Clop is dumb

by Im bad at writing

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Alternate Universe, Anthology, Thriller, Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fetish, Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo
Length: 1173

If clop followed actual laws, so many ponies would be arrested.

An anthology of short fics detailing what would happen to clop if laws existed.

Fic one: Scootadash

Fic two and further: undecided.

List of warnings so far:
attempted foalcon,happy endings that lack sex

Published 2024-08-08 23:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-08-08 23:10:00 UTC

Smart filly.

Today was a rather uninteresting day. We didn't even try to get our cutie marks today. But now I was snuggled into bed, hugging my plush Rainbow Dash. Until a loud crash came. I didn't dare investigate the noise. Home intruders don't have your safety in mind, as I've been taught. But then I heard hoofsteps approaching my door, and then it opened. All I could see was my idol, with a wicked looking grin on her face.

"W-w-what are y-you doing here?"

"I'm just here to take something."

"T-take w-what?"

Rainbow Dash chuckled a little bit, then looked at me with hungry eyes.

"Your virgini-"

"GO FUCK YOURSELF!" I breathed in air rapidly as I ran around my idol, as I searched for the phone. However all I could find is a knife. 'Hopefully I can knock her out and run away.

My assaulter flew around the corner as I readied my weapon.

"You were supposed to submit! You were supposed to be my bitch! You- you- WHY ARE YOU SO- FUCK YOU." She came at me quickly but my knife was quicker. Now with a large gash on her face she was going feral.

"ABLUGH- WHY, WHY, WHY, I'M UNTOUCHABLE, NOPONY CAN STOP ME, why can't I have things my way..." With that, she collapsed on the floor.

It took 20 minutes for the cops to arrive, much longer than I wanted to wait. Eventually they arrived and the one who I assumed to be the boss spoke up first.

"What happened here?"

"She- she tried to touch me in some bad places, and- and when I ran away she- she tried to attack me and I- I- I stabbed her..."

"That was a good choice little filly."

"Really?"

"There wasn't that much else you could do. So it was a good choice."

"Thank you mister uhh..."

"Flank Serpico."

"Thank you mister Flank, I'm kinda worried that I won't be able to sleep, and I was wondering if you could keep me company."

"Sure kid, if it helps you get a good night's rest."

"So, what do you do besides being a cop?"

"Not much to be honest, infact I'm thinking of retiring soon."

"I wonder what you have done in all those years of being a cop?"

"Well, most of what I'm known for is reporting on cops that stray away from justice to go to personal beliefs."

"Is there bad cops?"

"Sadly... Yes."

I woke up in my bed with Flank sleeping on a chair nearby. I go out to check the mail, in the mail is just the newspapers and a... letter with the royal seal? When I reached my couch I teared the letter open and read it.

Dear Scootaloo. We apologize for all the pain Rainbow Dash has caused you. And as a "get well soon gift" we have decided to give you some bits as compensation. Signed, Princess Celestia.

As soon as I finished reading the letter, a large bag of bits appeared before me. To give an estimate it was atleast 800 bits.

"Woah kid where did you get all of those bits?"

Though it sounded like he was confused I could tell he was joking so I snickered a little and gave him the letter.

"Nice kid a letter from Princess Celestia herself."

"Well... My adoptive sister is friends with Princess Twilight."

"Who's your sister?"

"R- R- Rainbow Dash."

"The pony that tried to rape you?"

"Yeah."

"That's rough buddy."

I was 16 now and was now allowed to visit Rainbow Dash in prison. Rainbow Dash looked disheveled and looked like she was 1 bad thing away from killing herself. She looked at me shocked then looked at my cutie mark, a cophat. And then started crying.

"Why are you here!"

"Calm dow-"

"I'M A MONSTER!"

"Please stop."

"why, WHY, WHY ARE YOU HERE AFTER WHAT I DID TO YOU!"

"STOP!"

"Huh?"

"I- I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout."

"Why are you here?"

"I thought that maybe if you saw a friendly face you could get through this easier."

"I'm starting rehab in a few days, and maybe you could come with? To like help me get better?"

"Sure."

Rehab was a long process but eventually after 4 long months Rainbow Dash was back to her old, and now more mature, self.

"Hey squirt, I've been wondering, how did you get your cutie mark?"

"Well while you were in prison, a cop named Flank Serpico took me in and adopted me, and well at some point somepony tried to assassinate him but I restrained the attacker and tied their hooves together with a lasso I found. And next thing I know this thing is on my flank."

"Cool, make sure to get into the police academy, so you can help catch more ponies like..." She gulped. "...me."

"I'm already studying for the academy!"

"Nice!"

"Let's meet up with the elements, they should be in Princess Twilights throne room."

"Wait Twi's ruler of Equestria? How much did I miss?"

"Quite a bit to be honest."

"Well let's be on our way!"

"Hello Twilight."

"Hello Scootaloo, may I ask why you have interrupted our meeting?"

"I have good news!"

"What is it?"

"Rainbow Dash is back from rehab!"

"Really?"

As Rainbow Dash walked in I said "Yeah, she's right here!"

"Hello everypony."

Then Twilight's protage spoke up. "Hello Rainbow Dash nice to meet you."

Rainbow Dash simply squealed in response.

"Sorry about that she's really anxious around foals."

"Why?"

"It has to do with why she was in rehab."

"Please tell me."

"You aren't old enough to know."

"Oh..."

"I will tell you that it was awful, especially because I was on the receiving end of the harm she caused."

"Oh goodness, that must have sucked."

"Anyways, she's good now. So Dash go and make amends with the rest of the elements of harmony."

"Alright."

She moved towards Applejack first. "I'm so sorr-" She was quickly cut off by a hug.

"I'm just glad you're ok."

"Thanks AJ"

Next to Rarity

"I'm so sorry about what I did, please forgive me."

"As long as you don't do anything like that again then you are forgiven."

Then to Pinkie

"I-"

"You are forgiven!"

"Thanks Pinkie"

Then to Fluttershy in which they simply hugged in tears after how long it had been since they had seen each other.

Then to Twilight.

"I am so sorry for everything I have done and wish for forgiveness."

"Have you learned your lesson?"

"Twi this is no time for friendship lessons!"

"I know, I just thought it would be funny. Also apology excepted."

Pinkie bursted out of the floor to scream about having a group hug and eventually we all did have a group hug.

"I missed you guys so much"

"We missed you to."

THE END

Author's Note

Surprisingly ok. First fic I'm actually proud of.

The cop is named after the real police officer Frank Serpico, Great guy.