When I Lose My Mind, Would You Still Remind Me?
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When I Lose My Mind, Would You Still Remind Me?
My name is Sunny Starscout. Growing up, I had almost a perfect foalhood. I mean, I didn't have very many friends. I know…shocker, right? I guess that was what motivated me to leave Maretime Bay. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Where was I? Oh yes, my fillyhood. It was almost perfect, despite not having very many friends, and I owe it all to one pony. Argyle Starshine. My father.
What's the matter, Sunny Bunny?
Okay, I know everypony thinks their parents are the best, but I'm gonna say it anyway. My father was the best. Hooves down. He's the one who made me believe unity between ponykind was possible. Without him…I'm not sure what would've happened. I may never have left Maretime Bay.
Hitch and Sprout still don't believe me.
After he died, I made it my mission to one day make his dream come true. For all ponykind to be united once and for all and to bring back magic. And while it took me a while to get there, with Izzy's help, I finally got the courage to leave Maretime Bay and go to Zephyr Heights, the pegasus city.
Maybe, one day, they will…
That was when we met Zipp and Pipp, royal sisters of Zephyr Heights, the daughters of Queen Haven. The journey wasn't easy. It was hard and took much convincing, and took the three pony kinds to trust each other again. But we did it. We finally brought back magic.
But the important thing is that you stand up for what you believe in.
But, it didn't come without its sacrifices. The lighthouse I grew up in, the lighthouse I had shared with my father before he died, it was destroyed. Destroyed by one of the few friends I had once believed I had. By none other than Sprout Cloverleaf. Of course, he never would've done it without some incentive from his mother, but, come on, he is his own pony after all. It's time he makes his own decisions.
Well, when I grow up, I'm going to show everypony that we're right.
It hurt, and it took me a while to forgive him. Remembering what it took for me to forgive him is still…painful. I had felt that he took the most important thing in my life. My father. It was like losing him all over again. But, eventually, I was able to move on.
And someday, the both of us are going to meet unicorns or a pegasus and we'll be best friends forever!
And then Misty came to me. She had asked why I was so nice to Phyllis after everything she did. She told me that she clearly didn't learn her lesson from the way she behaved when she ordered, well, more like demanded, a hundred smoothies. It turned into a heated conversation, and emotions were high in both parties.
Can we send it?
However, something Misty said made me take a step back, and try to see things from her side, just like my father taught me. Every day, I'd wake up and vow to be the pony he'd want me to be. The pony he believed I could be. It was then I realized that Misty believed forgiveness was something a pony earned, and that if they didn't earn it, you were excusing their behavior. And that she felt like she earned my friends and I's forgiveness when that wasn't the case.
I think it's our duty
It was then that I taught her the same lesson my father taught me all those years ago. That forgiveness is not condoning or excusing, but rather, it's the process of healing. Of moving past the anger and resentment you feel towards a pony for hurting you. It doesn't take away all the pain, and it'll still hurt, but it'll feel like a weight has been lifted off. When you feel that, that's how you know you've truly forgiven a pony.
I wish I had a friend who could fly around or float things.
What I failed to mention is how difficult that process can be. How emotionally taxing it is. I didn't prepare her when I could've, and I felt guilty. It's just that…explaining it…it would've reopened all those wounds I had worked so hard to heal. I thought it would bring back what I thought I had left in the past. I had finally accepted it, and I thought unhashing that would change things.
Why can't we be friends anymore?
I thought I had dodged a bullet when Hitch told Misty…everything. The only reason I wanted to keep it secret in the first place was because I didn't want to relive it. It was hard enough the first time. I didn't want to do it again.
That, my darling, is a very big question.
Little did I know that it wouldn't take explaining what happened to bring me back in time. Rather, it'd take seeing Misty when she was in front of Opaline's Dark Castle, acting so similarly to how I acted, to bring me back. But, despite the pain that day brought me, I knew I had to be there for my best friend. That she needed me. And I couldn't let her down.
And maybe one day, we'll figure it out together.
I thought it was behind me once we came back to the Brighthouse and nothing happened. But…I guess it's easy to underestimate the power of lying alone in the dark when everypony else is asleep, and you have nothing to accompany you but your thoughts.
We'll do our part…
But still, looking back, despite the memories it caused me to relive, I don't regret any of it. It was a feeling of loss I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but it happened to one of my best friends. I had Hitch to get me through it. And now, I was able to help somepony else through it, just like my father would've wanted me to.
Hoof to heart.
"Hey, Sunny?" A voice asks behind me.
I turn around and see Hitch standing behind me, a kind smile on his face. Sparky sleeps cozily on his back, with his soft baby snores. I realize I had zoned out a bit, lost in thought. I look around and see that everypony is already cleaning up and that most of it's done already.
"I'm so sorry," I quickly apologize when I realize everypony else had already done most of the work. "I didn't realize I zoned out. I could've helped with the cleaning and–"
Hitch puts a hoof up, silencing me. "It's fine, Sunny. I already told everypony else that today wasn't easy on you either." At my panicked expression, Hitch only chuckles, smiling softly. "Don't worry. I didn't tell them why. They were all understanding anyway, despite not knowing. Only Misty and I know the real reason."
I smile softly back at him. "Thanks Hitch. For everything."
"Hey, that's what friends do. Anyway, I just came to say that I'm gonna head out. It's late and way past Sparky's bedtime. Poor little guy's all tuckered out." Hitch looks at his back, smiling softly at the baby dragon on his back, before turning back to me with a concerned expression. "And I…I just wanted to check in with you. Are you alright after…you know…"
I sigh heavily. That was…a big question. And while I'm not sure if I'm completely okay, I'm pretty sure I'm as okay as I'll ever be. What's important is that Misty feels as free as she claims and that I was able to help her feel that, despite the memories it brings back.
So, I'm honest when I say to Hitch, "I'm fine. Sure, it brought back some memories but…well…knowing it helped Misty made it all worth it. I couldn't be happier."
Hitch is silent for a bit before he sighs and nods. I know he just wants to help, and that if he could, he'd take all the pain away, but we both know that's not possible. It'll always hurt thinking about my old lighthouse, but if Sprout hadn't destroyed that one, we never would've built the Brighthouse. And I love the Brighthouse just as much as I loved my old lighthouse, just in a different way.
We both say our goodnights and I help the girls finish cleaning up before we all head up to bed. We talk for a bit, laughing and all having fun. Misty does seem lighter, and happier, like a burden was lifted. It makes me happy, despite the memories flashing through my head.
We all say goodnight and turn off the lights. I lay back in my bed, staring at the Hope Lantern on the nightstand by my bed, tears filling my eyes. My dad would be so proud of me and what I did today, I know it, but I can't help but think how things would be if he were here too. If the lighthouse wasn't destroyed. I know everything happens for a reason, and we're all part of a bigger picture, even if we can't see it at the moment, and that picture is better than anything we could've imagined, well, at least, that's what I hope for. And as my father always taught me, hope is a very powerful source. More powerful than anypony can comprehend.
But still…why did everything have to happen the way it did? Wasn't there a less painful way that reunited the three kinds? Why was it necessary for me to sacrifice so much I held dear for our dream to come true? And why did it feel like I was the only one who sacrificed? Why…why me?
I sigh as I remember one the hardest days of my life and the memories flash through my head...
I worked my smoothie cart, handing Posey her normal smoothie, and wishing her a great day as she walked away. I then turned to the next customer, when my heart stopped and my blood began to boil just seeing him standing there. My smile turned into a scowl. What was he doing here?
"Hello, my lady, Sunny Starscout," He said jokingly. It was how we'd sometimes greet each other as foals. I'd pretend to be a princess, while Hitch pretended to be the prince/knight in shining armor, and Sprout would be his partner. He chuckled a bit, clearly feeling nostalgic. "Remember how we used to do stuff like that when we were foals?"
My scowl deepened. "Yeah. And remember how we used to play in my lighthouse. You know, before you destroyed it."
The tension between us set in as the silence between us grew. The ponies around us grew silent as they watched the exchange. Of course, the ponies of Maretime Bay weren't complete idiots. They knew that ever since the day magic came back three months ago, the day Sprout destroyed my home, there was tension between us. High tension.
And, at that moment, I believed that Sprout would be the first pony I'd never be able to forgive. I was just so…angry with him. It both surprised and scared me. I've never been so angry with a pony before. But, at the same time, I couldn't imagine not being angry about it.
"Sunny…I am sorry. I don't know how many times I have to say it for you to believe me."
"Oh, I believe you. But that doesn't mean I've forgiven you. Now, what do you want?"
I definitely saw what my father taught me about anger. Keeping hold of it against Sprout, it definitely festered and grew. But I couldn't think of a world where I wasn't angry at him for what he did.
Sprout and I were silent for a moment following my words, Sprout looking guilty, though trying and failing to hide it, while I just scowled at him.
"Right," he finally said after a moment. "Well, I guess I want the banana special."
I nodded, turning to put fruit in the blender, grudgingly making his smoothie.
But it was Sprout's next words that really set me off. "I mean, I understand that you're still upset with me, but…honestly…can you really blame me?"
I froze, dropping the fruit in the blender and the knife I was using to cut up the bananas on the counter, baffled by what he was saying. "Excuse me?"
"Well, I'm just saying, is it really all that surprising? I mean, we didn't really know what to think about the unicorns, except that they wanted to fry all of our brains, you know? Can you really blame me for wanting to protect my home?"
My scowl deepened as I turned and glared at Sprout. "Yeah, so was Hitch, but you didn't see him destroying half of Maretime Bay to do it!"
"Look, I was doing my best. Hitch left me in charge of protecting Maretime Bay, and I was doing that the best way I knew how."
"By building a massive robot in your likeness and declaring war on Bridlewood? That was the only way you knew how to protect Maretime Bay?!"
I was baffled by what this…this colt filly was saying. Was he really trying to shrug off the blame for what he did? Was he serious?
"Okay, I admit, it was a bit extreme but–"
"A bit?!" I yelled, all thoughts of making his smoothie forgotten. "Try incredibly, ridiculously extreme! You didn't just destroy my home, Sprout. You endangered my friends!"
Suddenly, Hitch was in between Sprout and me, desperate to maintain any remnant of peace that was left, no matter how small it was. Of course, Hitch didn't look all that happy. Not that I could blame him. This wasn't the first time he had to calm a dispute between Sprout and me.
"Alright, ponies, let's just calm down and–" He started before I interrupted him.
"Calm down? You want me to calm down?! He's trying to…to minimize the gravity of his actions and…and you want me to…calm down?!"
"Hey, you started it, Sunny. I was just trying to get a smoothie." Sprout argued. I remember my blood boiling. I had opened my mouth, a retort already on my tongue, when Hitch glared at me, shutting me up.
He turned back to Sprout. "Sprout, I think it's best if you just head out." He said softly, trying his best to de-escalate the situation.
"Dude, what about my–" At my glare, Sprout stopped talking. He swallowed nervously, nodding before turning and walking away.
Hitch sighed before turning back to me. "Sunny, you need to forgive him," He said bluntly, not even easing into it.
I scoffed, rolling my eyes, thinking this was his idea of a sick joke. "Yeah right."
"I'm serious, Sunny. You need to forgive him, for your own good. It's what your father would tell you if he were still here."
"Yeah, well, he's not. And, thanks to Sprout, neither is his house or most of his things. And for that, Sprout doesn't just get a free pass!" I turned around, throwing fruit into the blender for the next pony's smoothie, slamming the lid on top of the blender with a force that showed just how angry I was.
"That's not forgiveness, Sunny, and you know it. In fact, you're the one who taught me that." Hitch argued, staying firm.
"Yeah, well, maybe I was wrong. Wouldn't be the first time." I muttered as I pulled the blender off the engine and poured it sloppily into the cups.
At that moment, I think we both knew what I was talking about. That I was wrong about Sprout being my friend. Maybe that was why his betrayal hurt so badly. He was my friend. We…played together as foals. We hung out as adults. He may not have considered himself as my friend, but I considered him one.
"Sunny, you have been wrong about a lot of things in life, but that is not one of them." Hitch paused before continuing. "Have you tried doing what your father told you to do if you're struggling to forgive somepony?"
I slammed the blender down, smoothie mix sloshing all over the counter. "Yes Hitch! Every night! And every night, it's the same answer!"
I roughly put the lids on the cups and abruptly handed them to the waiting ponies, who quickly scurried off once they had hold of them. They didn't want to be caught in this crossfire.
"Look, Sunny, this anger, it's been consuming you. You haven't been yourself. I'm just trying to help--"
"Well stop!" I snapped, turning to face him. "Stop trying to help, because you're not!" I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "Look, Hitch. I know you want to fix this, and I wish you could too, but unless you can magically go back in time and save the lighthouse or my father's things…you can't, okay? You just…can't. So, please, just leave it alone."
Hitch was silent for a long moment before he finally sighed and nodded. "If…if that's what you really want, Suns, I'll do it. Just…don't lose yourself. You said so yourself, anger will fester and grow. Don't let it, okay?"
I nodded, though I believed it was already too late for that. Just thinking of Sprout had my blood boiling and my head pounding in pent-up frustration. I don't even know why I was so...angry. Maybe it was just three months of holding in frustration, and it eventually built up into this and was soon to boil over. It was most likely that. But either way, Hitch was most definitely right about one thing. This anger was consuming me.
I remember it was raining. I guess that was one thing that was different. The pouring rain. Usually, I love it when it rained. The sound always soothed me to sleep, even when I was a filly. But, that night, it didn't. That night, I was so angry, and that scared the living daylights out of me. And it made me feel so guilty.
And yet, this anger was like a living being of its own. It didn't listen to me or anypony else. No matter how much I longed for it to go away, it only seemed to grow in response. Tears built up in my eyes as I felt my whole body shake. I looked over at the bed across the room to see Izzy fast asleep. Tears streamed down my face. I snapped at her. Earlier, that evening, I was lost in thought, and…she was just being her normal, lovable, Izzy self and I snapped at her.
Hitch's words rang through my head. Look, Sunny, this anger, it's been consuming you. You haven't been yourself. He was right. I knew that much. This anger, it was changing me. It was why my father made an effort each and every night to let it go. But, I just didn't know how.
I'm just trying to help...
Without wasting another moment, I climbed out of bed and tiptoed out of the room, rushing out of the house Izzy and I were renting until the new lighthouse was finished construction and out into the pouring rain. The rain soaked my mane and coat instantly, but I didn't care. I needed to get this anger off my chest before I hurt anypony else. I ran in one direction, trying to not slip on the wet mud on the way there.
As soon as I got there, I began banging on the door. It took a bit, but it finally opened to reveal a tired-looking Hitch, who looked as though he just got out of bed. "Ugh, whatever it is, surely it can wait until--" Hitch stopped when he looked up at me, his eyes wide with concern and worry the moment he took in my appearance. "Sunny, what's...what's wrong? Did...did something happen? Was it Sprout? Did..." Hitch trailed off, not sure what to think.
"I...I don't know, Hitch. I'm...I'm scared. I'm so...angry. I've never been so...so angry before. Hitch, help me. Please. If I see Sprout again...I-I don't know what I'll do," Tears filled my eyes as my body continued to shake, my heart racing. I didn't want to hurt anypony, but this anger, I needed to release it. I just...I didn't know how to without hurting anypony.
Hitch was silent, not seeming to know what to do. He seemed at a loss until something seemed to click. It seemed he came to the same realization I did.
"Let's hope this works," He muttered before he grabbed my hoof and pulled me across town.
I gasped upon seeing the place he brought me to. I looked up at the nearly finished new lighthouse. I hadn't been here since…that day. Three months ago. Tears filled my eyes as I stared up at it. It looked so different from home. This...this wasn't home. It was a foreign building. As foreign as the house Izzy and I were renting until it was finished. To look at this spot, to be here and not see home, my home, felt wrong. Tears streamed down my face, mixing with the rain.
I turned to Hitch, accusation in my eyes. I had so much anger built up over three months of seeing Sprout almost every day, anything set me off.
"What are we doing here?" I asked in a dangerously low voice.
"It's somewhere safe. Let him have it." Hitch said simply. He had to yell just to be heard over the downpour.
I blinked, confused. "Let who have what?"
"Sprout. Let him have a piece of your mind."
I didn't understand what Hitch was trying to say. Was he saying I should just start talking to the air? What exactly did he want me to do? And even if that was what he was trying to say, how in the hay would that help? I was trying to diffuse my anger, not provoke it. I had a hard enough time controlling the beast it was becoming on my own. I didn't need help to make it worse.
When I remained silent, just staring at him, he continued to explain. "Sunny, right now, you are so angry because you've been burying it instead of dealing with it. You need to let it out. So, let it out."
"And how do you expect me to do that? Sprout's not even here."
Hitch was silent for a moment. He didn't seem to know what he was doing more so than me. Which made me wonder if this was going to work at all in the first place. Suddenly, an idea seemed to dawn on him, and he looked me right in the eye.
"Why are you so upset with Sprout anyway?" When I gave Hitch a look, he clarified with a shrug. "I mean, I know why, but I guess I just don't understand. It was just an old lighthouse. I mean, it needed repairs anyway. That thing was not up to building codes to be a public building."
I blinked, taken aback by what Hitch, my best and oldest friend, was implying. What had gotten into him? This wasn't like him at all. But, of course, with all my anger that was built up, it didn't take much to spark it. "It wasn't a public building, Hitch, and it wasn't just some old lighthouse. It was my home."
"Yeah, but, I mean, come on. It wasn't anything special. You're being built a bigger and better one now. I just don't understand what the problem is. It's just a thing. You already have the memories. It's not like Sprout took those."
I clenched my jaw, my body shaking even more. "It was special. It was special to me." I took a deep breath, trying to control my anger. I didn't want to hurt Hitch. I didn't know why he was saying these things, but surely there was a point. But, clearly, Hitch had no idea how to help me. And it was a mistake coming to him. "I shouldn't have come here. I really should go back and--"
"No," Hitch said firmly, standing in front of me. His mane and fur were soaked, and he squinted his eyes against the pelting raindrops, but he stood firmly. "For the past three months, I'm the one having to get in the middle of your damn disputes. I deserve to know why you're so angry with him when he hasn't done anything wrong since."
And that was the spark that turned my hot anger into a wildfire. I could no longer hold it in anymore. Of course, I didn't know then that was Hitch's intention from the start...well when he brought me here, and if I wasn't so blinded and overwhelmed by anger, I would've felt guilty for the things I said. But, unfortunately, the beast I tried to keep buried had a hold of me now, and it would not be tamed again. It tasted freedom and it would not be contained.
"You wanna know? You really want to know? You want to know why I'm so angry with Sprout after all this time?"
"I'm beginning to think you don't even know why anymore," Hitch egged, trying to make me react. "I'm beginning to think you forg--"
"I'm angry because he was my friend! He was my friend, Hitch! He was my friend and he destroyed my home with a smile on his face! He destroyed nearly everything I held dear and...and...I didn't even get a proper apology! He endangered my friends and...and hurt me more than he could possibly imagine and he struts around town as though nothing happened! Well, I can't pretend nothing happened, Hitch! Because I lost almost everything! EVERYTHING! I have one picture of my dad! ONE! And that's barely being held together by tape! It was like losing him all over again! He...he almost hurt so many ponies! Izzy! Alphabittle! Pipp! YOU! How can you walk around and...and talk to him like you're just old friends?! He endangered YOUR TOWN! And yet, you tell me to calm down whenever I try to make him understand the gravity of...of EVERYTHING he did! HE WON'T EVEN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! He has the gall to say that it's not his fault, and then claim I started an argument when I react! He...he treats this as though it's nothing more than just another day in Maretime Bay and not the SECOND WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! And yet, he doesn't understand..."
For nearly three hours I yelled, ranted, and, at some points, even screamed. Three months of held in anger released in that one moment. I repeated myself, but I didn't care. The rain muted my voice from the rest of the town from hearing my raging fit, so it was Hitch and I were in a world of our own, with nopony to interrupt.
Hitch, to his credit, watched and listened to every word silently. He didn't show any signs of disinterest or that he was tuning me out. He didn't even sit. He just stood there, from one in the morning to four, just watching with rapt attention, not even shedding a yawn, despite how exhausted he must’ve been. And for that, I'll forever be grateful. At that moment, he was the truest friend I ever had.
"…you never think of the consequences! You just go around acting without actually thinking things through! And then, you just get away with it! With nothing more than a slap on the hoof! You don't…you don't care about others! You never have! You just…use ponies and then toss them aside when you're finished with them! And…and I hate…I hate…I…hate…I…" And just like that, my anger died like the flame of a candle.
I dropped my head, all fight leaving me. The tears that streamed down my face mixed with the rain that fell to the ground. I sighed, for the first time in three months not feeling the immense anger I felt. For the first time, I felt as though I was finally able to let it go. I turn to face the new lighthouse and as the rain stopped and the morning sun began to shine over the horizon, it seemed to shine brighter than ever. My life, and the good things that existed, seemed to shine brighter now that the cloud of anger was mostly gone. Sure, I was still upset and hurt, but it was less now that I let most of it go.
"A brighthouse," I mutter as I stare up at it.
"What?" Hitch asked, walking up next to me.
"A place where ponies can go to release whatever is weighing them down so they can have the chance to shine brighter than they had before. A place where the Crystals will stay as a bright beacon of hope that there will always be brighter days ahead."
"The Crystal Brighthouse," Hitch muttered.
I smiled up at him. "Yeah. Exactly. The Crystal Brighthouse."
I worked my smoothie cart, handing Posey her normal smoothie, as per hor normal morning routine, and wishing her a great day as she walked away. I then turned to the next customer, but instead of my heart stopping and my blood boiling, I kept my smile plastered on my face. It didn't feel genuine, not yet, and I wasn't sure it ever would, but despite its forced feeling, it was progress from the day before.
"Morning, Sprout. What can I get you?" I asked, my voice full of fake chipper.
Now Sprout was the one who looked taken aback. "I…I thought you were still mad at me…"
"Well, Sprout…I…I…" I took a deep breath, gathering my words. "I forgive you." The smile on my face felt so genuine as it felt like a burden was released.
Sprout blinked, looking surprised. "You…you do? But…yesterday you said–"
"I know what I said, Sprout." Irritation filled my voice. I still didn't have any patience for him and I still didn't want to be around him longer than necessary, but it wasn't that all consuming anger anymore. "But…a lot had happened between them and now." I glanced at Hitch, who watched us from across the square, our first interaction where Hitch didn't have to get involved. I flashed him a quick smile before turning back to Sprout. "So…what can I get you?"
Tears fill my eyes as I stare at the Hope Lantern by my bed. I guess it's true what they say. Each day, it gets a little easier. Thinking back on that day, it isn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, now, as I think back on it, it's one of the most freeing days of my life. Besides, who said that good things in life ever came easy?
Author's Note
Okay…my tenth completed story! Whoo! Ten completed stories before my one year anniversary. This is exciting. Which, I guess makes this story special, which is pretty awesome, since this is a sequel of my favorite story I've written. It was actually in the works for, like, two months now, but I've had a block on it for most of that time. It was actually a recent discussion with a friend about Sprout, Sunny, and Hitch that helped remove that block, so, thanks man.
This story was inspired by the song "Kindly Calm Me Down" by Meghan Trainor. I don't listen to her songs at all, but this is one of my favorite songs.
Hakuna Matata!
