Author's Note
Not my usual write, me and my friends Peer and Silk where playing around with some writing exercises when we together created this monstrosity.
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Hooves! In what fucked up reality would I have hooves!?
I looked down at my hands… what had been hands ,in a shocked aww.
The world spun around me and that only thought I could manage kept swelling in my mind.
What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?!
I, I didn't know what to do…
“Um… is anyone there… help…” My voice creaked out, and despite a slight squeak it was otherwise normal.
I screamed. A girlish scream. That was not normal.
This was good… I could still talk… I could still think… but what was I?
I felt my hooves against my face, my muzzle… They were cool and hard… Real. They were unbelievably real… and rather heart shaped.
I was tempted to go as far as calling them cute.
I tried to pinch myself… but how without fingers… but… why… how?
I looked around me hoping for clues… before me was a shimmering pond.
I stepped forward and looked into it at my strange teal reflection, an equine reflection… No… no that couldn't be right… I was… was… What was I?
What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck!
I screamed again, this time it was not answered by silence.
“Hey Twi? Anything wrong?”
The spring air hit me, reality came into view. I heard a distinct southern accent behind me. The American South?
I spun around behind me, another horse stood, colored orange with an apple on its butt. Not the American South.
“Twi… you look like you’ve seen a ghost. You’re… pale and er a little green.”
Reality fades away again. I could think about nothing, but I could feel that feeling. Wrongness. Wrong body, wrong mind. Oh my God. Was this a dream?
I couldn’t speak, I could barely move.
Where was I, Who was this?
This couldn't be real, right?
“Twilight? What’s going on?”
Who was this Twilight, there is no way it could be me.
“Who are you?” I finally manage to ask.
“I’m Applejack, your best friend.”
“I’m not Twilight.” I blurt out.
“Well, of course you are.”
“No.”
“You mean you ain’t?”
“I ain’t, I mean I'm not… I mean? Look, I don’t know who I am, or how I got here, Goddamn I don’t even know what I am”
“Ya don’t ? Oh shucks you're telling the truth ain’t ya… Well Bless yer heart…why don’t ya come inside with me and will get some food in ya and this sorted right out ey?
The strange orange apple horse's house was a cozy sort of home, a well kept family sort of place.
“Just make yer self right at home. I’ll be back in a jiffy with some pie and …” she said with a smile. She raised her hoof to the shelf and took out an apple pie, they apparently just have those stashed?
“Let's start with the basics son. What's your real name?”
“Greg…” I said… I was a little dumb founded.
“Well Greg. How have you ended up in the body of my good friend Twi here?”
“You’re… surprisingly taking this well.”
“One little magical incident like this happens just about every other week now. I saved the world more times than I can count with my hooves. I can handle a little brain swap shenanigans.” Applejack said as she pulled up a chair and sat down.
“Now.” She looked at me. “You’re like, a human right? Originally?”
“How did you know!” I said shocked.
“Your skin was green? Face of a question mark?”
“It was a genetic condition.” I looked down, remembering a bullying flash back from my past life… on
“Alright.” She mentally noted this all down.
“Well I think we should do the obvious and call up the immortal magical princess to fix everything. But I feel like complicating things, so let's go to rarity first instead. ”
I quickly got distracted as a little yellow horse, a big red horse and a wrinkled
horse ran past the window with massive bees in hot pursuit.
“Eh…” I tried to speak but Applejack went right.
“Rarity might just be the second most powerful unicorn in town, next to your self… er Twilight that is.”
I stared in awe as they ran back the other way this time in the opposite order this time with the quines welding a variety of pitchforks and hoes and such… apparently they had it handled.
“If anypony can fix ya up she can… I hope. Oh! Would you like some more pie, you went through that slice awful fast, here let me serve ya up.
Rarity opened the door and let us in. “Hello, darlings. What can I do for you today?”
Applejack spoke up, “Something happened with Twilight and she got brain swapped with a human named Greg something or another. This is Greg.”
“Hello, Greg, nice to meet you.”
“Hello.”
She was the most beautiful horse I ever did see.
I wasn’t much of a horse guy… but maybe my host was… or horse gal.. I mean she was definitely a horse gal, but a horse gal gal.. oh my mind was so confused…
Just when looking at this Rarity my mind got all cloudy.
“Are you ok derry? you look kind of pale… and you got some apple… is that apple on your cheek let me just… there we go. ”
I shook myself
“Err.. I'm alright… I mean…”
“You're right she doesn't look good. Where did you say you found her? Him…Them? Oh dear!
Suddenly a magenta couch appeared out of nowhere and the world went black.
I opened my eyes and the world was still spinning, but it wasn't the comfortable boutique that was spinning, it was the sky and the ever nearing ground.
Feathers! In what fucked up reality would I have feathers?!
I had Wings! Blue pinyons glued to my side in shock.
Ok.
I just needed to count backwards from ten and everything would be normal again…
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
The world went quite abruptly dark.
