Twilight Sparkle Goes To Disney World
Once upon a time in the magical land of a tree house-library in the blatant countryside of Equestria, there was six ponies sitting there doing absolutely nothing but staring at each other. They looked at each other like hawks, waiting for the right moment to strike. But none of them did, alas themselves get stricken. Of course they were piss drunk, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it. The one who made this game up was Pinkie Pie, the pink maniac and psycho of Ponyville. They sat there for more than an hour, looking at each other. Until finally one of them spoke.
"Hey bitch, what are we supposed to be doing again?" Rainbow Dash, a friend of Pinkie's, asked Twilight Sparkle, another friend of Pinkie's.
"You don't call me bitch, bitch. You call Pinkie Pie a bitch. She's the bitch who tricked us into playing this ridiculous-ous game." Twilight slammed her right front hoof down on the table, sending a fresh cup of steaming hot cup of tea flying into the air and onto Rainbow's head. Rainbow panicked and flew straight up, hitting a ceiling fan. She then got redirected and flew straight into one of the bookshelves at full speed.
"Ha!" Rarity laughed out loud at Rainbow's antics and took another long drink of her mug of cider.
Pinkie Pie spoke up afterwards, "Wow. Dashie got fucked up pretty good!" she fell onto her back and erupted into a fit of giggling.
"I'm glad you installed that ceilin' thingy." Applejack told Twilight, "Or we wouldn' have gotten such a good laugh." she chuckled.
"Ha, yeah..." she paused for a moment, "It's too bad Fluttershy wasn't here to see it."
"Why, did she bail on us?" Pinkie asked.
"No, she just passed out about twenty minutes ago." she chuckled dryly, "What a light weight!" she flailed her arms in the air for emphasis.
"Twilight, there's somepony here to see you." Spike said as he walked through the front door.
"Who could it be? I mean, who the fuck even visits libraries, anyway?" she goggled her eyes and stuck out her tongue, "Nobody!" she sputtered. Everypony laughed, accept for Spike.
He looked at her worriedly, "Twilight, you don't have to talk like that. Besides, the Princesses are here to see you. They really want to know what you learned today." he informed her as the two royal sisters walked into the room. The floor was cluttered with books, which they both had to step over.
"Hello, my faithful student. I have become aware of your current state. And I only wanted to ask you one thing..." Celestia glanced at Rainbow, who was knocked unconscious on her back, and Fluttershy, who was passed out on the hardwood floor.
"And what would that be?" Twilight frowned, "I'm not going back to Canterlot, bitch! Nobody is going to make me." she stuck her tongue out at her mentor.
"Well, if you don't want to go to Disney World, then fine. You will stay here and learn about boring friendship. When all this week you could have been at Disney World, having fun. Good luck." Celestia teleported away while Luna stayed back, looking worried.
"You hath not known what ye have done, Twilight Sparkle. Ye will miss the festivities and grand feasts of popcorn and carnival fair. This is of something that could have been prevented. But instead you hath behaved like an ignorant child. Have fun with thou alcoholic beverages." she waved a hoof at the stack of mugs on the coffee table. "I and my sister will go to Disney World without thee." she teleported out of the room, leaving a group of confused ponies.
"Wait a minute... did she say... DISNEY WORLD?!" Pinkie Pie slammed her hoof down on the coffee table, sending a mug of cider into the air and down onto Fluttershy's head, waking her up. "That bitch is going to Disney World without us? Shit!" she flung the table over with all of her might.
Twilight dodged the table only by centimeters, "No, Pinkie. We can still go. We just need to get money." she turned to face the pissed off pink pony.
"We don't need MONEY to go to Disney World!" Rainbow Dash got up after regaining her consciousness, "We can just break our asses in there."
"But HOW?!" Rarity derped.
A huge smile suddenly appeared on all of their faces and their eyes crossed.
"DISNEY WORLD!" they all shouted in unison. Then all of the sudden Derpy flew through the window overhead.
"DID SOMEBODY FUCKIN' SAY DISNEY WORLD?!" she shouted as she stood there in the now broken window.
The front door exploded sending pieces of wood flying all over the place. Miraculously, the pieces only managed to hit the floors and walls. A white unicorn appeared from within the smoke.
"DID SOMEBODY SAY DISNEY WORLD UP IN THIS BITCH?!" the white pony, Vinyl Scratch, pumped her hooves.
"Celestia dammit Pinkie, I told you not to tell anypony. Now we have to break all of us in. How in the fuck are we going to do that?" Twilight threw a stray mug at Pinkie, who narrowly dodges it.
"Don't get pissed at me just because you can't keep your fucking mouth shut!" she told Twilight. Twilight sighed.
"Calm down, Pinkie!" she backed away from her pink friend.
"YEAH, PINKIE! CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN!" Derpy taunted from the shattered window pane. She noticed Pinkie wasn't paying attention, "HEY!" she yelled.
"WHAT?!" she yelled back.
"CALM DOWN!"
"Shut the Tartarus up, Derpy!" Rarity interrupted Derpy's fit of taunting with a mug to the face, causing her to lose balance and fall back out of the window, "Now that Derpy is gone, we can get back down to business. How are we going to get to Disney World?" she asked Twilight.
She rubbed her chin with a hoof for a minute before suddenly perking up, "I have an idea! Let's make a flying machine!" she triumphed as her mane and tail blew in an invisible wind.
"No, Twilight." Applejack intercepted, causing her mane and tail to go limp, "We can use my brother's new wagon."
Panning over to Sweet Apple Acres, the entire gang was there, including Vinyl Scratch and Derpy. And thank Celestia they were starting to sober up.
"Where's that wagon, Applejack? Holding out on us?" Pinkie interrogated her.
"No, Pinkie. Jus' waitin' fer Big Mac to come 'round with it." as she told her this, Big Mac pulled up around the Apple Family barn in... a shiny new SUV. (Just kidding.) He pulled around in a shiny new chariot. It looked almost exactly like the ones the Royal Guard uses for transportation.
"Saddle up. We's headin' to Disney World." he reared back.
They all got into the chariot and sat down, glad to finally be on their way to Disney World. A few minutes after they started on their journey, Pinkie became impatient.
"Hey, Big Mac." he rolled his eyes at her, "Are we there yet?" she asked again.
"Eenope." he told her.
"Big Mac?" she asked him again, "When are we going to be there?"
"I don't know. Now will you please sit back? We's gonna get pulled over if you keep this up." a rear view mirror was attached to the side of his yoke. He looked into it and gasped, "Uh oh, it's the police. And not just any police, but the strong city type. You girls be careful, I'm gonna speed up a bit." he galloped a little faster.
They looked back to see two speeding police chariots on their tails. "Oh my Celestia! Hurry, Big Mac, gogogogogogogogogogo!" Pinkie jumped on his back. He jumped in surprise and galloped even faster down the road.
"You keep going! I'll hold them off!" Vinyl said as she pulled an RPG out of seemingly nowhere and fired it at the police on the left of the road. "Take that you bitch!"
It exploded in a shower of flames and shrapnel. Meanwhile, the second chariot was speeding up significantly, almost reaching them. The passenger suddenly drew a pistol and started firing in their direction. Twilight cast a shield spell, deflecting most of the bullets coming at them. She lifted the spell the moment he ran out of ammunition. Pinkie popped up with a China Lake grenade launcher. She launched a grenade, blowing the police chariot to pieces.
Everypony there looked at Vinyl and Pinkie like they were the most dangerous ponies on the planet.
An hour later...
"Okay everypony, we's here." they all cheered and jumped off and onto the hard ground of the parking lot of Disney World.
To which they were immediately apprehended and arrested by the police.
The End.
(I apologize for this crime against Fanfiction everywhere. I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry...)
