jesus, Shadow! You need some fucking bells so I can keep track of you.”
Luna chuckled at my startlement, “Now, now, Carl, that would defeat the point but Lt.ShadowSpear what brings you out of hiding?”

The large bat pony Removed a missive from his saddle bag and started to read.

Dear sister.

I wish to speak with you shortly as the infrastructure to place ‘phone calls’ has been built, however, I require Carl’s ‘phone number’.

Awaiting your reply, Princess of the Sun and your sister, Celestia.

I started the car as Shadow escaped the confines of the metal box. That was terse, I wonder if all of their correspondence is that formal.

Luna surprised me, “What has you so puzzled?”

The car lurched as I pulled from the parking lot still not used to the power.

“Oh, I know. Yes, she is always that terse and formal. Holdover from so long dealing with royals.”

“I see…”

“You sound unconvinced,” She tapped my leg, “Bit for your thoughts?”

I coughed awkwardly, “She was never that sharp with me, this a history thing?”

“Probably,” She mumbled, looking away.

“Hey, I get it my brother and I don’t talk so at least you can still chat at least.”

She perked up at that, “How did that come about?”

“Nothing cataclysmic,” I joked, “But for real. We had a falling out honestly petty bullshit but it’s how it is now. Haven’t talked in years now.”

“You’re avoiding the question again.”

I grimaced, “Yeah yeah, You are worse than my therapist. Back on my parent's farm, we were working. Splitting wood specifically and a prank went too far, almost crushed my hand in the hydraulics.”

She fiddled with the radio, and spoke softly, “Bodily harm is not ‘Petty bullshit’ as I see it.”

Quietly singing along to the radio she looked beautiful, Relaxed, and regal.

Rumble strips ripped me from my unprofessional thoughts.

Luna’s wings flared, slapping the seat, “Carl! What was that?”

“Shit! Sorry, got lost in thought.”

Google Maps interrupted the radio, “Your destination is on the left.”

Pulling into the only hotel in a thirty-mile radius we made our way through the quickly filling parking lot. The outside dinged and the curtains visibly stained from the outside.

Luna scoffed, “This place looks-”

I finished her statement, “Terrible, I know but it’s what’s available.”

“Nothing to it but to…” She caught herself quoting me.

“Ha! Let's go ya parrot.”

Luna took mock offense as we exited the car, “You know calling a pegasus a bird is offensive right?”

I walked backward through the parking lot shrugging my shoulders, “I guess I’ll just be offensive then I’ll blame my Irish roots.” I turned around just in time to almost slam my face into the doors as Luna laughed at me.

“Be careful monkey man.”

“Hey now, Professional time now.”

“Fine.”

The desert nights getting chilly, and we were greeted by warm air through the entrance.

The desk attendant sat mouth agape barely able to coherently greet us, “Um, Hello welcome to the Rolled Royal, how can I help you?

I tapped the side of my head, “Well you can’t help me, I keep hallucinating this blue pony following me around, but a room for two would be nice. I may as well be kind to the imagination you see.”

The attendant laughed, “Well I would try but our only open rooms are singles, I can get you two but it’s going to cost extra.”

I went to answer but Luna cut me off, “One room is fine we will make it work.”

I looked at her incredulously, “Oh?”

“You’ll live.”

“Fine, floor it is again.”

The attendant took our information and we were set to escape to the room. Getting stopped for questions every few steps, we took a while to get there.

Pushing open the door she complained, “Finally! Enough of the jostling and bouncing I feel like I’m on a boat now that we have stopped.”

I dropped my bags, sitting on the edge of the bed in the cold room, “You get used to it, cars are an acquired taste.”

She hopped on the bed the whole thing sinking, the mattress the cheapest around it seemed.

“You’re not sleeping on the floor.”

“Oh?”

“I can feel you shivering through the bed. I know you say the cold doesn’t bother you but that is extreme.”

“So Where am I sleeping? I’m not kicking you out of bed.”

“That, you are not.” I pulled him further onto the bed, Protecting him from the chilly room's air with my wings.

He stuttered, “Um. Hi. This is odd.”

“No more odd than when it’s your dreams.”

“That’s different.”

“Is it really?”

“It’s unprofessional.”

“And you’ve been soooo professional thus far, mhmm, that’s not it either.”

“Fine, let me go so I can actually get ready for bed.”

“Are you going to sleep on the floor?”

“No.”

“Good.”

I released him from his feathery prison, his lithe and muscular form standing in the dim light.

“Is this some pony thing I’m unaware of or are you just weird?” He joked on his way into the bathroom.

Am I weird, or just unfortunate circumstances? Making the best of a misfortune? I’m sure of no interest on his part, it’s simply an Idle fantasy.

“Luna, if you think any harder I’ll hear your thoughts,” He laughed as he shuffled under the sheets uncomfortably.

“I just don’t want you driving tired again, It’s-”

“Scary enough without the drifting between the lines you’ve told me.”

I worked my way under the covers without another word.

“I have duties to attend to,” I excused.

“Good night.”

uncomfortable realizations

“Fuck you!”

The shadows coiled and rolled voices echoing from the fog, “You abandon us for these creatures of magic and wonder, are we not enough anymore Carl!? Are we too simple, normal even?! Galavant across the world with your pony princess, see how that works out for you.”

“I didn’t abandon you, I am trying to help them. You are all still my friends even with all this going on.”

“And you're not tempted by immortality, forever is a long time you know.”

“That’s not what this is about!”

“Oh? What else could bring romantic feelings for a horse if not for personal gain.”

A different voice cried out from the throng, “You may as well be a child in her eyes. A thousand years is a long time!”

Leiring, jeering shouts surrounded me belittling and baiting me into arguments I could never win.

“He’ll never love you, you’re a monstrous creature of another species and you truly think. You truly think he would ever pick you, he can pick from all with his newfound status.”

“He treats me like a normal pony, you can’t dissuade me from this!”

“You’re a normal pony? You are taking advantage of him right now sister.”

“Don’t you,” I choked on the words, “Don’t you dare. I told you she is off limits!”

My own creation tormenting me, all my hate and sorrow compiled into this one manifestation. My dream cracked and popped as it bumped into another dreamscape, the creature of nightmares making itself scarce.

Shouting filled the dark space between, “Enough! I shall not deal with this bullshit, get out!

The roiling vortex of faces and names laughed at Carl, “You’re even talking like her now and you tell us you have a healthy relationship.”

“Speak of the devil and she shall appear.” Screamed another voice.

The dream cleared with a flick of my horn, ~~Our~~, my safe place materializing. The tall trees of the Everfree forest, a place once safe no longer due to my own hubris.

Carl’s anger reverberated in the fabric of the web, “Luna! I thought I told you to stay out of my nightmares!”

I shied away, “I’m sorry, I lost control of my dream and it collided with yours,” I waved to the sky, “with our proximity considered it is no surprise.”

Carl turned walking into the trees, calling back flippantly, “Well then get out, I was having fun with my demons.”

I trotted to catch up with him through the trees, “Well… I can’t. Not until I figure out what was causing your nightmare, my, my Cutiemark won’t let me.”

Carl facepalmed, whispering something under his breath. Turning with a flourish he sighed, “Well I guess we have some time to chat then, 'cause you’re going to be here for a while.”

“I guess we do.”

He sat down at the base of the largest tree around staring at me with a scowl, “So wise one what do you wish to teach the child today?”

I reeled, “Is that really how you see our friendship? That I’m humoring you like a child, how dare you!”

“Ha! With our gap in experience that’s the only way I could even envision it. You want me to pretend you aren't a thousand years older than me!” Do you think I’m stupid Luna?”

I cracked, the waterworks flowing as I wailed, “We only lived two hundred and twelve of those Carl! The world is so different now we may as well be starting over from scratch! You’re the only pony to not treat me like a volcano ready to erupt in the last decade! Do you truly think us so shallow as to think you a child, Is that the truth you believe, or is that what the thoughts in the dark tell you?!”

He growled at me through clenched teeth, “They haven’t failed me yet, Luna.”

The world shifted and swirled castle walls shaping themselves around us, phantoms of Celestia and myself in between us.

My clone laughed in the face of the phantom, “‘They haven’t failed us yet, Celestia.”

“That mentality will kill you, sister, the ponies don’t shun you. You have failed to give them a reason to believe in you.”

As the mirage faded I spoke, quelling any qualms, “Don’t preach to me about lessons I’ve learned the hard way, down that path lies ruin.”

He was silent for a few moments before trying to argue, “I don’t hav-”

I interrupted, “We both know that is a false equivalence. You may not be able to end the world, but a few actions can harm the well-being of the many. However my time here is done, another dream calls for me and my work here seems to be, handled as it were”

The ceiling was very interesting this morning, more because it let me ignore the blue pony draped across my chest. She is awake as much as I am but neither of us wants to move. Not because it is particularly comfortable or not, but because a discussion in the real world will have to happen. I know I don’t want to have it, but based on her false sleep she doesn’t either. So here we are at a stalemate of awkward avoidance.

“Carl?”

“Yes?”

“Why are you poking me?”

I coughed, “Without getting into detailed human anatomy, it just does that while I’m sleeping.”

“Oh,” She responded matter of factly, then continued, “Sooo, how are we handling last night's revelations?”

“Do we have to do this right now?”

“If not now, When?”

“Later.”

“Today, tomorrow, next week after we’ve been angry at each other for so long we don’t even know why we are angry anymore.”

“Fine. You have a point, what first?”

“It’s not that simple Carl, how do you feel about it?”

“Luna, I dunno honestly. I, it’s complicated and I have my own issues to resolve before I can answer you.”

“I think that’s all I need to hear,” She said exasperated as she slid from under the covers. Looking back at me she quipped, “You’re still poking the sheets.”

“Well that’s what happens when you hav-” I clamped the bag shut, the cat already having escaped.

She shot me a knowing smile, a sway in her hips far too obvious as she walked away.

“That’s not fair!”

Her laugh cut off as she closed the bathroom door.

Chrysalis Face-hoofed, “There is no way you are both that oblivious, how did this not prompt some kind of discussion?!”

“Oblivious is not the word I would use. Luna and I knew what was going on, choosing to not acknowledge it is more apt.”

Celestia piped up from the other end of the table, “I thought this whole escapade into history started when you two were trying to figure out why you ‘picked’ each other. Is this not the answer?

“Ha!” Luna laughed at the idea, “It’s spiraled into the question of why we did not… acquiesce to the idea earlier at this point.”

“‘Cause Carl’s dense,” Roko tittered from the kitchen.

“Hey! I resemble that remark,” I said, tossing a spoon through the serving window.

Popping his head back around the corner he threatened, “You keep throwing shit at me I’m boiling the stew.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” a three-person chorus called back as Celestia turned her nose up at our meal choice.

“I would,” he called back, “Hell you might get a well-done steak next time.”

“Roko, you serve me a well-done steak I’m having chrysalis fuck your mom.”

“I wish her luck with an urn.”

I laughed, Chrysalis gagged and Celestia reeled.

Luna shook her head in disappointment, “You two are terrible.”

Roko strode out of the kitchen platters in hand grinning, “I can’t be that terrible, I have the food.”

I chuckled, “In order, let's eat food, sort out the garbage fire Luna and I started, Then more story time.”

Author's Note

More interaction bait incoming because numbers going up makes monkey brain happy. I see you guys favoriting the story but not liking it. :raritycry:
Also, I'm aware that this chapter and the last chapter probably could have been one but I'm bad at this. Also, Also, Do y'all want chapters as I write them even if it means week-plus long waits between bursts of chapters, or space them out weekly with more consistent uploads?