Ryan walked through the front doors of the Canterlot library, the big twin doors echoed throughout the quit building as they shut behind him. He began to scan the building for the mare he was looking for, Shouldn’t be too hard since she looked nearly identical to his marefriends. His eyes eventually did rest upon the pony he was here for, Moon Dancer.
She was an off white, almost yellow unicorn with a red mane that had a purple streak in it, just like Twilights. But unlike Twilight, Moon Dancers hair was pulled up into a bun and was unkept, it looked like she hadn’t washed or at the very least brushed it in a considerable amount of time. She also had glasses with white tape on the bridge, and had a black sweater on.
The sweater thing kinda annoyed Ryan, cause it wasn’t even cold out. Nor was it brisk, it was fucking warm. Why would she be wearing a black sweater in such warm temperatures?
Anyways, Ryan began to walk over to the mare and she didn’t even notice him walking towards him with her muzzle buried in that book about… economic? What a dork.
He tapped his knuckle on the table she was reading at. Her attention was finally peeled away from the book she was reading, and she let out a gasp and jumped back a bit when she saw the only human in Equestria standing before her.
The other residents of the library shushed her small outburst before resuming their own reading. She then sneered up at him, staring daggers at him.
“What do you want?” She whispered, venom dripping off every word.
“I just wanna talk.” Ryan whispered back.
“Well I don’t. Go away.” Moon Dancer said, before pulling her book closer to her face.
“Come on,” Ryan said with an exaggerated look of annoyance. “I just want to know why you keep pushing Twilight away.”
She gave him a look of disgust, as if she smelled something rancid.
“No, I’m not talking to you.” She said flatly.
Any other person would’ve stopped trying by now. But Ryan isn’t like most people, not only is he a stubborn prick, but thanks to the crystal heart he’s got magical abilities. They were gifted to him by the crystal heart during King Sombra’s return, it chose him so that he could spread love and light across Equestria. It’s not really clear as to why exactly the crystal heart chose Ryan of all people to fulfill this goal, but it did. Clearly that magic rock saw something in Ryan that even he couldn’t see, but he’s not really complaining, cause now he can cast spells like a unicorn. Anything from rudimentary levitation, to more advanced stuff like transmutation. But right now, all he’s looking to do is cast a shield of silence so him and Moon Dancer can talk one-on-one.
He pointed his finger upwards and a beam of blue light shot from it. In an instant the shield of silence was casted over the two of them.
“Don’t pop this bubble like you did with Twilight. Cause I’m just gonna keep recasting it every time you do.” Ryan said at full volume, slightly startling the book horse.
“I don’t want to fucking talk to you!” Moon Dancer said angrily.
“Jesus Christ. Moon I just-“
“Don’t call me Moon like I’m your fucking friend.” She snarled.
“Why are acting like this?” Ryan said. “I didn’t do anything to you. All I wanna know is why you keep giving twilight the cold shoulder every time she tries to reconnect with you.”
“That’s none of your fucking business.” Moon Dancer said.
“Kinda is. I’m dating her, I wanna know why somepony doesn’t like her.” Ryan said.
“I don’t hate her, I just… ehh, go away already.” Moon Dancer said.
“Come on man, we were almost there. Just open up to me, just a little bit.” Ryan said.
“I’m saying no. Why aren’t you taking no as an answer, you fucking rapist.” Moon Dancer said.
Ryan simply shot her a ‘really’ look. She was being a scornful brat that was creating drama where there didn’t need to be. Ryan was then suddenly hit by the realization that she was acting like him.
Whenever Twilight tried to pry into his past he’d always get defensive, as if he was on trial for something. He would refuse to divulge any details, no matter how small and insignificant, and whenever he would provide a crumb of insight into his past, he would refuse to elaborate. Twilight would eventually get so frustrated she’d storm off and stop prying. But the reason he didn’t want to say anything about his part was because it was hard to talk about, he came from a verbally and physically abusive childhood. Everything he said or did was meet with opposition by his parents, and often a swift correction was carried out, which often meant being belittled, or worse. His mom once beat him so bad it lacerated his eyebrow causing it to bleed profusely. They refused to drive him to the hospital because ‘that’s what he deserved.’ Luckily his older brother was willing to take him to get patched up, but Ryan doesn’t know how lucky he would consider himself since-…
Anyways that’s scar on his eyebrow is still there to this day, a constant reminder every time he looked in the mirror of the trauma he had to endure. That family made him feel worthless, like no matter what he did he was always going to be a fuckup.
It took him years to begin divulging this information to Twilight. Taking about that stuff with her always made him cry, but it was therapeutic to cry and be vulnerable around someone who genuinely loved him, and held him as he cried. To have someone that truly made him feel like he meant something to someone.
But again it took years to achieve this level of trust from him. Now he’s on the receiving end of this attitude with Moon Dancer, and she’s not even doing this for the same reason he was. Or at least he doesn’t think so.
“Listen, Moon Dancer. Twilight has tried everything to reconnect with you, and every time she thinks she’s getting somewhere with you, you shut it down. Can you tell me why?” Ryan said, trying to be as calm as possible.
“Why do you care so much?” Moon Dancer said with a scowl.
“Already told you. I’m Twilight’s coltfriend, and I’m a guardian of the crystal heart, here to spread love and light wherever it’s needed. I’m also technically the Prince of friendship, so it’s technically my job to know why there’s friction between you two.”
She didn’t shoot back with any kind of insult this time around. She just continued to read her book and tried to ignore the human sitting inches away from her. She was probably hoping Ryan would go away eventually, but that’s not going to happen.
“Im not trying to be an asshole and pry into your personal business, but I just want you to open up. Tell me what’s wrong.” Ryan said, almost pleading for her to give him something to work of off.
Her response was to point at the door with her hoof, clearly telling Ryan to leave. It was at that moment he saw it. The sleeves of her sweater slid down her arm, not by much, but it was enough to reveal something he wasn’t expecting to see on her.
Her self harm scars.
She pulled her hoof back and frantically fixed the sleeve so it cover her scars again, unaware of the fact that he saw them. Even though he only saw maybe two or three scars for a short amount of time, he could tell they were fresh. That had to be the reason she’s refusing to talk to him.
Ryan let out a heavy sigh at this revelation, but Moon Dancer thought he was sighing at her cold demeanor.
Twilight flaking on that party she put together and leaving for ponyville so abruptly clearly effected her way more then she’s letting on. But it couldn’t be just the party that made her a cutter, there had to be something else at play. But how is he going to make her open up, especially with the shame that comes with having self harm scars.
Ryan looked down at his arms, they were covered in a black long sleeve, fake leather jacket. He realized in that moment how much of a hypocrite he was to be annoyed about her wearing a sweater on a warm day, when he can’t even remember the last time he let somebody see him without this jacket on. He wore it for the same reason she did.
He then realized that this is probably the only way he can make her open up to him, to make her feel comfortable enough to discuss this topic with him. He just had to take a step outside of his comfort zone first. This was a Hercules in task though, he shared the same shame in letting people see your self harm scars. He didn’t even know why he felt shame, and for some reason, he kept thinking she of all ponies would judge him.
He took a deep breath in before speaking again. “I know what you’re going through, ya’know.”
She shot him a confused look before rolling her eyes and continuing to read her book.
“You’re-“ he stopped himself, knowing just simply telling her she’s not alone is not enough. He had to show her she wasn’t.
He gripped the sleeve of his jacket and began to push it up his arm. This action being so difficult it felt like the clothing weighed a thousand pounds. But he did it, he was eventually able to push both sleeves up to his elbows. He proceeded to recapture Moon Dancers attention by slamming his arms back down to the table as dead weight. She jumped out of her skin and shot Ryan an annoyed look. She then looked down at his arms, doing a double take when seeing an all too familiar sight. Rows upon rows of self harm scars littered Ryan’s arms, they seemed to cover every single inch of his arm. There had to be at least a hundred on each arm, but two scars stood out amongst the rests. While all the other scars created a white discoloration on the skin, there was one scar on each wrist that had a pink discoloration to it. Moon Dancer wouldn’t know from personal experience, but she could accurately deduce these were failed attempts the human made at taking his own life.
She peered back up at his face, her once annoying expression melting away and forming an expression of pity.
“You’re not alone, Moon.” Ryan said. “I know better than anypony what you’re going through. Please, tell me what’s wrong. Let me help you.”
She was too stunned to speak, her mouth moved and little whimpers would squeak from her throat. But never any words. But eventually she found the courage to speak, and even though it wasn’t much, Ryan was glad he was able to get anything out of her at all.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I know. I didn’t know what to say my first time either.”
“First time what?”
“First time opening up… telling somepony why our arms look like this.”
“How- how did you know that I-“
“When you pointed at the door earlier, I saw a few poke out over your sweater.” Ryan said, interrupting her.
“Oh…” she said, rubbing her arm in discomfort.
“Can you show me yours?” Ryan asked.
“I-… I don’t want to.” She said timidly.
“I didn’t want to show you mine either.” Ryan admitted. “Hell, I’ve never even showed these to Twilight. Sure I’ve told her about them, but she’s never seen them.”
“Okay, but it’s… It’s hard.” She said, still rubbing her arm uncomfortably.
“Want me to help?” Ryan said.
She stood still, trying to build up the courage to answer. But all she could manage to do was nod her head In response. Ryan then reached out and held her hoof in his hand, rubbing his thumb on it before his other hand slid up her arm and began to hike up her sleeve. She reacted as if the act of sliding the sleeve up her arm physically hurt her. Once the sleeve was slid up to her elbow, he rubbed his hand back down her arm. His fingers passed over her scars, feeling every bump they made on her skin. She had a lot less cuts on her arm compared to Ryan’s, and there was no attempt scars on her wrists, which was good.
Ryan then closed the book she was reading and pushed it to the side so they had more space on the table and made a motion with his free hand for Moon Dancer to give him, her other hoof. She complied and Ryan proceeded to hike up her sleeve again to finally unearth all of her cuts. On this arm, he saw the fresh scars that he caught a peek at earlier near her wrist. Because of how recent these were and the lack of showers this pony takes, he could actually still see traces of blood on the keratin of her hoof.
Ryan felt moisture beginning to form in his eyes at just how fresh the scars were. He had actually stopped cutting ever since he arrived in Equestria, mostly because of Twilight. When Ryan arrived he had three broken ribs and a fractured ankle and knee, and an oblique, non displaced fracture across his left tibia. Twilight went out of her way to insure he was alright, even paid for the leg brace he needed to help heal the fracture on his tibia. The amount of unconditional support she showed him nearly made him break down in tears at that very moment, and it still makes him tear up to this day. That is partly what got him to start crushing on Twilight, he never felt like he was loved before she came along. So when they started dating, you can only imagine how better he felt mentally. Needless to say, he never felt like his life sucked enough to cut himself in nearly five years.
Moon Dancer however, had just added another scar to arm yesterday. She’s still actively suffering, being a victim to her own mind. Ryan wanted- no, needed to help her. He needed to figure out what was making her do this, and help her in any way her could to stop it before it got any worse.
“When did you start?” Ryan asked, a glossiness still present in his eyes.
“When…” she stopped, the words ending up getting stuck in her throat as she battled with herself, trying to prevent the tears from free falling.
“You can let it out.” Ryan said as he held both her hoofs in his hands.
Her lip quivered, trying desperately to fight against it but she was unable to hold back her emotions. The tears came flowing out of her, and Ryan got up from his seat and rush to her side as he pulled her into a hug. She accepted this hug immediately, wrapped her hoofs around him as she cried into him. She clung onto him desperately, as if she was drowning and he were a life raft. Her tight grip around Ryan told him that she didn’t want him to leave her, and the tight squeezing of his own reciprocating hug was his way of telling her that he wasn’t leaving her any time soon.
Eventually her tears began to die down, and she used his jacket to wipe away the last remaining drops of her tears.
“I’m sorry.” She said meekly.
“Don’t you dare apologize for being vulnerable.” Ryan said as he continued to hold her close.
“Right i’m-“ she stopped herself before she apologized for apologizing. “W-what did you ask me? I forgot.”
“When did you start cutting?” Ryan reiterate.
“Wh- when Twilight left.” She answered after a long sigh. “I was throwing a party, trying to come out of my shell a bit. But Twilight never showed up, she was the one person I wanted to show up, and then she fucking left town without saying goodbye.”
“Why did it hurt you so bad?” Ryan asked, rubbing his hand over her scars again.
“Cause we were dating, or at least I thought we were.” Moon Dancer said.
“Really?” Ryan said.
“Yeah, we dated all throughout high school. We started to see each other less and less once we got out of high school so I guess she thought we had already broken up. I thought we were still a thing… so it really fucking stung when she left Canterlot without saying a word to me.”
The tears were coming back, but she needed to say this. She’s kept it inside for too long, she needed to let it out.
“I was fucking humiliated, that party was my first time trying to be more social. Because I’ve always been depressed, I’ve always thought I was unworthy of love, or friends at the very least. Twilight was actually helping me come out of my shell, and that goddamn party was for her! Twinkle shine, Lemon hearts, and Minuette FINALLY convinced me that I had value in this world, just for Twilight to never even bother to show the fuck up!”
She was ugly crying at this point, choking on her own tears as she ranted.
“I started spiraling, thinking that if, who I thought, was my own marefriend couldn’t be fucked enough to come to my party, then the rest of my friends were just pretending too. I mean, it didn’t even look like they were having fucking fun at that party! So when they tried to invite me somewhere a few times I ignored them, and eventually they dropped me. Like I was nothing! That just confirmed it to me that… that no one would miss me if I was gone!”
She buried her face back into Ryan’s chest, sobbing as hard as she was physically capable of sobbing. That last thing she said still lingered in Ryan’s head, bouncing around in his skull as it replayed over and over again in his head.
‘No one would miss me if I was gone.’
He didn't have enough fingers to count how many times he’s said that to himself before moving to Equestria.
“I’m sorry this happened to you.” Ryan said as she continued to cry into him. “I know it feels so easy to give up, to just end it all and be free from the pain. But it’s not a solution. People will miss you, no matter how much you think they don’t, someone out there will miss you.”
“It’s so hard to believe that.” Moon Dancer said through her shaky breath.
“I know it is. Trust me, I know.” Ryan said as he whipped the tears from her face. “It felt like I didn’t have anybody to turn to for so long. But when I first got here, I was shown kindness and compassion for what felt like the first time in my life. It was by Twilight, she showed me unconditional love as soon as I got here. I actively denied it at first, I tried to delude myself into believing that it was some kind of transactional friendship. But I could never fully convinced myself of that. She seemed to genuinely enjoy my company, no matter how much I tried to push her away and isolate myself in the spare room she let me stay in. She cared about me.”
Ryan now had tears of his own running down his face.
“I know that doesn’t sound like the Twilight you remember, but it’s the Twilight I’ve always known. If you tell her what you just told me, you’ll feel so much better and you’ll see her apologize and care for you like she did to me.”
“I… I don’t want to do that.” Moon Dancer said.
“You have nothing to be afraid of.”
“But they’re gonna hate me if I snap at Twilight.”
“That won’t happen, I promise.”
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”
“You’re just going to have to trust me.” Ryan said. “Twilight’s actually setting something up for you right now. Go there, and tell her how you feel. I’ll be there for you, and after you do that I’ll prove to you that you have people that love you in your life.”
“You promise?” Moon Dancer said, staring into at Ryan’s watery eyes.
“I pinkie promise.”
“What’s that?” Moon Dancer said with a sniff.
“Some stupid shit my friend does. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Ryan said with a laugh.
The laughter was shared with Moon Dancer, and then both laughed and hugged each other a bit tighter. They both needed this after all the tears that've been spilled. Eventually the laughter they shared died down, and Ryan spoke again.
“So, you are going to do what I asked, right?”
“I think so.” She said.
“Good.”
“Umm, I hate to bring this up. But why did you start cutting?” She said.
“Oh…”
“You don’t have to tell me If-“
“No no, it’s only fair I open up too.” Ryan said before taking in a deep sigh.
“My parents were not very nice people. Neither were my siblings really, but it was mostly my parents. They treated me like shit and would verbally belittle me over the smallest shit. This one time my drunk, piece of shit mom yelled at me because I was up past my bed time. She could’ve ended the conversation there, but no, she had to go on and on and on about how much of a disrespectful punk I am.”
Ryan was now beginning to cry, now reaching the part of the story he hates remembering.
“She then… she then told me she wishes she aborted me and that she hated me because I look just like my father. I told her I wish she did too, so I didn’t have to live in that hellhole with her. She responded by smashing the beer bottle she was holding across my face… I don’t remember what she said after that, it was all a blur. I think I disassociated or something. All I remember is my brother taking me to the hospital because I was bleeding so much, and those fucking assholes refused to take me. On the way there my-“
Ryan choked up, remembering what he considered the worst part of this story.
“My brother basically told me I deserved it for talking back… and that really fucking hurt, ya’know. Because at that moment, at twelve years fucking old, I knew I had zero support group. Nobody in my fucking house was ever on my side about anything. I had one, singular fucking friend outside of that damn house, and he left for the military, leaving me to be stuck in that goddamn house with those fucking demons!”
He was balling his eyes out at this point, doing a small roll reversal since he was now being held by Moon Dancer as he cried into her.
“They made me feel worthless, they made me feel like I didn’t matter at all because to be honest, I don’t think I did to them. My life was constant pain, because if I wasn’t being b-beaten by them, I was cutting myself in my room. Trying to remind myself that I’m still alive because I felt so fucking empty and hollow all the time. I told myself if this is what living felt like, then I don’t want to live anymore… So I tried k-killing myself when I was sixteen. I was angry at the time that it didn’t work but thank fucking Christ it didn’t. Because if it did, I would’ve never ended up here. I wouldn’t never meet the friends I did. I feel so much better here, because at least here I know I'm loved… It got better for me.”
He then pulled away from her and looked her in the eyes. Both of them still sobbing, their eyes, red and puffy and their cheeks slick with tears.
“That’s why you can’t give up, because it does get better. I'm living proof of that.”
“Okay…” she said meekly. “I won’t give up, I promise.”
“You also promise to tell Twilight the-“
“Yes, I do. I promise.”
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you. We both needed to let that out.”
“You still got one last bit of this to let out though.”
“I know. I’ll be there.”
“Good.”
Ryan then looked around at the shield of silence that encase them, seeing the ponies around them that could easily look up from their books at them. At their scars. He quickly pulled his sleeves down to cover his scars once more, with Moon Dancer following suit.
“You ready for this to come down?” He asked pointing at the bubble around them.
“Yeah I think so.” She said with a smile, the first genuine smile he’s seen on her all week.
Ryan smiled back and drove his thumb into the shield of silence and popped it like a balloon. The residents of the library ended up shushing him over the popping noise that it made. He ignored them and headed for the door, but before he exited he gave a small wave goodbye to Moon Dancer. She waved goodbye back as Ryan walked backwards out the door and closed it behind him.
When he turned around he saw Twilight placing a trail of books on the floor for some reason.
“What are you doing?” Ryan asked his marefriend.
“Setting up a trail for moon Dancer to follow.” Twilight said, not seeing anything weird about what she just said.
“What is she, ET? You’re gonna leave a trail of Reese‘s pieces all the way to the party for her to follow.”
She shot him an annoyed expression before going back to placing the trail of books down. “i’m assuming you still think the party is a dumb idea.”
“Not anymore, no.” Ryan said.
“Oh, so your plan didn’t work then.” Twilight said with bit of a cocky attitude to her tone.
“No my plan worked, better than I expected actually. But we’re still gonna go through with your plan.” Ryan said, earning a confused look from Twilight.
“Okay?” Twilight said. “Well anyways, do you mind helping me set up this book trail so it goes by faster.”
“Sure.” He said with an eye roll at his dorky marefriend.
“You okay?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah.” Ryan answered.
“You sure? because it looks like you’ve been crying.” Twilight said.
“Yes I’m fine. Now come on, let’s finish this trail.” He said as he dropped a book on the floor.
“And you think this is gonna do it, huh?” Moon Dancer said, referring to the party Twilight had set up to try and cheer her up. She weakly hit a piñata with a stick she held in her magical grasp as she spoke.
“Uh, yes?” Twilight said.
“Well, sure, why wouldn't it? That was only the first time I put myself out there, and then you didn't even bother to show up! Then you left town without saying goodbye even though we were supposed to be friends!” Tears were welling up now, but she couldn’t stop. She made a promise she’d get through this.
“I was humiliated! I felt like I wasn't important to you! I never wanted to let myself be hurt like that again! Those three finally convinced me that I had value! That other ponies might like me and want to be my friend! And YOU! DIDN'T! SHOW! UP!”
She chucked the stick in Twilights general direction, causing her to duck as it arched over her head, missing her by a few inches. Moon Dancer ran off in the opposite direction, not wanting to be there to witness Twilight’s reaction. But she was stopped by a hand pushing against her chest, she looked up at Ryan and wanted to push past him and continue running but she broke down crying into his chest once again.
Twinkle shine, Lemon hearts, Minuette, Twilight, Spike, and Pinkie all stood in stunned silence. Especially Twilight. She never knew what her old friend was going through. The revelation that her fillyhood friend, and her first romantic relationship, was hurting so much hit her like a freight train. She was suffering in silence for so long, without anypony to turn to. But with how willing she was to cry into Ryan’s chest, it seemed she finally found somepony to turn to, it had to have been what Ryan meant by his plan ‘Working better than he expect’. But she was still hurting. Twilight had to make this right somehow, she hoped this party could still do that. Ryan did say she should still go through with it after all. So she hopes this can be the start of a healing process for her.
Twilight walked over to her current and ex partner, as Moon Dancer continued to cry into him.
“This party can't make up for the way I hurt you. I know that. But please, don't let my mistake be the reason you can't be friends with anypony else.” Twilight said.
Moon Dancer peered up at her, tears still streaming down her face. Twilight gave her a reassuring smile as there other fillyhood friends walked up to them.
“We were friends with you back then, and we'd be honored to be your friends now.” Minuette said.
Moon Dancers lips quivered as a different brand of tears began to stream down her face.
Tears of joy.
She was so happy that her old friends still cared about her. That they were still willing to be there for her after all this time, and after all the times she pushed them away.
“We also invited a few other ponies that considered you a friend.” Twilight said.
Moon Dancer leaned around Ryan and gazed upon a sight she was never expecting to see. She saw two ponies she interacted with on a semi regular basis, the librarian and the bookseller.
“I-I didn’t know you considered me a friend.” Moon Dancer said in disbelief.
“Of course we do honey.” The librarian said.
Those word meant so much to her. A warm fuzzy feeling swirled around in her heart. The feeling pushed more tears of joy out of her, which felt so much better to produce than the sad, pain filled tears she has been producing all day. But the surprises weren’t done yet, one more pony came up from behind the two older mares.
It was her older sister that lived half way across Canterlot. It felt like she never sees her anymore, so seeing her in person for the first time in what felt like forever was a surprise to say the least. But she knew why she never saw her, she was a busy mare. She was constantly busy manufacturing tea, and tea was a highly valued commodity in Conterlot so her hours were filled pretty much every day of the week. So to see her here, talking the time out of her busy schedule just for her, meant so much to her.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she waved at her sister, who waved back at her with a warm smile.
“I told you Moon,” Ryan said. “You’ve got people who care about you. Even ponies you didn’t expect came all this way just for you. You’re clearly loved and valued here, don’t take it for granted.”
Moon Dancer's tears streamed down her face at his words. He truly did hold up his end of the promise. She knew now she was loved, people valued her and wanted to be her friend. She pulled herself closer and hugged him, and he reciprocated that hug immediately. This hug felt different somehow, it was less of holding on to one another for support and more of a truly sentimental hug. Ryan even planted a small, platonic kiss on her forehead as they separate from the hug.
“Moon Dancer.” Twilight said, grabbing her attention. “I've faced magical creatures, the end of Equestria, and all sorts of things. But seeing how my actions affected you, that was one of the worst feelings I've ever had.”
Moon Dancer knew from her tone she meant those words. She knew she had to be telling the truth. She saw that now.
“Thank you, Twilight. I never realized how much I needed to hear all of this. Thank you so much for caring!”
Twilight then pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tightly as her own tears began to form. “You’re welcome Moon.”
They separated from the hug and whipped away their respective tears. Before long the party had officially commenced, and Moon Dancer mingled with the ponies in attendance and began making new friends, even if they were her old ones. She couldn’t be any happier, it’s the happiest she’s felt in a long time. She finally didn’t feel alone. Not only did she not feel alone socially, but now that she knew she had someone that she could turn to when she felt stuck, it made her feel so much more seen. Ryan truly did help spread love and light where there was none. She could already feel the darkness waning, but she still had a long way to go. But with her new friends by her side, she knew she could make it through this eventually.
It can get better.
