A Life of Shy

There’s something about her that always puts a smile on my face. Was it her kind heart? Was it the way she cares for and talks to animals? Maybe it’s just the way she looks. I get that fuzzy feeling, the kind you get when your masculinity turns feminine, each time I see her on my favorite cartoon show.

It’s hard to imagine that someone as old as me would watch My Little Pony. While many see it as strange that I watch such a television series, in my perspective, its comfort–an escape from the dark reality that I live in. To watch pastel-colored ponies go on adventures to discover the power of friendship and bringing harmony to all of Equestria beats watching society fall apart because of violence, drugs, sex, and alcohol.

Today is no different than any other day for me. One of my favorite episodes came on Discovery channel on my sixteen-inch flat screen, which was donated to me by my local church when I lost nearly everything I owned, where the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo all have a sleepover at Fluttershy’s. Some may suspect that I live in some old run-down studio apartment; however, I’m living in far worse. Thanks to a used solar generator and a one-person pop-up tent, being homeless isn’t as bad as most would make it out to be.

The show got to the part where it was time for the Cutie Mark Crusaders to go to sleep, but because they couldn’t sleep. Fluttershy sang to the trio, ‘Hush Now, Quiet Now.’

“Her voice is so gentle and serenating,” I thought to myself, holding my worn-out ten-inch plush of Fluttershy. Sometime I wish that she was real. I can already imagine what it would be like to have her right there to comfort me, cuddle me to sleep, and give me joy, healing the emotional hole I have in my heart. Lost in my thoughts, I was brought back to reality when Sweetie Belle sang her version of the lullaby, causing me to jump.

As the episode came to an end, I shut the television off and turned off the generator to save power and let the solar panels charge the lithium ion batteries. Still thinking about that beautiful mare, I took in some of the stuff that I learned from the episode. It’s hard to believe that in my depressing and sad lifestyle that something as simple as a pastel-yellow Pegasus with a pink mane and tail would give me joy, but it does.

I would have never become homeless if it wasn’t for the constant run-ins with the law in Tennessee. Ever since my father sent threatening text messages to all of my family members pretending to be me, my grandmother passing away when I ended up in jail because of my father doing that, and my ex making false allegations resulting in me becoming a sex offender for life for a crime I never committed, life has never been the same for me. There have been multiple times I have attempted to take my own life, including overdosing on a bottle of anti-depressants, but somehow my suicide attempts was unsuccessful. God is keeping me alive for some reason, even though all I see myself is a homeless bum living on the streets of Boston Massachusetts in a tent.

Now five in the evening, I decided to make me a cup of ramen noodles, which has been my diet for the past two months since becoming homeless. I took the bag of ramen and slammed it to the ground a few times to break apart the noodles. I then poured the ramen followed by outdoor-temperature lukewarm water in the cup I bought off the jail commissary, put the lid on the cup and put it to the side to let the noodles absorb the water. While I let that happen, I put my miniature TV into my suitcase. I tend to keep everything together just in case someone tried to rob or stab me for my stuff. I already had a few close encounters with others in my homeless encampment.

I opened a small slit in my tent to grab the solar panel that’s wired to my generator. As I reached for the panel, I felt a shift of temperature, sending goose bumps up my arm and chills down my body. Thunderstorms were coming in, and that is one of the last things I needed to deal with sleeping in a cheap Wal-Mart tent. Even though the tent is waterproof, the condensation was my biggest concern. Swiftly, I grabbed the solar panel and closed the tent back up, then packed the generator and solar panels carefully in my suitcase.

Thunder started to rattle the ground, followed by the light pitter-patter of rainfall as I was eating my now softened noodles–my Fluttershy plush sitting in my lap by my arm. The light rainfall turned to a downpour, with the sky getting darker making the whole area dark as night. The combination of rain and darkness made me drowsy. After quickly eating the noodles, I took my blanket and pillow out of my suitcase and laid my head down to rest, holding my plush near me. Times like this I wish Fluttershy were here to comfort me during these harsh storms.

As I started to doze off, there was a loud squealing noise and then a bang. Immediately after I felt heaviness then I blacked out.