//-------------------------------------------------------//
                    I Expect You To Die                    
                  -by PaprikaBluesAndCo-                   
//-------------------------------------------------------//
//-------------------------------------------------------//
                Black Blood & Old Newagers                 
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Black Blood & Old Newagers
The time on this week's doomsday counter ticks down. You're at about half a minute left. Your coworkers, Sweetie Drops and Lyra Heartstrings, are busy deactivating a missile that'll probably destroy all of Canterlot, or something.
You don't particularly care what it's gonna do, it's just another day in the job for you, and that job is preventing doomsday devices from activating.
[=>Insert name], member of the World and Star System Upkeep Protectorate.  
WaSSUP.
Oh, yeah, right, your name. Only took making a sequel about you and your hate-mate for the audience to learn it.   
Your name is MYRA SANGRE. You are a SEER OF BLOOD. The irony of your naming convention doesn't escape you.   
You work for the S.M.I.L.E. agency as an infuriatingly good wellspring of information.
"What is the override grid-password on this gamma-spanner phase flux?" Lyra looks over to you.   
"Press A-32, type in KRONOS, hold the button down until you input the code."   
"How do you even know that?!" Sweets growls in frustration as they both work tirelessly.  
"Dr. Eadlocke is basing the design of his tech off of a combination of video games, Skaia tech, and elaborate references to the Earth we both came from - references to the better Pixar movies, specifically."
It may look like you're standing around in the silo, doing fuck all while the launch ticks down to zero, but in reality, every drop of blood in your body is pumping both oxygen and information into your brain. You're currently digging through Eadlocke's past to see when he assembled the doomsday device that sits before you now.
You know what they say. Strand a guy on an island with an alchemiter and eventually he'll build a bomb.   
Or maybe that's just you.
Either way, you're not particularly freaked out. You've seen plenty of Spy movies. They always, always, manage to stop the detonation at 00:00.04 seconds or something.
Fifteen seconds.
"Sangre!" Lyra shouts. "I'm seeing four cartridges, each are a different color. There's a black, a yellow, a reddish-purple, and a blue."
With the ability bestowed upon you by your godtier, your blood drips into the past. You gaze into what has come before.
Dr. Eadlocke - and you know he only calls himself that because it sounds like "Dreadlock"* - is previously shoving an ink printer into the bomb.   
"And they'll never guess CMYK! They don't have printers here, those stupid ponies! Another invention that they could've prospered from with my help, but NOOO! They don't neeeed it!! They have MAAAAGIC!!" He says in the past that you are currently watching.  
* Which is a little bit fucked up, because he is absolutely white.
"Blue, Reddish-purple, yellow, black." You reply in the now.  
"Okay! There's one more password in the console!" She squints.   
Ten seconds.  
"What.. is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"  
"African or European Swallow."  
"Wha- I don't know that!"  
"No- that's the answer!"  
"Huh?"  
Five.
Fuck.
Three.  
You dive for the keyboard.  
Two.  
AfricanOrEuropeanSwallow  
One   
Enter.
The missle silo releases pressures and deactivates modules, almost disappointed, as the vox intercom robotically announces, "MISSLE LAUNCH ABORTED. ALL PERSONNEL EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. SELF DESTRUCTION IN: THREE MINUTES."
Well of course, you gotta have the self destruct sequence. Absolute classic.   
Your body relaxes, sliding down from the console like porridge and onto the floor, where you lay for a precious few seconds.
If you weren't a god, your life woulda ended right then and there. But it would've been really painful regardless. Gotta appreciate the little things.
Oh, yeah, and your friends would've died. That would suck way more.  
You grunt and groan your way back up onto your feet.  
"Remind me to make you guys binge some of the more mainstream movies before the next assignment." You fully stand up, wobble as your heart rate kicks up for a moment from the orthostatic change, and plant a foot on wide-brimmed ferrule of your cane, whereupon physics makes it stand up so you can grab it by the handle.
There. Better. Your legs strain less. You take a swig of your canteen. The salty electrolytes coat your throat.   
Way less at risk of passing out now. Hell yes.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to drink on the job?!" Sweets gets on your case.   
"And how many times do I have to tell you that salt is good for me?" You retort. "Humans and ponies have different physiology. We don't get drunk on salt!"  
"Sure," Lyra snorts, "and Harry DuBois was a magnesium based life form."
Sometimes you regret allowing Lyra to play that game.
The three of you gallop down the hallway toward the nearest exit as sirens blare and alarms flash. The nearest exit stands across a bridge that spans the front of the volcanic waterfall that was being used as a geothermal energy source for Eadlocke's operations. The heat is almost unbearable as the lava grows more and more volatile.  
Yeah, shits gonna blow. You start to hurry your way across the fifty foot bridge - only for a black blur to tackle you to the ground. Lyra and Sweets stop and look to you in shock. You get to your feet, stumble for a second, and take another swig of salty drink.
Two beady eyes of insectoid hatred pierce into yours.
Here's a fun fact: Ponies are a lot taller than fanon calculated.* Which means that powerful creatures like Tirek and Celestia are VERY tall.  
Chrysalis, is also very tall. Not a queen anymore, she has pursued a new line of work, her relatively small, fresh hive acting as mercenaries for anyone that'll hire.  
And ever since the influx of humans on Equus, there have been plenty of willing contractors.  
* At least in this universe. These things get muddied by the multiversal makeup of existence.
You grin wildly. "Buggieeeeee."   
She sneers vehemently at you. "Mealworm."
Oh you hate her guts. You hate her guts so much that you'd gladly take a strap-on and pin her down to rearrange those guts, and hear her call you obscenities the entire time.   
Hey, wait a second, focus, you can fuck her later.
"Get a move on, girls." You crack your neck. "I've been waiting for this for a LOOOONG time."  
"You're gonna get caught in the blast-!" Lyra shouts.  
"I'LL BE FUCKIN FINE! I can fly, you two can't! Vamoose, dammit!!"
Sweets and Lyra share a glance, then look at you, and snort almost simultaneously. They turn tail and run for the exit.  
You and Chrysalis circle each other on the bridge, the lava flaring up and splashing around dangerously close.
"SELF DESTRUCTION IN: ONE MINUTE."
"Been a while, huh, you venomous bitch."  
"Too long. I shall relish this, little pestilence."
One particular glop of magma hits the floor.  
You charge at each other.
=>
You lay on the side of Chrysalis' barrel. She hasn't woken up yet.
The lava flow cascades down the sides of the island, far away from the cliff face you find yourself chilling out on.  
Officially, you knocked her out, but she definitely fucked you RIGHT up. That armor is hard to get through.   
You'll call it a draw.
You take the time to appreciate her chitin. It's smooth. Sturdy. Broken in a few places from the swing of your cane, but it'll be good as new in a few molts.  
You brush the chitin with your good arm. Then, you inspect the broken one.  
She got you fucking good. A nasty bend in your cane, a snap somewhere in the forearm, a few cracked ribs, maybe a few damaged organs?   
She's damn good, and getting better. This is only.. what, your third encounter with her?   
It drives you nuts. You can't help but have.. you're really not sure what to call it, it's the hateful equivalent of butterflies in your stomach.   
Scorpions in your spine? Eh, you'll work on it.
You grab your arm and attempt to force it back into the right shape. It helps that you practice blood magic, you can realign the shards of bone inside you more easily.  
"Come on. Come ON. Mother(snap)FUCKER!"
"You saved me." Ah, she's awake.  
"Yeah."  
"I thought you said that one of us would die after a glorious battle." She growls at you.   
"Meh, I was hyping it up. Besides, I dunno about you.."  
You look over your shoulder at her. "But I'm having the fuckin time of my life with you, and I really don't wanna dispose of you so easily. Unless, of course, you want to die..."
She sizes you up with a squinty glare, then looks out to the distance, watching the lava barrel down to the ocean. "No. You haven't sated me yet."  
"Hopefully I keep you hungry. I like it when you try to eat me."  
"Burn in Tartarus."  
"You first, fuckface."
You two begin to lean closer together.
"I will only be there first, so I can be your personal hell."  
"I'd rot in Hell with you and you know it."  
"My, such strong words. Do I really captivate you that much, little godling?"
You butt heads.   
"Maybe you do. But you would've just sloshed away anyone else's mind with your venom. So I know you see something in me too."  
"I see a target."  
"And just what are you aiming at it?"  
"You would like me to spoil the surprise, wouldn't you? You little pest."
Your lips are so close. So god damn close--  
"Myra! There you are!"  
She's gone before you even have a chance to react.
DAMMIT.  
You groan, and look over at your teammates.  
"Thank Celestia you're alive!" Lyra hugs you. Ow. Your arm.  
"Celestia had nothing to do with my survival and you know it. Also, ow, my arm."
You're more of a Luna fan anyways. Can gods worship other gods? Like you KNOW Luna and Celestia are more powerful than you. Fuckin' naturally, they've been at this for, what, two thousand years?
"Is your arm broken?" Sweets asks, pulling out the first aid regardless.   
"Yeah."  
Lyra mercifully pulls back. "I thank her anyways, I'm not about to start worshiping you when your first instinct when seeing Chrysalis is to run at her, magic flaring."  
"Hey, it was a success."  
"Oh yeah?" Sweets challenges while she wraps a makeshift sling around your arm. "And where is Chrysalis now?"  
Ah, fuck. You hadn't thought that far. You think for a moment. Sweets squints at you.
"My intention was to subdue, not apprehend. Besides, if the leader of the Mercenary Hive went missing, after an operation where SMILE was involved, they'd be all over Canterlot within the month. We can't afford to risk losing marepower when we're already having to deal with the NeoState of Terra." You bullshit a legitimate explanation on the spot.  
Sweets considers your words, making a face, running those gears in her big huge brain.
"Ugh, I guess you're right." She resumes seeing to your wounds.  
"Yeah. Stupid humans and their stupid power grab attempts.." Lyra snorts. "Uh- no offense."  
You wave her off. "None taken. I don't like humans much either." You take another swig of your-  
"Hey!" You shout as the flask flies away from your hand and into the lavaflow.   
"It's one thing to be drinking on the job, it's another to be drinking while you're injured!!" Sweets scolds you.   
"Look at me! Do I look drunk?!" You shout back. She points to a tree a few meters away. "Walk to that tree and back in a straight line!"  
You get up, way too fast for your heart's liking, and try to steady yourself on the cane. It stands way too low, and you realize that it's out of commission and way beyond repair. You toss it aside.
Fuck.  
Okay. It's not that far of a distance.
=>
"You're drunk." Sweets growls at your prone form.  
"I'm not drunk. It's the POTS kicking in." You protest as the mares place you on a makeshift stretcher made of canvas and stray branches.   
"Sure, sure, and I've got lumbago." Lyra jokes.
You REALLY regret letting her play that game.
You feel Lyra's magic lift up one end of the stretcher, and Sweet's obscene strength carry the other.  
"When we get back, I am referring you to Sapient Resources to get you help with your drinking problem." Sweets declares.  
"It's not.. salt doesn't..!! Gaaaah!!"  
Your head is swimming. You hate this. You hate the fact that even though you're immortal, you're still subject to your disability.  
How can a god of BLOOD have a BLOOD PRESSURE DISORDER?
At least Chrysalis isn't here to see this.
<=
I had to hold my breath to prevent laughing.   
I looked on with glee and delight as Myra was carried out by their partners,   
who were chastising her about an alleged drinking problem.   
I quietly emerged from the tropical foliage I was camouflaged within,   
and picked up Sangre's discarded cane.   
What a delightful trophy, I thought.
What's even better is, she was telling the truth.   
She HAS a weak heart, or some sort of blood illness.   
It was one of the first things I learned to exploit about her.   
Even then, the infuriating little half-ape can fight against me just fine.   
She lasted a minute in front of a lava fall!   
The sheer heat should've made her pass out in the first ten seconds!
Resilient little worm. I do not know if I should admire it,   
or see it as more reason to kill her sooner. But then,   
none would stand up to be my rival. I'd get bored.   
And she is, unfortunately, quite the fun enemy -   
and moreover, her disposition toward me is.. genuine.   
That's the most confounding part of this... relationship.
Her eyes shine with the burning flame of joyous delight when she sees me.   
She frequently sends me goading letters in the mail. She hasn't divulged   
my presence in the field to her superiors - only the encounters   
with my changeling henchmare crews - contractors from my company.
She cares, but in such a spiteful, negative way I never thought possible -   
hardly ever fathomed, even. No other creature in this world has   
regarded me with anything beyond groveling fear at best,   
and cold murderous intent at worst.
I almost kissed her, too.   
I almost kissed her. I almost kissed her! I almost kissed her!!  
Ugh, dammit.
"Boss?" One of my subordinates chirped in the brush.   
"The rest of the hive wishes to know your status and is awaiting orders."  
I sighed. ".. The mission is over. We have leeched off of Doctor Eadlocke's  
food supply for long enough. Have everyone regroup at Arachnia-Congo.   
Tend to their wounds as best as you can. We move in three dawns."  
"Three dawns?" My underling tilted her head.  
"The ponies see no use for an island smothered in magma.   
They will not search this place. We hide here,   
see to those that need care, and move out when the time comes."
..
"Permission to speak freely, Boss?"  
"Granted."  
"That's.. kinder than you would've done as a queen."
I gave my drone a hard glare.   
"If you believe my newfound wisdom to be faulty,   
we can arrange the schedule so that you're   
flying on that shredded wing in the next six hours."  
"N-no, ma'am! Boss, apologies, Boss! You're in charge for a reason!"  
"Good. You have your orders, Sergeant Pliocene.   
I will rendezvous with the rest of the company on my own time."
The little one saluted me and shifted into the foliage.
I hold a strange relationship with my little ones. They are a family,   
yet also a mercenary company. Literal brothers and sisters in arms,   
and I, the Boss, their Mother. But until only recently,   
I regarded them as mere disposable pawns,   
as if the entire world were one great chess board.   
Nowadays, I am.. closer to them. Ironically,   
my lack of political power has yielded me the most loyal hive thus far.  
Funny how that works.
A bright red flare shot off in the distance.   
It was the agency's signal for "Mommy, I frew up, please come pick me up."   
Also the signal that my spiteful little mite was departing.   
Using my changeling magic, I sent out a telekinetic message to her..
=> We'll meet again, Myra. I hate you.
You hate her too. Biiiiiitch. When the others aren't looking, you roll over to face the general direction she'd be standing, and flip her the bird with a smirk.
You watch the sunset as the reconnaissance boat appears over the horizon. The stars begin to take their place in tonight's performance, and as the two goddesses work their literal magic in the sky, you ponder to yourself, when will your turn come about? How will your domain expand, when as a Seer, your role is to advise from the sidelines?   
You're not sure.
Your thoughts drift to Chrysalis. Stupid, sexy, Chrysalis. Fucking Buggie. There's a reason you pulled her out of the volcano after knocking her out. It's obvious. You still want her around. But moreover, you know she wants you around. None have dared to challenge her in the way you have, you make her happy - driven, even. You saw how she was in that prison cell. Pathetic. Tired. Ready to let the void take her.
In a world as mad as this one, where the humans have been trying to take on other countries through their usual method of "bombs first and diplomacy later" since the day they arrived aboard Skaiatech Starships, Chrysalis is constantly taking extremely dangerous work from those bastards. Inevitably, in her pursuit of power, glory, and food, she will take on a mission that makes her too public.
From there? It's only an inevitability. You'd be ordered to kill her. There's no way that she could take on the full brunt of your magic. But the way she's going, her trajectory only points in that expectation, that thought..
<=
I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt as I saw the medical ponies examined her prone body.   
Oh, little godling, I thought to myself, look at you. Despite your divinity, you are still flesh and bone. Your callous nature is overshadowed only by your internalized self-hatred. I can taste it on you, and I can tell you need me. I am the one thing keeping you alive. You sought me out because you needed a reason to awake every morning, lest whatever sordid history you have catches up to you, and drives you to walk into the sea.
How lucky, then, that I enjoy the way you taste. But one day, I will break your heart, as I have time and time again. It is a tragic part of my nature. And from there? Well..
<=>
At that moment in time, as you   
gaze into the receding island flora, you  
ponder the exact thought that   
summed up how you felt   
about Chrysalis, her violent lifestyle,   
and where this toxic yuri might end up,  
if you don't play your cards right.
There was only one thought I   
had felt about Myra at that   
moment in time. One I hated,   
one that felt like I would endeavor,   
yet inevitably fail, to prevent.   
One I would fight regardless,  
because she makes me feel alive.
<=>
"I Expect You To Die" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ht1ZChKF4Ek)
Author's Note
Huge thanks to mintycups for proofreading this chapter.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
  Take It With A Pillar of Salt (HALT! It's Not My Fault)  
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Take It With A Pillar of Salt (HALT! It's Not My Fault)
"So, that's your field report."
"Yup."  
"You confronted the changeling enemy."  
"Uh huh."  
"They somehow broke your arm, whereupon adrenaline kicked in.."  
"Yeah."  
".. and you threw them over the edge with a broken wing, where they fell into the lava flow underneath you."  
"Sounds correct." That part is absolutely a lie, but you can't let them know about Chrysalis.
"You need help with your drinking problem."  
"IT'S NOT-"  
You take a moment to steady yourself in front of the HR- wait, no, Sapient Resources, so it's SR, representative.  
"It's not a drinking problem. I have a disability."  
"What kind of disability requires you to drink large quantities of water with salt mixed in?"
You clear your throat.  
"Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, otherwise known as POTS, is a condition where prolonged standing, or change in posture, prone to standing primarily, causes my blood pressure to drop and my heart rate to spike. The reason this does not occur in creatures such as you or griffons, as a random example, is because of your quadropedal nature. You see me? I'm walking around on two feet. All my organs?"   
You gesture to your chest.   
"Waaaay up here. So thanks to my irregular blood pressure, my heart has to put a lot of work into pushing that blood up against gravity into my organs. This causes symptoms such as susceptibility to heat-related issues, chronic dehydration, fatigue, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, and occasionally fainting."
The stallion in front of you tilts his head. "And what does this have to do with your tendency to drink salt?"  
You push up your glasses to pinch your nose. "In humans, a high diet of sodium - salt, increases blood pressure, and since it's an electrolyte, asissts with hydration, all of which treats my condition. There is no known cure for this, and since this affects my ability to work effectively with any job whatsoever, it is classified as a disability by human law."  
The stallion slowly raises his eyebrow. "But you're not under the purview of human law. This country runs under equine law."
Why are boys always so idiotic, no matter the species?   
"Yes, but this country doesn't even know what POTS is. No pony or other sort of creature has had to face this condition before. I'm informing you that humans have dealt with it."  
The stallion sighs. "You do understand-"  
"Yes, I understand that salt is considered a regulated recreational substance by equinity. I am aware that if anypony else had a swig of my electrolyte mix, they run the risk of sodium poisoning. I assure you, it's medically necessary."
The stallion - Paper Shuffle - snorts at the interruption. "Alright, if this truly is the case, I am going to need you to find a human doctor to corroborate it and have them sign these papers."
You take a stack of dry looking legal-medical jargon, and captchalogue it.  
The guy looks around, confused. "Where did it go?"  
"It's in my inventory."  
He blinks at you. To prove your point, you pull the papers out of your inventory, and then put them back in.
He really doesn't know what to do about that.   
"Is that all you need from me?"  
"Well, besides the usual two topics of 'try not to shout at your fellow agents' and 'stop getting in unnecessary life or death situations'.."  
"Unnecessary is objective there."  
"You killed somepo- someone again!"  
"An enemy combatant who was capable of perfect disguise and could've been gathering intel on us if I didn't. Besides, it was out in the ocean; legally, I'm kosher."
"Ko..sher..?" Paper tilts his head.  
"Human religious word when it comes to eating certain food or something; I'm using it as a way to say that I'm fine. We're fine. Humans, historically, have killed more of each other, for less justifiable reasons."
He sighs. He knows you're not wrong.  
There's a new stereotype out there, that Tirek somehow descended from humans, which explains his "violent conquering nature" so "half-ape" has become a blightful epithet against centaurs everywhere.
It's a bit fucked up and racist, but you know Equestrian history. They used to be so bad they wouldn't even interbreed with other kinds of pony.
Besides, humans really have no right to throw stones when it comes to "who is less racist".
"Alright. Please, just, avoid, killing, in the future? I can see why every other member of Sapient Resources refuses to deal with you."  
"I can avoid crashing while driving in the snow, doesn't mean that sometimes it happens anyways."  
"A horrifically apt metaphor! Thank you, please, get out of my office."  
"Am I still employed?" You smugly ask, knowing the answer already.
"..Yes, you are. Our success rate has gone through the roof since we brought you on, just, please, try to make this easier for everyone involved?"  
"No promises, but I'll try."  
"Do, or do not, Miss Sangre! There is no try."
You close the door behind you and float your way out of HQ's campus.
You.. are going to punch George Lucas in the face. And then also Blank Page, for introducing Star Wars to ponies.
Wait. No. He's not in this universe. Dammit!
You instinctively reach for your flask, only to realize that there is a note in the pouch where you usually keep it.  
"Myra, I'm taking personal action to help you with your drinking problem. I have the canteen, and you will get it back once I've washed all the salt out. -Bon Bon"
Mother FUCKER.  
You best go find some water, you're already parched from that meeting.
<=
I watched Myra emerge from the Canterlot headquarters,   
and walk down the street, with a fresh new cane -   
one that looked sturdier, I suppose to beat me over the barrel with in the near future.   
I followed her down the street, watching as she took twists and turns,   
apparently having caught onto my tailing at some point.
I wasn't trying to hide, anyhow.   
Eventually, she whipped around and confronted   
me by blasting a gout of blood magic in my direction.
"Hey, mealworm." I smugly grinned.  
"..Buggie..?" She tilted her head, in a disgustingly cute way.   
"You know anypony else this good-- hey, hey, hey, stop that, stop that!! Put me down!!!!"  
While I was making the mistake of being boastful at tricking her about tricking her,   
she had grabbed the underside of my barrel, and lifted me up by my front legs,   
my other two dangling in the air.
She was holding me like she would a cat.   
Despicable. I wouldn't have been as upset by it if I didn't notice she was wavering back and forth.   
I gave her the darkest glare I could.
"You tiny.. smol..! One apple tall." She whispered in delight of my alleged cuteness.  
I wasn't even "tiny". I was disguised as a reformed changeling,   
which had the average height of any Equestrian mare, but her strength allowed her to pick me up regardless.  
Stupid half-human, half-whatever-else-she-was strength.
"You will put me down now, or I'm turning this into a war crime tribunal."  
"Oh, I'll put you down alright." She said as she held me aloft with one arm,   
and used her free hand to make.. a gesture.. of injecting (..?) something into her neck.   
She dropped me, unceremoniously, into a puddle of muck.   
I glared daggers at her. Perhaps even bullets.   
I didn't have it in my mental budget for glaring missiles. Not yet.
I shook myself off and ran some magic through me to clean my chitin.   
She stumbled back to relax against the wall opposite to me, and asked,   
"So, what brings you to the City of the Sun?   
Last I checked, your ugly mug was wanted by the crown."
She was breathing more heavily than usual.
I sneered at her. "My company has shore leave for the next few days,   
before we ship out on another assignment. Guard work in the Griffon Empire,   
they have an archaeology expedition and need the marepower   
to fend off any creatures that might perceive the pathetic little scientists as a meal."
I tasted her emotions shoot up in excitement, then crash back down.   
I hated when she tasted upset. She grabbed me by the neck,   
aimed my head at hers, and stared into my soul with her horrifically keen eyes.
"You better not die on me out there."  
"I refuse to allow wildlife to be my end." I returned fire with my own eyes.  
"Good." She then let me go, feeling, somewhat better. "Shore leave, huh?   
And your first thought was to come find me, even though if you get caught, you're a dead mare?"  
"How nice to know that you truly care about me~!" I replied with saccharine smugness.
Ow!  
She kicked my leg! I kicked hers back!
"Fucker!"  
"Vermin!"
Before either of us knew it, we tumbled out into the streets,   
wrestling each other. Ponies squealed and whinnied and nickered   
at the sight of us fighting, only for us to crash into a fountain.   
Even then, we still continued to lash at each oth-
"So are you just like racist against changelings or something, Sangre?" somepony casually asked Myra.   
We both froze, and turned to face her. It was her coworker.. Lyre? Lyra.   
She was sipping some kind of beverage, probably a disgusting milkshake,   
and the Candyass was standing right next to her, shaking her head disapprovingly.   
"Or is this your salt problem rearing its ugly head again?"  
"It's not a goddamn--!"
I couldn't help it. I was rolling over laughing.   
I eventually recollected myself, still giggling, while Myra looked at me grimly.   
Served her right for kicking me!  
"Junebug was ripping for a tussle, like the old days!"
Junebug? Aww, that was so sickeningly sweet, she already had a fake alias for me.  
"You missed our little scraps and you know it!" I decided to allow this game of improv to begin.   
"I did, Junie, but you can't just tackle me after I got off the job."
Oh, you little worm!  
"I didn't tackle you! You tackled me-"  
"You two know each other?!" Lyra interrupted me.   
"Sure. She was actually the first creature I ever met in this universe." Myra shrugged, ironically telling the truth.   
"Really? Where you from, Junebug?" Candyass asked me.  
"Appleloosa." I decided to lie.
For some reason, Myra gave a horrific shudder and groan when I gave that answer.  
"You alright?" Lyra asked on my behalf.  
"Yeah, it just, that place is too damn hot. Can't stand it. Hot places make my condition worse."
I could feel her lying by telling a truth, but I decided not to press it since it would've blown my own cover.  
"So, what were you two up to?" Lyra continued, "Besides property damage."  
"Gonna see if we can't find a place to legally spar in the city.   
I wouldn't have done the damage if somepony had a touch of patience!" Myra shot a look to me.
I was so going to get her for this.  
"Ooh! Ooh! Can I watch?" Lyra excitedly asked.  
Candyass rolled her eyes.
We shared a glance.  
"Y'know what? Yes. Yes you can." Myra said with an enthusiastic grin.  
"I'll do better than you, just you watch!" I declared.
On the way to the training fields, however,   
I noticed that Myra had to constantly stop   
to take a rest on every bench we passed by.   
It was getting annoying.
"Where's your canteen?" I asked her impatiently. "You usually fare better with it."  
"Sweets has it."
I looked over to the offending mare, who turned her nose up at me.  
"I'm just helping my coworker with her drinking problem." Sweets declared proudly.  
"Are you sure that's..?" I began to ask, but..  
"Which one of us has been having to deal with her drinking salt on the job?" she challenged me.
I tilted my head innocently. "Oh? You're coworkers? Where do you work?"  
She opened her mouth to speak, then huffed.   
I could taste her annoyance with me, and it took great effort not to smile.
"We signed an NDA, so I can't tell you."   
I shrugged. "Okay, but, I'm warning you, she tastes.. fuzzier than normal."
Lyra shrugged dispassionately. "Probably withdrawal symptoms."  
I sneered at them when they weren't looking.   
These were the ponies that my mealworm trusted her life with?
We continued to the fighting grounds proper, and began to spar.
=>
She's fighting differently.   
Like duh. Obviously. This is Chrysalis, Mistress of Disguise we're talking about. But she's fighting differently, and it's throwing you off your rocker.
It really doesn't help that Sweets took away your fucking canteen. You dodge left, strike back with your cane, she swings the staff at you - you didn't even know she had that training.
The best you can do right now is to try and play it smart. Too much exertion, and THWACK, you take the staff to the face. You stumble, cuss, and magically gather the blood pooling under your eye and nose.   
You cover the wound, and shape the rest into a makeshift spear. You block, force down the staff with the spear, and
Huh?
Wait.. you're on the ground.
Ka-thump-Ka-thumpKa-thump-Ka-thump.
Everything's..
<=
Before I had the chance to swing at Myra again, she collapsed.   
Ha! She couldn't even handle me in disguise with one of my worse fighting styles, how could she...
I paused for a second, and then gingerly approached her. She tasted.. wrong.   
"Mealworm?" I whispered.
"..Myra. Myra, this isn't funny. You lasted much longer than this in front of fucking lava. Get up."  
Her eyes drifted to me, and I tasted a pang of hazy emotion fly towards me, then slowly  
fizzle out. Her typically keen eyes were unfocused, dispassionate.   
How long could she last without her salt?
Oh no. Nononononono. Not like this, Myra, please.  
"Hey! You two! Something's wrong!"
Candyass and Lyra looked up from their chat, and galloped over.  
"She isn't responding. She isn't moving! What's wrong?!"
"Hey.. you don't think.." Lyra hesitantly asked.  
"No, it's not the POTS thing! She made that up!"
"Wait.. You don't think that her condition is real?!"   
Candyass scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Of course not!!   
She claims she needs the salt because her heart rate goes up if she doesn't.   
Can you believe that? It's the most ridiculous thing I've-!"
"LOOK AT HER! DOES THAT LOOK LIKE FAKING IT TO YOU?!" I screamed,   
gesturing to the prone catatonic human before us.   
"You want proof?! Check her heart rate, right now!!"
Candyass was taken aback by my outburst and demands.   
She began to confront me, but Lyra put an ear to Myra's chest,   
and her expression turned to horror.  
"Bonnie.. that's not a normal heartbeat."
=>
Shapes and noises. Haze. Something presses to your chest.  
Then something else.
You feel yourself being moved. Your chest is burning.   
You're so goddamn thirsty. Everything is starting to hurt.
Water. Oh, by the gods, nectar of life, the water. You greedily gulp at it, and the world begins to return.
You haven't had any water today at all, much less salt. Dumbass. You're dehydrated and you just got into not one, but two scuffles with Buggie.
Buggie!! Ah, fuck, she-
She's the one giving you the water. She has genuine worry written all over her face.   
You finish drinking and lean back against the tree you find yourself under.
She's screaming at Sweets and Lyra. You try to focus on them, but the Haze is strong.   
".. of course I don't, she's using it as an excuse..!"  
"...tried to explain this and you didn't..!"  
"...she has a problem!"  
"Yeah! That problem is YOU!" Buggie screams and crushes the bottle in her magic while it's still in front of your face, causing the water to geyser out directly into your panting mouth and nose.
You eventually manage to clear your airway again, and you're a bit more able to focus.   
What was it that Bon Bon said?
Your blood drips into the past.
Bon Bon scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Of course not!! She claims she needs the salt because her heart rate goes up if she doesn't. Can you believe that? It's the most ridiculous thing I've-!"
You look up at her. She looks back at you, expressionless.  
"I have the greatest friends in the universe." You sarcastically growl, before getting up, and using your godtier powers to fly out of the field.
"Myra! Wait!!" Lyra shouts.
Whatever.
<=
I watched as Myra soared off into the distance,   
and I snarled at Candyass, then flew off myself.   
I could see she hadn't fully recovered from that fall,   
and I was not about to let her be a moron and die by flying into something.
I think now, more than ever, I need to get her to listen to me.  
And I'm good at getting creatures to obey.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
        Come Along Now, Run Away From the Hum-Drum         
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Come Along Now, Run Away From the Hum-Drum
I eventually found her. She had gotten away from Canterlot proper, sitting on the other side of the mountain.   
On the edge of a cliff.  
Idiot. That is the worst possible place to be! I thought.
I heard her talk to herself as I approached.  
"Lyra and Sweets don't believe me, HR wants me to get a fucking human doctor's note, Chrysalis is gonna be gone for weeks. I'm gonna go crazy! I already wanna kill someon-"
I landed a few meters away from her.  
"You here to mock me for my weakness, Chrysalis?" She gazed coldly to me, flexing her hand, ready to return fire. She had power in spades, held back only by her weak heart, and something she called, "The Seer's Binding".
"No. I have come to stop you from being an idiot."
That vocal jab was enough to defuse her rage.
"How could I possibly be an idiot right now?" She wildly gesticulated.  
"You have suffered a fall from your condition. Your coordination is marred, and you are currently sitting on the edge of a cliff. I'm here to get you somewhere safer."  
"..Wha-?"
Before she had the chance to protest, I engulfed her in my magic and carried her towards a clearing, away from the edge.
She glared at me the whole time, attempting to use her blood magic to break free. I placed her down on a log, and stared her straight in the eye.
"I am going to retrieve some salt for you. You will stay here, and not fly anywhere else, or I will kill you."  
"Oh yeah, fuck face?!" She immediately stood up, gathering power, far too fast, and collapsed.
"Idiot." I growled as she fell onto my body. "I am trying to help you. Your godhood will not save you from your thick skull."  
She said nothing, and allowed me to set her down upon the log once more.  
"I will not repeat myself a third time. You will remain here, and rest. I will retrieve some salt for you. Do I make myself clear?!"
"Transparently." She growled.  
"Good girl." I cooed, and got a very lovely reaction out of her from it.
And with that and a newfound grin, I flew off in search of electrolytes.
=>
Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit.  
Another day, another pileup of intrusive thoughts on the stream of consciousness.
They don't believe you. None of them believe you. They're no better than the humans. Except maybe Chrysalis. Actually..
You allow your blood to seep into the pulse of the narrative. What are those friends of yours up to?
The two agents scurried down the streets in the direction of where Myra had flown off, only to stop at the railings edge. The overlook yawned before them, their hometown of Ponyville a day's commute away.
"Bonnie.." Lyra began to say.  
"No, no, stop. I love you, but stop." Bon Bon bluntly stated.  
"We really hurt her feelings!"  
"She needs our help with her addiction!"  
"But what if Junebug was right? What if it's real?!"  
"That doesn't stop the fact that her consumption of salt is making her a liability."
Just then, a red and orange changeling passed by, giving the duo a judgemental stare.  
"Junebug!" Lyra shouted. "Did you see where she went?"
"Yes, I did. It's none of your concern, she's safe and being taken care of. She asked me to tell you two that she is leaving for the Neostate, so she can get a human doctor's note, or something. She will be back in three weeks."
Oh, great. Now Chrysalis is making you do it, too. Does she not believe you either? Are they all lying pieces of shit?! Maybe you should kill one of them. Show them what happens when they disrespect
"STOP THAT!" I shouted, and smacked Myra upside the head. "I can taste whatever Nightmare is trying to fester in your head."  
I shoved the bottle in her face. "Drink."  
She snatched it from my grasp and chugged. I felt her rage begin to subside as she did.
You wipe your mouth off and give Buggie a look. "So you don't believe me either?"  
"Of course I believe you."  
"Then why did you tell the others that I'm leaving for Terra?"  
"Because," she says smugly, lifting your chin up with a forceful hoof, "I see a win-win for the both of us. You get your little excuse note for your employers, and I get lots.. and LOTS of time with you."  
"Wait.. are you taking me?"  
"Silly human. Of course I am."
You squint.  
"Why?"  
"Well, after I told you I'd be gone for a while, I tasted your emotions crashing, and I could not stand to leave you in such a pathetic state. Consider this a gift, Mealworm."
There's more to this, but you're not sure what. Before you have a chance to really think it over, she undoes her disguise, turns around, and flags her tail.
Holy H.R. Geiger on the Moons of Darsalon making out with an anthropomorphic terminid.  
Your brain short circuits just as you figure out what her plan is.   
You pass out for the third time today.
<=
Carrying around an unconscious human would have attracted too much attention for my disguise, especially after I just informed somepony that said human was leaving the country.  
Instead, I shrouded her in some casually stolen canvas, and carried her back to my hive's airship.
It was docked and disguised as a changeling trade vessel, but those in the know could recognize the battle standard of the Battlehive Mercenary Co. My current pride and joy.
I allowed myself a smile as the guards standing outside saluted me on approach. I returned the salute with a nod, and entered the ship.
"You couldn't have just waited until I was awake?" Myra mumbled in her canvas.  
"Shut up!"
=>
Chrysalis has supplied you with more salt. You mix it into some water, squeeze some lemons in there, and take a swig.
Tastes horrific. Perfect. Your throat feels significantly less parched.
You find yourself sharing a seat with an undisguised Chrysalis in her airship's mess hall, currently unoccupied, save for the two of you. It's reminiscent of Chrysalis's old Hive, except modernized to be navigable enough to fly as an airship. Crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside. You find it strangely welcoming.
Your blood surveys the surrounding area, the literal pulse of the city, and right now, you can tell that Lyra and Bon Bon are still looking for you.
You really do not wanna see them right now.   
"Better?" Buggie asks you.  
"Yeah. Thanks."
..
"You've been uncharacteristically kind today-" You say, before-  
"Don't you start!" She hisses. "I simply don't wish for my greatest enemy to fall to something as stupid as her own heart condition!"
You can't help but chuckle. "Yeah. Imagine the obituary. Local goddess of blood has died. Badly. Because her blood is so sucks."  
She thwacks your hand with a hoof. "Speak properly or I'll fry whatever parasites are in your head."  
"Present company included?"
She smiles angrily and-  
OW! She bit you!
You slowly realize that you don't.. entirely mind.  
You feel something drain out of you, not through the bite, but generally. Oh. Oh Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, she is FEEDING ON YOU. She's eating your blackrom love for her, and it feels.. REALLY good.
You didn't even know it'd feel this damn good. Maybe that's part of the deal, is to make it almost addictive. Like those vampires from the Dresden Files. But the White Court can't even hold a candle to the sheer beauty of Chrysalis. As much as you hold disdain for her, she is undoubtedly sexy as fuck. Stupid sexy Buggie. You grunt, wrap a hand around her mane, and give her scritches behind her ear. She chirps in delight, and you begin to reach up with your other hand-
"Excuse me! Did a changeling come through here with a human just now?" Lyra asks outside.  
FUCK
You slam your free hand on the table, pull back and growl at the door leading outside. Chrysalis jolts, pulls back, and changes back to her disguise. Cuter, but less beautiful. Fucking dammit.  
Her eyes dart from you to the splintery impact where your hand is, then composes herself.
"We will deal with them in a moment. But first.. I must ask that you do not leave my quarters during the trip."  
"Aww, don't wanna introduce the kids to the girl you're hate-dating?"
She flinches.   
"Oh, shit, really?"  
"No, I-"
She sighs.
"It is only inevitable that my children will recognize what is occurring between you and I."  
"Same goes for my coworkers, I think."  
"Exactly. We cut it close with the island, my children are beginning to gossip."  
"That was, what, our third encounter out on the job? We can't exactly do what we do in public.. Not without acting.."  
"Normal." She finishes your sentence with a dark venom.  
"Yeah."
Going on a regular date wouldn't work. Even with the disguise, everything would just feel disingenuous. You can tell, even now, as "Junebug", she is not able to be totally herself around you.  
Makes the big bug cranky, it does. You don't blame her.  
It doesn't help that no one else gets what's going on, so you're pretty sure that if you tried a regular date, you'd get pulled aside by concerned stallions asking if you're okay.
And everything is much more than okay. You've only been at this for a few months, and Chrysalis..
Chrysalis is the only one who's understood what a kismesis is, in every timeline you've been able to see with you in it.  
Celestia didn't get it. Luna went Nightmare Moon on you. Cadence.. is married, typically. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had their own thing, vacillating between the blackrom quadrant and the typical flushed one of standard romance.
The list goes on, but Buggie is at the top.
"And, lemme guess. You're worried that if I get spotted, the kids are gonna have those rumors confirmed, and act differently around us."  
"Yes."  
"They'd try to make it 'normal'."  
"Yes."
You lean back in your chair.   
"..Let's call it.. a temporary truce." You snap your fingers.  
"A truce?"  
"You had one of your own contact me in order to hire me on for temporary work, and in return, you're going to make that pit-stop in Terra for me."  
"And what do I get in return, in this hypothetical deal?"
You press your elbows on the table, steeple your fingers, and do your best Gendo Ikari impression while you think.  
".. I'm acting as recon for the archeology dig. My ability to pick up on previous events nearby will allow your forces to strategize accordingly to any potential threats, keeping your Hive safe."  
She grins. "See, you can be smart when you really put your heart into it~." She says in a tone that mocks the episodic lessons of the children's TV show she came from.
You step out onto the gangplank. Lyra and Sweets are waiting for you.
It's a good few seconds before either of you speak up.   
"Myra, I'm sorry-"  
"Yeah, it's fine, whatever." You interrupt her. Your half hearted acceptance of her apology seems to sting harder than straight up denying it.
Sweets looks.. less remorseful. "We wanted to make sure that Junebug wasn't acting maliciously."  
"I am right here!" She protests.  
"Yes, and as far as I'm concerned, you could be potentially foalnapping Myra."  
"I am right here!" You protest.  
Sweets seems unconvinced. "What are you leaving Equestria for?"
You sigh and show her the paperwork.
"Look - it's gonna be a few weeks before our next assignment anyways. Sapient Resources needs me to find a human doctor to confirm my condition is real." You inject a bit of venom into the word real, and to her credit, Sweets flinches a little. "So I'm heading to the NST to do that. Junebug's being kind enough to gimme a lift there via airship, so the travel time will be shorter."  
"Does she.. own this thing?" Lyra asks.  
"No, but she knows the Captain personally."
Sweets regards the airship suspiciously. You're not sure why. That's the problem with being a Seer of Blood - you're not omnipotent. New developments are completely beyond your purview, so you're not sure what she's thinking at all.
You turn around to leave, only for Lyra to say, "Myra? We're still cool, right?"
Before you turn back around, you already know she wants a hug. You might as well oblige.   
"Sure."  
You give her the hug.   
"I promise I'll take the salt thing seriously. From here on out."  
"Thanks, Strings."
You look back to Chrysalis, still in her disguise. "I'm heading home to pack. Just come get me when we're gonna pull anchor."  
She nods, and returns to the interior of her ship.
Lyra and Bon Bon traveled through the Canterlot streets.   
"Something feels, off."   
"You've been saying that for the past few minutes, honey."  
"I know! But I'm genuinely worried about Myra."  
"About the drinking problem, and how it turns out she might've been telling the truth the whole time?"  
"That too, but! I've already done a background check, there's nopony from Appleloosa with the name Junebug."  
"That was fast."  
"I have connections. It's what makes me a good agent."  
"Well, she's a changeling, and the Reformation was only a few years ago, so maybe-"  
"And! She was talking with somepony before we recovered her during the last mission! Who was she talking to?"  
"Herself? You know she's a bit messed up in the head." Lyra tilted her head.  
"...Okay, point taken, but I think she's keeping something from us. Think about it. She claimed to have killed 'the changeling enemy' in her report, but there's no way she could just KILL Chrysalis. Then we found her talking to some mysterious person afterwards. And now, she's just so conveniently leaving with a changeling and using her quest from SR to leave the country!"  
".. I'm following you down this thread of logic, but I'm not liking the spider web at the other end."   
"We have to face it, my heart. It's a horrific idea, but I think.. Myra is in cahoots."  
"Cahoots...? Is that a word-"  
"Cahoooooooots!"
Lyra blinked. "Are you sure you're not just, lashing out because it turned out you may have been hurting someone the whole time?"  
Bon Bon glared at her partner, then sighed. "Only partially. Still. Trust but verify. We need to make sure that Myra isn't acting against the crown's wishes. For Princess and Country!"
Bon Bon produced a camera from her saddlebag. "And the first thing we're going to do is figure out what the symbol on that Changeling ship means!"

//-------------------------------------------------------//
     What a Surprise, You're Never at a Loss of Words      
//-------------------------------------------------------//
What a Surprise, You're Never at a Loss of Words
"Y'know, in another timeline, you three are a family."
I looked up from my work to see Myra sitting up in the hammock we had hung in my quarters, staring at a picture of me, Tirek, and Cozy Glow.  
After the Battle of the Bell, we parted ways on less than amicable terms.
Perhaps it was rash to accuse them of treachery, but it's far too late now. Tirek was a congressman in the Neostate, and Cozy Glow was.. missing.
"What are you implying?"  
"Nothing. I'm just observing the other worlds. Watching other universes has become my personal daytime television. There's endless possibilities when it comes to this multiverse, it's like the monkey-infinite-typewritter thingie."
She floated the picture back to my desk, and lay back in the hammock. She was not used to changeling bedding, but that would change soon enough.   
That canvas I stole was particularly itchy. She'd not last long in it.
"Then why bring up the fact that I have somehow become blood to those two in another world?"  
"Well, haven't you ever thought, 'I wonder what would've happened if I did things differently'?" She tilted her head at me.
"No. I have far too much on my plate to ponder the what-ifs, to say nothing of the plights of others beyond our world." I rolled my eyes, and continued my work.
It began to grow.. annoyingly quiet. I stared at some of the paperwork and felt like burning it.
"In another timeline, you end up as part of a herd."  
"With whom." I said without looking up from the logistics.  
"This Prince named Mark Wells, alongside a few other mares."  
"And do I show him his place?"  
"Boy howdy, did you ever! He showed you yours too, though; ended up siring some of your nymphs. But you did love him."
I raised an eye ridge at her. "Did?"  
I could taste the bright jolt of shock that ran down her spine, even though she remained composed.   
"Eeeyup."  
"Did the arrangement come to failure?"  
"Nnnope."  
"Did I die?" I shot her a glare across the port bow of her little hammock.
..
"Bah. Your silence is answer enough."
"A human assassinated you. Mark.. killed him, immediately after. With raw lightning magic. Afterwards, your murderer was just a stain on the floor."
I couldn't help but grin a little darkly.  
"It seems the other me chose her mate wisely." I purred.
I considered the budgets. Food stores were good enough, and we'd be down one mouth to feed on account of Myra's presence.   
She never seemed to eat, or at the very least, I had yet to see her do it. And with her feeding me, well..
"Tell me another."  
"Well, in another timeline you end up..." She began to ramble about another world, and I resumed my work.  
Her madness made for lovely evening entertainment.
<=
The time had come for the announcement.  
My children had gathered in the mess hall, where cocoons of liquefied love were acting as dispensaries for food. Morale was high, despite our recent loss. Shore leave in Equestria seemed to have done the trick.
I sent out a telepathic wave of "ATTENTION PLEASE" throughout the mess hall, and all conversation and din stopped.
"I wish to inform you all that we will be working alongside someone. Because of the treacherous nature of the untamed lands, I have hired a specialist to act as reconnaissance. You are all under orders to treat this creature as if she was one of our own, do I make myself clear?"
The company replied with a mixture of "Yes ma'am" and "Yes Mom". I did my best not to smile at the latter sentiment. I turned to the entryway where Myra should've been standing.  
"You may enter."
..
"I said you may-"  
"HEY KIDS, WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?!"
Before Myra's form fell from the rafters and made a sickening thud on impact. My children began to scream at the alleged corpse.
"STOP SCREAMING!!" I yelled. Everypony complied. "And you!" I lifted up Myra and her shit-eating grin from the ground, dangling her by her clothes. "We agreed for this to be a TRUCE, not an opportunity to psychologically attack my kin as opposed to physically attacking them!! Do that again, and I will bury you alive and ensure you do not return from the grave!"  
Myra lifted up her hands in a placating gesture. "Okay, okay, no fucking with the kids. Got it."
I placed her down, then threw a hoof across her face, which made a very satisfying smack sound. Myra rubbed the developing bruise. "Yeah, okay, I earned that one."  
She did not taste remorseful in the slightest.
"Wait.. we're working with the SMILE agent?!" One of my children exclaimed. "How do we know she's not transmitting information to Equestria?!"  
Before I had the chance to answer, Myra did.
"Because, Squirt," she snapped her fingers like Discord would, but with no magical result, "Working for SMILE is just my job. And like any other human in the workforce, my political affiliations when on the clock don't match the ones I have in my free time. As of right now, I'm not getting paid, so as far as I'm concerned, Princess Twilight and Director Luna can suck it."
My children gaped at her brazen statement. I also gaped at her.
"So then why do you work for them?" Another of my children asked.  
"Well, Pincer, I'm part of the division that's dedicated to preventing doomsday devices, eschatrons, and seventh-seal cults from going off. I care more about the World at Large, as opposed to any one ideology or country, and currently, SMILE is the only one doing anything in the field of preventing worldwide destruction. So I work with them instead of working alone. Easier that way."
"How do you know our names?" another one chirped from the far side of the room.   
"That's my ability! To portend the established, the true, narrative bonds, and what has come before. Being able to see what's already come to pass, when it is suddenly relevant once again, is just as important as being able to see what has yet to be." She grinned and spread her arms out. "I can see Chrysalis assigning each of you a name, and so I pretty much know all of you without the introductions. I can see that being creepy-"
"Is it true you're dating Mom- I mean, Captain Chrysalis?!"
She stopped her ramble with a dumbstruck smile on her face. Sweat accumulated on her forehead, and her eyes darted to me and back.   
For five seconds, it was deathly quiet. Finally, Myra spoke.
"I can neither confirm nor deny, on the grounds that your mother is right there, and if you really wanna know, you could go ask her." She jerked a thumb towards me, grinning desperately.
I made a point to glare towards her, then to my kin, to signal that there would be dire consequences for anyling that dared to-
"..Mother? Is it true you're dating Agent Sangre?" One very brave child asked. I might have to promote that one for sheer bravado alone. Provided I didn't eat her alive first.
".. We won't tell anyone!" Another piped up.  
"The secret dies with us!" More joined in.  
"Yeah, cross our hearts, swear to fly, stick a cupcake in our eye!"
Myra burst out into wheezing laughter, and dropped to the floor, her cane clattering off to the side.
"Enough!" I shouted. "These asinine questions are not relevant to the mission at hoof! Anymore of these, and you will be on cleaning duty in the nursery for the foreseeable future!"
Sweet silence returned. Myra reached for her cane, and stumbled to her hooves. Feet. Whatever.
"As you were! I must return to my quarters to strategize with our temporary ally."
A few of my children did their best to keep a straight face and not fall into rumour and hearsay. Not until we left, anyways.
=>
You watch as the mid day sun cooks the chaparral before you.
It's currently 45° outside.
Celsius. You fucking hate it.   
You take another swig of your concoction and try your best to ignore the sun beating down on you.
You're currently scouting the general area for any signs of, well, anything. Right down to any little narratives about a wild creature drowning in mud.
You'd say that's not a big deal, but given the size of some animals here, anything that's big enough to drown those hypotheticals is big enough to drown a changeling.
Changeling. Fuckin Buggie.  
No, no. Focus on the mission.
You're travelling via a large truck, courtesy of the archaeology team, who obtained the truck from human salesmen on the border between the Neostate and the Griffonian Empire. Chrysalis' children are currently armed literally to the teeth, and then some. Currently, you're not picking up on anything out of the ordinary - as ordinary as Equestria can get, anyways. When there's shit like Tatzlwurms and Ursa Majors out in the wild, you kinda gotta be ready. You consider yourself your own weapon - your blood is what you fight with. First strike on you means you draw something out from your body to slice, stab, or bludgeon as you please.
Is it sanitary? No. Is it good for you? Fuck no. Does it disturb the fuck out of enemy combatants when you do it? Hell yeah it does. In cases where you can't afford to bleed, however, you use your cane as a club. You specifically alchemized it to be tough enough to take a beating. Only one creature has managed to break it.  
You look over at Buggie. She's currently geared up in armor to protect her vitals, primarily the more exposed parts of her underbelly. You know from experience that her chitin is tough enough to withstand a lot, and the same goes for her brood. As a result, they don't have much armor - which is a boon in this heat.
Your focus returns to scanning for any potential hazards.
<=
Mealworm was not wearing armor. Her outfit consisted of a freakish clash of reds and grays - a light gray cape that doubled as a hood, one that draped over her head to protect her eyes from Celestia's damnable sun. She wore two layers of shirts - one darker red than the other with longer sleeves, and emblazoned across her chest was a stark red symbol of, what else, blood. Beneath that was a set of almost skin pants that had cuts at the knees, revealing her legs, and some very large, heavy looking boots.  
I recall one of my brood reading comics from the human country, where characters were very similarly dressed. By which I mean gaudily.
I noted she looked somewhat.. warm..
https://camo.fimfiction.net/ugYk8_cNyXH85M5brWyoTJJzhHp3DD2ZXskMu_v4I2g?url=https%3A%2F%2Ffile.garden%2FX7nN7-a95myVynZ3%2Fstufffff%2Fwow%2520thats%2520blood.png
"How are you comfortable in that?"  
"It's my godtier outfit. It's.. synthetically designed to be comfortable in any weather."  
"I assume you did not obtain this outfit from any living creature."  
"I mean, I dunno if Skaia counts or not. But let's say yeah." She chuckled to herself, "Rarity would have a conniption if she saw this outfit. I just didn't have any outfits better suited for heat, y'know how Canterlot gets."  
"Hm. It does have quite the chill." I agreed.
She leaned back in her seat, scanning the horizon. "Nearest threat is an adolescent tatzlwurm, due southwest about seventy kilometers away."  
"Easy pickings, and too far away to matter," I hummed.
<=
By the time we got there, it was still nice and quiet. My company unpacked the materials to set up camp, while Myra quietly watched the horizon. She still had some steaming anger in her despite the distance from her alleged "friends", of which I was somehow being the best of.  
I didn't even like being a friend, but allies went quite far these days, so I allowed a limited amount.
The griffon archeologists made sure the dig site wasn't too far from camp, and they began to get to work, despite the fatigue from travel. Myra idly paced around the site, her cane thumping against the dirt in a somewhat unsteady pattern. My children stood guard around the perimeter, but it seemed threats were low tonight - the greatest one we had faced was the sun itself, which was thankfully beginning to set.
Suddenly, there was a squawk of surprise from the griffons, and one flew up from the digsite to get Myra's attention.  
"It's some sort of humanoid!" They exclaimed. Curious, I followed them down, and found something very strange indeed.
It was a mummified corpse of some kind of alien. Gray skin, orange horns, and somewhat.. bug like features. Its sunken eyes were wide open, revealing eyes that resembled that of a changeling's.   
Changeling.. humans? Were those a possibility?
"It's a troll." Myra answered.   
"I've seen a troll," one of the scientists contested, "They do not look like humans covered in gray paint with freakish changeling eyes! Ah--," He looked up at me, "N-no offense, Captain."
I grinned without humor. "Some taken."  
Myra growled in impatience, and began to explain without stopping, pacing around the body in a circle. "A troll from a different world, I mean. This is an Alternaian Troll, a bipedal human-insectoid race of starfaring warlords that would conquer other galaxies and drain them of resources. Their children are left behind on the homeworld, Alternia, and are raised by animals, known as Lusii (plural of Lusus), sometimes referred to as custodians. They're raised to be very violent people, and the children typically hunt, fuck with, and kill each other for sport. Friendship is socially considered a disease, and a means to an end."
I couldn't help but grin a little. My kind of people, it seemed. Some of the birds began to whip out their journal and take notes, furiously writing everything down.
She pointed at its warm-toned horns. "As you can see by the lack of development on their horns, this one is an adolescent. Teenager. About seventeen years old, or eight "sweeps" in their measurement of time, due to the fact that their planet orbited the sun at a slower pace. Not anymore though."
"W-why?" One of the archeologists asked, nervously.  
"It was destroyed. There are no remains." She said, and didn't elaborate. A wave of fear cascaded over the researchers. Some dropped their pens.
"H-how do you know all this?" The same griffon asked, shuddering.  
"If I told you, your entire understanding of the makeup of reality would snap in twain and leave you babbling uselessly on the ground. So let's just say, I'm a Seer, I know things."  
"I do taste a great deal of stress and fear coming from you." I raised an eye ridge to the bird that had insulted me. "Perhaps you may find use in one of our hive's pods?" I grinned, knowing full well this would only stress him even more. It's what he deserved for calling my eyes freakish.  
"N-no thank you, I think I'll go lie down." He said, and stumbled away. Myra snorted quietly.
"What's one doing on Equus?" A different griffon asked.  
"That's a great fuckin question, doc." She sighed, before suddenly, I felt a well of shock, fear, and adrenaline run up her spine, and Myra bit into her finger to fire off a gout of blood into the distance. Everyone turned in the direction she shot, only to see...
Nothing.
"There was something there." Myra whispered. I could hear her heartbeat despite being meters away. The griffons murmured in shock, some uttering, "Is that her blood?" quietly. My children grouped up around the griffons, as they were priority one, while Myra began to float around the dig site.
I took no chances. "Myra! What did you see?!"  
Before she could answer, the griffon that had gone to lie down screamed in agony. My kin began to move in that direction, before I shot them a look, and telepathically transmitted "STAY." to them all. They complied.  
"Myra!! With me!" I shouted.  
She looked over and moved to my position. Together, we approached the location of the missing griffon.
We found what remained of him. A dilated eyeball, some dismembered claws, a few internal organs, and a lot of pulverized viscera. An unhinged beak indicated he was dead before he finished screaming.
"Yeesh." Myra said.  
...
"That is the best observation you can make right now?!" I hissed.  
"I'm thinking! I'm thinking! This poor bastard was alone at the time of his death. Is anyone else currently by themselves?"
I looked over to the dig site. Every one of my children was accounted for. Good.  
"No. I do not believe so."  
"We regroup with them, and stay grouped up. It's possible whatever I saw is picking off stragglers. Maybe a predator."
I shook my head, looking down at the remains of the griffon.  
"A predator would've eaten this young cock. He had plenty of meat to spare."
Myra wheezed, doubling over and leaning on her cane. I smacked her upside the head. "NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR CRUDE HUMOR!"
We regrouped with the others, my kin having now established a protective perimeter. Changeling resin was constructed in a hurry, to create a makeshift barrier. Myra sat down and let her ability take a glimpse into what happened.
=>
You replay the moment. Over and over. The griffin is there, laying down, and then, for a moment, he is in excruciating pain, then dead.
You don't see it.
You're not seeing it. Fuck! Something is managing to bypass your ability to portend the past.   
Don't panic.  
Don't. Panic.  
Do. Not. Panic.
You consider the options.  
Enemy stand? Possible, but no one had a reason to murder this guy. You checked. The worst he did was insult Buggie in this narrative. Potentially a stand used by a wild creature, but that would mean a far less strategic approach.
You close your eyes in frustration and play the moment again.
"Ah... hh... mmh.. hah..."   
Fuck was that? You replay the moment once more, listening in. There's a soft, whimpery noise, just before the griffon is killed.
So you can't see it, but you can hear it. You know this much. You consider other possibilities.  
What are monsters that are typically invisible to the human spectrum of sight?   
You reach into the past to dig up references. At one point, somewhere in time, Twilight Sparkle had been reading up on a book of monsters. You peer over her shoulder and read the book.
It's definitely not a langolier. That would've made a lot of noise. Also they theoretically don't exist because otherwise they'd be a huge problem for you.  
Turn the page.  
Nominon? The griffon would've been sleeping. And you don't think its MO is gibbing its victims.   
Turn the page.  
The Altered Beast? No, too much noise, and very visible. You can see that bastard by the creek anytime.  
The Leyak?
Ah, fuck, like the Abiotic Factor Leyak? Yeah, that would do it.
Twilight snorts, clearly annoyed, and turns her head to look up at you.   
"Do you mind?!"
You snap back to the present.  
O-kaaaaaaayyy, gonna process that one laterrrrrr.
<=
"Any conclusions yet, Mealworm?" I asked, somewhat terse.   
Myra shook her head, looking scrambled. "Leyak."  
"Lay-yak?"  
"Leyak." She nodded. "Creature that is invisible to the eye, except for its victim. It makes small little moans as it gets close, then goes in for the kill. Typically unaffected by normal means of damage, but shooting an x-ray at it might do the trick."
I sneered. "So that would mean that the griffon being isolated had nothing to do with it. If it is invisible, it does not need to be alone with its prey to kill. Any one of us could be next."  
Myra shuddered. "God, I hate that you're right."  
"And I don't believe you noticed, but we did not come armed with x-ray lighting."  
Myra twitched. "Skill issue," she said, reflexively.
It got on my nerves all the same. "SKILL ISSUE?! YOU DARE CALL MY HIVE UNSKILLED?!"  
"Yeah, I dare." She dropped a heavy looking machine from her inventory, and began to fiddle with it.   
"Captain?" A little voice whimpered.  
"You are one to talk, you lousy excuse for a meal! You've not been taking this expedition seriously at all!"  
"Fuck you, yes I have! I'm the reason everyone's bacon is gonna be saved, now shut up and let me craft an x-ray light!!"  
"...Mom?"  
I got in Myra's way, and hissed, "You pestilence! I refer to the fact that you allowed this creature to sneak up on us with your lecture! You had one job, Sangre! ONE JOB!"  
"Moooom?"  
Myra shoved me aside. "And I did my fucking job, Shitheel! I spotted something coming, just like you fucking asked!! Now let me alchemize something before you all die!!!"  
"Moooom!"  
"WHAT?!" I turned to the child bothering me.  
"S-something's following meee.." Pliocene said, shivering in fear. "It's.. fleshy.. and it's making these little moaning noises.."  
"FUCK!" Myra shouted, and doubled her pace. "Okay, keep an eye on it, it only moves towards you if you're not looking."
"O-okay.."  
She started off into the distance. Then she grew even more afraid .
"M-m-miss Sangre?! It's getting closer even though I'm looking at it!"  
"Buggie, keep your brood away from it."  
"Do not call me-"  
"JUST DO IT, WOMAN! SAVE YOUR KID!"  
I hissed at her one more time, then fired off experimental shots of magic at where my child was pointing. I didn't have a clue what could or would hit it, but every shot seemed to fly past into the distance. No impact. With no choice, I hoisted my child up with my magic, onto my back, and flew away from its general direction.
"It's- It's angry!! It's moving really fast now!!" Pliocine's little body was trembling fiercely, and I struggled to keep her from falling off."  
"Sangre!! Any day now!!"
She was hurrying around the large machine, messing with buttons and punch cards, from what I could see. She had forgone her cane to allow her to work with both hands. That better not cause her to faint..
=>
X-RAY PAGE FROM A CHILDREN'S PICTURE BOOK || FLASHLIGHT
You craft the X-RAY FLASHLIGHT.  
Sure. Yeah. FUCK IT.   
Your heart is thundering right now. Did you drink enough salt water? God, you hope so. You fly off in Chrysalis' direc...
<=
Myra had fallen to the floor. The heat of the sun and the panic we were under caused her to overexert herself, and she'd collapsed.  
Damnable little pest! She held a strange looking flashlight in her hand.  
I gave as much a wide berth as I could, and flew down towards Myra. Given the speed of my landing, I stumbled, and Pliocene fell off of me.
She screamed, and the first cut began to show on my child, a deep gash cutting into her chitin. I hated the noise.  
An instant later, I flashed the X-ray lamp at the Leyak, and it made a fleshy hissing noise under contact with the light. It screeched, and became visible to all, and...
By the hive. No wonder my child was afraid of it. It was bright red flesh, with multiple eyes and patches of hair, and bloody claws dangling from its... head.. at multiple places. It began to melt and contort in the light, and before long, all that remained was a smooth, fleshy orb.
=>
You're on the ground.
You sit up. Get on your knees. Pliocene is bleeding out on the ground in front of you. You were too late. You check her pulse and.. holy shit, she's still here?
Quick. First aid. What do you know?
See jack, categorized under shit.
Well.. You do have blood magic. You extract some from yourself and experimentally test the Leyak orb. By which you mean, you cut a piece off and merge it with a sample of your own blood.
It warps into a sort of perfectly generic flesh.
Okay, cool. You can work with this. You better hurry. It was your carelessness that felled this bug, after all.  
"What are you doing." Chrysalis asks. Very unkindly.  
"Gimme a hoof here. I need your magic to match their genetic makeup."
The dying changeling looks to you, confused. Like a puppy. A blood eviscerated puppy.  
You'll help them, but only to get back on Buggie's good side. Relatively speaking.
Chrysalis seems to catch what you're onto. "You intend to change this flesh to match that of my child?"  
"She's still alive, Buggie, just hurry up."  
Together, with your Seer abilities plus her Changeling magic, you're able to warp the monster flesh and god's blood into an adequate replication of what flesh laid there.
Goldu experiensu no noryoku, desu-ne? You think to yourself, in really shitty hirigana.  
The blood turns green, the muscles and fat into a blackish-grey. Chitin. The little pieces of magic that allow a changeling to shapeshift.
Pliocene begins to breathe steadily.
<=
I had trouble tasting Myra's emotional state. She was bland, without any of her usual.. affectations.   
I felt Pliocine's pulse return from the void, and I was ecstatic, but kept it quiet. Myra still allowed this to happen. But she also prevented my child's death.
I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Instead I called over more of my children.  
"Take her to the medical nest. Put her in a molting pod. Do not allow her to leave until the medical team gives her the all clear."  
They saluted and began to move her.
She remained kneeling over what remained of the Leyak's.. corpse.  
She tasted.. furious? At her own self.  
I hesitated, before moving towards her.  
"Myra. I can taste your rage. Talk to me."
"I couldn't.. I couldn't see it."  
"Of course you couldn't see it. It was invisible."  
"No, I didn't see it on the metanarrative level either. I couldn't see it kill that griffon. It was hidden from me the whole time. I only got lucky with my split second research."   
"And? We are alive. One of mine is wounded, and one of our clients is dead, but we're alive."  
She shot up to standing, and stumbled. I rolled my eyes and steadied her in my magic, before floating her cane into her hand.  
"I should've seen it, Chrysalis! I should have seen it! I should have seen it! I should have seen it! I sh-"
I smacked her. "OW!" She growled.  
"Did you see that coming?!"  
"Asshole! I should have, knowing you!"  
"You cannot predict everything! You of all creatures should know your own limits!"  
"I'm a god, dammit, I'm supposed to be without limit!!"  
"Do you care to test such a statement, Sangre?!"
Her eyes darkened. "Y'know WHAT?! AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO!!" With a slash, she opened a cut on her finger, and swung it towards me.  
I had the advantage. The heat was slowing her down, and she had not given herself time to rest or drink. Nevertheless, she'd managed to land a graze of sharp blood against my chitin, but the majority of the blow was deflected. It hit a piece of ruins off in the distance, which fell to pieces.
The griffons squawked and backed away from our fight, and my children corralled them towards the camp. I charged, and swiped low with my magic. She jumped, which is exactly what I wanted. Her using her legs more meant I could develop more advantage. She struck back with another burst of blood magic while still up in the air, and I dodged before she could hit. I magically burst the rubble she had struck up into the air, knocking her in the chest, and off her feet. She spun, rolled, and struggled to stand. I hurriedly moved in, and struck with a hoof at her back.
My hooves struck true, and she fell down to the floor, prone and exhaustedly panting. I slowly approached her from the front, feeling proud.
"Better?" I cooed smugly. She looked up at me, blinking.   
"Huh?" she wheezed.  
I placed a hoof under her chin, and gently tilted her head up towards me. "Now that you have directed your anger elsewhere, are you feeling better?"  
She stopped to take a moment of introspection.  
"Yeah. Yeah, I am. T-thanks." She sat up, and reached for her drink. I sat down next to her.  
"To think a god is so easily swayed.. So much for being limitless." I chuckled.  
"Man, fuck you." She half-laughed.  
"Anytime, anywhere, mealworm."
For once, she flinched, and shoved me playfully in retaliation. "Don't get too buddy-buddy with me, Buggie, we'll be back to kicking each other's ass on the job soon enough."  
"I wouldn't have it any other way, you pest."
Instead of playing into our little game of insulting each other, however, she simply leaned next to me.   
"I just don't.. I couldn't.."  
"I know." I said, quietly. No need for words when I could taste the riptide of emotions she was experiencing.
Self-hatred seemed to be at the forefront.  
"Just know that if, or when, the time comes, I will be by your side, Myra."
She leaned her head on my withers. We sat there as every other creature resumed their stations, the sun slowly setting. Eventually, one of the griffons developed enough of a spine to approach us.
"Well.." She began, "this was quite the eventful day!"  
"You don't say." I deadpanned.  
"Er.. yes. My colleagues and I will continue our research early in the morning tomorrow. And, if you all are interested, we will have a bonfire rite for our colleague tonight. Doctor Aglene was one of our finest.. if a bit dull in the claws. As for you Miss Sangre, if you would happen to find the time, it'd be slashing if you sent any and all knowledge you have regarding the.." and here she referenced her notes, "Alternian Troll species and their society."  
Myra scratched her cheek for a second. "Sure. I think I can do that. I'll send you something. Whatcha got in terms of delivery method?"  
"Well, the Griffon Empire is trying to update to the technological prowess that the NST boasts, so.. shoot me an 'e-mail'?"  
"Sure. Just be sure to check the spam folder."
"And," the griffon archeologist meekly added, eyes darting between us, "might I recommend couples therapy?"  
We shared a glance and burst into laughter together.
Author's Note
Seer redesign by coffeecats900 (https://www.tumblr.com/coffeecats900/709008658575572992/i-redesigned-all-of-the-homestuck-godtiers) on tumblr.