The Tome of Exalted Ponies

The Dreaming Pearl Courtesan stylist is too busy murdering someone with a razor-edged silver spoon to properly attend to her soup—by the time her victim's corpse has been disposed of and the unfortunate flecks of scarlet scrubbed from her kimono, it's gotten entirely too cold!

…

“Greetings honored one. From what noble house do you hail, that I might address you properly?” said the tengese pony in locally accented sea-tongue, bowing deeply before Speaker as he and Shimmer trotted down the pier from the Denzik ship.

Smiling, happy that his newly acquired seemed to give the impression of him being of noble blood, Speaker replied: “You may address me as Lord Mnemon Bright, and this is my servant Last Shimmer. Are you a guide?”

“Oh no Lord Bright, I am far too lowly to be of any aid to you – but if you seek a guide, I would suggest you seek out the House of Terrestrial Enlightenment, it is the bright orange structure at the end of the harbour” the local said, quickly bowing out and almost galloping off before anyone could get a word in edgewise.

Shimmer shook her head: “Well Lord Bright that’s one way to pump us for information without giving anything back”

“I don’t know, he talked about this terrestrial enlightenment place? I guess it’s an information centre for visiting realm ponies” Speaker mused, looking around to try to spot the structure in question. There were a lot of ponies milling about the harbour, a lot of ponies carrying heavy cargo on their back, but also groups of much fancier looking ponies with clearly armed bodyguards and other servants following them around. It wasn’t difficult to tell who was a visiting realm scion and who was a local dockworker.

Having already spotted the building in question, Shimmer sighed: “It’s to our right Lord Bright, and look at how many are standing in line…”

Approaching the orange building, Speaker had to agree with Shimmer. The line of ponies waiting to be serviced was very long indeed, though it quickly became clear that it was mainly because of the size of the entourages… so not that many ponies were really in line. Of course, the real fun was seeing how the various nobles standing in line were arguing with each other whether they should be in line behind someone ‘less noble’ than themselves, and clearly everyone else were much less noble than they themselves were.

As much fun as it would have been to stay and watch various unicorns and their retainers squabble over who was more worthy to be in the front of the line, then it wasn’t productive. None of the idiots were fighting, but Shimmer said that she could smell the desire for open hostilities in the air: “It’s everywhere Lord Bright… they must be really angry at each other”

“Well, if what Ever-Ember told us is true, then a lot of dynasts are basically vacationing here as a way to hide from the civil war. If the legion garrisoning An-Teng is recalled to the blessed isle, then it might come to open conflict over who can stake the biggest claim over bits of An-Teng. We should just focus on getting out of here” Speaker figured, his military training and experience as a head of state coming to the forefront.

Shimmer looked around for a tavern, or any other place where one might expect to find a ship captain: “True Lord Bright… hey, look over there. Next to the provisions store: That looks like the kind of place a captain or ship officers would hang out in, I’m sure of it”

The tavern in question looked promising. It wasn’t the kind of muddy watering hole that overflowed with drunken sailors – no, this place looked classy, and a bit more expensive.

At the door two large and muscly stallions stood guard, two local tengese who appeared to be wearing flower leis over their simple cloth skirts. They even had flower leis hung over the big ugly clubs that stood by their sides. The message was easy enough to read, even for an illiterate: “Don’t make trouble, or floral-scented trouble will come for you”

Entering the establishment, the duo found it looking like any other tavern: There was a bar, there were many tables, even more chairs, and over half of them had ponies sitting on them.

Approaching the bar, Speaker expressed the desire speak with a captain or officer from a river boat or barge. Since the City of The Steel Lotus was set at the mouth of the River of Queens, then it saw both ocean-going shipping and river shipping – and this was what Speaker sought. The barkeep was reluctant to say much, but a hoof-full of cowry shells saw her helpful enough: “Those three there came in on a sloop a few days ago. Pretty sure they’re talking about leaving soon”

The table in question had four ponies seated: A well-dressed captain, easily identifiable by his fancy hat and jewellery, two officers, and a silk-clad unicorn who was probably talking to them for the same reason Speaker and Shimmer wanted.

“…not? Look, you’ve shipped my cargo before at this rate, why the price-hike?” the unicorn bemoaned, the young-looking mare looking not at all happy with her situation, her exquisite silk dress looking a bit out of place in the tavern, even if it was a bit upscale.

The captain, a mare who looked as if she was well on her way to earning herself a strong hangover the next day, shot the unicorn a mirthful grin: “Because SOMEONE has been seizing ocean-worthy ships, and pressganging crews into service for their house navy – so there aren’t that many ships left going out or down the river of queens, and that means I get to hike up my prices. It’s called supply and demand”

“You drunken lout – I have a tight budget for this! You exploiting the situation isn’t helping anyone!” the unicorn protested, the stone beneath her hooves cracking as her elemental anima revealed itself via tectonic force.

It was clearly a tense situation, and other guests at the tavern were inching away from the table where the angry unicorn stood. Speaker stepped up: “Easy now, maybe there’s a way I can help out?”

The unicorn gave Speaker a deathly glare: “Mind your own business pony, do you even know who you’re talking to?”

“No, and clearly you don’t either – how about we introduce ourselves?” Speaker quickly replied, his old age and experience having given him more than enough to maintain his cool in the face of an angry unicorn, elemental powers or not.

The unicorn mare drew breath sharply through her nose, maintaining her stink-eye even through her deep exhalation, as she composed herself: “I am Ledal Gamys, here to secure continued house business – you?”

“The name is Mnemon Bright, here on the last legs of a long vacation” Speaker replied, smiling at the silly thought of how much he had dreamt of becoming a unicorn in his youth.

Gamys’s eyes flashed a bright white light as she looked Speaker over, then she spoke in a language that Shimmer didn’t understand a word of – but Speaker did. It was the tongue of high realm, the language of unicorn nobles that lowborn ponies weren’t really supposed to know: “Pray tell what is an unexalted scion of house Mnemon, who speaks in an accent that puts you far from the blessed isle, doing here?”

“At this point? Vacation. I had personal business north-west of Wavecrest, now I’m slowly making my way home with what time I have left on this world” Speaker said, his tone grandfatherly and nostalgic.

Visibly calming down, the unicorn nodded: “Very well – and you offer to help me with this troublesome captain? The price he is asking to ship my cargo of rice and timber is outrageous”

“I just need to buy passage to dragon’s eye lake for me and my servant. I’m sure I have enough funds left to help you out as well after that”

A bit of haggling and negotiations later – with the unicorn revealing herself to be exceptionally unskilled in the art of business and barter – and Speaker had managed to talk the captain down to a price that the unicorn found quite reasonable, without Speaker having to pay extra, also securing himself and Shimmer passage further east along the river of queens in the process.

Leaving the tavern, the duo quickly found themselves approached by the unicorn once more, her now out of breath as she had run around to find them: “I just… I wanted to thank you”

“No problem – as far as I’m aware house Mnemon is on good terms with Ledaal” Speaker mused, Shimmer finding herself fairly annoyed that she couldn’t understand a word they were saying.

Gamys laughed: “Oh the dragons missed out on a good pony with you. You must come to my grandmother’s dinner party tonight. The way you wrangled that captain, I wouldn’t be surprised if she offers you a job as administrator here. You could think of it as a permanent vacation with the odd bit of paperwork”

Caught flat-hoofed by the surprising offer, Speaker said he had to confer with his servant to remind him if that would fit into his travel plans: “Shimmer, would you be okay with us doing this? It’d probably be more of you not understanding anything they say… if they even let you in with me”

Shimmer thought about it: “We’ll be fine Lord Bright– we just have to be down at the harbor tomorrow morning before the ship sets sail, so try not to get too hungover”

“Perfect – this’ll be fun” Speaker said, because he couldn’t really turn down such a party invitation lest it rouse suspicion.

At the House Ledaal estate in a ritzy part of the city later that day, Speaker and Shimmer found themselves in luxurious surroundings inside the walls of the compound: Beautifully carved and decorated teak buildings, replete with lapis and mother of pearl. It wasn’t marble and jade, but it looked almost as nice. It fit perfectly with the city’s south-western aesthetic as far as Speaker was concerned, and Shimmer found the many trophies taken from sea monsters on display very impressive: “There must be some very good hunters and fisher-ponies here Lord Bright”

“Indeed, there are young one. Now, you two would be Lord Mnemon Bright and servant, yes?” spoke an old unicorn mare in high realm, her voice craggily and worm, and despite her horn she looked as old as she sounded, which meant she was really old.

Speaker bowed: “Indeed I am. To whom do I owe the pleasure of speaking?”

“I am Ledaal Asina, head of this household and host of this little soiree”

The duo was led further into the compound, but before entering a large hall a servant came and asked Shimmer to come with him. This was as expected and so Speaker bid his faithful servant farewell and hoped that she would have fun on her own.

“Oh, don’t fret about the servants. They get their own fun” Ledaal Asina said, as she led Speaker into the party proper.

And what a party it was. In the vast, richly decorated palatial and triangular hall, replete with beautiful floor mosaics, Speaker found himself faced with a huge crowd of exquisitely dressed ponies. The place was so big that there were three teams of tengese musicians playing in each end of the triangular hall, several tables laid out with luxurious food, and far more very comfortable looking seating arrangements spread along the walls. There were also well over a hundred guests, all dressed to kill, and Speaker quickly saw that there were at least a dozen other unicorns among them.

“Whoa, what am I looking at here?” Speaker said to himself, briefly wondering if his cover story would hold up to that many other realm scions and unicorns.

Ledaal Asina let out of a haughty laugh: “Oh, just the biggest party for anyone who’s worth anything here in the city. Now, let me introduce you to some of my friends”

Exquisitely tasting coconut liquor, spiced with south-western jungle herbs and spices, challenged Speaker’s sobriety, even as an exalt – and the house servants were as generous as the host, Asina introducing Speaker to a number of unicorns and dozens of unexalted ponies from various realm houses, including a number of ponies from house Mnemon. Speaker found himself straining to keep his story straight, but thankfully nobody really questioning him beyond him saying that he was born to a unicorn who was exiled to Great Falls: “I was asked not to reveal the name of my dragonblooded parent – honestly I think it’s to avoid having my reputation be tainted by what got her exiled”

“Sensible, but tell me about yourself Lord Bright. You carry yourself proudly, and I couldn’t help but notice that your eyes keep going to my daiklaive. Have you served in the legions?” Ledaal Asina asked, the gaggle of other scions around them all looking curiously at the new arrival while Asina wiggled her hips to show off her gem-encrusted scabbard.

Speaker smiled, feeling very much as if he was being put in the spotlight far more than he really wanted. It also wasn’t made easier by the fact that he had in no way thought up a more in-depth cover story than what he had already said: “I… yes, in my youth – I wanted to help where I could, then I trained to become a doctor”

“Really? Well, medicine in the east is very advanced – all those native medicinal herbs” another half-drunken scion commented.

Oh, how Speaker wanted to boast about his accomplishments as a Solar doctor – he was so proud of his accomplishments, and these ponies wanted to know… but of course he couldn’t tell them about everything, because most of his grand achievements had been done over the last few years as a solar. Still, he had to say something… he couldn’t just clam up now…

“Well, out with it” the old Asina said and gave Speaker a poke with a beautifully hooficured hoof, having clearly spotted that Speaker was being reluctant to say something.

Taking a deep breath, Speaker had to think quickly on how to spin his life into something aligned with the realm: “I was at the battle of Mishaka… it was just before I retired and started planning saving up and planning this trip”

Oh, the battle of Mishaka. Everyone around him suddenly seemed to understand why Speaker had been a bit reluctant. The final battle of the last realm invasion of the river provinces, which had ended with the satrapi of Thorns and its armies utterly crushed.

“Oh… were you also there for what happened… afterwards?” Asina said cautiously, as if she really didn’t want to talk about how Thorns had been overrun by the undead later on.

Speaker shook his head: “Thorns fell to the Mask of Winters and his undead forces ten years after Mishaka. The autocrat was a fool for not having rebuilt his forces in that time… no, I had retired back to a hunting lodge outside of Grey Falls long before that”

“Ledaal Asina, are you scaring your new guest with ghost stories again?” a new voice said, one that oozed drunken confidence.

Speaker turned to look, seeing a clearly fire-aspected stallion with a black coat, an eyepatch, and not just a red mane, but a mane that seemed to have been styled and dyed so that it looked like a flame... or maybe it was naturally like that. He was similarly wearing a red and yellow silk outfit that was covered in fire and dragon motifs: “No, I was telling her about myself”

“So, you fought at Mishaka? I studied that battle quite a lot at the House of Bells” the stallion said proudly, giving Speaker a very clearly appraising look.

Nodding, Speaker found himself regretting having mentioned anything about that battle. If this unicorn was a scholar of any kind, then it wouldn’t be difficult to sus out that he was lying through his teeth… but then Asina said: “Cynis Denoted Flame, don’t intimidate the poor soul with your pedigree”

“I’m not – I’m just curious!” the unicorn stallion replied, perhaps a little too drunkenly and eagerly.

Asina judged the stallion: “Then my dear Denny, slow down – you’re speaking to a mortal, he can’t go as fast as you want him to”

“I just want to hear a first-hoof account of the battle, instead of the sanitized accounts that made it into my text books” Denoted Flame said, floating his coconut-cup full of drink at Speaker.

Ok that would make spinning a yarn so much easier: “Best I can do is second-hoof accounts. I was a surgeon at a field hospital, patching up legionnaires that had been blown apart by Lookshyan essence artillery. I did talk to some of officers I worked on once we ran out of sedative though…”

Denovah looked eager to listen, gesturing for Speaker to continue: “Go on”

“All I know is that whatever unicorn was in charge for the enemy forces had their light auxiliaries do some kind of tricky manoeuvre that opened up a hole in our main line, and then they probably sent in their magic-armored shock troops in. I just know that it was an ugly rout, and I barely had a minute from the trumpets sounding to close up my patients and gallop back to Thorns to hide behind the city walls” Speaker said, trying to flip his actual experience of having been a Lookshyan field surgeon to how it had probably been for the enemy.

The stallion nodded slowly, his expression souring. Speaker held his breath – was this house Cynis unicorn about to blow his cover story wide open?

“That certainly sounds better than the nonsense they tried to teach me at bells. Thorns was always better at training duelists, not battlefield strategists who had to use others to fight for them” Denoted Flame said, sounding quite disappointed.

Asina put a friendly hoof on Denoted Flame’s shoulder: “There there – we all lost friends and family there”

“I just… how do you spend a decade failing to rebuild your military and train up an army that can defend itself properly?” Denoted Flame lamented, sounding thoroughly frustrated, puffs of steam coming from his ears.

Speaker considered his options. He could probably bow out of the conversation at that point, but at the same time he felt sympathy for Denoted Flame. As much as he didn’t like the realm or the idiotic autocrat who had failed to defend Thorns properly, then the innocent citizens and serfs that lived there did not deserve living under a deathlord.

“The good news is that the scavenger lands are rallying against Thorns, against the Mask of Winters” Speaker said, trying to reassure the distraught unicorn.

Asina perked an eyebrow at Speaker: “So you recognize the danger of the deathlords?”

“Of course. I fought at Deep Rot. I know exactly how bad these things are, but I also know they can be struck down” Speaker said a calm manner, his inner officer bubbling forth.

Cynis Denoted Flame’s brows flared as if they caught on fire, his draconic slitted eyes narrowing on Speaker: “You fought at… what?”

“Lookshy likes expendable auxiliaries. My parents have used me since I learned to read to spy on Lookshy. I was trained in medicine by experts from Great Falls at the medical school in Lookshy, as an exchange student. I knew ponies there. I was there at the Lookshyan games they held before that campaign, keeping tabs on things. I was asked by my old mentor to volunteer for what she said would be the greatest and most important battle I would ever have a shot at being part of…” Speaker said, carefully trying to gauge whether his tall tale was turning out to be too outlandish.

Asina loked doubtful: “Lookshy has good counter-intelligence. You expect me to believe that they would let a realm spy come along for a campaign in the underworld?”

Denoted Flame’s eyes went wide: “Hold on – the underworld? What campaign are you two talking about?”

“Darling, you need better spies, or better updates from your house. It’s been almost a year since I heard that Lookshy had mustered most of its first and second field force, flew it on their skyremes into the underworld and destroyed… something… something bad, and they won – and my spies tell me they had a number of anathema along helping them” Asina explained, her sneer at mentioning anathema quite clear.

With a gesture, Denoted Flame had a servant rush to bring him something to sit on. His expression was quite dumbstruck: “How can I not have heard of this?”

“Because you never pay attention when I tell others how dangerous the deathlords and the undead are” Asina said, sounding just a bit too smug for Speaker’s taste.

Ignoring her, Denoted Flame turned to Speaker: “Tell me everything”

“My fee for an intelligence report is…” Speaker said, looking around before settling his gaze on his empty drinks glass: “…another drink, a good one”

With the unicorns and realm scions appearing to have bought Speaker’s story hook, line and sinker, Speaker was able to somewhat freely tell his story of the battle of Deep Rot, of the poison that had been distributed to everyone that would kill you after a week or so, but would also prevent you from rising as a ghost if you died. The aerial battles between skyremes and flying undead horrors, how Lookshy’s skyfleet’s flagship the Skywolf had traded blows with the dread deathlord, and how a team of brave and selfless Lookshyan rangers had ultimately given their lives to bring a soul-breaker orb into the heart of the underworld manse… ending the enemy threat permanently.

Looking around, Speaker saw that the crowd of ponies around him had grown considerably.

“Well go on – it’s not everyday we get a veteran with a story this novel to tell” Asina urged Speaker on, no longer sounding smug, but instead really curious and eager.

A quick reorganization of the furniture saw Speaker placed on a very comfortable couch, with many dozens of eager listeners seated before him, while servants milled around and served drinks and snacks. This certainly wasn’t how Speaker had expected the evening to go, and now he really had to concentrate to keep his story straight.

“Is it true that there were anathema at the battle as well?” one curious mind called out.

Speaker nodded: “In more sense than one. I never met any of them personally, but I heard from the guards that several had been captured… and what they whispered about them did not sound like what immaculate texts describe at all. These ones had neither silver nor golden light to them, but a black light and bled from their brows with their marks of curse and shame. Where they fought Lookshy’s troops I received no wounded, for there you simply died”

Gasps and whispers erupted in the crowd.

“But yes, I also heard rumors that there were both golden and silvery anathema fighting alongside Lookshy’s forces, something that I actually felt the effect of personally, sort of. As a field surgeon, I had to handle the wounded, and according to my commanding officer we only saw a fraction of the casualties and wounded they had expected. At one point one of them even came down from on high in a cloud born aloft by heavenly music! No idea how that worked, but it sounded amazing” Speaker elaborated.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Speaker found himself very happy that he had only needed to use a tiny bit of essence to help his story-telling along – not enough to in any way flare his caste mark or anima.

With his story told, Asina called out a toast to Speaker: “Truly, you helped perform the work the of the dragons!” much to the cheers of everyone in earshot.

The party resumed its previous format, though many conversations where had about Speaker’s amazing story and its multitude of implications. It was also quite late at that point, so Speaker tried to excuse himself.

“That’s quite alright – but you simply must stay here for the night. I shall have servants prepare our finest guest quarters” Asina insisted.

Such hospitality was not something a realm scion was meant to reject, this much Speaker knew. Oh well, him and Shimmer hadn’t bought room and board anywhere else. To this end he accepted the offer, but with terms: “My servant will also need somewhere to sleep, and we have to be up early tomorrow to catch a ship going to Thousand Dragons Lake”

“That can be arranged – but really… to be quite honest, our guest quarters aren’t that comfortable, but I know a perfect alternative” Asina said in a coy tone, fluttering her eyes at Speaker.

What did she mean by… oh my…

Having Speaker wait for a moment as she too bid her party farewell, Asina retired with Speaker to her private chambers. To say that Speaker was just a little uncomfortable with the unspoken proposition would have been… difficult to tell – for he too was fairly inebriated, and had spent much of his energy on keeping his story straight back at the party so he had little mental fortitude left to resist any base urges.

It also didn’t help that in his youth he would have leapt at the chance to bed a unicorn mare – and while Asina was old enough that her age actually showed, meaning that she was well over two and half hundred years old, then it simply meant that physically she actually looked as old as him… and he knew the passion and bedtime energy of the exalted damn well.

Asina found herself surprised by Speaker’s energy, but equally very pleased by his technique. She returned the favour, reminding Speaker how the unicorns were originally half-elemental beings meant to only breed and fight against demons.

Good times were had… right up until Asina, exhausted and in that zen-like state of blissful afterglow when one’s thoughts are clear and the mysteries of creation lay themselves bare: “Lord Bright?”

“Yes dear?” Speaker replied, feeling extraordinarily good about himself. Didn’t hurt that the last time he’d had a roll in the hay was before Deep Rot, well over a year ago, with Shimmer’s previous incarnation.

The unicorn mare’s breathing became stilted, consciously controlled. Speaker could tell the difference – something was up. She drew the bedsheets up over herself: “Before Lookshy launched its campaign, it held its first Lookshy Games in quite a while, to explain away why it was mustering so many forces”

“I know, I was there – quite the show” Speaker said, yawning.

Asina became very quiet and shuffled over to a far corner of the bed, away from him. Speaker couldn’t even hear her breathe. When she finally spoke, it was with a trembling voice. “The magical martial arts tournament… there were anathema competing – and the pony who won the second place… I got reports that it was a stallion by the name of Bright Machine Speaker”

Oh, that was the problem.

“Well, are you asking if I am that pony?”

“Maybe…” she said, the fear quite audible in her voice.

Speaker shook his head and laughed: “You do realize that it is a grave insult to accuse an innocent, elderly war-veteran, son of a house scion, to be anathema? And equally, to blow the cover of an anathema so powerful that he is a trusted ally to Lookshy, one who fought a deathlord to a standstill, could be very dangerous just the same… plus the humiliation you would face once everyone at your most excellent party hears that the eastern storyteller you encouraged everyone to listen to, was a nasty anathema. One is a silly faux pax that can easily be waved away, another could likely get you killed and have your reputation utterly tarnished. So, which is it?”

It took a while before Asina replied. Speaker knew well that he wasn’t as good a wordsmith as Cash Charmer, but as a strategist and military officer he knew well the wisdom of offering a potential foe a peaceful resolution as an alternative to a direct and deadly confrontation.

“I… oh silly me, must be me talking in my sleep again…” Asina said, Speaker easily being able to tell how she was forcing herself to sound cheerfully and chipper again. Still, he was perfectly happy playing along if she would, if for nothing else then to let her save face.

With a deep breath, Ledaal Asina surprised Speaker as she shimmied back to him: “…but say you might have been such an anathema, or spoken to him after the battle in the underworld, what story would you have to tell?”

In the darkness, Speaker smiled. It was very late when he had finished telling his story.