Of Empires and Princessdoms

I was going to kill whoever decided to open my bedroom curtains. A beam of light was currently going straight into my eyes, rudely waking me up from my slumber. The servants should have known not to mess with my rooms after I had retired for the morning. Ah wait, these servants wouldn't know that, now would they?

With a groan, I opened my eyes and sat up, still feeling utterly exhausted. Based on the sun's position, it was early morning. Barely a couple hours of sleep then, and I could feel it. No way I was going back to bed now though, unfortunately. With a dramatic slouch, I dressed myself and made for the kitchens to eat breakfast. I was rather disheveled, opting to wear my slightly more casual clothes as well as saving my shower and usual grooming routine for after my meal. I was absolutely, positively starving. Additionally, my AI apparently had a few reports from when I was asleep. I was certain they could wait, however.

I practically fell through the dining room doors, coming face to face with a horrible looking Luna, as well as Celestia who was simply brimming with positive energy. She must be solar powered or something.

"Goooood morning!" the Princess of the Sun exclaimed, before asking, "How did you sleep, Lux? You were out for quite some time."

"Only a couple hours by my cou- oh," I stopped dead in my tracks. Celestia and I had just eaten breakfast. And Luna looked as though she had worked her usual graveyard shift. And the sun was lower than it had been when I went to visit Luna. The only thing that then made sense was, "How many days was I out, and what exactly happened to me?" I asked, suddenly alert. Either the poison was vastly stronger than I initially believed, or something else was happening. The way Luna looked at the floor sheepishly even in her exhausted state gave me all the confirmation I needed.

"Only one. You see, Lulu may have... failed to catch you when you passed out. And by failed, I mean she grabbed your torso but failed to stop the momentum of your head as it slammed onto the floor. Apparently human skulls aren't quite as durable as pony ones. I'm told it looked quite grizzly," Celestia replied in between bites of pancake. The blue mare in question refused to meet my eyes.

"Remind me to never place my life in your sister's hands ever again Celestia. Not that I thought breaking my fall to be a life or death task," I said, giving Luna the side eye as I sat down. She had disappeared behind her bowl of cereal.

"To be fair, she did wake up from a poison-induced nap only a few minutes prior to you passing out. Speaking of, why exactly did you just fall over unconscious?" Celestia inquired

"A lovely cocktail of highly addictive substances was all that kept me awake as we searched for our would-be assassin. My nanites eventually stopped administering them cold-turkey to prevent addiction and subsequent withdrawals. From there, they put me asleep to recover energy. Much like what they did to Luna, minus the stimulants of course." I explained, digging into a plate of soft scrambled eggs. While to the outside eye I ate as usual, in reality my chewing was slowed slightly as the AI utilized my nanites to sample them for poison each bite. Most toxins were fairly harmless to me, but it never hurt to be safe.

"I see. And why did you not retire to your rooms before going out like a light?"

"I ah, lost track of time," I replied, taking my turn to stare intently into my eggs out of embarrassment. It was a foolish mistake, one quite easily avoidable. “An error that appears to have cost me an entire day. Have you made any headway in the investigation?”

“I’m afraid not. We’re still questioning all of the castle staff as of this moment; although, Captain Shining Armor and Princess Cadance are due to return this evening, the former of which is typically in charge of security on the castle grounds. He may be able to succeed where I have failed.”

“We- I have begun looking into the dream realm for any signs of disturbance as well. Alas, much of my time has been spent looking into the state of our guard forces,” Luna interjected immediately after Celestia finished her report. I found it amusing that despite her usual excessive decorum, she chewed as she spoke. Her sister’s disapproving glare only made it better. It took a great deal of willpower to contain my mirth.

“I trust that a lead will be found soon, in that case. Though I am curious, you mentioned another Princess, Celestia? I was under the impression your principality had only two rulers,” I asked, a little surprised that such had been kept from me until now.

“Cadance is my adoptive niece, and also an alicorn. She has been elevated for… reasons I would prefer to keep to myself, for now. A matter of national security, you must understand,” she started, picking her words very carefully, before continuing, “Also Equestria is a Princessdom, Lux.”

“There’s a difference?”

“A very slight one, as it does not imply male inheritance.”

“I see,” I replied, not wanting to dig deeper into the vaguely sexist implications of matriarchal inheritance laws. Though I supposed most remaining hereditary monarchies in the Imperium had their odd proclivities with regards to inheritance, regardless of typical social equality. I frankly never bothered to write an inheritance law. I never intended on dying or stepping down anytime soon, nor did I have anyone worth considering having children with. I felt a pang of sadness at that, but I had long since given up on the idea of a family.

A gold-shod hoof waved in front of my face, and I suddenly realized I had completely zoned out for several seconds. I looked to the source of the waving, and saw a very concerned Celestia.

“Are you certain you’re alright, Lux,” she asked, very clearly worried. I nodded in reply.

“Apologies, I was simply thinking.”

“I tremble at the thought of what complex thinking would do to you in that case, you were practically catatonic. Even worse than Lulu in the morning,” Celestia quipped. I chuckled as I looked to Luna, who was currently in a very intense scowling contest with her empty bowl of cereal. One she was winning quite handily.

“Luna, you do realize more food won’t appear if you simply stare at the bowl, right?” I asked, and I felt a shiver as her eyes fixed their focus on me.

“We are well aware. We simply are deciding if we can eat another bowl before retiring for the day, or if we will collapse asleep into it,” Luna replied. She then suddenly teleported, without another word. Seemed she had made up her mind.

“I apologize on her behalf, she gets quite… ornery in the morning,” my sole remaining companion said with a sigh.

“I’m the same way when I actually have to work,” I replied with a wave of my hand.

“And what do you mean by that?”

“It’s hard to be all smiles after a day of telling people ‘No, you may not classify x species as sub-sentient and enslave them,’” I said nonchalantly, before throwing up my hands. “I mean really, how hard is it to just have a sustainable economy where people are properly compensated for their labor?”

“Is that really such a consistent issue?” Celestia asked, quite disturbed.

“Truth be told I only have to deal with the worst cases, being the highest authority in the galaxy. Someone committed genocide over there, some terrorist group got ahold of a planetkiller warhead somehow, a fringe psionic organization is sacrificing babies to summon Cthulhu. Most of the galaxy is practically a post-scarcity society at this point. Food, shelter, and entertainment become trivial to provide when you start harvesting suns for energy. I just wish I could enjoy it.”

Celestia hummed in agreement, not quite sure how to respond to such apparently “common” issues, before an idea popped into her head.

“You’ve kept Luna company during Night Court, would you care to join me in the Day? An outside perspective could make my day a bit more exciting. And I think you’ll find my court decidedly less… depressing than your own.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m exactly doing anything. I accept your invitation, Cel.”

“I have a new nickname?”

“If you’re going to call me just Lux, it feels strange to constantly call you Celestia. Too formal.”

“In that case, just call me Tia, like my sister.”

“As you say then, Tia. Though if you call me Sobrino, I will kill you,” I joked. Seeing her confusion, I clarified, “A linguistic joke. Probably got lost in translation somewhere.”

She did laugh at my wordplay for that one.

“Quite literally, it would seem. Now then, court waits for nobody!” Celestia declared, before getting up and cheerfully trotting towards the door.

“I despise morning people,” I muttered as I plodded along behind her. Still practically in pajamas, I quickly realized. A snap of my fingers fixed the clothing issue, though I had quite the head of bed hair to fix on the trek to the throne room. I managed though, having done it so many times I didn’t really require a mirror. Really the only difficult part was dealing with my compatriot’s humming. Even if it was admittedly a pretty catchy tune.

We arrived just as the sun finished cresting over the horizon, and Celestia took her place on the throne. There was a distinct lack of seating for me, and while Luna usually didn’t mind me laying across the steps or stealing her sister’s chair for awhile, I figured Celestia may take offense to that. So I took the most logical course of action.

I summoned a lawn chair from my pocket dimension, to Celestia’s left, and pulled out a pair of sunglasses.

“Lux, my friend, what in the hay are you doing?” she asked, fixing me with a look that simultaneously suggested confusion, amusement, and indignation.

“Basking in the sun’s rays,” I replied as I leaned back. At first I thought she didn’t realize exactly which “sun” I was referring to, and smiled in victory as I closed my eyes. That is, until the room got at least fifteen degrees warmer. Before I could be turned into a long pig roast though, the throne room doors began to open. With another snap I was seated properly in a comfortable wooden folding chair, hands respectfully in my lap. I glanced to Celestia, and whatever murder was likely in her magenta eyes prior, was replaced with a serene gaze. I put on my usual air of indifference I wore during court.

“Bring forth the first supplicant!,” Celestia decreed in the full Canterlot Voice. My eardrums immediately ruptured, and her quickly hidden smirk of triumph confirmed she had enacted her revenge for my prior remark. My nanites quickly repaired my ears and cleaned up the blood before the first pony reached the dais.

She was a brown earth pony with a carrot cutie mark and she gave a deep bow to Celestia, though her green eyes did flit over to me once.

“Rise, my little pony. State your name and request.”

“Carrot Top, your highness. I have come forth with a dispute regarding the property line between me and a competitor’s fields,” the mare replied, and I internally chuckled at the name, given her carrot orange mane. Ponies seemed to have a thing for puns.

Regardless, I soon tuned out as Celestia began to arbitrate over… whatever issue this was. You’d think this would be more suited to the local village authority rather than a princess, but apparently her local government had lost the documents for those pieces of property. Actually, apparently most properties in the city as town hall had burned down some years ago. Why nobody thought to bring this up earlier was beyond me, but Celestia seemed content to fetch the Royal Library’s copy of the map for that particular village, and so the pony left with a guard to go and get her answers.

Really, most issues appeared to be similar, and have equally simple resolutions. That is, for the first hour. Soon things took a turn for the more serious, with nobility coming forth to request additional funds for various projects. It was at this point a pony known as Raven came forth, presenting budget calculations and various financial concerns in order to allow for informed decision making. A lot like my shackled AI, actually.

But from this I found many interesting pieces of information. Primarily, that while some landed gentry still existed, Equestria was closer to the Victorian era in terms of administration. Private ownership was the norm, with governors administering large swathes of territory semi-autonomously. They also had a somewhat limited understanding of electricity, having the capability to convert psionic energy to it. Oddly, they never seemed to have discovered the more mundane methods of producing it, nor can they turn it back into pure psionic energy. More things I was certain Imperial Sociologists would find incredibly intriguing.

Before I knew it, lunch had come around. Court was temporarily adjourned and I got up from my chair, legs creaking after sitting still for a few hours straight. I heard a few vertebrae pop from Celestia as well.

“Significantly less taxing, you were right Celestia. This reminds me of the earliest days of the Imperium, right after the Wars of Eternity. Never before had anybody attempted to unify so many disparate peoples and nations under one banner, and the birthing pains were troublesome. But, simultaneously, they were mostly just points of confusion between people, and organizing resource distribution. The Wars left everyone so tired they could hardly bother to be at each other’s throats, instead trying to rebuild. Probably the most unified we ever were,” I commented as we walked towards the gardens. Apparently she felt like a picnic, not that I was complaining in the lovely fall weather. Besides, the last time I had been on one was centuries ago, with my parents when they yet lived.

“I never thought I would hear somebody say my job was relatively easy,” she replied with a playful smile.

“I’m probably one of the few people who could justifiably say those words. Although, I also don’t have to personally throw around a celestial body. Perhaps we’re about even then.”

She nodded in agreement before summoning a blanket and food from the kitchens. She also teleported in a tea set. I took a seat next to her, grabbing the plate with a ham sandwich on it. She also grabbed a daffodil and sunflower sandwich, even as she used a fire spell to boil the kettle.

“I ought to do this more often at home. Though honestly there’s a huge difference between the crisp air of here and the staleness of home,” I said in between bites of food.

“My sister and I have always tried to keep the capital somewhat free of pollution. I couldn’t imagine living in a city like Manehattan.”

“Terra has more parks and trees than most ecumenopoli, but we still artificially recycle most of the air.”

“Why not live elsewhere, in that case?”

“Truth be told, I typically reside on Eternity for the Imperial Senate proceedings. Those last about four years, and then we go into a two year recess. As for why I spend my two years on Earth, I guess because it’s home. Even if she’s unrecognizable from when I was a child.”

Celestia looked out over Canterlot, at the thousands of ponies below and the vibrant buildings of the capital, before replying, “I understand. The Equestria of today is far from the Equestria my sister and I ruled all those years ago. But even so, I could never imagine leaving for long.”

“Indeed,” I stated simply, content to eat and look off towards the horizon. Truly Canterlot proper was a beautiful city, and I knew beauty when I saw it. That reminded me, however…

“I would much like to see the city. As wonderful as your hospitality has been, I would love an opportunity to stretch my legs some,” I asked, gulping down the last of my tea.

“That can be arranged. I’m certain my niece and Captain Armor would be willing to give a tour. I would offer my company, but I am busy. And I doubt you want to walk the empty streets during Luna’s usual hours.”

“No thank you. Though I must say, it is curious that your ponies go to bed so early even with the invention of the lightbulb. We humans tend to stay up a bit later in the modern day.”

“Truth be told, it’s really just Canterlot and our smaller towns that are like this. Manehattan and Las Pegasus are hubs of near constant night activity.”

I furrowed my brow at those names, and asked another burning question, “Celestia, why on earth do you ponies make every single town name a pun? Even your actual names I’ve noticed are wordplay.”

She put a hoof to her chin in thought. After a moment, she replied, “I believe it originates from when my sister and I went through our wordplay phase. We would hire ponies from across the land to demonstrate their best puns. At some point, the nobility began naming towns in such a manner so as to please us, and the rest is history.”

“Curious how cultural traditions such as that are simultaneously incredibly easy, yet impossibly difficult to start. The unintentional ones abound, but the traditions you want to stick? They die off the second you aren’t looking.”

“It is quite interesting, isn’t it? The Summer Sun Celebration to commemorate my sister’s banishment was never my choice to create, in fact, I made my displeasure at its very existence clear. And yet it was one of the few holidays outside of Hearth’s Warming to persist all these years.”

“I have a few holidays like that at home. Particularly the ones commemorating me,” I said, before pivoting back to our prior conversation, “Unwanted holidays aside, I am quite excited to meet… your niece Cadance and Captain Shining Armor you said, right? I wasn’t aware Luna had any children.”

Celestia nearly choked on her last sip of tea, gasping for breath before correcting, “Adoptive niece. All the royal blood is adopted outside of Luna and I.”

“I see,” I replied, amused at her response. As she gathered herself, I closed my eyes and laid back onto the blanket, letting out a long exhale. I remained as such for a long while, before finally Celestia stood up.

“Well, I must return to work. You can join me if you wish, or go about your day. Either way, I’ll see you this evening,” she said, before slowly walking off after I silently waved goodbye. The clank of armor signaled her guards followed as well, leaving me alone. I continued to rest on that blanket for some indeterminate period of time

It felt strange to actually be able to focus on a day. They tended to feel like the minutes used to for a younger me, but I supposed they were eventful days. Not merely ones where I was a cog, an important cog yes, but a cog nonetheless within the vast Imperial bureaucratic machine.

And thus I came to the realization that some part of me, the one that instead of craving glory and power just wanted to live quietly, wondered if I would truly be displeased if no Imperial ships chose to come after me. I frowned at the thought. No death in a fiery revolt, no retirement to live on some resort world for a millennium, just me on a primitive world living with two, scratch that, three fairy tale princesses. Hell, I could even start a family. The nanomachines were more than capable of the genetic modification necessary to make biological children happen. I even-

No. I could not continue down this line of thought any further. I stood up, looking to the sky. No, the trillions who gave their lives in service to me would not let me. Could not ever let me. The very stars would have to die to remove me from where I stood. The defenders of Luna in its last moments, the countless soldiers who died in the battle for Eternity, the untold trillions who were rendered into food for the Abyssals, and Mom and Dad who despised the unfeeling behemoth of the empire I created kept me bound to my throne just as surely as neutronium chains. To say nothing of that which I tried to forget. My empire was built on conquest, even if it was maintained through more peaceful means now.

And I hated all of it, more than words could ever describe. I loathed whatever creature Lux Aeternus was, the hollow husk of a man driven by the wishes of the dead and the inertia of previous greatness and glory. A beast who has transcended death, who barely reacted beyond mild curiosity when someone tried to poison him and nearly killed his friend. I desperately struggled to contain my thoughts and emotions, to don my carefully constructed mask once more. I hadn’t even noticed that I had started to cry, perhaps more in hysteria than true sadness, or that I had sat back down on my knees. How weak was I, that a mere handful of days outside my usual routine would drive me to this? My memories, so much senseless slaughter and cruelty in my name, flashed rapidly in my mind. I could hardly breathe, the cries of the dead condemned me for daring to draw in oxygen, their voices drowning out all cohesive thought. I barely reacted to the feeling of a wing enshrouding me.

——— Discord ———

Truth be told, emotional manipulation this… detailed was not my strong suit. Luckily, it appeared my unaware foe had several underlying issues that simply required a slight nudge to set in motion. Much like those pesky new element bearers, really. If my physical form could steeple its fingers and cackle like the cartoon villain I was without exposing me, it would. Everything was in motion, a near perfect storm of delectable chaos poised to strike soon.

I despised having to be so… rational in my planning. There’s no fun in making sense. But, I needed to be alive to have fun. And so, for now, I had to act with some rationality. Within lack of reason, of course. And so, my task complete for now, I pulled my spiritual form back to the statue, Celestia likely not having noticed in her busy day.