CHAPTER ONE - BENEATH THE SURFACE
"Technically, she wasn't alone, but she felt lonely."

Twilight was sometimes a quiet pony, something her friends knew very well. They knew she didn't enjoy socializing much, that she was an exemplary student, loved her books as much as she loved her friends and her younger brother, Spike. She didn't hesitate to help others, being loyal and someone who would stick by you until the end, even in your worst moments—exemplary, studious, among other adjectives that could make the list longer. To them, she was real.

It was a shame they couldn't see beyond the surface.

For Twilight Sparkle, it was just another day. A day where, if she distracted herself enough, it could turn out to be a good day. For the lavender unicorn, those monotonous days under the great sun provided by the Ruler of Equestria, Celestia, were entirely normal.

Celestia was Twilight's mentor; she had known her since the lavender pony was a filly, aware of her qualities and weaknesses, and knew of her big heart. She loved seeing Twilight's actions when she looked at the stars as the moon reached its highest point during the night.

Those small memories kept Twilight from ending everything she had once fought for, but in a real battle, one fights until death, but it can't be forever. Twilight was...patient, but not enough to last into old age.

She had dreams, or at least she once did. And when everything became routine, she simply didn't know what else to do. When she met her friends, it was like a ray of hope, but by the end of the day, it was still the same. Another day, another week, another month, and another year.

It continued like a cycle, repetitive. This was her life; studying, eating, hanging out with friends, reading...and occasionally fighting villains, reforming them if necessary, like with Nightmare Moon, or turning them to stone, like Discord. When she did it, it seemed extraordinary and exceptional.

It was a plus in her life, but not everything lasts forever.

Beneath all that was sadness. It's a negative feeling caused by events that bring melancholy or suffering to someone, but in her case, it came from those thoughts. When she remained silent in the middle of a conversation, it was because of that.

Thinking is okay; it helps you examine, opine, be...you. But excessive and negative thinking regularly is wrong. It may happen occasionally; we can't be happy all the time. But there was always something wrong. Twilight knew it.

She knew those intrusive thoughts weren't okay, like "I wish I had died when I almost fell off the cliff" or "Why am I like this? Was it my fault? Why can't I end my suffering?", and they continued.

She tried not to let it be her focus during the day, which is why she was productive, but lying to herself with an "I'm fine" didn't lighten things; it seemed to aggravate them, make them worse than they already were. She hated the days when she had nothing to do, without a friendship problem.

She hated when her heart tightened and her nose got stuffed from crying, that salty water running down her cheek like drops, but could turn into a waterfall. She hated having to pretend everything was fine. Deep down, she wished someone would notice, see that she wasn't okay.

But no matter how many hints she dropped, no one picked up on them. She was sure no one would understand, but she was also sure there were people in worse situations. For that reason, she thought she was just someone who complained about something so insignificant.

She had a decent life, had been the best student, the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend. She had graduated, had a home, was recognized for what she had done.

And yet, she felt empty. She thought she was being exaggerated.

She let it go.

And then she realized that the feeling just wouldn't go away.

There were ponies in poverty, who didn't even have bread to eat, who didn't even have a miserable penny to support their needs, like health. Many of them died daily for that same reason, and yet they were happy, or the opposite.

When she saw those street children playing, she wondered, "What's wrong with me?" Those children played, smiled, were happy and at peace with their lives. And she, she wanted to end hers, wished her existence, her miserable and pathetic existence, would disappear.

She wasn't a child; children sometimes don't see the real world, but they were happy.

She felt bad for being jealous of children, children who didn't even have, or have the chance to go to school or be welcomed home by their parents, because they didn't even have a home. Some were orphans, had no place to hang their hats, had nothing they could call home.

So, in a way, she was similar. The difference was that she had a home, had everything someone could wish for, yet she wasn't satisfied enough or happy enough. She didn't have a place to call home.

Technically, she wasn't alone.

But she felt lonely.

These were feelings she didn't understand but had learned to live with because they were routine, all of them. She had no goals or aspirations in life because she knew it would end at some point. She did nothing for her monotonous schedule, just like her life, because she had gotten used to it. She did nothing with her thoughts or her true attitude because, at the end of the day, who cared?

No one would care enough to help her out, which is why she was in that place. There was no one around to stop her because it was desolate.

Heavily, she walked to the edge; her last thought was, "Life is so troublesome," and it was, but it was also a pity that despite her attempt, she hadn't died. On the contrary, she was as alive as when she was a filly.

But for somepony to have saved her from death was strange, especially when they told her, "Life is very valuable to mortals; I'm surprised that you, of all ponies, don't value it. But I understand, it's the same for an immortal being like me."

Author's Note

A character study of Twilight Sparkle was a story I came up with a long time ago, and I wanted to publish it here, so I created an account. I'm not a great writer, but I know I have the fundamental bases to write a great work. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, although I wasn't sure if I wanted to make it a series or a one-shot. If you like it a lot, then I'll turn it into a series. So I'll wait and see! See you!

-Abrichuink