A QUIET PLACE ~ EQUESTRIA GIRLS

PAX. C.S.P.B.

C.S.S.M.L.—N.D.S.M.D.

V.R.S.N.S.M.V.—S.M.Q.L.I.V.B.

Day 19

We woke up with the midday sun shining through the wool covers yesterday, based on my water-resistant digital watch. Remembered to check that any alarms stayed off before traveling.

Turns out we walked another 7 miles that night. The brook we crossed before is directly below us. We all agreed to spend the rest of the day recuperating before moving again. We also didn’t want to chance traveling by night again, in case we trip over any debris to make some noise. Just resting and wading our feet in the running water for cover sound: a great way to rest right now.

None of us slept well that morning.

I dreamt that I woke up by myself after hearing someone ask, “Do you feel alone?”

I saw no one else. The strings and bells were still untouched. But then I sensed something right behind me. Long before the clicking started.

Against my better judgment, I quickly spun around to see the animal and try putting some distance between it and me. But I couldn’t budge. Like my arms and legs were jell-oh wrapped in plastic.

It just kept its head turning towards my way, as if it had always known where I was. Like the other times before, it moved its javelin jaws up and down to talk.

“Next time.”

I can’t remember the last time I stuck my head underwater to yell like that.

Do I feel alone? It’s like the answer’s right there on the tip of my tongue. Clear as day, at the back of my mind. But I’m not getting there. It’s like an invisible wall taunting me to grab what I should be able to reach. I feel frustrated, angry, borderline despondent.

I almost want to quit caring about the answer. It’s going to get myself and everyone else killed at this rate. Why even bother, anymore?

Fr. Redmane told me to stop, breathe, and pray after this came back to the surface. Even when I think it’s pointless, he told me to make an effort. Even if it means getting one word of prayer in. And not just from my end.

Thankfully, I was able to think of two words: Dad? Mom?

All I got in reply was the gentle brush of air under the bridge, joined by rhythmic gurgling from the water flow. I can picture them close by. Reliving a time when we all went camping. My parents and siblings. I can almost see them, hear their voices, if not sensing their presence.

He also added that I should write this down, to help sort through my thoughts and feelings. Can’t imagine how Fr. Red must be feeling right now. What, with helping the mayor lead a refugee site at the Parish and school. And that’s even without considering what Bishop Cutlass has to say in the letter for him. Now I’m starting to wonder what sort of shi –things he might be going through.

Does he feel like he’s the only one around to handle this situation? No telling what the bishop’s letter says. He always told me Godly Rescue’s right there to pour out my troubles for Him to bear and listen.

Since he’s ordained, Fr. Red can help make that happen anytime, anyplace though, right? All he needs is some piece of bread and a tin cup of wine like they did in Dachau or Siberia.

But what about where I’m at? No tabernacle, no Presence, no chalice or ciborium. Sure, if two or more are gathered in the Anointed One’s Name, then He’s there. I’m looking at my teams faces, and they don’t seem interested in trying that out.

Of course, Maud’s hard to read. Who knows whether yay or nay with her? But Wallflower looks like she wouldn’t have a clue what’s going on. Big Mac looks like he’s questioning everything just as badly as I’ve been.

Do I feel alone? Never mind me! Ask anyone else that question, see what sort of answers come from that!

I stopped myself to breathe again.

Mom? Dad?

Right now, the only comfort I’m getting is from the wind’s touch and brook’s babble. Maybe that’s as far as I can find Him, for now. I thought Godly Rescue’s supposed to be right next to me. But then I’m reminded of what He said on the Cross: “Why did you abandon me?”

Guess He’s closer to me than I’d like right now. Hopefully, Fr. Redmane’s still there for me to ask him. Though, depending on what the letter says, he and I might both need extra quiet time in Church.

Again, I keep telling myself we shouldn’t test God’s Providence. Yet here we are, constantly relying on it like it’s, well, our bread and butter. Guess that’s all I can do right now, just keep hoping and relying on that.

I must’ve said those two words out loud, or something. Because the next thing I knew, I nearly jumped out of my skin when Mac rested a hand on my shoulder. He muttered under the brook’s current, “Mine too?”

Just the look in his eyes told me exactly whom he meant. Next came Pie, who came to offer a hand on my back from behind. Though Blush was last, she eventually joined in, taking the other shoulder for her hand to rest on. I told them my family’s names. And they shared the same with me.

Maud’s parents, Igneous Rock and Cloudy Quartz, and sisters Limestone Pie and Pinkamena Diane. She said the latter would like me a lot, same with everybody else.

Big Mac’s parents, Bright Macintosh and Pear Butter, whom he lost years before that day. His sister, Applejack, whom he’s still holding out for, as Maud for Pinkie. His late fiancé is named Sugar Belle.

Wallflower said she’s an only child, expecting me not to remember the first time. I told her I remembered, which she seemed to appreciate. Her parents’ names are Hayfever and Paintbrush Orchid.

We just stayed there under the bridge in that same position throughout Day 18. Before getting to sleep, of course.

All that helped to ease most tension down across my spine. Praise God.

I had spent the next 24 hours with these same thoughts and shared experience before finally putting this down after another six miles today. During our break, Maud coaxed me in a round of checkers with her. That helped get my mind away from that inner vacuum I mentioned. Even though I wasn’t all the way into it, she knew, and we took our time. Still lost, but not as badly as I would’ve. I at least got two kings against her three.

We’re more than halfway now. Couple more days to go. Right now, I’m just looking forward to the next time I can rest in my cot. I can’t worry about that wall standing in my way.

Obviously, I’m not ready to scale it yet. God knows it. Devil knows it. I know it.

Can’t afford to worry about every single thing that’s going on and what needs done. Just think about the very next thing right in front of me, work through that, until that’s done and can move on to the next thing after that.

God, help me keep patient with myself. Amen.

Faithfully,

Sheen A.M.D.G.