Author's Note

Another heavy chapter

The events in the stoy from here on out are not a reflection of my life except the drug use and drinking

For anyone that is going through anything like this in their lives please reach out to someone you trust and seek help.

It's my Burden to Bare

"Okay wanna start off with Shine like Rainbows?" Applejack asked, as she tuned up her bass.

"What about awesome as I wanna be?"

"Dash, you know as well as I do you only wanna play that song so you can show off for Alec and win y’alls stupid little bet, yea I heard ya two talking." AJ spat out as she glared in Rainbow's direction.

"How about we let Alec do one of his songs, just to show you all that he is proficient at playing." Sunset said while looking at me as she got her guitar ready.

"Oh right, let the drunk who just spewed his guts not ten minutes ago play and sing one of his songs. I'm up to watch him make a fool of himself and make an easy 20 bucks while I'm enjoying the show." Rainbow said, sarcasm dripping off her tongue.

"Well he seems fine to me you guys, sure he lost his lunch earlier but looking at him right now he seems totally sober." Thepink haired girl behind the drumset said.

"Pinkie did you see him stumble and basically fall out of Sunset's car, not to mention I was watching him when he was cleaning himself up he could barely stand!" Rainbow growled at her friend.

"I did Dashie but look at him right now, not even a sway or staggered stance. Also I'd like to hear one of his songs and get to drumming." Pinkie said, as she idly twirled a drumstick between her fingers.

"Pinkie, do you know how to play blues music, or any of you for that matter?" I said out loud looking between the group of friends.

"I don't particularly know how to darling but if you give me chords to follow I can try and manage my way through your song." Rarity said unsure.

"Oh, so now we are going to start with one of his songs! That's just great, go and cut out my suggestion then I see how it is." Rainbow huffed out as she took her guitar off and set it down in the stand behind her.

"Don't know how to play blues Rainbow?" I chuckle as I look her way, my crooked grin only getting bigger.

"I'm the best guitarist in canterlot high, don't think for a second that I don't know how to play a song genera, let alone one as boring as the blues." Rainbow snapped back at me, her gaze failing to intimidate me into backing down.

"OK then, warm up with me and let's see. Show me that bravado you had before I called you out!" I laughed, "key of E, Pink you pick the tempo and count us in!"

The click of drumsticks filled the air as Pinkie counted off the time, the crash of a symbol and the smooth beat of the drums was al I needed to lay down a rhythm for the cocky Rainbow haired guitarist.

"Really Pinkie, I don't do slow!" Rainbow said in the microphone.

"What's the matter Dash, not able to play slow or rather refuse to." I say as I stop playing to see how this would turn put.

"Well obviously I refuse to play slow, it's not my style." She said with an attitude of a child.

"Well you could give it a try, I find that going slow is a lot better than going fast." I say to Rainbow as I look in Sunset's direction, "going slow and taking my time throughly making sure I find just. what. I'm. looking. for."

Sunset blushed as I punctuated the last bit while making direct eye contact with her. The girl with the purple curls shot a look between Sunset and myself trying to make a connection... And she made it quick.

"Sunset darling, what is your friend implying by going slow?" Rarity asked with a look of suspicion.

"Nothing, I'll tell you later but if you want ask Alec." Sunset said in a slightly panicked tone looking towards me as se said my name.

"Comeeee ooooonnnn guuuuuuyyyyyeeeeess, let's get to practice. I want to hear Alec's song!" Pinkie whined as she mirror drummed around the kit.

"Pinkie is right, Sunset you're a solid rhythm guitarist lay down an easy slow groove so Dash can follow along and let's get rollin'." I say out loud to the group, "key of E minor with a major 7th walk down to the root."

"Count us in, you know the tempo and I'll match it best I can." Pinkie said looking at me patiently waiting.

"1...2...3...4....1...2..." I count in while I scratch strummed.

After a few bars of playing and getting a feel for where everyone was at I step up to the microphone.

As i wake up in the morning I feel ashamed to be alive.

Yeah when i wake up in the mornin i feel ashamed to be alive.

Then I drag myself outta bed, and it's all I can do not to cry when I'm dead inside.

I'm feelin so downhearted just tryin to survive.
Well I'm feelin so downhearted just trying to survive with all the day to day going on, no matter how hard i try these blues infect my mind.

I step back from the mic to play a solo, the sweat dripping down my face lands on my guitar and in my eyes while I work my fingers up ad down the neck.
My long hair matted from the water falls into my eyes covering my face for brief seconds before I flip it out of the way, my expression conveying pain and loss as my guitar starts to cry.

I feel tears start to flow down my cheeks and off the end of my nose as my fingers keep dancing, my mouth opens and closes as my chest heaves as I silently cry finishing the main solo.

When i open up i get stabbed in the back every time and if i glue the pieces of my heart back together mamma it gets torn out and thrown on the ground.
And if i tell you how im feelin, you turn around and walk right out the door never to come round me no more.
When i know you dont care for me its my burden to bare!!!?!?!!!

I sing out the last lines of my song vocals getting pushed to the limits swelling before the final notes are played. Complete silence is all I could hear aside from the ringing in my ears, I open my eyes and see everyone's faces with a mix of sorrow and surprise.

"Darling are you okay, if you need to talk about what's going on I'm here for you; you know that right?" Rarity said to me with an expression of deep concern.

"Dude, that song was depressing as hell, not to mention it made Pinkie's hair go half straight!" Rainbow chimed in looking between Pinkie and me.

"Sorry for bringing everyone down I know my lyrics aren't as up beat as yours but things haven't been all that great lately." I reply with my head hung low.

I take my guitar off my shoulder and put it in its case along with the strap. Applejack sets down her bass and puts a had on my shoulder, her stoic demeanor giving me a little comfort.

"Now I know why you showed up completely tanked, but that ain't gonna solve the problem partner it'll just make it worse hell it's gonna kill ya." Applejack said in a motherly tone as she gripped my shoulder a little tighter.

"I know buddy, but at this point it doesn't matter to me if I live or die." I say with a level of calm that would concern a hardened war vet.

Dash just scoffed at everyone before speaking up again, "oh what, are you pissed that your parents didn't get you the latest video game or did your girlfriend break up with you?"

Everyone just looked in her direction and if looks could kill the she'd be dead five times over.

"What?" Dash stammered questioning everyone's hostile gazes, "not my fault the dude is sensitive over something that happens like all the time."

"How ins—" Sunset spoke up before I held up a hand for her to stop.

"You really wanna know what that song is about Dash?" I calmly say as I turn to look at her.

"I already know what it's about so there's no need to explain anything to me. Your lady dumped you get over it dude." She chuckled aloud.

I took my shirt off and put it over the microphone, I swept my hair back and walked over to Rainbow so she could see for herself what I was about to explain.

"Dude why'd you take your shirt of—" Rainbow stopped when she saw the scars lining my biceps and the stitches on my face.

"Bro how—" she stammered out before I cut her off.

"Cutting scars on my arms from six years of physical abuse from my drunk of a mother, the scar on my nose was from her yesterday when she threw a cocktail glass at me when we were fighting. And that's just the physical scars we haven't even gotten to the mental scars yet, she has sexually abused me since I was I don't know 9⃣or 10." I say coldly as I point to my body explaining how I got my scars, "look at me in the eyes when I'm talking to you girl!" I grab Rainbow's jaw and force her to look me in the eyes. "Stop with your stuck up know it all attitude and understand one thing, you don't know what I've been through nor do you know the full extent of what I'm dealing with let alone anyone else for that matter. You better unfuck yourself before I do it for you, do you understand?"

All I got for a response was a whimper and a small nod before I let go of her jaw, "what the fuck is your problem Alec, you can't just grab me like that let alone threaten me either." Rainbow said in a shaken up tone.

"Obviously you are fuckin dense if you don't understand, so I will put it into words you can understand." I say as I put my shirt back on and turn towards her, "my mother someone who should protect me and love me unconditionally gave me the gash across my nose because she was drunk, the one on my right shoulder blade when she thought I drank her booze, she literally rapped me Friday night and that has been going on since I was 6 years old when she started molesting me."

"I didn—" Rainbow started to say before she was shot a look from Applejack to shut up.

"My dad practically lives on base here so he's never home and doesn't know about what my mother has been doing to me, I've had enough of your pretentious bullshit attitude so with that being said I am done explaining myself to someone so far stuck up her ass since you have parents who actually love you and have filled your head with the notion that you are the best, #1." I say with a raised voice and a tone like I'm talking to my mother.

Everyone was standing around too shocked to do anything let alone say anything, I walked out of the barn leaving my guitar and amplifier behind, grabbing the cigs in my breast pocket of the acid washed button down shirt and putting one in my mouth lighting it before saying over my shoulder to Rainbow, "fucking pretentious cunt."

"Guys, I don't wanna play anymore." Pinkie softly said as tears rolled down from her eyes.

"You've done it this time Rainbow, just don't know when to keep that fat mouth of yours shut do ya." Sunset exclaimed as she took her guitar off her shoulder and walked out of the barn.

"Honestly darling you went too far this time, you should be ashamed of yourself right now." Rarity spoke in a harsh tone, "I don't blame Alec for setting you straight like that."

"You guys are really taking his side on this, he damn near choked me because he can't control his anger over a few harmless words!" Rainbow yelled out.

"Harmless words Dashie, you were the one that pushed Alec to that point." Pinkie said sobbing from behind her drum kit, "Pinkie promise me that you'll apologize to him."

"No way Pinks, why would I." Dash stammered back at her friend.

"Dashie this isn't up for discussion, you will apologize to Alec." Pinkie sternly commanded before she got up and walked out.

"AJ, Fluttershy?" Rainbow choked, her voice cracking as she spoke.

"Nah Dash, you were just an asshole, go home." Applejack said as se followed Pinkie.

"What has gotten into you Rainbow Dash." Fljttershy said as she walked up to her friend, "you should know better considering the same thing happened to me, when I came to you about being molested by my brother. I'm ashamed of you right now."