Moondancer had cleared her schedule for the weekends, for just one day, she’d be exempt from her duties of studying and reading. Instead, something else was on the agenda for the day. She’d have to return to the most barebones of fundamentals. It was something that she had neglected for far too long whilst engrossed in her studies. Something that- although she was embarrassed to admit- even the youngest fillies around her knew how to do. Plus, with ease at that.
The grocery store trip earlier in the day was brief since there was only one thing on her shopping list: Eggs. As such, she grabbed a carton of a dozen eggs from the store, made awkward small talk with the cashier and headed straight back home. Her first step was now accomplished, albeit small, but still complete.
Cleaning the mess (and frankly, a health hazard) of her home and kitchen, she laid the foregrounds for her next big endeavor. She’d brought out a cutting board, a mixing bowl, a frying pan, and various utensils that she thought would be helpful to get the job done. Of course, she’d make sure to clean the dishes and silverware first as they’d been collecting dust in the sink for an indeterminable amount of moons. She sighed at the monumental task ahead of her, the long awaited day had finally come.
She paced around the kitchen, combing through a myriad of cookbooks and pseudo-historical accounts of the spread of eggs as cuisine throughout Equestria to get the most vital information out of them.
“Eggs have been harvested from domesticated chickens since the time of Star Swirl The Bearded. Inside of its tough calcium-dense shell, you will have access to the rich and nutritious yolk, as well as the runny whites. This healthy food can be combined with many of your favorite recipes to create a hearty and nutritious meal… hm.. That’s interesting..” Moonlight grabbed one egg from the carton and inspected it, running her hooves over the grainy surface. Its shape was quite peculiar, it reminded her of certain amulets and mythical stones that she’d seen previously in her reading.
“Although eggs are safe to consume raw and many recipes revolve around the raw consumption of eggs, it is still advised for anypony hoping to eat eggs to cook them first. You will know that the eggs are fully cooked when the egg whites have turned white and are completely opaque. At this point, the yolk may have taken on a lighter orange color, and will not be runny anymore. Bah, this should be easy,” she closed the book and cracked a confident smirk, taking the egg back out of the carton.
“I don’t think I’ll even have to cook them!” She exclaimed, setting the egg down on the cutting board and getting out a chef’s knife. Levitating the egg into the air, she meticulously used the knife to score multiple perfect rings around the egg, ensuring that there would be a perfect split and that there would be no shells falling into her mouth. After breaking through the membrane slightly with the knife, she raised the egg upwards, positioning her mouth under the direct path of the yolk and whites.
“Okay.. here goes nothing..” She opened her mouth and separated the shells, the yolk and whites cascading pass her mouth and straight down her throat. “-HOUGK!” She ejected the yolk into the air and landed it square down the sink, holding a hoof to her own neck as she spent the better part of the minute choking on air. She wiped the egg remnants off of her lips and went back to reading the books, frustrated that they’d led her astray.
“No more raw eggs, definitely no more raw eggs..” she cleared her throat, the egg’s texture had rubbed her the wrong way. It was cold, had a weird texture to it, and had the consistency of… nevermind. Regardless, it ticked off another one of her mental “Never again” checklist. It was a very rough start, but so it goes with learning anything. She’ll eventually get the hang of it, right? Oh well, 1 down, eleven more to go.
“Ugh.. looks like cooking them is the only option, so much for a so-called ‘convenient’ food,” she rolled her eyes and shot a dirty look at the egg carton, turning the stove on. Noticing the natural tendency for the shell to split into halves, she opted to go the short way instead, cracking the egg using the rim of the pan. She took another egg from the carton and slammed it into the pan, causing most of the yolk and whites to flow straight down the side. A mess of eggshells flung all over the place, turning the kitchen into an eggy disaster.
By the end of the 2nd attempt, Moondancer was already done with the premise of cooking eggs, but she continued on as if she was a steadfast stallion. She had studied and memorized even the hardest and most complicated things in the past. There was no way that something as menial and mundane as the concept of cooking eggs could stop her in her tracks. She took a deep breath and cleaned up her kitchen once more, she was ready to move on to the next attempt.
“I have to be gentle, got it,” Another egg is offered up as a sacrifice to Celestia and was brought again to the chopping blocks- or well, the pan. Moondancer stuck her tongue out, narrowing her eyes as she measured the appropriate force that would be needed to not make the same mistake again. Egg in position, she prepared to make the crack.
A tip, a tap, and no cracks on the shell.
Disbelief made itself evident in her eyes.
“What sort of black magic is this? That was supposed to work!” She rotated the egg around in the air with much skepticism, trying to make sure that it wasn’t some sort of dud. But, as far as her expertise would let her know, nothing was wrong with this specific egg. Moondancer chalked it up to another one of her mishaps, nothing too major. She tried again, applying this time an extra modicum of force.
A tip, a tap, and.. Miraculously, a crack!
Her eyes lit up at the apparent success and she triumphantly cracked the egg over the plan, delighted at the immediate sizzle.
“Third time’s the charm!” She grabbed a spatula and waited eagerly for the egg to finish cooking. She did it, and it only took 15 minutes out of her day. The egg whites are solidifying, the edges bubbled as they turned brown and crisp. With a relieved sigh, she took the spatula and slid it under the whites. It glided between the whites and the blacked membrane below, revealing a burnt mess that stuck to the pan like wax to honeycomb.
No, this wasn’t supposed to happen at all! The bottom was burnt to a crisp, but the top still had a select amount of runniness to them? How could it be? And that wasn’t all. A not-so-pleasant scent was rising from the pan, and she hastily dumped the contents alongside the pan straight into the sink, pouring water over it to subdue the smell.
No no no, there must be something wrong, that’s what the pictures in the cookbook told me! She thought to herself as she scrubbed the inedible scraps off of the frying pan. Suddenly, a light bulb went off in her mind.
“Oh yeah! The Microwave! How could I have not thought about that? The rotation of the food in the microwave would help to cook it evenly!” She facehoofed, chuckling at the obvious oversight. Egg cracked into a bowl, she placed it into the microwave and set the timer for 1 minute. Seeing how quickly it heated up the other foods that she’d place in it before, that seemed like the right amount.
The bowl spun and spun around, accompanied by the classic hum of the microwave. The yolk was encased in a thin layer of white, it actually looked quite appealing. The rapid beeping of the microwave signaled to her that it was done, she set the bowl on the countertop and brought the knife over. If her hypothesis was correct, the texture should be consistent throughout the entire egg and the yolk would be runny. When she poked the knife into the egg, there was a little bit of resistance before it gave way.
A sudden onslaught of trapped steam erupted from the egg, bringing with it an explosion that left Moondancer utterly nonplussed. The quarter-foot radius on her countertop was now covered by- you guessed it, egg whites. Her expression shifted from confusion and shock to that of begrudging annoyance. “Guess that fangled ‘Groundbreaking Tech’ can handle anything but eggs,” she didn’t even bother cleaning up the mess.
With the current pace, it would be more convenient to just do it all at the end; as this was looking more like a long road trip than something that was said and done.
She took a mental note of the options that were still available to her. The pan and microwave were out of the picture, which left only the pot. She leaned over the stove and stared into the walls of the pot. A loud “Ahah!” Echoed back at her louder than she would’ve liked.
If I use boiling water to cook the egg, I wouldn’t have to crack the egg at all! Plus, it won’t stick all over the place, this plan is totally perfect. She thought, tapping her own chin, the pieces of the puzzle were clicking into place. Reconsulting her cookbook gave her the approximate timing of 7 minutes. The yolk would have the perfect amount of runniness, all encased in the soft whites.
She fired up the stove one more, filling the pot halfway with water. An alarm was set for 8 minutes with some extra time to spare, accounting for the time it would take for the water to boil. The first bubbles boiled over the top, then the second, and within the next minute, there was a cascade of boiling water pushing to the top to escape as steam. The alarm ticked on as she dropped the egg into the water, grinning.
She stirred the boiling cauldron with her spatula, compulsively making “Mwahahah” sounds in her head. In fairness, this little excursion had taken a lot out of her for the day, and it wouldn’t hurt to recuperate some of her spirits. Even though it’d been a pain in the flank for her to cook eggs, it was something that she could pat her own back over.
Bubbles surrounded the shell of the egg as a wispy white strand rose from a crack near the bottom. Moondancer had set up an ice bowl to the side. The alarm clock rang, with surgical precision, she lifted the egg and dunked it in the optimal spot in the ice bath.
Once her hooves no longer got burned by touching the egg, it was show-time. She cracked the egg on the countertop and rolled it around, peeling the whole thing in just a few motions. Drawers and doors opened, the silverware and plate glided atop of the dining table. Sitting on the chair, she made the fateful incision with the knife, leaning backwards just in case it exploded in her face again. Thankfully, it was safe, the golden yolk oozed out onto the plate, carrying with it the aura of a fresh-out-of-oven molten chocolate lava cake.
She felt a certain rumble in her stomach staring at the singular egg in front of her. After so much effort, she could finally enjoy the fruits of her labor. She inserted her fork horizontally into the egg, spinning it in the air to admire its uniformity and color. Moving it closer to her mouth, she took a big bite out of the piece. The look of contentment on her face turned into that of uncertainty, then doubt, then a look of pure disgust. She held back tears as she swallowed what she could of the rubbery lump, before emptying the rest into a tablecloth.
”Bleh, eggs are gross.”
Author's Note
Hey hey everypony, I hope this story made you smile and/or laugh! I love Moondancer a lot, and I will try to write more stories about her in the future (On a more serious note.)
Thanks for reading!
All feedback/comments are appreciated.
