Just a small one

by Nova Star Sparkle

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 3351

I bet for sure you've always fancied knowing what the earth actually tastes like, haven't you? No? Oh, that's rather interesting…! Anyway, well, a certain lavender alicorn mare might see that differently...

The Earth, a small green-blue sphere in the vast, silent and empty void of space. A truly tiny object compared to many others in the vastness of the Universe, but due to its atmosphere and favorable position at a perfect distance from its Sun, a sphere on which life actually thrives. Native and sole home to an industrially advanced and (mostly) intelligent species of bipedal, furless and communicative creatures. Better known to us all as humans. After all, we are talking about ourselves here. Coming in two sexes and countless shapes, colors, sizes, characteristics and so, so much more to name.

The Earth, a tiny but not insignificant planet in our solar system, especially as it is our home. With all its crisp mountain ranges; vast salty oceans; countless sweet and savory lakes of all sizes; slightly sourer but still nourishing forests; and bitter, sandy deserts.

WAIT WHAT?!?!! - Damn Twi, what did you just tell me?

Cover and a chat with a friend of mine were the inspiration for the whole silly story idea. Thanks, had a great amount of fun writing the spark of thought out xD

While link to the cover on derpibooru is the picture itself as usual. For the ones not willing to click onto it the AI generated Art was created by the promter: neuralfire.

Published 2024-08-01 19:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-08-01 19:30:00 UTC

No really just a tiny one

Written, translated, edited and post corrected by me: Nova Star Sparkle

“But it's just a…”, a very polite and feminine voice started for what probably was like the twentieth time today in less than an hour with the exact same words. Even if it began starting to sound mildly annoyed of having to repeat itself yet again by now.

“Pardon, but the answer is still clearly no! It’s simply a no-go!”

“But whyyyy?,” the lavender alicorn let her words fade at the end and whined with her eyes wide open, starring down and right into the very soul of the speaker as her shoulders slumped in a display of defeat with a ‘hrmpf’. “It wouldn't even be a big one, just a small bite. It’s simply unfathomable for me. What I present to you is nothing but clear, calculated and logical facts.”

“You know why we can't agree to your terms on any imaginable occasion, your esteemed highness. What you want from us humans – or more specific the planet earth itself – is something we simply can't allow to happen under any circumstances. Despite the fact that we are all very aware how truly friendly and forthcoming you were so far in your request and offerings to humanity.”

Twilight’s ears perked back up and she picked up her statue to its full royal height while rotating her head quickly around to face the tall and muscular old human that had just raised himself from his chair and responded to her with his deep and gruff voice. She looked him up and down in the split of a second with her sharp eyes and incredible alicorn perception, from his brown, slightly grayish and short hair gelled to the right; over his almost entirely black uniform with two red strips running slanted across his chest; down to his equally colored leggings with golden accents diagonal down and finally the high, black leather jackboots with their silver buckles he wore. As Twilight´s sparkling, intelligent eyes went back up to his face she looked straight and without any hesitation but with burning, determined confidence into his, meeting his piercing and surveying gaze with an equally powerful look. “But I don't even want all of earth-“, the alicorn mare began her reasoning anew, “- not even a great amount of it. Just a teeny weeny nibble of it right from its probably juicy edges as a taste to sample its flavor.”

“By our distinct honesty of humanity” – another male human began as Twilight’s head instantly snapped so fast around to him any common mortals neck would have shattered mercilessly with a nasty crack. The alicorn’s nostrils flaring substantial in displease of being so rudely interrupted as she glared daggers from her piercing eyes. The middle-aged man, however, continued unhindered, fully unaware of the potentially godly wrath in lavender alicorn princess form that was just seven foots before him – “and of course to honor you being of esteemed royalty, referred Lady Twiglight Sparkle.”

“Twilight, Twilight Sparkle!”, Twilight swiftly corrected with another small frustrated huff from her nostrils. Yet still not because she was truly angry to any of the humans or their apparent incompetence in some cases, just meanwhile less than pleased than she would have wished for her first meeting with humanity. It was just an annoying basic fact, that by now had been the sixth time something like that had happened since she had arrived on earth and called a meeting with all its bipedal leaders. Was her first name really that difficult to correctly remember and pronounce? They even had an entire terrible and creepy fantasy book series named just like her to remember. The humans should really know better…”

“Pardon, Lady Twilight –,” the same man corrected itself with a small apologetic tilt of his head to her, “ –but your definition of ´small´…well how do I put it.” He fidgeted around with his indexes for some seconds while searching in clear vain for the right words to express himself to the awaiting alicorn princess. “It’s simply not like any of ours. I hope you understand, majesty?”

Considering the words in her head, the solar system-sized alicorn mare stretched her muzzle widely open to free the planet that her sharp incisor-laden maw had almost completely encircled. Also withdrawing her abnormally long tongue back into the back of her mouth the same instance, which had likewise looped carefully around the green-blue orb like a serpent. Twilight floated back a few hundred thousand miles to put some reasonable distance between herself and Earth, crossing her forelegs tightly in front of her chest in mild annoyance. The brightly sparkling astral projection she utilized down on Earth to converse to all the military and government guys similarly made the same disgruntled scowl and gesture as she dropped back onto her hindquarters.

"'Tis simply not fair," Twilight huffed in clear vexation as she continued to roll her eyes to the assembled crowd of humans. "I've kindly offered you the privilege of subsequently fully studying our home world Equus and our magnificent, magical kingdom of Equestria itself down to the very last detail if you consent to my requests. Even consenting to allow any method the humanoid race possibly has to be utilized as long as it doesn’t harm our harmonic and pure environments or individuals in the slightest. My fellow princesses were a little bit more cautious than I am to offer that much, but they have as much faith in my dedication and decisions than I have in them. I might be the youngest of us four yet they know we alicorn’s don’t just lazily promise or grant stuff just it is within our power without having calculated any possibility and outcome no matter how ridiculous.”

Wordlessly the humans all nodded in understanding, for there was nothing they could really say to disprove of what the gigantic princess high up in space had just told them off. They simply had to believe it to be the truth, regardless the feeling everyone deep down had it was nothing but truth spoken by Princess Twilight. Every single human with Twilight in the room just simply could feel an aura of something fully indescribable but nevertheless undeniable sinking into their very beings radiating strongly out from Twilight’s astral form like a constant heartbeat.

The lavender alicorn's hoof silently rolled around before her in space for nine full seconds, though those felt like hours to the humans, many of whom were anxiously holding their breath or looking around nervously throughout the room for what the royal mare was about to say, then Twilight finally spoke. “You know, this is like a once-in-a-lifetime historical opportunity for your entire race, and with a very high potency of 86,492%, will advance your common civilization by several of decades. Maybe even a full century. You could possibly even become a race that – unlike now based upon my flawless calculations – actually has a distinct significance in the wider universe if you work with what is offered well enough." Princess Twilight again rolled her eyes and cleared her throat as her hoof slowly circled the earth hintingly yet again, stirring it’s exosphere slightly. "I just don't see how this is such a big issue for you humans? After all, it's just a tiny nibble to fathom the flavor of your world from the edge – or surface…you know what I mean – and that's all there is to it I request. You wouldn't even really see any difference from what I've devoured cos it's that marginal."

At least half of the people in the room with Princess Twilight simultaneously cocked their brows skeptically, and after a few exchanging glances between them, it was one of the younger woman’s who turned around to answer the astral-projected princess deity, awaiting an answer, sitting right in front of them on a red cushion with white stitched edges. For whatever reason a far smaller incorporeal replica of Princess Twilight needed softening under her rear. "To repeat, Your honored Grace, for even with your immense intellect and wide reaching wisdom it appears you do not seem to perceive it, but the 'small' chunk –," she indicated with quotes in the air, " – you intend to take from our planet is as large as the entire surface of the United States!"

"Besides, wouldn't it be completely impossible for us to enter your world – I believed you called it Equus, Princess – realistically anyway?" The unnamed woman had paused and looked questioningly over at Princess Twilight for a moment to make sure she hadn't misunderstood the royal alicorn’s home planets name. Princess Twilight nodded wordlessly in confirmation with a kind smile on her lips and her friendly eyes resting on the speaker. "Well, not only to travel to your world but also sufficiently and successfully explore Equus if the size differences appear to be so vast compared to our Earth.” The woman resumed her talk. “Although I don't know the exact dimensions, your size, Majesty, is roughly seven figures larger than ours.” The woman tried in vain to indicate the size difference with her hands and fingers to the lavender alicorn by lifting them up and extending them as far as her arms could reach, but couldn’t quite get it right. Still Twilight friendly nodded to confirm she knew of what was trying to be achieved with the motion. “Well, you see. We would simply be far too tiny. Even smaller – by contrast – than the tiniest bacteria we've studied with our microscopes so far. It simply can't turn out successfully, no matter how your highness might spin it."

"You're big meanies, just so you know –," Twilight remarked kindly, but still audibly dissatisfied at first before continuing. " – kind of ungrateful, actually. Any other races we alicorn’s have contacted so far didn't make nearly as much of a tantrum as you currently do when I – or my fellow princesses – asked them for a morsel from their world. Besides…," Twilight added after a second, "…have you ever considered the potentially existing fact that I may wield some very powerful magical spells that easily and effectively allow me to adjust my height to fit in with any given circumstances when necessary in the blink of an eye? We alicorns may be a very unique and rare breed – even amongst our own kingdom with a total of not more than four prime examples – and therefore by far taller and significantly stronger than the rest of our subjects could ever become. Also not least cos we also unite gigantic amounts of all three prime powers of equestrian pony magic within us to move our respective celestial bodies. Like I do with my stars, for example, or my former mentor Celestia with the sun, or her younger sister Luna with the moon. But even then, we are only about twice and a little extra the average size of our beloved subjects physically."

"Maybe they just weren't as bright and foresighted as us humans?," another person once again interjected into the ongoing debate between the alicorn mare and various assembled humanity. Meanwhile, the majority of the remaining humans present began to put their heads together deeply in thought and quietly discuss whether the alicorn princess had not perhaps actually made a significant point with her size-altering wizardry but still kept an open ear for everything around them. That middle aged woman who had just spoken up to Twilight and which the lavender alicorn astral projection now began to face fully as her snout turned around wore a large brown jacket adorned with at least thirty medals and other marks of honor, indicating that she held a rather high position in her country. However, none of that made even the least bit of impression to the sparkling alicorn-shaped astral projection that stared back at her impassively. Yes, with friendly eyes and a kind smile on her lips but Twilight totally unimpressed nonetheless. For she was Princess Twilight Amicitia Aurora Sparkle the First, one of the four primordial and almost omnipotent divinities of this reality who peacefully ruled Equestria and, for some decades now, many parts of the neighboring galaxy. It certainly would have to be someone of a completely different caliber to even begin to make a lasting impression on her. Twilight laughed inwardly: Pah, an alicorn wasn't that easily fazed you know.

Within a few more seconds now, the corners of Twilight's muzzle had begun to quirk upwards and the lavender-colored alicorn mare far up in space burst into a loud, mocking laugh, almost kicking the Earth's moon out of its orbit with the sheer might of her voice. Yet fortunately, only almost, for the moon was carefully seized by Twilight’s supreme arcane power and pushed back into its natural orbit by the alicorn without a further thought. Regaining her composure some seconds later Twilight turned back to the woman that had voiced this absolutely crazy idea. "I don’t want to come off as rude, but you're joking my dear, aren't you?"

Twilight cocked up her left eyebrow to further express her skepticism not only to the woman who had been speaking until recently. Perplexed by the alicorn's surprising reaction, the woman, who had still been quite confident a moment ago, slowly began to sink back into her chair and intertwine her fingers nervously. Also, most of the humans in counselling quickly returned their gazes and attention to Twilight and the ones who didn't fell silent. There suddenly was a strong aura of immense authority and power in the air emanating from Twilight herself, one that simply commanded not to be ignored or interrupted.

Slowly, the astral projection of Twilight arose from where she had been sitting and with deliberate, graceful strides of a seasoned leader, the alicorn princess began to trot along the outer edge of the room. The gazes of all the humans followed Princess Twilight in awe and fascination for how majestic she moved. Some of them even rubbing their eyes and starring wordlessly to the front, as they simply couldn’t believe that a single being would ever be able to move in such a graceful manner.

Twilight's voice was measured and noticeably lower than usual as she spoke, her eyes scanning the room but not for a moment focusing on any of those present. "Do not think that just because I arrived here less than two hours ago that I know nothing of what humanity has already attempted in the meagre two millennia of its flourishing existence." Twilight stopped trotting around the room and the alicorn's astral projection sat back down on her hindquarters, where she was now, with another mischievous grin. "You all seem to be conveniently forgetting that we alicorns are primordial elder goddesses with virtually limitless power at our disposal. Gifted not only with high intelligence, but with a universal perception and overview of truly everything that is beneficial to us in our task of ruling and protecting each of the galaxies we have promised to uphold."

Twilight quickly hovered her gigantic form back into close proximity to Earth, her very slender yet muscular body curving back in a wide arc around the globe. Her millions of miles of swaying, striped tail and mane floated behind her in the silent vacuum of space, their sheer bulk blocking out almost half of all the sunlight that should be falling on Earth at this late hour of the day. The two tips of her gigantic, densely feathered lavender alicorn wings stretched from the searing heat of Mercury's outer atmosphere to the freezing cold of Neptune. The minimal - to her at least - movements of Twilight's individual feathers, covering hundreds of thousands of miles, caused the surface of Neptune to swirl and its various gases to billow impressively all around her.

Slowly, Twilight's immense snout drew suspiciously close to Earth, and her narrow muzzle slowly opened uncomfortably wide around the ridiculously small green-blue orb in the middle of space, again compared to her imposing physical size. Further and further over the Earth until her gigantic, fierce white incisors began to dig lightly into the Earth's crust. Her left eye - which alone was twice as massive as the entire Earth itself - looked down sternly at the billions of microscopic humans scattered around beneath her. Even at her almost incomprehensible size to a human, Twilight's supernatural alicorn senses allowed her to see every single tiny detail in front of her snout clearly and without hindrance.

"And I can attest with undeniable certainty that many, many of these things are not exactly things to be proud of. "The gigantic alicorn mare had raised her right front hoof as she spoke to point out the point, but now she levelled it at the earth's surface. "I will not go into specifics now, as I feel it is unnecessary, as you are clearly aware of all these things, but spare a thought for yourselves over the last decade or three of your endeavors."

It seemed as if the alicorn mare had nothing more to add, but seven seconds later she added another important detail to her statement. "Just think about what day you are 'celebrating' today. It's the first of August, and one of your environmental institutions has declared that today is your annual 'Earth Overshoot Day'. Almost your worst record yet, which you've been putting off for decades. Personally, I wouldn't take much pride in the fact that you need such a reminder. Twilight's hoof moved up to her chin again. "Hmmm, if my quick, rough calculations are correct, you're currently living as if you had 1.7 Earths at your disposal. Which, I don't think I need to mention, is clearly a hoax.

Twilight watched as the people down on Earth began to sweat in their uniforms and suits, some nervously tugging at their sleeves or looking away from her astral projection, and with a cheeky grin from her true physical form in space, mirrored by her astral form below, she added a flourish. "Please don't take this as a threatening statement. Just remember that the future existence of your adorable little world depends entirely on my mood, kind and proper treatment -" Twilight's grin grew wider and more predatory, and if anyone wasn't already sweating, they certainly were now, "and ultimately on my appetite.

"Ehhhhh..." several of the gathered humans tried to interject again, but Twilight just raised her eyebrows once more in skepticism. The look in her eyes was more than a little effective, immediately nipping any nascent arguments or thoughts in the bud.

“"'Got that?" Twilight inquired kindly but firmly, a second later clearly audible to all. Little by little, the lavender alicorn mare was greeted with nods of approval from all the assembled representatives of humanity at her figure far up in space.

"There you are," Princess Twilight grinned happily as she clapped her hooves together in front of her. Explicitly taking great care not to inadvertently flatten the Earth to subatomic levels between the hard soles of her hooves. "Perhaps we should start from scratch and revisit the whole issue, forgetting what happened before. In my opinion, with a second shot at the whole thing, we could come to an agreement that both sides would be more than happy with. What do you think?" Twilight's wide grin as she said these words showed that there was a much deeper meaning behind them than just a 'simple' conversation.

And down on the surface of Earth, the eyes of almost every representative of humanity widened in realization after a few seconds. Slowly they all swallowed nervously. Now they had finally realized that the young alicorn Goddess would get EXACTLY what she asked for. It was only a question of time how long it would take for humanity to give in to her demands, and unfortunately, an eternal alicorn had literally an infinite amount of time...

*End of the Story*