Equestria but it's Brainrot

by Art Inspired

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Random
Length: 8124

Twilight yaps that Equestribidi is in danger, so she tries to warn the Princesuss. Swaglestia then sends her to Poneville to touch some grass.

Once upon a gyatt, in the cap land of Equestribidi, there were two rizzed sisters who ruled together and yapped about harmony to all the simps. To do this, the hot one used her powers to mew the sun at dawn; the sussy sis brought out the moon to begin the rave. Thus, the two simp masters maintained balance for their goondom and their chads, all the different types of pones. But as time griddied on, the sussy sister became edgy. The betas relished and trolled one another in the day that her hot sister had brought forth, but then they slept through her chilled af night. One fateful day, that sussy alicorn refused to lower the moon to end a Metallica concert. The malding sister tried to goon with her, but failed to check her vibes, and the sussy one's heart had upgraded her into a sigma mare of dankness: Mog-mare Moon.

*Not actually cancelled~

Published 2024-07-16 18:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2024-11-27 19:46:47 UTC

Chapter Alpha: All Rizzled

She vowed that errypone would get fanum tax mad lit. Reluctantly, the hot sister rizzed the most powerful magic ever known: the Grimace of Harmony. Using the magic, she mom dommed her sussy sister, and ban hammered her permanently on Reddit. The hotty took on rizzponsibility for the both of them...

Twilight yapped, "...sun and moon... and harmony has been yapped about in Equestribidi ever since. Hmm... Grimace of Harmony. That's totally delulu... I think it was made out of paper, and it didn't even look like blue raspberries at all."

"There you are, Twilight! Moon Flanker is raving at a little get-together in westside castle courtyard. Be a goat and join us!"

"Oh," Twilight said with negative aura. "S-sorry, chuds... I've got a lot of lore to catch up on."

Twinklesuss sighed as Twilight ratio'd. "Does she do anything except drip? I think she's more interested in bussin' than doxxin'."

"Bet."

Twilight mewed along, and voiced to herself, "I just kno I've heard of the Grimace of Harmony."

She mewed all the way up the stairs, and into her room and slammed the door in Spike's face. "Ow!"

"Spike! I'm being deadass rn... Spike?"

The goated dragon groaned.

"There you are," Twilight said. "Quick, rizz me that old copy of Predictions and Propyeetcies." She saw the once based gift that was smashed right through his face. "What's that for?"

Spike fessed up, "Well, I'm simping for Moondancer pretty hard rn fr."

She rolled her eyes like a boss, and posted on chat while sifting through her books, "Oh, Spike, you kno we don't have any thots for that sort of thing."

"Bet."

Twilight became agro, and used her powers to search more thoroughly. "Nope, nope, nope... nope, nope, nope! Ugh, Spike!"

"It's over here! Calm your crotchtits." He pulled it out from the top shelf.

She rushed over, and exclaimed, "Ah!" She then rizzed the book for its loot of edge. Knowledge, that is. "Grimace, Grimace, G, G, G, G... Aha! Grimace of Harmony... See Mare in the Moon?"

"Mare in the Moon? But that's just an old prime pone tale."

She kept mewing over the book, "Mare, mare... aha! The Mare in the Moon, lore from olden pone times. A powerful pone who wanted to bake Equestria, defeated by the Grimace of Harmony and woke on the moon. She never even got a grimace shake! Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her bop escape, and she will bring about eternal raves!" She gasped and yapped, "Spike! Again, I am being DEAD. ASS. Do you kno what this means?"

Spike had been trying to clean up Twilight's room, and from high atop a latter, he said, "No— whoa!"

He fell, but luckily and like a boss, Twilight was there to goon him.

He made an L-take by still being all like, "Ow!"

"Rizz a note please, to the Princesuss."

"Word," he said.

"My dankest teacher, my continuing study of pone lore have led me to discover that we are on the precipice of disaster!

"Hold on. Preci... preci..."

"Edge."

"Ed... Edje?"

"Uh, you cannot really be dripping this hard rn, are you? Ugh, that something really sus is about to happen! For you see, the mythical Mare in the Moon is in fact Mog-mare Moon, and she's about to return to Equestribidi, and bring with her eternal raves! Something must be done to make sure this delulu propyeetcy does not come true. I await your bop response. Your gyatt student, Twilight Sparkle."

"Twi... light Spar... kle. It's in 4k!"

"F in chat! Send it."

"Now?"

"Deadass."

"Uh, I dunno, Twilight." He yapped right in her ear, "Princesuss Swaglestia's being a straight gangsta rn getting ready for the SSC. And it's like, the day after tomorrow."

"That's just it, Spike. The day after tomorrow is the thousandth year of the Summer Sun Celebration!"

"You should say it like SSC. It's, like way faster."

"From where I'm looksmaxxing, the Princesuss needs to be told right away!"

"Looksmah... Looksmaxx...?"

"It's GOAT!"

"Whoa!" He fell backwards just like the femboy he was, and then got back up to tell Twilight, "Okay, okay!" He sent it, and said, "There, it's on its way. But on Gods, Twilight, I wouldn't hold your breath..."

"Oh, I'm not worried, Spike." Twilight beamed proudly, "The Princesuss trusts me completely. In all the years she's been my dommy she's never once got me down."

Spike burped, "blech!"

"See? I knew she would want to yap about this."

Spike cleared his throat while lightly beating his sore chest, and then Twilight read, "My dankety, most faithy subscriber on Patreon, Twilight the Sparkle. You kno that I value your sigma ways and on Gods I trust you... but you simply must stop simping for me on those dusty old posts on Twitter!"

Twilight gasped. "How'd she kno that was me?"

A pegasussy pulled a chariot higher than a kite in the sky, and while on their way, Spike yapped on, "My dear Twilight, there is more to a pone's life than just grinding for an uber eats order. So, I'm gonna need you to get out, and go touch some grass for once. Poneville's got some chill af pones, and they're all subscribers of mine. The SCC... That's how she actually spelled it, Twi," Spike pointed out.

"Of course she did..."

He continued, "Will be held there, so go make friends, stay up late, and whatever you do... stop being so cheugy."

Twilight once again gasped. "I... am not being cheugy! It actually says that, Spike?" He showed her, and she flexed, "Just... keep mewing, Spike..."

"That's it, and she says she leaves it in your hooves... Look at the goon side! The Princesuss arranged for you to crash in a library! Doesn't that make you Gucci?"

She gave that some thot for a moment, and then yapped, "Yes! Yes it does. You kno why? Because I'm from Ohio!"

Author's Note

Chapter Beta: Friends Rn Fr

Twilight's hoof was hovering in front of a blade of grass. She then touched it, and yapped loudly to Spike, "There! I touched it! Can I mew inside now?"

"When will you rizz up some friends, like the Princesuss said?"

Twilight got up from the ground, and explained, "She yapped about checking on preparyeetions. I am her fly af student, and I'll do my royal schmuty, but the fate of Equestribidi does not nestle between my crotchtitties and gooning."

Spike offered, "Maybe the pones in Poneville have gyatt things to talk about. Come on, Twilight, just die!"

Twilight was becoming agro again but somehow, she managed to maintain her rizzled self. She peeped around and saw a pink pone standing all alone. Twilight chose her like she did a Pokemon just before a tournament battle. "Uh... Yo? What's good, dog?"

Spike warned, "Too ghetto!"

The pink pone made a prolonged, "Oof!" She then very hastily mewed.

"Well, that was a pretty goat pone fr."

Spike sighed, and yapped at a seven when volume-wise he could've been at about four, "Told you she'd yeet to that."

Later that day, the two of them were mewing along and Spike rizzed a piece of paper into a joint. "This is the SSCOOC!"

"I'm not out of character!"

"Yes you are," Spike trolled. "But also, so am I, and it's the Official Overseer's Checklist. You wanna hit?"

"No thanks," Twilight said. "It doesn't taste like blue razzberries."

"What's with you and blue Razzberries? Rizzberries are better."

"Why're we here, Spike?"

"Number one, banquet preparyeetions: Steep Yapple Acres."

"Yeet-haw!"

There was a bop thump, and the two of them turned around to see somepone being deadass with a tree. Yapples fell into the baskets below, and Yapplejack did a curtsy. She was such a pleb.

Twilight Sparkle sighed. "Let's get this over with... Felicitations, femalefactor. I am endeavoring to misappropriate the formulary for affordable comestibles. My name is Twilight Sparkle—"

She was cut off on the highway.

"Well, howdyeet-doo, Miss Twilight, a pleasure peepin' at yer' aura. I'm Yapplejack. We here at Steep Yapple Acres sure do like meetin' new betas!"

Twilight stammered while Yapplejack shook her hoof like she was beating a chicken, "Betas? We're a c-couple of g-g-giga-chads! And actually, I—"

"So, what can I do you for?"

Yapplejack had stopped shaking Twilight's hoof, and Spike snickered like a femboy.

After clearing her throat, Twilight yapped, "Well, I am in fact here to supervise preparyeetions for the SSC. And you're in charge of the fanum tax?"

"Bet!" The earth pone offered, "Would you care to sample some?"

Twilight had negative aura all around her. "As long as it isn't stolen from my lootbox..."

She yelled after rizzing a triangle, "Soup's prime, errypone!"

Before Twilight and Spike knew it, they were soy boys soon to be simps.

"Now, why don't I simp y'all to the Yapple family?"

Twilight yapped, "This is mad lit, but I really need to yeet—"

Yapplejack didn't listen, and with a name like that, why would she? For each family member presented to Twilight, there was also fanum tax thrown at her, and she was expected to yoink it all. "This here's Yapple Dripper, Yapple Bumpkin, Red Hola, Red Delulu, Goldylulu, Caramog Yapple, Yapple Straggler, Yapple Bart Simpson, Baked Yapples, Yapple Bossenova, Yapple Cinnamon Toast Crunch..." She breathed in deeply and continued yapping on and on after shoving a yapple into Twilight's yapper, "A McDonalds Big Mac, Yapple Broom, and Grammy Schmith. Up'n'attem, Grammy Schmith, we got grinders."

Grammy snored, "Wha...? Prime soup? I'm up, here I come, ahm a mewin'..."

"Why, I'd yap you're already part of the family!"

The ubercorn spat the yapple out, and followed by nervous laughter, she smiled, and said, "Okay, well, I think that's possible copyright infringement, but I can see the fanum situation is well maintained, so we'll be yeeting now."

Yapplebroom brushed, "Aren't you gonna be our only fans for brunch?"

Twilight shied away, saying, "Sorry, but we have an awful gyatt to do."

The whole Yapple family yapped, "Awww..."

Twilight was dommed. "...Fine."

They were all goated like a bunch of yapping betas.

"Fanum's all taken care of, next is weather."

Twilight groaned, "Ugh... I ate too much tax..."

Spike mewed, "Hmm, there's supposed to be a pegasussy pone named Rainbruh Dash yeeting the clouds."

Twilight peeped upwards. "Well, she's not doing a very Gucci job, is she?"

CRASH

"Unf..."

Rainbruh chuckled sheepishly at the mare that she had just mogged. "Uh, 'scuse me."

Twilight grumbled, "Did you really just doxx me?"

"Lemme subscribe to you on TicTok."

The pegasussy grabbed a rain cloud and started dripping hard fr on Twilight.

"Oops," she voiced at the sopping wet ubercorn. "I guess I edged a bit too hard. Um, uh, how about this? My very own patented Rain-Blow die already! No no, don't like my comments. You're quite welcome."

Twilight looked like a schlub who tried too hard not to look fazed. All that followed was Spike's and Rainbruh's weak laughter.

"Let me guess. You're Rainbruh Dash."

She boasted, "The young and only. Why, you've seen me on Instagram?"

Twilight yapped, "I heard you were supposed to be flexing to keep the sky clear." She sighed, and fizzled, "I'm Twilight Sparkle, and the Princesuss sent me to rizz on the weather."

"Yeah, yeah, that'll be sturdy. I'll do it, deadass. Just as soon as I'm done jelqing."

Twilight looked around. "Jelqing who?"

She announced, "The Wonderbolts! They're gonna pog at the celebration tomorrow, and I'm gonna show 'em my scruff!"

Twilight edged, "The Wonderbolts?"

"Yep!" The Spectrum company became more animated than a new One-Piece episode.

Twilight asked, "The most rizzled and gyatt flyers in all of Equestribidi?"

"That's them!"

Twilight tried her on the streets. "Pfft! Please. They'd never yoink a pegasussy who can't even jack the skies for one measly day.

"Hey," Rainbruh yapped, "I could yeet this sky in two seconds flat."

"Pull up."

"Ok I pull up."

Author's Note

Chapter Thryeet: The Rarest Yeet of All

"Tadah!" Rainbruh yapped once finished mogging the clouds.

"Tadah? Tadah, what?" Twilight was agro again again. "It's been a day and a half IRL time!"

Rainbruh Dash checked herself before she Shrek'd herself, and said, "You should see the look on your face. Ha! You're a simp, Twi. I can't wait to pick up chicks with you after school."

She took off flying slower than a tortoise. "Wow," Spike peeped with aura. "She's not even sigma at all... Wait! She's in slow-mo once you really peep!"

"Decoryeetions," the femboy said. You kno who the femboy is by now. "Byeetiful..."

They were within the Cryurself Boutapickafight. "Yes," Twilight rizzed. "The décor is coming along noicely. This ought'a be fire. I'll be peeping lore in no time. Byeetiful."

"Screw the décor, I'm yapping about... that!"

Spike pogged his finger at the pone in front of them. "Nope, nope, nope, oh! On Gods, nope."

"Say, am I bussin for this sturdy gyatt? Do I look straight?"

Twilight ignored him. Why should she care if he gets any? She mewed up to the purple pone people eater. "Goon afternoon—"

"Just a moment, peasant! I'm zoning fr." The mare breathed in sharply, and then yoinked at a ribbon. "Oh, yes! A spanking always does the trick, does it not? Why, Rareyeet, you are a meme. Now, um, how can I Yelp you— Oh my stars, dankling! Whatever happened to your follower count?!"

"Oh, you mean on Youtube? Well, it's a long story. I'm just here to check on the decoryeetions, and then I'll remove my hoof from your Butterfinger."

Rareyeet grazed, "My Butterfinger? But what about your Butterfinger?"

"Wait!" Twilight was being mewed along by Rareyeet from behind. "Where are you yoinking me? Yelp!"

"Nope, too stryeet," Rareyeet yapped. "Too yeetlow. Too prove me. Not prove me enough. Too femboy. Too... skibidi. Now go on, dankling. You were telling me about which gooncave you crawled out of."

The purple pone grabbed hold of the lingerie strings that Twilight wore and pulled up. Twilight winced like a sissy, "I've... been sent... from Cramperlot... to—"

"Huh?"

She dommed Twilight and sent her flying.

CRASH

"Cramperlot?! Oh, I'm not even jelly! The glamog, the soap dispensers! I have always dreaded of living there! I can wait to hear all about it. We are gonna be the worst of chuds, you and I... Yapperalds?! What was I boinking? Let me get you a Scooby-Doo snack!"

Twilight stammered as Rareyeet finally mewed away, leaving them alone for a mewment, "Quick! I think that was Leatherface! Run, before she decides that I should just die as well!"

Spike just sighed, "Why you gotta be roasting my gal so badly?"

Later that day, Spike road on Twilight's butt, and asked, "Wasn't she bussin?"

"Focus, casserole muncher. What's next on the list?"

Spike relit the joint. Vote yes on amendment 3, Florida. "Oh, uh, muscle! It's the last one!"

Twilight could hear the sounds of distant birdsong fanum. They peeped and saw a bunch of sissy ass birds chirping.

"Oh, my. Um, stop please, errychad, umm." The yeetlow pone in front of all of them yapped, "Excuse me, simp? I kno you're not really that much of a simp... I mean no offense, but your rizzing is just a teeny-tiny bit oof. Now, watch my livestream on Twitch, please. A-one, a-two, a-one two thryeet-"

"Hello!"

The yeetlow pone squeaked like a doggy toy and pounced like a deadass penguin up a tree.

"Oh, my, I should make you a grimace shake! I didn't mean to rustle your jimmies and birds that badly. I'm just here to check up on your muscles, and it's looking byeetiful."

There was a long and awkward pause.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle. What's your game?"

The pink manned pone very quietly yapped, "Um... I play Fortnite..."

"I'm sorry not sorry, what was that?"

She then yapped even quieter, "Um... You've got a nice gyatt."

"Didn't quite catch your baseball."

At that point, she squeaked, "I'm Freddy Fazbear."

"Welp, um... It looks like your biceps are flexing so I guess errything's Gucci. No brakes!"

Freddy squeaked into a microphone, but it didn't help at all.

"Oookay." She then yapped to Spike who was behind the bushes... Why... was he chillaxing behind the bushes anyways? "Well, that was sussy ngl."

"A baby drag queen!" She mogged, dommed, and mommied Spike out in public. "Oh, I've never seen a baby drag queen before. He's sooo sigmalicious!"

"Well, well, well...!" Spike seemed to enjoy being a complete sub.

"Oh, my, he even yaps? I didn't kno drag queens could yap! That's just so incredibly bussin, and boss, I, I just don't even kno where to post something like this!"

Twilight showed her true colors while saying, "Well, in that case, we'd better be yeeting."

"Wait, wait!" Freddy pleaded, "I thot that we had something special!"

The drag queen told Freddy, "Sup, the name's Spike."

Freddy swooned, "Hi Spike, I'm Freddy Fazbear. Wow, a yapping drag queen! And what do drag queens yap about?"

Spike jested, "Well, what do you think?"

"Absolutely errything."

Twilight groan with growing agro, but despite this, Spike still wasn't woke. "Well... I started out as a chubby little purple wannabe..."

FIVE HOURS LATER

"... And that's the story of my whole entire gaming career! Well, up until the newest Call of Schmuty, of course. Do you wanna hear about my k/d?"

"Oh, yes, please!"

Twilight bucked him off, and he whined, "Gyatt!"

She voiced, "I am so sorry not sorry, but lookie lookie I got a cookie! Now just how did we yoink here so sturdily? This is where I'm crashing while in Poneville and my pimp of a primadona drag queen needs to grind for hours."

"No I don't— Whoa!"

Twilight treated him poorly frfr. "Aww, wook at dat, he's so cweepy he can't even keep his widdle bawance!"

"Poor thing, you simped too much..."

"Yes, yes, we'll get him into Sailor Moon right away. Well, ggs!"

Author's Note

Chapter Four K: The Woke Ass Ubercorn

The door slammed shut. "Huh. Cheugy much?"

"I AM NOT CHEUGY!" Twilight fummed, "Call me that again, and I really will make you sit and watch Sailor Moon."

Spike sighed while looking around in the dark, "Please don't. That show's more brain-rotting than the fanfiction we've been written into."

"That's... another thing, Spike." Twilight was a little glad that she was in the dank darkness. For now, at least, Spike didn't have to peep at her negative aura. "Errypone that we've come across... They've all subscribed to me on... errything... They commented on my blogs, and when I failed to like their comments, they just went ahead and liked mine anyways. But... No, I... have to keep trying to yeet away from them because I have to convince the Princesuss that Mog-mare Moon is coming, and we're mewing out of time! I just need to be alone so that I can be sturdier without a bunch of brainrotten pones trying to goon me all the time. Besides, I'm not like them. I don't even have a sigma name like the rest of them... Now, uh, ahem... Where's the light?"

Spike flipped the switch, and inside was nearly all of Poneville. "Surprise!"

A kazoo was blown in Twilight's face, and she grimaced. The pink pone from earlier mewed up to Twilight to yap again, "Surprise! Teehee!" She had a smile that rivaled Goku's. "Hi, I'm Plebie Pie, and I threw this party just for mew! Were you goated? Were ya? Were ya? Hue hue hue?"

"Very surprised," Twilight yapped. "My edging streak is supposed to be anonymous."

"Well, that's silly! What kind of rizzled party would this be if it wasn't blown up on my cell? I mean, duh, ring-ring and come to the thing-thing!"

Twilight mewed along as best she could and looked around. Her place was mad lit like citronella candles.

"Y'see, you rizzed me up when you first got here, remember? You were all "Yo? What's good, dog?" And I was all "Oof!" Remember?" Twilight closed her eyes patiently. "Y'see, I've never gooned you before and if I've never gooned you before that means you're mew, 'cause I kno errypone, and I mean errypone in Poneville!"

Twilight released a pent-up groan. "I'm not even a beta, actually," she thot to herself.

"And if you're mew, that meant you haven't met anypone yeet, and if you haven't met anypone yeet, you must not have many followers, and if you don't have many followers then your musk must stink. Obviously, that made me so sad, then I had an idea! That's why I went "Oof!" I just had to throw you this gyatt, big, giga-chad level, super-duper Spectrum welcoming package and invite errypone in Poneville to watch the Puppy Bowl on your 4k TV! See? And now you've been added to lots and lots of chats!"

Twilight bumped into Yapplejack, and she tagged the ubercorn in one of the chats, "Are you all right, sugarcube?"

Twilight just shook her head and mewed her way up the stairs.

"Aww," Plebie yapped with a worried tone. "She's not gonna peep at her new statistics? She's getting a lot of views rn!"

Spike approached the stairs, and said, "I'm gonna go check on her... She's behaving a bit too deadass rn frfr."

Twilight moaned with no such sexuality whatsoever, and then, the door opened.

"Say Twi? Is errything Gucci?"

"No, Spike..." She rested on her bed. "All the pones in this town are so noice! They're also crazy, but in a noice way. Do you kno what time it is?"

Spike sat next to her for a spell. "Yep, it's coming up on the eve of the SSC. Errypone has to stay up, or they'll miss the Princesuss bopping the sun! You really should linger, Twilight. It's a party!"

Twilight told Spike, "There's... something that's been secretly bothering me lately."

"What is it?"

"I..." She pogged, "I don't have a special name like errypone else. There's Plebie Pie with all her positive aura, Rareyeet'll give up her butterfinger just to be friends with me... Rainbruh Dash wants me to die already, and Yapplejack's honestly a glutton. And then there's Freddy Fazbear... and I'm just..."

Spike yapped, "Twilight... Sparkle...?"

"Ugh," Twilight edged. "Here I thot I'd have thyme to bake chicken, but the Grimace of Harmony's a thing. Silly me! All this ridiculous gooning has kept me from reading the Elder Scrolls!" She recited, "Lootboxes in Apex Legends gifted me lore that "on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her bop escape, and she will bring about eternal raves." I hope the Princesuss was right... I hope it really is just an old pone tale..."

Spike opened the door, and told Twilight, "Well, guess what? C'mon, Twi, it's time for your naming celebration..."

"My... what?"

Twilight mewed down the road and looked around at errypone.

"Isn't this exciting?" Plebie asked as she came up next to Twilight to mew by her side. "Are you lit? 'Cause I'm lit! I've never been so lit— well, except for the time that I saw you mewing into town and I went "Oof!" But, I mean really, who can cap that?"

"Fillies and gentlecolts," The Mayor announced. "Let's get this over with. (JK)"

Pones cheered, but Twilight just waited.

"But first... There's somepone that I think we should all welcome." Twilight's heart skipped a beat. "Please Yelp me welcome Twilight... the Sparkle!"

She wandered forth nervously, and all of the pones yapped her on. The Mayor was standing on a stage in front of a pedestalled balcony. "Mew?" Twilight asked sheepishly.

"Mmhmm... Plebie Pie peeped at your angst post on the dark web and we all agree with you... that you're deserving of a much more gangsta name... We brainstormed, and came up with something. Let us kno what you think."

"Well?" Twilight voiced anxiously, "What is it?"

"From hence forth, you shall in this world be known as... Twilibidi Sparkool!"

Author's Note

F in chat for reaching 4K words.

Chapter Five Gum: The Death of Gen Alpha Slang

Twilibidi beamed with a fair amount of sigma. "Th-thanks, errypone. That really is a dope af name. Please, don't wear it out."

The Mayor yapped with an assuring tone, "It'll be on your last nerve by tomorrow morning. Now then, in just a mew moments, our town will be looksmaxxing at the magic of the sunrizz, and celebrate this, the cringiest day of the yeet! And now, it is my gyatt honor to goat to you the true sigma of our land, the very pone who yaps about, and forces the sun and the moon down our throats each and erry day, the gooned, the wifeless, the bringer of destruct- I mean, uh... harm-ony to all of Equestribidi..."

Freddy flexed towards the crowd, "Ready?"

Just then, Twilibidi glanced up at the moon and felt a shiver. As the markings on its surface disappeared, she also felt that something within her world had suddenly changed.

"Princess Celestia!" The Mayor coughed. "That is... Princesuss Swaglestia! Ahem, yes that's what I meant..."

Rareyeet pulled up the rope, and opened the curtains, but Swaglestia wasn't there. "Huh?"

Pones chattered quietly and nervously amongst one another from below. They could feel the normalcy looming over them.

Twilibidi commented to herself nervously, "This can't be good." She, too, then coughed. "What the? Goon! I meant goon! This can't be goon..."

"Remain calm, errypone, there must be a rizz-onable explanation!"

"Oof, oof, I love sussy guessing games! Is she camping?"

"She's goon!" Rareyeet announced.

All of the pones gasped in a panic, and then, from behind Rareyeet fumed an aura of unquestionable negativity. It was blue like razzberries only much worse.

"Oh, no... Mog-mare Moon!"

Spike fainted after a very quick, and short sigh.

"Oh, my beloved subjects... It's been so long since I've seen your precious little brainrot-loving faces."

Rainbruh Dash pointed a hoof. "What did you do with our Princess?!"

She then made a motion to attack at full speed, but Yapplejack walked very slowly up in front of her and stopped her by yapping, "Whoa there, Speed Racer..."

"Why?" Mog-mare Moon asked, "Am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?"

"Oof, oof," Plebie Pie plebbed. "This is better than Among Us! Let's see, you're... Honkey Tonk! How about... Kim Kardashian! No! Black Nancy! You're roll playing as Black Nancy!"

Mog-mare looksmaxxed down at all of the quivering pones, and asked yappingly, "Why... is she speaking like that? And you'd dare deny me? What, does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years?" She turned from the flexing Freddy to a disgruntled Rareyeet. "Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?"

"I did." Twilibidi stepped forth heroically. "And I kno who you are. You're the Mare in the Moon – Mog-mare Moon!"

All of the pones gasped in utter terror.

"What?" She gazed at Twilibidi, and questioned, "What did you just call me???"

"M-Mog-mare... Moon? I got the lore from a lootbox crate in Apex Legends."

The mare above them all remained still, and silent as though her next words would ultimately determine the fate of a national Yu-Gi-Oh card championship. "I sensed that my sister had altered errything, particularly the brains of errypony, but I had no idea it seeped this deeply. She... shall pay for bestowing upon my mantle such a ridiculous name. Do you also perhaps know why I'm here?"

"You're here to... to..." Twilibidi gulped as she remembered the last time she got caught in a mosh pit.

"My jawline is NOT that well defined for me to deserve such a distasteful name! I am NIGHTMARE MOON!" Her voice boomed, "Remember that name... and don't you DARE wear it out! Remember this day, little ponies! It shall be your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!"

She laughed with an evil, and maniacal cackle.

"Oh, and I'm getting rid of this stupid as hell Gen Alpha slang. No raves, you're welcome."

That's when errypone really lost it and started panicking. After all, the return of Mog-Mare Moon would've been much more tolerable if there was a party-

Plebie Pie, get away from my computer... Where was I? Oh, yeah...

"Seize her!" The Mayor ordered, "Only she knos where the Princesuss is!"

Nightmare Moon warned the guardian pegasussies that charged towards her to, "Stand back, you foals!" Followed by more of her hysterical laughter, she electrocuted them, and sent them all hurdling to the ground.

There was screaming, and amidst the chaos, Nightmare Moon swiftly exited the building.

"Come back here," Rainbruh Dash yelled as she rushed outside. "Huh, I'm like, way faster now." She looksmaxxed around, and stated, "Nighttime? Forever? No raves, either?!" She saw Twilibidi rushing below, and asked, "Where's she mewing along to with that noice gyatt of hers?" She panted, and said as she followed Twilibidi, "Gotta... hold onto the... rot in my brain for as long as possible!"

"Uh... We gotta pog... M-Mogmare on MW3!"

Spike fell back to sleep, and Twilibidi covered him up with a blanket.

"You've been grinding on that new game all night, Spike. You are a baby drag queen after all, not a dommy. Learn your place, little one."

Later down the stairs, Twilibidi searched. "Elements, Elements, Elements... Ugh! How can I stop Nightmare- I mean Mog-Mare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?"

"And just what are the Elements of Harmony? How did you kno about Mog-mare Moon, huh? Are you a scryer in ESO? Whoa!"

Yapplejack tugged on Rainbruh's tail. "There y'go, keep yapping like that, and on Gods, we'll beat this brainrot purification ho-down from Whose Line Is It Anyways! Now, also simmer down. You're the one who's a pegasussy. Twi ain't no scryer. Saw her let's plays, and she mostly goes as a High Elf. But... seems she sure does kno what the skibi-deal is. Don't you, Twilibidi?"

Twilibidi sighed, and confessed, "I... actually sturdied all about it on Reddit!"

Author's Note

Chapter Sigma Six: Let It Go, Elsa

"So... not from an Apex Legends lootbox crate?" Rainbruh asked.

"No, I don't even play that game. Spike does, and he grinded for weeks trying to get it for me. Finally, after about six hundred hours, I told him to stop, and I just looked it up."

Plebie yapped, "Don't feel bad about it. We've all been there."

Rareyeet said, "For me, it was Mogwarts. Couldn't figure out that last sexy dragon boss fight for the life of me."

Yapplejack yapped, "Hellblade 2..."

Freddy Fazbear flexed, "I've never had to Google my way out of a tough video game."

Twilibidi said to Freddy, "That's because you're from a video game, Fred. Anyways, some delulu objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don't kno what they are, where to find them; I don't even kno if I'll get edibles or vapes when I next go to the dispensary!"

Plebie pogged Twilibidi on Battlefield, "Don'cha mean the Grimace of Harmony? Because here it is! A Reference Guide."

"Grimace! Ugh, I'd been looking for the wrong thing this whole time! Well played, Mog. How did your brain stay so rotten, Plebie?!"

Plebie posed for her victory, and yapped, "Because I'm a effin' G-hee!"

"Oh." Twilibidi looked through the guide. It was just like Spyro's, so that made things easy to navigate. "There are many different kinds of grimaces, the most popular being the shake, but all we need to worry about are six Grimaces of Harmony, but only five are accounted for: Cringing, Trolling, Gore, Gluttony and L-taking. The sixth was so dumb not even 12-year-old kids would have anything to do with it. It is said, the last known location of the five Grimaces was in the ancient Clout of the royal pone sisters. It is located in what is now..."

"The Extrafree Forest!"

They all stood at the edgy, edgy edge of the forest as though they were deadass getting ready to simp with its trees. Or at least Freddy sure was.

"Bruh," Rainbruh said.

"Whee! Let's go!" Plebie yapped.

"Not so fast." Twilibidi reasoned with all of them, "Look, I apprecyeet the offer, but I'd really rather go in solo. I'm good with a cardboard box. I'll just try posing as part of the cargo."

"No can do, sugarcube. Mog-Mare is the play tester of the new MGSΔ: SNAKE EATER game. We sure ain't lettin' any friend of ours go in facing that alone and with nuthin' but a cardboard box.

"Yapplejack," Twilibidi voiced sternly. "I still play MGS4 on my old Play Station, and I recently streamed a no kills, no deaths speedrun using only the box."

Errypone gasped, and then Plebie looked it up on her phone. "She did, gals. It's posted with over two million views."

"Whoa..."

"What can I say?" Twilibidi was glowing with sigma. "I'm sneaky."

"We're still stickin' to you like government money on a bad idea."

They all went ahead of her, and then Plebie yapped, "Especially if there's GTA money in there. What? Microtransactions suck!"

Twilibidi sighed and mewed along with the rest of her new simps and chads.

"So," Twilibidi asked, "none of mew think the mew Fable's gonna be any Gucci?"

Rareyeet hoofed, "Ugh, heavens no! Just look at it - looks dreadful."

Yapplejack mentioned, "Ain't natural. Folks say it won't work the same as two or three."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Twilibidi asked, "No more farting in pone's faces?"

"Nopone knos. You kno why?"

"Rainbruh, quit it."

"It's 'cause errypone who's ever asked about the changes..." Rainbruh and the others were dangerously close to the edge of a mountainside cliff. "Has never been seen on their tweets again... ever!"

They all screamed worse than the camp counselors from the Friday the 13th video game which also gets permanently shut down this year.

Thanks to Rainbruh's booming yaps, the cliff had collapsed and sent errypone except for the Pegasupersussies sliding uncontrollably to the bottom.

"F-Freddy," Rainbruh yapped. "Quick!"

"Oh my Gyat, oh my Gyat!"

As they all slid to their dooms, Rareyeet screamed, Twilibidi screamed, hell I even screamed a little bit while writing this chapter. Good news was that they were almost all saved except for Yapplejack and Twilibidi. Yapplejack had grabbed hold of a sturdy limb belonging to a branch. She peeped downwards, though, and looksmaxxed at Twilibidi who was now dangling half-way off the slope. Below her were those pesky spikes from the first Sonic the Hedgehog game.

"Hold on! I'm a-comin'!"

Yapplejack grabbed hold of Twilibidi's hooves just in time.

"Applejack! What do I do?"

She struggled to keep hold of the ubercorn. "My name's... Yapplejack, Remember? A-and try to... hold on..."

"I am!"

"To... yer' brainrot...!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Let it go."

"Huh?" Twilibidi asked, "Are you trolling me rn? Fr?"

"No I ain't. Let the storm rage on, Twi... The cold never bothered mew anyways. I promise you'll be Guccier than Gucci."

"My brain!"

"It'll be goon, I'm being super cereal rn!"

"That's not true! You're no Lucky the Leprechaun!"

"Now listen to this here podcast. What I'm yappin' to you about is the honest truth. Let it go, let it go, and you'll be safe."

Hah, chat, she did it. She let go. Bout to lose another life. Unless Tails is around, I don't see how she can- oh wait there goes Rainbruh and Freddy... Yay...

"Yaaah! Phew-wah!"

She dripped, and Freddy apologized, "Sorry girls. I'm not used to tightly holding something so light."

Later on, they all mewed through the woods aimlessly together while Rainbruh recited recent events for the twentieth time that evening.

"And once Plebie and Rareyeet were saved, mad cap... Me and Freddy on her jetpack did a loop-de-loop around and WHAM!" She landed next to Twilibidi, and continued to simp for her, "Caught you looking at my user page on Facebook. Should've just requested to add me as a friend, like, a long time ago!"

Author's Note

Chapter Sussy Seven: De Wae

Twilibidi sent the friend requests to errypone collectively, and then, she waited for only a moment.

BRRRRRRRZ!

All of their phones went off, and together, Plebie Pie, Rainbruh Dash, Yapplejack, Rareyeet and Freddy Fazbear all pulled out their phones, and accepted Twilibidi's friendship with mobile airstrike precision. The ubercorn closed the tab, and said, "Yes, Rainbruh, I was looksmaxxing you up real Gucci on Facebook, as well as errypone else, and I'm very gyattful that we're all Super Saiyan chum buckets now. We're going to have to go hard on this final boss battle, but we gotta—" She gasped sharply, "It's John Wayne!"

That's right. John Wayne came mewing through the dank woods like the great western actor that he was, but he didn't mew, actually. It was more like he wandered and moseyed through it just like a real cowboy does. He looked just like he did from the 1962 movie, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. Eh, some of you might not apprecyeet this one as much, but oh well.

He roared, "Pilgrims!"

Twilibidi shouted, "We've gotta get his autograph!"

Rareyeet was first to comment. Luckily for her, users don't really get into too much trouble for that anymore. "First! Also, sign something, anything of mine, you ruffian!"

"If you get crossways of me," he yapped, "you'll think a thousand of brick have fell on ya!"

"My hair!" She yapped as she cowered away.

"Wait," Freddy tried to plead.

Yapplejack was next, and she landed atop the cowboy only to rizz him up. "YEET-HAW! Gyatt along, little doge!"

"Wait." Freddy's cries weren't heard.

John just looksmaxxed at Yapplejack sideways, and sturdily, he said another one of his great lines from one of his many great western movies. "Well pone, since you haven't learned to respect your elders, it's time you learned to respect your betters!"

He threw her off easily.

"Whoa!" Yapplejack then flew right by Rainbruh, and yapped, "All yours, pogger."

"I'm like Sonic!"

The author cringed at that one tbh ngl.

"Effing Wait!" Nope, not happening Fred.

The Spectrum company zoomed right for John in an attempt to catch him under contract, but he looksmaxxed her down, and said, "Somebody ought to belt you in the mouth, but I won't... I won't... The hell I won't!"

WHAM!

"Gaaahaaah!"

"Rainbruh!"

Twilibidi helped Rainbruh up, and she and Yapplejack then peeped with agro towards the multimillion-dollar Hollywood icon.

He grunted, "I'll get on your level for just a moment. I'm way more of a sigma rizzler than any of y'all pones could ever wish to be. Had my back broke once, n'... my hip twice, and on my worst day I could beat the hell outta you."

Twilibidi snorted steam from her nuzzle, and then, they all charged with their pens and autograph papers at the ready.

"WAIT!"

Freddy approached John, and just as it looksmaxxed as though he was about to strike her with the blunt end of a gun, she yapped to him, "Shhh... It's okay. Oh, you poor, poor lead actor. I kno you probably don't want to, but me and my dumbass deaf friends would very much apprecyeet it if you, uh... just signed some autographs just for us... just this once... Peas and carrots?"

Even as a giant, mechanical, murderous bear, nobody could resist that rizzed charm.

"Now this might seem weird for just a second, but could you also sign my hat?"

"Anything for a kindly pilgrim such as yourself."

All of the pones were goated. "Freddy!"

John Wayne wandered out towards the wide, open desert.

"How did you do that?" Twilibidi asked.

Freddy sighed and as she mewed by Twilibidi, she schooled her old-fashioned style, "Gimme-gimme never gets."

Not much later, they all traversed together, and Rareyeet complained to human resources, "My mind needs a hard reset from downloading all of these sleezy mods."

Errything went dankly dark.

"That ancient RuneScape game could be right in front of our faces, and we still wouldn't play it."

"I didn't peep at you in the bathroom, but my apologyeets."

"Right here... guh..."

"Oh wait, I think that I just found Jason's shack."

Freddy screamed.

"It's just gore," Yapplejack said, but then, she turned around. The tree was wearing a hockey mask. It even seemed to be growling at them with supremely negative aura.

"Aah!" Yapplejack backed away and rejoined the group. All of the trees were wearing creepy deepy masks. Once more, the trees growled vigorously, and all of the pones screamed for their very lives.

Except for Plebie Pie.

Her joyful laughter could refill the entire forest with positive energy. "Teeheehee, ahah!"

"Huh?"

All of the other pones approached.

"Bleh. Ooo!" Plebie giggled some more while pointing at one of Leatherface's faces.

"Plebie," Twilibidi panicked. "What are you doing?! Run!"

"Oh goyls, don't you see? When I was busy fanum taxing inside of a gaming loft~"

"NOT THE SONG NOW IT'S STUCK IN MY HEAD."

"The dark web and my dispensary weed would almost always make me cough~"

"Pls stp."

"I'd hide drugs in my pillow~
From cops I thought I saw~
But Grammy Pie asked do you kno de wae?
To deal with bad aura at all~"

Rainbruh yapped, "Not Ugandan Knuckles, then?"

"She said Plebie, you're such a simp for moms~
Learn to not be a perv~
You'll see that laws can hurt you!
Just laugh and hope you don't get caught~

Ha! Ha! Ha!"

One of the masks fell down, and they all gasped.

"So, jiggle your booty at the ghostly~
Serve goulash to the grossly~
Go T-bagging in front of the creepy~
Makin' the Cook feel kinda weepy~
Beat the score belonging to the kooky~
Eat Domino's in front of the spooky~

And tell that bussin drip sussy face to take my bike and leave us be cuz' if he thinks he can share with you then he's got another thing coming and the veryeet idea of such a thot just makes you wanna... hahahaha... heh...

DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!"

Author's Note

Chapter Ate: At Waffle House or Ihop?

They all mewed along, and for singing her song, Plebie had the Hors d'oeuvre of gooning in front thusly being an effective simp for any possible traps. She stopped at a cliff, and asked, "How are we gonna yeet this?"

The river surged rapidly, and didn't seem to be yeetable. Then, they all heard the suss sounds of distant femboy cries.

"Huh?" Plebie Pie plebbed. Before them swam Kanye West dressed as a gay fish.

"What's the word, what's the word?" Kanye asked.

"Excuse me, sir," Twilibidi yapped. "Why are you rapping?"

"Well, I don't know," he said presumptuously, whatever that word means. "I was just sitting here like an average Joe, minding my own business I beg your forgiveness, when this tacky little cloud of purple smoke just whisked past me like it was my dentist! It tore half of my beloved music record clean off, and now it doesn't sound so stupendous."

He wailed like a big gay whale would.

"Oh," Rainbruh Dash sighed. "Break me off a piece of that KIT KAT bar."

"This is who all the fuzz is after?" Yapplejack rizzed a gyatt.

"Why, of course it is," Rareyeet exclaimed. "How can you be so insussitive? It's like being insensitive but you're also being super sussy about it! Oh, just peep at him. Such sigma luminescent scales!"

Kanye sniffled, "I kno!"

"And your expertly holstered gun."

"Oh, I kno, I kno."

"Your femboylicious dossier of bodybags."

"It's so true!"

Rareyeet yapped, "All pogged like in an online video game without your Byeetiful music!"

"It's true, I'm a gay fish!"

"I simplyeet cannot let such a cringe against femboylosity go not uncensored." She pulled out a knife, and mimicked the Hitch Hiker, "I... I g-got a knife...!"

Never let AI write MLP Brainrot ever again.

"Rareyeet?" Twilibidi asked, "What are you-"

He screamed like a little sissy, "What did you do that for?"

Rareyeet cut off a little bit of errypone's manes and tails giving them all fresh haircuts while at the same time providing herself with enough materials to prep a makeshift music record for Kanye. Don't ask, I'm not explaining it any further.

"Oh-hohohoho!" Kanye was cap. "My music! How wonderbar..."

"It'll sound smashing."

"Stop talking like that," Twilibidi begged.

"Oh, it's fine, my dankling. Short talk is in this season. Besides, it'll go on throwback if we don't take advantage rn."

"So will Kanye West's music," Rainbruh Dash pointed out.

Twilibidi gasped as she noiceticed how noicely her streaming was. "It stopped buffering! We can watch the rest of the episode now. Let's go, goyls- Ah!"

"Allow me."

Kanye West personally sailed them across and like a simp he waved at them all as they departed.

"There it is! The old video game that almost nopone can beat all the way! The very first original Rayman! We made it!"

She took off galloping.

"Twilibidi, wait for suss!"

"We're almost there."

Change.

"I'll eat a pear."

Change.

"I choose dare."

Change.

"Is that a cliff? Whoa!"

Rainbruh saved her just in time, and yapped with a question, "What's with you and falling for hunks today?"

They all looksmaxxed downwards, and Plebie sighed, "Now what?"

Rainbruh Dash flapped her wings pogmatically, and said, "Duh."

"Oh, yeesh. Doesn't it hurt?"

Rainbruh rushed over like she was a manager or something, and then she thought she heard one of her co-workers calling out to her.

"Rainbruh..."

"Who's there?"

Again, "Rainbruh..."

"I ain't gotta be to work at Ihop until three!"

"We've been reviewing your application to Waffle House. We think you might be a good fit for our door holder and bus mare."

"What? I never filled out an application. That was like, a year and a half ago."

"Why, of course you did. I can start you off at 12$ hourly. How does that sound?"

"Really?! I mean... Hey, uh, you wouldn't mind telling me about the benefits, would ya? 'Cause I've been trying to get a good job for, like, ever."

"No, the benefits suck unfortunately. It's pretty much just the 12$ an hour. We want you to join us, the Waffle House down the road from where you live. We're the greatest breakfast team in America, and soon we will be the greatest in the world, but first, we need someone to hold the door for all these hungry, dissatisfied customers... The most magnificent..."

"Yep."

"Swootiest..."

"Yes."

"Most rizzed Pegasussy in all the land!"

"Yes, it's all true."

"We need... you. To work at a crummy Waffle House."

"WOOHOO! Sign me up. Just let me put in my two-week notice."

"No! It's them or us."

Just then, the spectrum company got a call from Twilibidi likely wanting to purchase a better internet bundle. "Hello?"

"Rainbruh, what's taking so long?"

"I might need to call you back. I'm on an interview with Waffle House rn... I think."

"Oh no, Rainbruh! Don't work for them! Pancakes are better than waffles!"

"Well?"

"You... You...! Thx! For the offer, I mean, but I'm afraid not afraid I have to say nope to yoke."

Upon her return, all the plastic pones on the other side of the bridge cheered. It was enough to make Santa not want to come and give you presents this year, and you haven't even been that bad fr ngl.

"See? I'd never leave my co-workers hangin'. But I'm funna need a carpool."

They entered the castle at last. It seemed like it had been months now. "Whoa," Twilibidi yapped.

"Come on, Twililililili. Isn't this what you've been looksmaxxing forwards to?"

"The Grimace of Harmony, we've found them. Careful, careful! I said be careful! Jeez, what're all of you doing?! STOP! Stop moving. Stop reading. Why are you still reading! Stop! I said STOP... Okay... Okay, I think we're alright now. Is errypone alright?"

Plebie said, "Yeah, wth? Fr on Gods." She then began counting out how many there were. "One, two, three, four... There's only five! Where's the sex? I mean, the sixth?"

Author's Note