My Little Dashie: A Michael Bay Adventure
It was a cold winters day when John Smith (Laim Neeson) was walking home from his boring office job when he heard a squeal come from a back alley. John, having nothing better to do than investigate did just that and slowly walked into the, dark, cold, obviously been used in the use of a snuff film, alley.
He heard the cry again and started looking franticly around in case it was a small animal in need of help. He looked behind the trash can, in a cardboard box, and then, when he looked under the dumpster he found, wrapped up in a blanket, a filly Rainbow Dash.
As soon as he picked up the shivering filly he heard a thick, german accent speak to him from the opening at the end of the alley.
"Vell, Vell, Vell Johnathan Smith, It appears you hawe something we need." John turned around and was shocked to see a group of five Nazis, wearing S.S. uniforms and toting MP 40s blocking his exit.
"Himmler, we meet again." John said cooly "I thought you learned your lesson back in Berlin."
Himmler laughed "Did you really think destroying one of our laboritories vould stop the gloryouse third Riech? Now, I offer you von chance and von chance only, give us ze pony so that we can use it to perfect our time machine and clone our army of ze flying horses so that we can stamp out ze Judan and conquer ze west!" as if on que his allies gave a Nazi salute and shouted "Heil!" when Himmler shouted 'Conqur the west!'
John noted the pissed off german madman and his friends who were aiming machine guns at him and said
"You Germans want the pony? Well, take her." and with that he chucked Rainbow Dash at Himmler, pulled his dual chrome plated Berreta M9s out of his back pockets, shot two of the Nazi's directly between the eyes, leapt at them, grabbed Dashie off the ground and ran a good 100 meters before Himmler picked himself up and shouted "Get zem you dogz!" at his remaining Nazis who then procceded to open fire on John.
John, (having served two years in Afganastan) was used to being under fire so dodging the Nazi bullets was no problom for him. He cradled a crying Dashie in his left arm and used his right arm to fire one of his M9s and managed to hit another Nazi before running out of ammo. Being the Military trained, Navy Seal badass he was he tossed Dashie in the air, reloded his M9, squeezed off another shot (dropping another Nazi in the proccess) and caught her before she hit the ground all while still running.
Himmler stood in the middle of the pile of his dead S.S. troopers and said to the last one.
"Get ze Fhurur on ze phone, tell there was a complication." the last S.S. trooper silently saluted and pulled out their time phone.
*RING RING* "Hello this is Fegalign speaking." a young, german voice said.
"Yes, Fegalign, it's Himmler, the pony got away. I need to speak with Hitler." Himmler said into the phone.
Fegalign chuckled and said "Hitler is currently unavailible. Can I take a message." In the background Himmler could hear the fhurur angerly screaming
"Hilfe! Jemand hat Sekundenkleber auf meine Toilette zu setzen! Verdammt, Fegalign! Verdammt!" Himmler sighed
"Still up to your antics I see. Well, tell ze Fhurur we failed to get ze horse. Heil." Himmler said and ended the call. Without looking at the remaining S.S. trooper Himmler said
"Radeo for reinforcements, we are getting zat pony back."
MEANWHILE IN EQUESTRIA!!!!!
All of the Elements of harmony (Excluding Rainbow Dash of course.) had gatered in Twilight's library. They were all sitting around a podium except Twilight, who was standing at the podium.
"O.k. girls!" Twilight said "I have discovered Rainbow Dash's wereabouts! It appears that Rainbow was captured by Nazis who are useing her Pegisus swag to power a Tardis they built after stealing blueprints from Doctor Who! We must get her back beforer the Third Riech can recapture her, compleate their Tardis and take over Equestria!"
"But Twilight, How are we supposed to do that?" Pinkie Pie asked. Instead of answering Twilight cooly walked over to a book self, pulled a book, thus causing the walls to rotate revealing a wall of military grade weaponry.
"Simply put." Twilight exclaimed "We go to earth to kick ass and chew bubble gum!" the rest of the mane six cheered.