Third day from the battlefield. I think I'm getting used to this. I walked into the palace's living quarters sweaty.
The war between Luna and Celestia was worsening each day. By now, everypony had taken sides. Us, we did what was natural- Solar Empire. Its what we'd been living under forever, and plus, she gave us our Elements, so, yeah.
We had the best armor, as Celestia didn't want us to die, so we could barely lose in a swordfight. My mouth always tastes of the dried leather. But that doesn't matter.
I took off the cerise thunderbolt. It clanked on the table next to five- four? of its kind. I looked up from the table. Which one was missing?
Ah. Yes. Rarity.
I went over to her room, where she was no doubt combing her hair for hours.
"Rars, no matter how fabulous you think that looks, you don't need to wear it forever."
I heard nothing.
"Hello? Anypony home?"
No response, but a few shuffling noises.
"Rarity, I know you're there. Dude, we need that thing to get locked up for safekeeping. You have no idea how sneaky those Lunarian bastards-"
I heard a few noises of heavy breathing, a large thud, then silence.
I tried the door to find it was unlocked, and stepped in.
Rarity wasn't there. Anymore. The back window was wide open, and she'd left a note taped to the windowsill.
'Dear Rainbow Dash,
Though it has been rough, our friendship has indeed lasted quite a long time. But I must leave now. Alas, this may mean this bond's demise, but I hope we can meet again.
I've been thinking about this war and all, and really, why are we doing this? Why are we on her side?
The answer- no reason.
We've come to glorify a force that hasn't anything good to its name. The Imperial Forces claim that they are bringing the help, but really, those who need help the most aren't getting it.
Look at who's with Luna. All those who really have something they want. Something they should have. Something they would die over. All those who really need this war in their favor- those oppressed by this tyrants rule- are all on her side.
We should join them.
Goodbye, my friends.'
Wh- what?!
I looked over the edge, but she was gone. I heard something snap under my hoof.
On the ground, surrounded by the golden dress of our nation, was a single necklace, and the stud of a cut diamond.
March 3rd.
Celestia wants me to keep a journal. Says it'll help me put my thoughts away.
The war continued on. Every once in a while, I'd see the flash of a glossed purple mane in the corner of my eye, only to turn and see it gone.
Though I'd never admit it to her face, I kinda missed her.
The war trudged on for a few more days. We couldn't do our job anymore because the set couldn't be complete, so we were given spears, which we just threw off the towers. We never hit anything, but it was better.
As I came in, I took my golden armor off. We were all issued this standard stuff, along with a dagger. Again, we really didn't need it. A sword's enough.
It had been going well, but I saw Applejack wasn't taking her armor off. She held the dagger, blade out, and was staring out the window to something.
"Applejack?" I asked.
"Ah've been thinking," she said. There was a bitter undertone to her voice. "About this whole war thing. My parents once served for this same 'ere military… An they died in service to it.
"They died already," she said, a drop of anger being added. "So why should Ah too? Why should Ah reenact their demise to a worthless cause?"
"Applejack, you're helping many ponies-"
"Listen!" She yelled. "Do you see any earth ponies down here?"
I looked. There were none. "What's that supposed to pro-"
"This war is unfair. Everything goes to the elites already! And now they're fighting to give them more power?"
"Hey, I don't think-"
"You wanna know why else earth ponies aren't here?! We're banned from the military!"
"Wha-"
"When my parents died, they were escorting a bomb. To blow up some rebels. Who, Ah will remind you, were protesting Celestia's unfairness. Now, that bomb was faulty and blew up on them.
"After that, the military chalked it up to them not 'having the physical prowess to escape'. IE they weren't good enough. So that's why they're banned. The military makes it sound like they're saving lives, but really, they don't want us."
She stood by the door. "Goodbye."
With one strong kick, the door shattered, and Applejack started galloping off, faster than I'd ever seen her run before. Running like she had all the time in the world, but none to spare.
March 6th.
We've lost two now. Twilight looks pretty sad all the time, Fluttershy somehow managed to act even more scared, and Pinkie is well... Pinkie.
Celestia wants us to capture prisoners for interrogation. We've brought in two earth ponies and a pegasus, but they've said nothing so far. They just stare off and say nothing, fire in their eyes. Sometimes I question my cause. Maybe Applejack and Rarity are right? No, I am being a fool. Their ideas are stupid. This whole revolt is stupid.
To try to get them to talk, they've been tortured, burned, whipped... nothing is working. They will say nothing. I'm not so sure we're doing this right. But I'd like to believe we're close to something.
March 8th.
Last night, Fluttershy disappeared. From the state of her bedroom, I worry for what has happened. The covers are bloody, the furniture has been turned over, her dagger is in the wall, and all her possessions have been looted.
What if they're holding her captive? What if they're torturing her like we tortured them? I don't think she can take the punishment, but I don't think she'd talk either- she'd be too scared and panicked to say anything.
We didn't have much time to contemplate what happened, however. Celestia's personally ordered that me, Twilight, and Pinkie help do a covert mission. To bomb their base, maybe lower their morale, but most importantly destroy their intelligence. I don't know how Pinkie will help. She may be able to teleport, but she isn't exactly sneaky.
I was handed special silencing shoes for my hooves and a magical bit that would disguise me while I held it in my mouth. I tested it, and so far it seems only to morph into one other pony- a dark, night-blue pegasus with a few splotches that appear to be blood. The only problem was that she still had my cutie mark and eyes. Not perfect.
The mission begins in a week.
March 13th.
I can't believe the nerve of that mare!
Pretending to be on our side for how long? And then on the drop of a hat, she just says "Things are getting boring here. Not enough smiles!" and just vanishes?! Unbelievable. Just... no. I can't really understand why anypony would do that.
Yes, I am Element of Loyalty, but anyone with the intelligence to eat a fruitcake can tell something's wrong here.
I've seen bipolar ponies... and I've seen regular Pinkie... but this is bucking ridiculous. Come on.
I do have to say though, I guess we've all been quite a bit grumpier since the war started. When this is all over, I want to go to the spa with Ra- wait, did I just say that? That would never work, for two reasons. One. Its a bucking spa. Two. Rarity would be taking me. I don't feel I can trust anypony anymore...
Aside from that, the Princess has given Twi and me special training. Weird rolls, how to act more like the enemy, and flanking. I'm not sure we'll have to do all of this. I mean, I could just disguise and walk in, right? Celestia says that I'd look weird doing that, and there'd be no way I could just walk over. Probably.
Two more days until the mission...
March 14th.
Out of everypony here... Twilight would be the last I'd expect to betray Celestia. Her mentor, her teacher... her mother... there's no way she'd double cross her like that.
She'd been an agent, from way before Rarity joined them. I always come back to the same question whenever I'm betrayed.
Why.
Why would she do that. What is the reason for all of this? Why would somepony do this?
I am yet to find a reason.
She didn't say much as she left. She simply snuck out, a single teleport, a flash, but no words. I think no reason either.
I'll have to go onto the mission myself, I guess.
March 15th.
The mission went great. Nopony saw me, and nopony even touched me before it was too late. I was able to stand safely on the castle walls as I watched their fortress fall, fire, smoke, and ashes.
"You did a good job," Celestia tells me. "They've lost their documents room." I hope what I'm doing here is the right thing...
I wonder what my friends will think of me for this. Will they be angry about my betrayal? Or will they understand, as they are really the ones betraying me? For friend, or for country. I shouldn't have to make this choice.
But the die is cast. I set up the bomb. I lit it with my own hooves. And I stood back and watched it burn. If they had any understanding for me before, there's none left. They probably hate me now.
Where do my loyalties lie? Do I really trust my ruler more than my friends? Who do I really trust?
What exactly does it mean to be loyal. Does it mean to be willing to die for them? That's what Celestia says. "We must all be prepared to die in the name of the country. For the greater good." I do not know. I can't question it now though. I'm committed to my cause. If I'm gonna play this card, I might as well play it the whole way, yes?
I'm very tired... I must go to sleep... Sleep, yes, that would be good...
'Sleep, yes, that would be good...'
What was I thinking. I can't really sleep.
I read it again. It was freshly inked just a minute ago. How could I shift from so little energy to so much so fast? I'm not sure. But I can't tell. Time to just go out and burn energy the way I always do- flying.
Nopony will notice if I'm gone for just an hour or two, especially at this time...
I flew out the window. I was slightly slower with the armor on, but that didn't exactly matter.
It was deep night, almost midnight I thought. Might not be the safest to be out here when its their home field, but whatever.
Should probably just check that they haven't seen me to be safe though...
There was a full moon above me, illuminating the ground below. I looked down on the battlefield. There's nopony there. Which seems odd. I heard some shouts from the forest.
"...and we will... freedom!" More cheering. I flew closer to hear more clearly, and dropped down into a tree to hide. Luna was standing on a rock, looking down over a crowd. "Now... although we've been successful in our espionage so far, it seems we were not the only ones." Is she talking about me? "I think a moment of silence is in order." Everypony quieted.
"Unfortunately, the only ones we've lost were all our newer recruits. They were being toured to the documents room. A moment of silence for Aqua Heights, Whistler, Comet Blazer," Wait, I actually killed some ponies?
"Vis Dowser, Dreamwalker, Quick Fix," I... killed this many ponies?
Above me, the moon seemed to drip blood. "Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Beam Bright, Silver-"
Wait, what?!
I... killed them? I killed... all of them? This... this must be a bad dream...
I took out my dagger and cut myself. The blood did not stop. Neither did the pain. This was a dream too real.
I... killed them. There's no other way around it. I killed them. How am I loyal to them at all?
Then it hit me.
Loyalty isn't the will to die for somepony. Its the want to live for them.
Or in this case, die.
The dagger dripped with my blood, as if it was destined for it. It really was.
I took my breastplate. It fell to the ground. I could care less. I poised the blade, and in one swift motion, plunged it into my chest.
It hurt a lot. I didn't like that. But it slid easily. It was always meant to be there.
The darkness closed around me. My eyes blurred. I was coming closer to the darkness. Joining it. Being with it.
Soon I would be with them.
I fell out of the tree, and hit the ground. I felt the soft grass beneath me, warm and sticky. The moon up above wasn't that red anymore.
I remember last being encased by its pure, healing glow.
