Applejack the Apple-Human’s Applesolutely Wonderful Birthday!

by Rune Soldier Dan

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Romance, Rarity (EqG), Equestria Girls, Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy, Adagio Dazzle, Applejack (EqG), Sex, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 3536

Applejack's friends are acting awfully strange on her birthday. She doesn't know what's up with them, but it probably doesn't have anything to do with her being a muscular amazonian goddess.

Applejack is a blonde, muscle-bound powerhouse of a woman with a loving wife and great friends. Best of all, it's her birthday!

Now if only she could figure out why the girls are acting so strange...

(Sex tag for endless innuendo, nothing actually explicit goes down.)

(Written for the Dumb as Doornails contest!)

Published 2024-09-05 23:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-05 23:30:02 UTC

Applejack the Apple-Human’s Applesolutely Wonderful Birthday!

Applejack’s eyes cracked open at the first light of dawn, and so did her grin. It was always a good day to be alive at Sweet Apple Acres, but today would be even better than most. It was her twenty-fifth birthday, and the first birthday since she married her beautiful wife!

Excitement got the better of Applejack and she launched from the mattress. Her feet hit the ground hard, absorbing all two-hundred eighty pounds of musclebound beefcake farm girl with a solid thud. She stretched for all she was worth, giving a mighty yawn that woke up the rooster for his morning caw.

A bleary moan sounded from the bed. Applejack glanced over her shoulder to the woman she was lucky enough to marry. Curly orange hair squirmed like a living creature before a head poked up from beneath it.

Adagio smiled. Her annoyance at being woken up so early was, as always, mitigated by the thunderous Apple ass right in front of her face.

“Good morning, Sweetness.” Adagio’s normally sultry voice sounded more like a frog, though a quick cough fixed it. “And happy birthday.”

“Shucks, thank you kindly.” Applejack turned to properly beam down over her, removing the ass from sight and replacing it with a front view of her tree-trunk thighs straining against their boxers.

Adagio licked her lips, still not meeting Applejack’s eyes. She shuffled in the bed, slowly pulling one bare leg free from the sheets, tucking it up so high the knee rested on Applejack’s pillow. Only a fold of the blanket saved her modesty, because the skimpy night dress sure didn’t.

Her cruel, loving gaze finally met Applejack’s. “Would you like your first present now?”

“No thanks!” Applejack said cheerfully. “You know me, I’m a breakfast first kind of girl. I’ll start cooking while you get yourself together. What would you like?”

Adagio sat up. The loose straps of her night dress slipped past each shoulder, leaving nothing but her own ample bust holding it in place. Her dainty hands slipped under each breast and pushed them up for Applejack’s inspection.

“How about melons, Applejack? I have melons for you to bite right h...”

“Melons it is! I remember you snagged a few on our last shopping trip. I’ll see if they’re still good.”

Adagio normally wasn’t a big breakfast person. She must be hungry! Applejack bounded for the stairs, perfectly timing her duck so the door frame didn’t catch her six-foot amazonian build.

Adagio righted her gown. The phone buzzed on the nightstand, and she took a glance as Applejack’s gallop down the stairs woke up the whole house.

“How’s the birthday himbo?”

Sunset Shimmer. Adagio’s thumbs flew over the screen. “I need reinforcements. Get your ass over here and I’ll let you get at hers.”

Adagio had a slower morning routine than Applejack, always showering and primping in the bathroom before coming to the table. Just as well – it let Applejack have breakfast all the way done by the time she made it downstairs. One of the little things Applejack loved doing for the gorgeous wife who always made her feel happy and beautiful.

Anyway, Applejack didn’t want to get bacon grease on her new night shirt so she just wore the cooking apron for modesty. Only two white strings and the boxers covered her broad, rippling backside as she worked the stove. Someone had already eaten the melons, alas, so she set some other fruit out and Adagio was happy.

Applejack glanced to the table – Adagio was staring at her back while running her tongue along a peeled banana.

Applejack chortled. “That ain’t how you eat a banana, you joker!”

Her phone chimed to the tune of ‘Red Solo Cup.’ Applejack expertly managed the bacon with one hand while holding it up with the other. “Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack speaking.”

A snort came from the speaker. “Happy birthday, business girl.”

“Sunset! Aw, that’s right sweet of you to call. What has you up this early?”

“Wanted to catch you before you head out for the farm work and inevitably forget your phone. I already cleared this with Adagio, so okay if I come over and help you celebrate?”

“Well that’d be the hen’s cluck and no mistake!” Applejack began sliding the bacon onto a plate. “I don’t got nothing specific planned, though.”

Sunset’s voice grew lower. “No worries. I’ll find something to do with my mouth.”

“I gotcha,” Applejack said. “Eating, karaoke, lots of fun we can have with our mouths. We’ll figure something out.”

Sunset sighed quietly on the other end. She was probably still tired. “Roger. I’ll be over soon to help celebrate the birth of your smoking amazon body with your mercifully open-minded wife.”

“She’s great, isn’t she? Adagio, Sunset is… aw, that ain’t how you eat a banana neither!”

“What’s she doing?”

“First she was licking the banana, now she’s got it most of whole in her mouth and she’s sliding it in and out like she’s brushing her teeth, all while waggling her eyebrows at me! She’s right funny when she means to be, and no mistake.”

Another sigh. “See you soon, AJ.”

“Yep. Sorry to scoot but now she’s choking on the banana and I need to go give her the Heimlich.”

They say that if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. They were fibbers – Applejack loved the farm more than anything, but it was plenty of work! Of course she liked the work too, so maybe that was what they meant.

“It’s your birthday!” Adagio protested as Applejack tied on her work boots. “You can’t skip the chores for one day?”

Was she serious? Boy, even after ten months of marriage Applejack still didn’t always get her.

“Why would I want to?” Applejack asked with genuine confusion.

Adagio let it go. Usually she had her own job writing and recording music, but sometimes she took a few of the farm chores. That was fine, it really wasn’t fair to expect the dainty little siren to do as much as Applejack. She usually spotted Applejack while she worked, eyeing Applejack’s mighty legs while they squatted and strained to make sure her posture was right. When it was hot, she was even nice enough to get the hose and wet Applejack down so she didn’t get overheated. Pappy said there was nothing better than a supportive wife, and boy, he was right!

Sunset showed up less than an hour into the chores. Applejack always liked to see her and Adagio getting along – Sunset was the last of them to make up with the former villain, but now the two were thick as thieves. She helped Adagio spot for Applejack now and then, and every time Applejack glanced over she saw them whispering and giggling like schoolmates. They did good work, though – whisper as they might, they always kept their eyes locked on her body to make sure she didn’t bend wrong.

“Hey babes,” Sunset walked over easily, a near-empty duffle bag over her shoulder. “Don’t mind this, just got a few… things for the celebration.”

She was red in the face already, but it was warm out here. Adagio gave her a quick peck on each cheek, then dove out of the way as Applejack bounded over and swept her up in a hug. Sunset’s heeled boots left the ground and she laughed as Applejack gave her a quick twirl around.

“So glad you could make it, Sunset! Thanks for coming.”

“Wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Sunset gave her own hug back, drifting her fingers along Applejack’s cannonball biceps as she pulled away. She eyed Applejack up and down with a growing smirk, but Applejack supposed she looked a little silly. It was cool when she got started so she wore flannel, but the work had warmed her such that she tied the lower half in a knot above her belly, and an accidental flex had blown out both her sleeves. It didn’t help that she blasted through these jeans last week, leaving her with shorts that cut off well above the knees.

“You’re not working too hard, are you?” Sunset stroked lightly at Applejack’s rock-hard abs. “Want a birthday massage before you keep going?”

“As your loving wife, I’d be happy to do that,” Adagio said. Her and Sunset smiled to each other with closed eyes and twitching brows.

“Heck, I ain’t even worked up a sweat!” Applejack boomed. “I won’t be too long, girls. Then we can really get the party started.”

And so she worked. Squatting, grunting, and lifting giant baskets of apples as her ass strained against its tattered denim cage. Bending and hoisting bales of hay above her head to toss into the barn attic for storage, sweat running down her bare arms and pits. Mud smeared over her freckles as she wiped her face with a dirty glove, then gulped down the water the girls offered. They weren’t farmers, but Applejack couldn’t say they didn’t help: in addition to the spotting, they fanned her with magazines and got her drinks. Adagio even got her a frozen banana, which was right sweet although Applejack didn’t know why she looked disappointed when Applejack wolfed it down fast.

Applejack was just a little naughty – during a quick errand she passed by Sunset’s duffle and sneaked a look. Her present was wrapped in colored paper, so no real clue. But there were a few other things that didn’t make sense: a leather collar, a leash, a big red rubber ball? Applejack pondered it on the way back, then grinned. Sunset was going to throw a cute little double-birthday for both her and Winona. In hindsight, it was obvious. No sense saying anything; let Sunset throw her fun surprise.

With the last bale chucked, she turned to the girls with a sweaty grin. “You two up for a quick ride before we wash up?”

Adagio had been taking a drink, and spat out her water. Both of them scrambled upright.

“Yes! Yes please, I thought you’d never ask!”

“Right here? It’s so dirty, I love it.”

Applejack pulled some bits and bridles from a wall hook. The girls squealed with delight, lacing their fingers and leaning into each other.

They fell quiet when Applejack began setting up the horses. She knew the feeling – it was always exciting going for a ride, but the ride itself was good for silence and deep thinking. One on each horse, they took a brisk trot around the farm. Applejack whistled, loving the wind in her face and song in her heart.

“Mind if I call some more backup?” Sunset murmured to Adagio.

The ride was nice and cooling, but Applejack knew full well she was fresh as a pig in the hen house. “Gonna shower, girls! Then we can do whatever.”

“Want me to wash your back?” Adagio tried.

“Nah, I’m not that sore. I’ll be out in a jiffy.”

Applejack practically skipped up the stairs, anxious to shower and get the birthday started for real. The water hit, and while she was done washing by the time her singing reached the first refrain of ‘Red Solo Cup,’ she couldn’t help but stay long enough to finish. It really was her favorite song!

When she got out, though, a surprise was waiting for her.

“Adagio, honey!?”

Adagio’s voice called up from the ground floor. “Yeah!?”

“Where’s my bathrobe?”

“I put it in the washer, just use mine!”

Adagio’s robe wasn’t exactly Applejack-sized. Actually, it wasn’t even Adagio-sized. The fluffy snow-white cotton barely closed enough to give decency to Applejack’s breasts, leaving a long slit from neck to belly. The blouse of it at least covered those other important bits, but terminated closer to her hips than her knees.

No problem – she just wore it to get to her room for new clothes, right across the hall.

Except all her drawers and hangers were empty.

She called again. “Hey, Sweet Apple Pie!?”

Adagio knew what she was. “Yeah!?”

“Where are my clothes?”

“I’m washing those, too.”

“Even the clean ones?”

“Yeah! It, uh, helps keep them fresh.”

“Shucks, I have the nicest wife I ever could ask for,” Applejack mused with smiling gratitude. “No better present than giving someone your work, that’s for sure. Although I might comment a bit on her timing...”

She hemmed and hawed a moment before giving a shrug. “Whelp, no point in lollygagging. Ain’t as decent as I’ve ever been, but at least I’m clean.”

Going downstairs brought Applejack another wonderful surprise – Rarity and Rainbow Dash had arrived! Rarity bit her lip and surveyed Applejack up and down (doubtless judging her fashion, the silly girl), while Rainbow was hot red in the cheeks and looking anywhere but towards Applejack. Maybe she had eaten something spicy on the way here.

“Thanks for coming, girls!”

A husky sigh escaped Rarity’s lips as her eyes continued to rove. “Darling, I assure you it is entirely my pleasure.”

“Yeah, we’re here to help you, uh…” Rainbow hesitated, half-moving into a few different poses before settling on a dab. “Celebrate. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.”

A niggling question remained in Applejack’s mind, but Apple family hospitality came first. “You guys hungry? I could whip up some applesauce right quick.”

“Oh, please do,” Adagio said with a meaningful growl.

Sunset glanced at her. “Aren’t we trying to–”

“Shut up. Watch.”

Applejack was happy they didn’t launch into a full-on squabble, but honestly she didn’t think there was much for them to watch. It was just applesauce. She pulled out a half-dozen apples, held one above a bowl, and squeezed. With grunting and straining, her muscles heaving dangerously against the skimpy robes, finally the apple smashed between her palms. Its pulped flesh fell to the bowl, she picked up the next, and it was rinse and repeat. Fish out the seeds, add cinnamon, and voila, applesauce. Nothing much to watch at all.

Yet watch they did, with rapt attention. Applejack beamed – clearly, her enthusiasm for all things apple was starting to rub off on them.

Rarity fanned herself, now more red than white. “Goodness, darling, you are so very strong.”

“Thanks!” Applejack beamed. “You look a little warm. Want me to turn up the A/C?”

“No, thank you. I am ready to sweat.”

Applejack bit back a laugh. “Well I know you ain’t cold! Because, uh...”

Her eyes passed to all of them. There had been a question in her throat since coming down the stairs, it just seemed impolite to bring it up out of the blue. Her wife and three closest friends… all with bare legs, naked arms, and exposed, slim bellies. And they noticed that she noticed, and returned her look with raised eyebrows and weight shifted to one hip or the other. They took their applesauce slowly, licking their lips and smacking their mouths open to show down their throats.

The question bubbled out. “Why are you all in your underwear?”

Then it hit her. “No wonder, I didn’t even turn on the A/C this morning! Y’all must be roasting. I’m sorry, I’ll get it right now.”

Rainbow’s eyes slunk over to the yellow girls as Applejack fussed with the dial.

“It’s not as bad as you guys said,” she snickered. “It’s worse.”

“Welcome to my world,” Adagio mumbled.

Sunset made a fist, her eyes fixed on Applejack’s dummy thicc caboose. “Well enough messing around, it’s time for our alpha strike. Rarity, did you bring the handcuffs?”

“Darling, I never leave home without them.”

“That’s… okay, sure. Adagio, lead the way.”

Applejack turned back from her chore to find her wife drawing close, clad only in laced unmentionables. With a lovely smile and husky breaths, she took Applejack by the hand and guided her to the living room.

“Time to start the celebrations,” Adagio breathed.

Sunset’s duffle and a few other things had found their way into the room. The girls had even hung balloons and a banner reading, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY APPLEJACK, PLEASE TAKE US NOW!”

‘Where do they want me to take them?’ Applejack wondered, but soon Adagio spun her around and her back was to the sign.

“Have a seat,” Adagio said.

“What’s going on?” Applejack asked.

“You’ll see.”

Applejack grinned broadly. A birthday surprise! She plopped on the sofa, bringing her legs up to sit cross-legged. The girls circled slowly around her, biting lips and licking between ‘V’ shapes made with their fingers.

All this attention, all for Applejack! What a great birthday.

She giggled with anticipation. “What are we going to do on the couch, girls?”

They didn’t answer. Rarity pulled out a pair of handcuffs and began twirling them around her finger. Adagio clapped a riding crop from the stable into her palm. Sunset held up the collar and red ball from her bag, while Rainbow drizzled some kind of oil onto her hand.

“...Girls?”

Sunset pulled the window blinds closed. Rainbow shut the door. Rarity turned off one of the lights, leaving them in dim shadows. Adagio made a great show of painting purple gloss over her lips.

The door slammed open, bringing light and noise into the room with the high FWEE! of party streamers and the voice of Pinkie Pie in song.

“From old friends and new, from good friends and true, happy birthday, happy birthday! Happy birthday to you!”

She entered, fully clothed and carrying a cake with twenty-five lit candles. Fluttershy demurely trailed in her wake holding a pair of presents.

“Helloooooo birthday girl!” Pinkie’s grin somehow turned the light back on and lit up the room. “Sorry I’m late. Or early? I know I wasn’t supposed to show until dinnertime but I got the ol skip-hop-belly flop Pinkie sense combo and knew I had to get Fluttershy and hurry if we didn’t want to miss any of the party! And oh, shoot – it’s an underwear party, and I’m not wearing any underwear!”

“Shucks, can’t say I’m technically in underwear, neither,” Applejack said cheerfully. “Laundry day, you know. It’s great to see you two, thanks so much for coming!”

“Happy birthday,” Fluttershy mumbled into the collar of her over-sized sweater.

“Happy happy HAPPY birthday!” Pinkie agreed. “I brought all my party stuff, what would you like to do first? Cake, presents? I have Twister, karaoke, my instant pool if we want to make it a pool party...”

“Cake sounds great! I haven’t had more than a little applesauce since this morning. But let’s eat it in the dining room, Granny don’t like crumbs in the sofa.”

Chatting and laughing, Applejack and Pinkie made their way out of the living room, followed by Fluttershy. Who was followed – very slowly – by the others.

It was a long, fun day, and at last came the night. Applejack laid on her three-quarters of the bed, grinning up to the ceiling. “Hoo-wee! That was the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

Adagio, too, stared upward. “Mm.”

“Thanks for being good around the girls, Adagio. The best present was seeing you all get along.”

Adagio sighed and closed her eyes. Then she opened them again, and a quiet smile graced her features. “Anything for you. You being happy is… more important than anything.”

She nodded, as though having just convinced herself. “Yeah, it was a great day. I love that you smiled so much.”

Applejack gave a weak chuckle. “Uh… technically my birthday ain’t over yet.”

She glanced over at Adagio, who still looked at the ceiling.

“You think maybe… nah, never mind.”

Adagio turned to look at her, wearing a kindly smile. “Oh no, please. Anything you want, birthday babe. Want me to sing a lullaby? Make you a snack?”

“I really shouldn’t,” Applejack mumbled.

“Did I stutter? Anything.”

“Well…” Applejack rolled to her side, letting them gaze into each other’s eyes. The darkened room did not quite hide her blush. “I just… do you think I can have some… you know, birthday kissies and stuff?”

Adagio blinked.

“I always liked the idea of getting birthday kissies and stuff now that I got me a wife, and I don’t mind saying I’ve been in a bit of a mood all day. But it seemed like it’d be sort of bad of me to just ask for it out of nowhere.”

“Out of nowhere,” Adagio repeated woodenly.

“You know what? Forget I said anything, I got way too much respect for you than to–”

Applejack made to roll back as she spoke, yet Adagio’s hand snapped forwards. Long fingernails pressed into Applejack’s broad shoulder, forcing her to remain in place.

“Oh, Applejack.” The wood in Adagio’s voice was softening, burning. Her magenta eyes locked onto Applejack’s with a predatory glint.

The closet opened, and three figures crept out. Chains clinked as dainty white fingers played with a pair of handcuffs. Sunset slowly unzipped a duffle bag, and Rainbow removed a collar from it.

Adagio’s fingers ran slowly along Applejack’s cheek.

“We thought you’d never ask.”

Author's Note

Well this was stupid and fun and self-indulgent.