The magic of music

Not being able to sleep is fun, even more so when I have to basically be the parent to my parent. How can I make the best use of my time today, got to go shopping for more food since there's practically nothing besides a fully stocked wet bar and ice in the freezer. Even worse is that I'll have to treat my own mother like a fucing child when we go out since she can't be trusted alone, not after the kitchen fire at our last house.

It's only 05:45 and I'm already done with the weekend which is supposed to be for relaxing and having fun, spending time with friends or going on a date with a girlfriend if I had one.

I try and fall back to the warm embrace of sleep but that's impossible when my mom has my head locked in place against her chest with arms locked around me, how she got completely naked in the middle of the night is beyond me since she sleeps like the dead when she's tanked.

Her hand on the back of my head gently stroking my hair is kind of comforting but realizing that she misses the time when I was an infant still breastfeeding and trying to reenact that now when I'm 17 is just awkward. My eyes become heavy and I finally drift off to sleep not caring that I have my mom's breasts forcibly mashed in my face.

I'm awoken by a slap across my back and another across my face as I shoot up in pain and surprise, unbeknownst to me there was a wet popping sound as I did coming to the realization that I was sucking on my mom's fat nipple like an infant feeding for the first time.

"Why the fuck are you in my bed boy, why the fuck am I completely naked, and why were you sucking on my tits?!!?" My mom furiously asked while slapping my face and trying to cover herself up.

"What the fuck you crazy bitch, looks like you're gonna have the worst hangover today which is perfect because now I'm most likely gonna get it because you can't control yourself with drinking!" I say with an irritated tone as I grab my mother's wrist mid flight for my face, "on top of all that happened last night I passed out from exhaustion taking care of your sloppy drunken ass, now get up, get dressed, and meet me in the car we are going shopping since you burnt dinner again because you were completely tanked off your fucking ass."

"Do not take that tone with me boy, I am your mother and I will be treated with respect do yo—" a loud slap echoed off the walls of the room as I backhand my mother out of her hungover rage completely derailing any semblance of coherent thought while stopping her from talking further.

"I will not be treated like this anymore, get your clothes on I don't care if it's a tank top with pajama bottoms. Get dressed, shut the fuck up, and go to the fucking car. If you are not in the car within five minutes I will drag you out of here over my shoulder in any state of dress you are in do you fucking understand me Amy?!?" I yell back in her face like dad would with me when he was a drill instructor.

My mom just nods her head like a child on the verge of tears, I get out of bed and start heading for the door, only stopping when I notice a cold breeze on bare skin.

"One other thing, if dad finds out about this, what you did to me last night, you are a dead woman twice over. Not only by dad but by me as well. There's a plan B in the nightstand, take that and get yourself ready we are leaving in seven minutes." I say calmly and coldly to her and walk out of the room.

I finally get to my room and lock the door behind me going to the bathroom, getting dressed quickly I stop before I put my shirt on. Taking the razor from the package I look at myself in the mirror and notice the hand print left from my mother slapping me across the face as a small amount of blood is leaking down the corner of my mouth.

"What did I do in a past life to deserve this," I say to myself in a low gravely tone as I hold the fresh razor to my left arm and slowly drag it across my bicep hearing the soft scrape of cold rolled steel against my skin. My face devoid of emotions and only feeling a small sting as a new cut slowly starts to pour blood down my arm, "I deserve this, I deserve what happens to me, I am nothing and will be nothing."

There's a loud bang on my door as I hear muffled yelling behind it. Paying it no mind as I repeat my daily mantra as I drag the razor across my flesh multiple times before depositing it in the sink, drops of blood hit the pure white porcine and floor. I look at myself one last time before I get the gauze pads and disinfectant from the vanity cabinet, taking off the cap and poring the clear liquid on my arm watching it fizz and bubble before patting it dry and wrapping the gauze around it.

"Alex you open this door before I break it down!" My mom yells.

"Fucking do it then, you'll be greeted with my ring to your jaw if that's how you want the morning to play out. Get your ass in the car before I drag you out of the house like the last time you did this," I yell back, her incessant pounding doesn't relent and the door gives way.

"Looks like you're still cutting I see," she says in a flat tone.

"I see you've wasted no time for a drink you sloppy drunk," I quickly reply looking at her from the mirror's reflection, "that's what you're wearing? Nothing more than short shorts and a tank two sizes too small to where your tits are flopping out when you walk!"

"Not that you've complained looks like you’re already getting hard just by looking at me, mommy still has her figure baby boy even though you completely wrecked my stomach and tits with how big I was with you and with how much you nursed on me," she says with vitriol dripping off her tongue.

I slowly walk over to face her while standing a whole head and a half above her, I take the whiskey glass out of her hand and knocking back what was left before throwing the glass as hard as I could past her head, missing by mere inches as it shatters against a wall.

"Car now," I spit out as I shoulder check her hard enough to send her body into the door to her right.

♡♡♡

At the store people stared as we got what we needed going from aisle to aisle, some brave souls tried to ask my mom out but when she said that she was here with her husband and clung to my arm like a child, they looked at me and sulked off.

As we went to the frozen section of the grocer we got a lot more stares and slight murmers from passersby, "Why does it have to be so cold in here, my nipples hurt and they are hard enough to cut glass," my mom said loud enough for others to hear while cupping her breasts and pinching her nipples that were poking through her shirt.

"If you can't behave I will take you to the car and you can sit there till I'm done," I say to her like a child.

"Fine," she relents pouting as if she was 14 years old again.

Dividing my attention between what we needed and keeping a sort leash on the child that acompanied me that I didn't notice who I was about to run into, my mom grabbed the handle on the shopping trolley to avoid me running them over.

"I'm sorry I didn't see yo— well fuck there goes this shopping trip," I say aloud which gave me a slap on the back of the head by my mom.

"Alec, is that you?" Sunset asked.

"Hey, so you do your shopping on Saturdays too I see," I replied while my left arm was being gripped tighter and tighter making the gauze wrap come loose.

"Yea gotta do it, I had nothing left for the upcoming week," Sunset said annoyed, "who is this, your girlfriend or something?"

My mom held my arm tighter and started to trace shapes and patterns on my lower back.

"No, this is my mother who I can't leave alone or she will flirt with anyone and anything or crawl inside a bottle even though it's 07:30 in the morning." I say with an irritated sigh.

"Oh, so why is she clinging to your arm like that then?" Sunset questioned.

"Because she doesn't know personal space or boundaries," I reply while getting my arm free and that's when it happened.

Sunset noticed a small line of blood trailing down my arm to my elbow, "what happened there?" She said under her breath.

"I'd rather not get into any of that, if you wat to know find me at school Monday or meet me at school early," I said loud enough for Sunset to hear.

"Is this your girlfriend baby?" Mom said with venom behind each word.

"No, she's an aquantince, possibly a friend I don't rightly know since I generally keep to myself incase we have to relocate again."

"Relocate?" Sunset asked confused.

"Dad is in the guard and this is the fourth time we've moved towns this month. It fucking sucks because I just want something consistent and normal for once in my life." I spit out, like the words were a bitter poison on my tongue, "well I've got to go and get the walking distillery home before she passes out on me. Here's my number if you need anything or just want to hang out."

I gave Sunset a scrap of paper with my number that I kept in my wallet.

After we said our goodbyes I continued the struggle that was shopping with my mom. Gods help me if I can make it through the day without any trouble from her or Sunset's friends after this.

◇◇Saturday afternoon◇◇

"I can't fucking take it anymore, why do you have to be so goddam miserable to be around." Mom said to me while nursing a drink. I just sat in silence taking the verbal assault, not like it mattered because if I could make it to Wednesday evening everything would be alright at least that's the hope.

"Well someone has to babysit you or who knows what would happen, you could burn down the house cooking again, drink yourself to death which would be a nice repreave from what I've been suffering through the past 6 years." I say to her in a smart ass tone.

Next thing I know a glass was hurdling towards me too fast for me to dodge, It connected with my head breaking on impact leaving a nasty gash on the space between my eyes going down to the bridge of my nose. I fell back in the chair I was sitting in as mom rushed over to help realizing what she had just done.

"Are you okay baby boy?" She half shouted in the most motherly voice I have heard in a long time.

"Get off me you fucking cunt," I say with one hand over my face, blood starting to pool around my head. My vision blurred and black was forming at the edges, I pulled out my phone and called dad.

"Answer motherfucker," I whispered in a soft tone, my free hand pushed the speaker button and a voice on the other end spoke plainly and cold.

"What I'm in the middle of something."

"Dad, hospital now lots of blood, mom too drunk to drive or be useful." I spit out while trying not to choke on my own blood and hang up on him, knowing I have about 45 minutes before dad rolls up with medical.

I slowly turn onto my stomach, so I'm not drowning in my own blood pouring from my face. Hacking what I can out of my throat then slowly start to get up, shaking from the strain and weight of my body using all its might to lift up 165 pounds of near dead weight.

Mom started sobbing collapsed on the floor of the kitchen/dining room her hands covered in blood trying to clean the mess, I finally get to my feet unsteady and wobbly like a faun trying to walk forthe first time struggling with each step I make my way to the island in the kitchen and lean over the granite corner.

"What are you doing?" Mom asked choking through tears.

"Making this look like an accident, now clean up that glass and get me the highest proof booze you have I need to do something." I say to her in a wavering voice.

Mom slowly gets up and walks over to me to help me. I take my bloody hand and smear it on her face and wrap my hands around her neck.

"Wh—hy?" She choked out gasping for air.

"Why, because of the way you've treated me the past 6 years, the constant bender you've been on for the last 4 years and ontop of that the emotional manipulation, the sexual abuse that's been going on since I was 11, the way you always take everything out on me but when dad is around you're this loving mother and wife that could do no wrong; that's why." I spit back at her with all the malice, anger, hate, and rage that has been pent up for a long time.

I let go of her neck and she collapsed on the ground, I raise my bare foot and give a forceful stomp on her nose. As my heel connects I hear a sickening crunch, knowing that I broke her nose and probably fractured something else I make my way to the sink grabbing a tea towel to try and stop the blood pouring from my face.