I get teleported to another world were I get my soul split in two.
Anon walked the streets of New York, not caring about anything but himself. Suddenly, he saw a small child walking out into the street.
"OH MY GOODNESS, SOMEONE SAVE THAT SMALL CHILD IN THE ROAD!"
He looked around, but no one paid attention. Anon shrugged his shoulders as he took a bite from his hot dog and watched as the child got sent to the afterlife by an incoming truck.
"Truly tragic. If only someone were there—" Anon stopped mid-sentence as another truck came barreling down the sidewalk, too fast for him to move out of the way.
"Well, that's all folks." Darkness was all Anon saw after that until a light appeared in his vision.
"MR. ANON!" An elegant voice shouted.
"God?"
"No, even better." The light came down in front of Anon, taking the shape of a pony from that show he used to watch as a kid.
"My god... IT'S DERPY!" Anon began to ruffle the pony's mane before the pony slapped his hand away.
"I am not the pony you think I am... my name is Harmony."
"DERPY WAS THE TREE OF HARMONY ALL ALONG!"
"NO, YOU IDIOT! I took the form of your favorite pony."
"Aw, man. Well, God Derpy, what do you want?"
"Well, first off, I have come to reincarnate you—"
"No thank you." Harmony tilted her head in confusion.
"N-no t-thank... you?!"
"Yeah, no, I decline. Can I go to heaven now?" Harmony scoffed at Anon's response.
"That's not an option. I made sure that you would be reincarnated into my world, and for the record, you were not going to heaven."
"What are you talking about? I was a good person on earth."
"YOU LET A CHILD DIE!"
"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, NOW HOLD ON. I SCREAMED FOR HELP, AND NO ONE CAME TO SAVE THAT CHILD."
"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO JUMP IN THE WAY AND SAVE THE CHILD. THEN YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HIT AND ENDED UP HERE!"
"NO, NO, NO. THERE WERE PLENTY OF OTHER HUMANS THAT COULD HAVE STEPPED IN, WHY ME?"
"BECAUSE THAT WAS THE PLAN!"
"DO YOU KNOW ME?!"
"YES, I DO! I KNOW A LOT ABOUT YOU!"
"Then you would have known that I would have never saved that child." Harmony looked at Anon with pure disgust.
"You're a fucking douchebag."
"And you got a child killed. Good job, Miss Harmony."
"You're getting on my nerves."
"Yet you won't be saying that when I obtain a harem and you come begging to be in it."
"NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!"
"I don't know; that's what happens in the shows...."
"THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THOSE STUPID SHOWS YOU WATCH! You have already proven that."
"I guess you're right. So what's the gimmick? Are you going to teleport me to Pony Land and make me have only one ball? I can see it now. I GET TELEPORTED TO ANOTHER WORLD WITH ONLY ONE TESTICLE!" Harmony had a clearly visible anger vein now as her eyes lit up. She turned to Anon and threw him away into a portal.
"Good fucking riddance...."
"So..."
"Yeah...." Anon stared down a pony with a striking resemblance to himself
.
"You're clearly the fake." The pony began to laugh hysterically.
"If anything, you are the fake here. Just think about it. God of muffins turns me into a pony, then makes a clone of me to rub it in my face," the pony said in a feminine voice.
"No... no, I think I am the original."
"Why in God's name would you be the original?"
"Because yes. So just cope harder, plus skill issue, plus your mother left you when you were 4."
"You are roasting yourself, you know."
"Nope, you're a pony, and a female pony at that. You know, I guess we were right about something."
"About what?"
"That Harmony would take a ball away. In your case, yep; in my case, nope."
Pony Anon rolled her eyes as she walked to the door of the room they were currently in.
"What are the chances that I open this door and we end up in some random person's house?" Human Anon just shrugged in response. Pony Anon opened the door only to step out into a familiar castle.
"Ah, Twilight Twinkle's castle... should have seen that coming." Human Anon stepped out of the room as well, and they both took it all in.
"Alright, you thinking what I’m thinking? Mirror," Human Anon said.
"Hmhmhm... I think so."
"Isekai speedrun." They both said in unison. They both giggled to each other before running down the stairs, looking for Twilight Sparkle.
"Wow, Spike, these cute little bugs are horrifying—" Twilight was cut off as someone busted open her door. She twirled around only to see a pony and a human staring her down.
"C-can I help you two?" She would not even get a response as a frying pan came flying her way. It smacked her cleanly in the head, knocking her out. The human and pony came up to the unconscious alicorn, picked her up, and put her in a shopping cart.
"Okay, that's 1 out of 6. Any other ponies we need in the harem?" Pony Anon said while biting the pen in her mouth.
"Nah, I don't want it to be too big. Although, I do need to get rid of someone."
"Oh, I see... yeah, better we get rid of her. She will be annoying. Alright, ONWARD, MY NOBLE STEED." The pony hopped on the human's back as they rode out of the castle.
Spike just looked around with his claws in the air. "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?"
The pony and human duo rode through the streets of Ponyville, looking for a certain pony.
"There she is."
"Yeah, I see that." The human brought the shopping cart to a halt. He got off and walked up to the pony.
"Boo!"
The pony began to shake violently as her eyes dilated like a cat.
"Yep, just as I suspected: it's a horny Lyra. Bat, please." Pony Anon tossed a bat to the human, who picked it up and smacked Lyra to the sun.
"That problem is off the shopping list." Pony Anon struck Lyra off the shopping list as the human came back and took his spot.
"Who else is left?"
"Erm, we got Twilight Twinkle, jacking off to apples, gay as a hair color, and the dramatic one." Human Anon nodded his head.
"So we just need the pink one and..." Human Anon almost hurled at the name that was about to come out of his mouth.
"...Fluttershy." An audible groan came from Pony Anon as she raised a question.
"Can't we just trade Flutterbitch for another pony? Someone awesome like Starlight?"
"Can't. We are doing the any-percent speed run. The main six are the main ones we are after. Those side characters are not even a side quest."
"Okay, well, we are an hour in, so we should hurry it up."
"Yeah, we could beat the world record if we put in some fast times. Alright, let's go." The duo was once again off, this time to Sugarcube Corner. It did not take long as they were just a block away from it. They got closer to the cake shop and busted through the front entrance.
"PINK ONE!"
"Oh, is it my turn to get hit with a frying pan?"
"Yes, it is." Pinkie Pie walked up and took the frying pan out of Anon's pony counterpart.
"Allow me." Pinkie smacked her head with the frying pan, stumbling a bit before falling head-first into the cart.
"Good, we just need the quiet one now," the human said, but both the human and pony's attention would be turned to the center of the shop as a familiar sound of magic reverberated off the walls.
"My, my, you two are causing quite the chaos."
"Oh, Chaos God! Wow, I am flattered that you consider our actions chaotic in your eyes. If anything, I think what we are doing is pretty tame," the pony said. Discord just chuckled to himself as he threw the bubble pipe away.
"Now, now. While I am all for your two's chaos, as it’s been pretty entertaining so far, I can't allow you to take my Fluttershy." The two Anons looked at each other before Pony Anon scrambled through the shopping cart and pulled out a necklace with an alicorn on it and dark red colors throughout it.
"H-how did you two get your hands on that?!" Discord said in disbelief. He watched as the green pony put the necklace on, a red glow surrounding her eyes.
"Dude, how do I look?" Human Anon gave a nod of approval.
"You look like a badass." The pony's smile widened as she looked back at Discord.
"You're about to get humbled, Chaos God." Discord sat in silence before bursting out into laughter.
"YOU REALLY THINK THE ALICORN AM—" But Discord was cut off as a pair of back hooves smacked into his chest, sending him out of the shop.
"I'll distract him; you go get his girl."
"On it, boss," Human Anon said as he ran off to Fluttershy’s Cottage
Fluttershy was tending to Angel Bunny in her cottage. It had been pretty boring since Discord vanished not too long ago, but she was keeping herself engaged in something. As she was finishing up her duties, she heard a knock at her front door. She quickly made her way to the other side of the house and opened the door, only to see a creature she had never seen before. She was about to say something before a hand closed her mouth.
"Have you forgotten that the author gives you no lines in any of his stories? Well, except for that one time in that JJK story, but you know..." Fluttershy scowled at the creature.
"Oh, so you do know... Well then, that begs the question of whether you are the same Fluttershy across these stories. But you know, it's like what Deadpool said: 'These timelines are so confusing.'" Anon had used enough oxygen on the pony and pulled out the frying pan, hitting Fluttershy with it.
"Sucks to be you." Anon put the pony in the basket as he checked the Mane 6 off the shopping list.
"Alright, Mane 6 check, overpowered item check, defeat the villain of the story... haven't done that one yet. Defeat the secret villain in the shadows... You know what, I think we can skip the first villain and just take on the secret one. Yeah, that sounds good." Anon rolled the shopping list up and headed back to his counterpart.
"God, what is with this bill..." Harmony said as she looked over a piece of paper.
"I ask Truck-kun for his services twice, and he charges me triple what was originally owed?! Fucking scammer." Harmony leaned back in her chair, staring at the clock hanging on the wall.
"I wonder what those two are up to?" Harmony snapped her non-existent fingers and was gone in a flash. She teleported herself to wherever the Anons were and landed in a small little house where she took everything in.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE!"
"Sup," the human Anon said as he petted the multiple mares fawning over him.
"W-WHA- I LEFT YOU ALONE FOR 30 MINUTES!"
"Really? It's been like 4 hours here."
"Y-you... What else have you done?!"
"We skipped that first villain and went straight away to the secret 3rd and 4th evil sisters of Celestia and Luna. It was a pretty good arc. We finished not too long ago, about a good 22 minutes."
"WHAT?! YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT ABOUT THAT UNTIL LIKE TWO YEARS LATER!"
"Wow, for something that claims itself to be HARMONY, you sure are acting like an egotistical, controlling god that can't control their own puppets." Harmony's face changed to rage as she once again snapped her non-existent fingers, and everything in the house was wiped away—all their treasures, riches, and the mares gone.
"W-what did you just do?!"
"I reverted everything back to how it wa-" Harmony was cut off as a female scream pierced her ears. The human's pony counterpart rushed up to her and stared into her soul.
"WHERE IS IT? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?!"
"W-what?"
"THE ALICORN AMULET! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?!"
"You guys had that thing? Don't you know-" Harmony was cut off as Human Anon spoke up.
"If I had to guess, she pulled a revert to zero. Pretty sure it should be where we found it last time."
"OK, WE NEED TO GO GET IT NOW!" The human Anon rolled his eyes.
"You are acting like a crackhead who's run out of crack. Can you relax?"
Anon's pony counterpart didn’t even listen to him as she was already out the door and running into the woods. Before Anon could go after her, Harmony spoke to him.
"Please play by the rules. Don't make me intervene again." Anon spun around and clasped his hands together before speaking to Harmony.
"AND I QUOTE!" Anon said as he began to mimic Harmony’s voice, "THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THOSE STUPID SHOWS YOU WATCH! You have already proven that." And with that, Anon raced after his counterpart. Harmony scoffed to herself, knowing full well those two were just going to do it all over again. She snapped her non-existent fingers one last time and teleported back to her realm.
[BONUS]
"Why is it so hard to make a damn paper boat!" Harmony said as she threw her hooves up in the air. She heard a knock at her door and pondered who could possibly be in her realm.
Did Jesus finally arrive? She walked up to her door and opened it, only to see a human standing in her doorway.
"Can I help you?" The human said nothing as he turned around to a crowd of ponies stretching for what looked like forever.
"IF YOU CAN BOOP THE SNOUT OF PONY GOD, YOU GET 60 BILLION BITS!" Harmony watched as the crowd of ponies raced toward her.
"Oh no..."
Author's Note
ITS MAKES ME SO MAD, I AM CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH A CREATIVE BLOCK! I CANT THINK OF A GOOD COVER IMAGE TO MAKE FOR THIS STORY! CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!! guess it will just have to go up without one :(
